[rhiannahunt]

My husbands ex has been calling us about his child's behavior. The child lives with his mother and step father. In the last 5 months her behavior has gotten very bad, at first it was talking back and not listening. Now its where the child Literally for no reason hits her baby sibling a lot. The mother doesn't even want the children to be alone together. Now she has custody, we tried to get custody, but did not get it. When she was 4, the step father was found guilty for pretty much beating him. Til this day we have no idea why her staying in that environment is safe. But the courts believed it was. So we get the child for vacations. She was here not to long ago for a week and we had little to no problems with his behavior, but right when she returns to her mother she acts up again. Now she won't go to the corner for her, is constantly lying, hitting. She lets us know these things and she seems to be fed up with it. She is having another child, and we are concerned her behavior will become a lot worse. We want to get her into counseling, but have a feeling that she won't take the time to do so. Is she too young for counseling, and how long of a process should counseling take? School she's doing VERY well in, it just seems to change when she goes home. NOw she did say she talked to the child and asked what was wrong? And the first thing she said was I want to live with my dad. Its gotten so bad that she seems scared of the child. We get her for the summer, and want to put her into counseling... but is 6 weeks enough time?

[hheath541]

I was in counseling for exactly that reason when I was about that age. It's not too young.

Does your husband get visitation? Would it be possible for him to set up counseling sessions for when he has her, that way you KNOW she's going?

[rhiannahunt]

We live in a diff state then the child. But we do see her on vacations. I mean I guess we could try that. But I feel like the child being in that environment, then going to counseling, and still being in the environment may not help. That's what I am worried about. The mother has been so stressed lately, having 2 kids and having another one soon. I feel as if we should try to get the child for a school year, keep her in counseling, and give the mom time to adjust having another child. Not like take him away but fix the problem while we can.

[hheath541]

If you think you'll actually have a chance of getting custody, then go for it. Counseling just during vacations won't do it. It'll take months, if not years, of regular counseling to figure out what's going on.

I'm confused about one thing. If the child a boy or a girl? You have switched pronouns too many times to count, often within the same sentence.

[DrBill100]

6 weeks wouldn't be an adequate time. Dependent on the therapist, and you need one experienced with younger children, a more realistic treatment interval would be 6-18 months. It would be possible to obtain an initial evaluation within the 6 week period which is generally used to determine treatment needs and goals.

[rhiannahunt]

I'm wondering if we could talk to the mother and tell her we are willing to put her into counseling and pay for all the fees, so child can get better. I just feel that WE would keep up with the counseling. I mean her husband beat the child, but yet she stayed with him, is she going to be responsible enough to take the child to counseling. I feel we need to take serious action, not sit around about it. I have asked the mother to make a dr appt, and yet she still hasn't. This was probably 2 months ago!

[DrBill100]

Sounds like a good plan. If you do it by phone, follow-up with confirmation in writing of a friendly sort.

[rhiannahunt]

I have this cool app on my phone that records phone conversations. I think we will do that. Just to have it for back up!

[hheath541]

Just be aware of the privacy laws in both states. In many states, it's against the law to record a conversation without the knowledge of both parties. In other states, it legal as long as at least one party knows it's being recorded.

[rhiannahunt]

Well I won't use them unless I need to. Shouldn't have to I hope. Thanks for your comments!