[Aurora_Bell]

Ok, so I know there is a lot of other stuff going on, and I am not trying to take away from that, but I need help, and I am not sure where else to turn.

As some of you know I have had a less than stressful past few months. To summarize I've has a bit if a scare with medical concerns, had surgery, heard talk of lay offs at work, went back to work earlier than I should have in hopes of saving my dreadful job. It didn't work. I am getting laid off in June.

A few months ago I started a thread about how I thought my boss hated me. I got some advice on how can anyone like me if I don't like me, and it wasn't him who hated me but me who hated me... maybe so... But things have not improved there. My boss treats me like a second class citizen, some of my co-workers have made it perfectly clear on how they feel about UN educated, single, UN-wed mothers. One calls me an idiot on a regular basis. They are constantly talking about me and making fun of me, and when I tried to confront them about it, they told me I was paranoid. I am so stressed there that I have not had my period for 3 going on 4 months now. (sorry, maybe T.M.I?)

I also volunteer at a shelter, it is mentally and emotionally draining. I can't stand to go in there anymore and I quit last night. I have been able to nothing but cry and beat myself up for it. I feel like the worst human being on the face of the earth.

I am depressed. Yes I have talked to my doctor, he prescribed me some sleeping pills that are supposed to help me relax, and tested me for my thyroid and ran a few other tests. He wants me to talk to a therapist, but I just can't take the time off work right now, and not to mention I just can't afford it.

I am not writing this, asking people to tell me how great I am or anything, and maybe it is the wrong time seeing all the other stuff going on, maybe I am making a fool of myself or asking too much or being too needy. I just don't know anymore, because I am second guessing myself, so no matter what path I choose to follow, I have this impending feeling of doom, and constantly thinking and asking myself if I made the right decision.

I don't even know what I am asking of people, maybe how they deal with stress, maybe comic relief, maybe just knowing someone is out there listening to me, or feeling how I feel?

[Carl17]

Well, I read what you have to say and it was indeed interesting. I don't know your previous goings-on in your life as you stated some people have, I haven't been around here long, but I'll offer my opinion to you.

I went through a similar stage in my life, the thinking that people hated me, and the socially draining rejection from other people, that being said, going to a therapist I think would be very helpful to you, it helped me out a lot in that situation, and therapists can do a world of good for you. Do you really not have time to see one, or are you just scared to see one perhaps because of the stigma attached to it, maybe I can help you with some questions you may have about therapy?

[Aurora_Bell]

Hey Carl, thanks for responding. I really don't think I have the time to see a therapist. I work Mon-Fri 8am-5:30pm. Seeing as I am getting laid off, I really don't qualify for any other time off during working hours. I did have time accumulated but I was in hospital in November for 3 weeks with H1N1, and have used up all my personal and "sick" time.

I really don't think I am afraid of the stigma, I am actually kind of looking forward to it. There is a lot of stuff I need to get off my chest, that I have never been able to talk about before.

So, how did you deal with the 'socially draining rejection'? ( I really like the way you summed that up, it honestly hits the nail on the head)!

[albear]

Hi bella, just a couple of questions,

1. why can't you take time off, from the job that your GOING to be redundant from in a couple of months.

2. why give 2 sh*ts about the arseholes who you know don't like you, I really hope you insult the one who insults you right back.

Just a thought, but I think you should take that time off to see a therapist and to in a sense get better.

[Aurora_Bell]

1. I feel guilty... stupid eh? I know, it's just the way I feel.
2. I feel guilty. I can't insult or hurt people's feelings, stupid eh? I know. I don't know why I care what people think of me, and it's not like I care so much, but when I have to spend 8,+ hours in an office FILLED with people who obviously don't like me, and talk about me, it makes me feel a little bummed out...

[Aurora_Bell]

Yes in June once I am laid off, I will see a therapist, but until then...

[Wondergirl]

What about waiting until you're finished with the current job and then find a therapist. I can't remember where you live -- so not sure about availability of therapists and sliding scales, etc. As far as job hunting and a resume and stuff like that go, I'm your girl! How many mouths do you have to feed, and will there be some kind of monetary support once your job ends? (Yeah, I'm nosy, but it helps to know this stuff so we can help you in the most effective ways.)

[Aurora_Bell]

Once laid off I (should) qualify for E.I (I'm in Canada). On our pay cheques we pay Employment insurance, and if we end in situations like this we can get some relief.

I wanted to go back to school, (which I could while on E.I) but I feel like it would be a huge waste of time, I feel stupid, and pretty worthless right now.

[albear]

1. I feel guilty... stupid eh? I know, it's just the way I feel.
2. I feel guilty. I can't insult or hurt people's feelings, stupid eh? I know. i don't know why I care what people think of me, and it's not like I care so much, but when I have to spend 8,+ hours in an office FILLED with people who obviously don't like me, and talk about me, it makes me feel a little bummed out...

1. no it isn't stupid, you are not stupid.

What you and wondergirl said I agree with, if you would prefer to see a therapist when you have time, that is perfectly reasonable and sensible. Other than that though do you have someone you could talk to about all this, I know your talking to us and that's great :), but if there's a good friend around that you trust and feel comfortable with, then sharing can do well :)


2. no it isn't stupid and you are not stupid

I appologise, its easy for me to sit here a million miles away and tell you what you should do and how you should act, when I try and put myself in your shoes from what you say, I know id act very similaly.

Could you complain to your boss about the blatant bullying that is going on, or even take it higher, your boss's boss or the police.

[Aurora_Bell]

Yes I could take the complaint higher, and I am thinking of going to the labor board, as they already have one formal complaint against them.

As for having someone to talk to, I grew up as a military brat, moved constantly, I never had roots anywhere. I am now living in a town where I feel like I just don't fit in. I can honestly tell you that I do not have a good sounding board, or even a good friend in this town. And I just bought a house here, so it's not like I can just up and leave any time soon.

Thank you for the ideas, I am not trying to shoot them down, but it's a bit more complicated than it seems I guess.

[Wondergirl]

I wanted to go back to school, (which I could while on E.I) but I feel like it would be a huge waste of time, I feel stupid, and pretty worthless right now.

Wouldn't you feel less stupid if you went back to school to get a certificate or whatever you need in Canada to improve your job prospects? After all, you've got all of us to help you with homework. (Sssshhhh. Don't tell Curlyben I said that.)

[Aurora_Bell]

Lol thanks. Yes it seems that way, but I guess a better ord to describe how I feel is incompetent. You know? Like I would be wasting every one else's time.

[Wondergirl]

Like I would be wasting every one else's time.

Whose time? Not the instructors since that's what they are hired to do, to instruct. If they didn't have students, they would starve. Not your own time because you would learn something new and helpful for the future. The other students are on their own.

What would you be interesting in studying?

[albear]

Well you know you can always talk to us here right? :)

Talking to someone in person, actually using your voice to express yourself is a very good thing, but its harder than talking to people online. Again that's why I think talking to a therapist or someone in person would be a good thing, but I know a lot of us would be glad to help you if we can :)

[Aurora_Bell]

Well, I always wanted to be a Vet, but now I feel like I don't have the heart to be one.

After that I am at a loss.

[Aurora_Bell]

Thanks Albear. It's nice knowing that you guys are here. I was starting to feel like a trout in a sea of sharks.

[Wondergirl]

Well, I always wanted to be a Vet, but now I feel like I don't have the heart to be one.

After that I am at a loss.

What about an animal massager person (chiropractic or healing touch stuff) or an animal behaviorist?

[Aurora_Bell]

I would like to be behaviorist...

Hey!! I never thought about that!

I feel a notch better! :)

[Wondergirl]

I would like to be behaviorist...

Hey!!! I never thought about that!

I feel a notch better! :)

You'd be good at that. You are sensitive and love animals. I bet they love you too. You're able to assess situations and figure out what's going on. Temple Grandin gets down to an animal's level (literally!) and has a knack for communicating with it.

Is there somewhere nearby where you could get trained to be an animal behaviorist -- like, earn credentials? Do you live near a zoo? I bet they would have ideas for you. Or maybe your vet or the animal shelter.

[albear]

Thanks Albear. It's nice knowing that you guys are here. I was starting to feel like a trout in a sea of sharks.

No worries bella,




(oh, call me bear :) )