[whitecelica]

Last night my girlfriend called me and asked if she could come over so we could talk. She then came over, we sat on my porch and we started to talk. She started crying and I asked what's wrong, she replies, I haven't felt the spark between us in a while now, and I don't know what to do. At the same time she is crying and says we should go and take a break for a while to clear our minds, and to think about each other. I was shocked and didn't know what to say. Recently we have been fighting over stupid things, and me being uneployed doesn't help much either. She says that just recently like the last month that she hasn't felt a spark, and that were drifting away. We both love each other and want to be together, but she says I'm leaving everything up to you, to go and decide what happens between us. I am giving you a second chance but I want to feel the spark between us before I go and say anything. As of right now we are still together but we are taking a break from each other for a month. She wants me to become a better boyfriend, like when we first meet that I would surprise her with gifts unexpectedly or out of the blue, have fun together and go out on dates. I tried explaining to her that its hard to get her gifts or take her out to dinner when I'm unemployed and barely surviving off my unemployement.. its enough to pay my bills and get some food on the table.

I just don't know what to do anymore. I've been thinking about her since the break up last night and I'm hurting really bad... she wants me to be who I am, but she doenst know if she will love who I am anymore. I just want me and her to be happy with each other like we were when we first started dating, enjoying eachother's company, going out on dates, meeting her friends and family..

All I want is for her to be back in my arms. I truly miss my girlfriend a lot and don't know how I can show her I can be a better boyfriend.

Can someone help me out?

[jmw0713]

Respect the break. Do your own thing and initiate contact when the month long period is over. She wants to see if she misses you. The only way for her to do that is if you are not available. Do not call, text, or email her until the break period is over.

Do not expect everything to go back to the way they were. Many times breaks=break-up. Things like this happen everyday and people's feelings tend to change over time.

[thadevilsadvocate]

You should take this time, and as jmw said, respect the break, and decide how much you want this relationship. I have no doubt that your unemployment has put a mental strain on your relationship. You are under stress, regardless of how much you try to hide it, and that in turn will affect how you feel towards the relationship. That isn't to say that it's an excuse for not being as outgoing as you were in the beginning, but it is definitely a contributing factor to the way you are feeling now. Being unemployed, certainly weighs on your confidence and the effects can be seen easly by someone so close to you as your girlfriend is. A confident man is an appealing character to women. It's understandable that you can't control all aspects of your unemployment, however, are you continuously trying to get a job? Are you doing whatever you have to, in order to try and find a job? Or are you kind of waiting for it to come to you and just putting in some applications here and there? If the answer is the latter, then your girlfriend also may kind of feel as though you have plenty of time to go out of your way and still show her that you are trying to hard to get whatever work you can. Think about about it with the roles reversed... it's an ambition thing, and it seems as though ambition is attractive to her, both in the area of a relationship, as well as in the area of work habit.

Once you decide how much you want this relationship, and you already may know... buckle down and do whatever the heck you have to do, in order to better yourself and your current situation, and don't accept failure by any means. This alone will put that spark back in to things, and will make things a lot easier for both of you and your relationship.

[none12345]

I've experienced something similar. Believe me when the girl says there are no sparks and wants you to become a better boyfriend, that is usually when things start to take a turn for the worse. Assuming you don't abuse her, when she says she wants you to be a better boyfriend it usually ends up you have to bend your back just to make her happy and leaving yourself miserable. A relationship is when 2 people complement each others lives not when one treats the other like a king/queen.

Perhaps she wants you to become someone who you aren't? If that is the case its better to move on and find someone who will stick by you and not say these things to you and work hard and accept you for who you are.

She is most likely at the stage where she feels distinct from you and will usually find comfort in some other guy and end up cheating on you either emotionally of physically, don't set yourself up for that. Treat this as a break up and don't contact her anymore and move on with your life. If she still wants to be with you she will contact you she ll let you know and usually by that time you won't want to be with her anymore after everything she put you through.

[Romefalls19]

Understand that she wants a break and that there are boundaries. Just live your life as though you were alone and heal and better yourself, not for her, but for yourself

[Dmncz]

Im going through the same thing you are going through. Its not easy to hear but if you respect her enough and want to try to work this out you will give her space. Its rough believe me I know but it actually does work.

[Devorameira]

Usually when a girl asks for a "break" it soon becomes a "break-up", so be prepared for the worse.

It sounds to me like she doesn't want to accept any of the responsibility for the problems in your relationship and is really quick to blame absolutely everything on you.

Assuming you haven't cheated on her and you're not emotionally or physically abusive, her pointing all the blame your way is a big red flag for me. Sounds like she simply wants a break up and has conveniently put all the blame on you so she'll be able to move on without guilt.

I'd go NC and think seriously about moving on. Real couples work on problems together, they don't take "breaks" to work things out.

[hungtoronto]

doesnt help much either. she says that just recently like the last month that she hasnt felt a spark, and that were drifting away. we both love each other and want to be together, but she says im leaving everything up to you, to go and decide what happens between us.

i am giving you a second chance but i want to feel the spark between us before i go and say anything. as of right now we are still together but we are taking a break from eachother for a month. she wants me to become a better boyfriend, like when we first meet that i would surprise her with gifts unexpectedly or out of the blue, have fun together and go out on dates. i tried explaining to her that its hard to get her gifts or take her out to dinner when im unemployed and barely surviving off my unemployement.. its enough to pay my bills and get some food on the table.

She expects you to pay for dinner and surprise her with gifts while she know you don't have a job. What does she do for you? She know you're unemployed, why not be supportive of you?

"but she says im leaving everything up to you, to go and decide what happens between us. "

I think what she's saying here is go get yourself a job or get money, I don't care what you do but if you can't take me out and buy me gifts then it's over between us.

I am sorry but a partner suppose to help you in the worse of time not ask for a break. I think you should move on, it's selfish of her.

[the_original]

I agree with everyone in this thread-heed their advice and stick to the NC for the month... and prepare for the worst. Just better your life the best you can in the meantime-and do it for yourself.

[talaniman]

Just me, I disappear from her life, as breaking up at a time your going through problems, and are down and out, is a deal breaker for me.

Sure it sucks, to lose a job, and then the girl, heck that's pretty gloomy. Especially since you spoiled her with attention before and can't now.

No way do I reward that kind of loyalty with continued attention. More so, this stood out from your entire post,

I haven't felt the spark between us in a while now, and I don't know what to do. At the same time she is crying and says we should go and take a break for a while to clear our minds, and to think about each other. I was shocked and didn't know what to say. Recently we have been fighting over stupid things, and me being unemployed doesn't help much either. She says that just recently like the last month that she hasn't felt a spark, and that were drifting away. We both love each other and want to be together, but she says I'm leaving everything up to you, to go and decide what happens between us. i am giving you a second chance but I want to feel the spark between us before I go and say anything. as of right now we are still together but we are taking a break from each other for a month. she wants me to become a better boyfriend, like when we first meet that I would surprise her with gifts unexpectedly or out of the blue, have fun together and go out on dates.

So she leaves it to you then tells you you have 30 days to comply or forget it.

TRANSLATION- No gifts, no spark!

Sucks that she thinks this is all your fault, and I would be out of there, and in 30 days, she would be wondering where I was. Do not contact her at all, for any reason, and ignore any, and all, attempts of her contacting you. For sure if you cannot afford to bring her gifts, and take her out, she doesn't need you, and is probably already shopping around for someone who can.

That's just me though, keeping what little dignity and self respect that I had left. You may think she loves you as much as you love her, but she has a strange way of showing it.