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cb072 · Apr 18, 2010, 05:23 PM

My live-in girlfriend for the past 2 years suddenly wants to take a break. Everything was great up until 2 weeks ago. Suddenly she wants more space (and I'm not the clingy type at all) and wants to go have fun. Well and good... but she wants a 'break' for a month to go back to her parents and figure out what she wants. This hurt me... but I told her I loved her and would back her 'play'... that she had a right to figure out what she wanted.

This happened 1/2 a week ago. She came home the next day to pick up some clothes... and asked me what I did after she left. I told her I went out with my army buds and had some drinks. She asked what they thought about this. I told her that they wanted to set me up on dates. She got angry, and I told her that I wouldn't do anything... that I'd give her some time.

Then she wanted a shirt of mine (so she could sleep in it and think of me). I gave her one. Then she wanted to borrow a military cd set (because it made her think of me)... so I gave her one. I didn't call her/text-her/e-mail her for a couple of days. Then she sent a message to me on FaceBook that she missed me.

I'm confused. I love this girl... I would do anything for me. I'm trying not to let her show how much this has hurt me and unmanned me... but do I call her? Should I not respect her and give her space?! I'm so confused I'm actually asking a question on this site (laughing).

Seriously... what's the consensus lads/lasses?

JoeCanada76 · Apr 18, 2010, 05:28 PM

What are your thoughts... Why do most people out of the blue get up and need space and are confused? What is your initial thoughts and opinions about what could be happening?

Wondergirl · Apr 18, 2010, 05:31 PM

I thought she wanted a break. Where is it? Where is your break in all this? (A break, to me at least, means no contact. Does she know this?)

cb072 · Apr 19, 2010, 10:09 AM

I honestly don't really understand this guys. She apparently wants to think about what she wants in life. I'm getting push/pulled with respect t this.

JoeCanada76 · Apr 19, 2010, 10:32 AM

Maybe she is wanting a relationship with somebody else.

cb072 · Apr 19, 2010, 03:46 PM

Then... she should just break it off with me then. I'm starting to feel a bit like a chew-toy... you know... I can take a punch... take hardship... but THIS kind of BS really really gets to me. I HATE being in a gray area/on the sidelines. If I didn't love her... she'd SOOO be gone by now.

Dammit... I'd make myself gay right now if I could (laughing)... stupid women (just kidding ;) )...

britEl · Apr 19, 2010, 04:03 PM

Did you try asking her where you both stand right now? I mean you're obviously not on a complete break if you two are still talking and seeing each other once in awhile. I've experienced the same sort of crap: I love you, but I need space, but don't move on because I love you, but I don't want to see you.
Now that I've been through it I find this whole ' BREAK ' stuff to be complete crap.
Unless it was for a REAL legit reason she wanted to go on a break with you, she could be rethinking the relationship.
Also, sometimes when you think back on the relationship before the 'surprise' break, it may not be such a surprise anymore.

cb072 · Apr 20, 2010, 08:01 PM

Apparently she's scared because we've been together for 2 years and she suddenly feels like she has to ' or get off the pot' so-to-speak. SHE was the one always talking about marriage and kids. I went through a BRUTAL divorce years ago... so I always said "Talk to me if we're still together in 5 years or so"... so I don't understand why she suddenly feels this pressure.

My EX was a controlling person... I would never do that to anyone.

Ahhh!! This sucks! (laughing)...

Kitkat22 · Apr 20, 2010, 08:23 PM

She's okay with the needing space until she finds out you're going out with your friends and may be considering dating someone else.

You need to tell her you are not going to sit around for the rest of your life. Both of you need to date other people and if
You love each other time will tell.

I hope it works out for you!:)

cb072 · Apr 20, 2010, 09:51 PM

I think this'll sort itself out fairly quick actually... one way or another. I'm really NOT the kind of guy that'll wait on the sidelines in some kind of 'gray zone'... but I AM the kind of guy that feels like he's been gut-punched by this kind of thing and resorts to going on-line for help apparently (laughing)... seriously though... this hurts.

Kitkat22 · Apr 20, 2010, 09:56 PM

Originally Posted by cb072

I think this'll sort itself out fairly quick actually.....one way or another. I'm really NOT the kind of guy that'll wait on the sidelines in some kind of 'gray zone'..... but I AM the kind of guy that feels like he's been gut-punched by this kind of thing and resorts to going on-line for help apparently (laughing)....seriously though......this hurts.

God Bless! You'll love again. I think you're a nice guy:)

cb072 · Apr 21, 2010, 11:33 PM

OK... now she's told me that she thought about it and realized that she was being stupid and wants to come back... but wants to spend a week or so away with her parents before coming back. I can GUARANTEE that I'll be giving her space for this week... but sometime NEXT week there'll be a little 'TALK' coming her way... I mean... I'll try to understand... but what?!

Lucky098 · Apr 22, 2010, 12:24 AM

Yes, you do need to talk to her. She needs to give you a valid reason why she wanted this break in the first place. She needs to tell you what's on her mind.

Maybe she freaked out. A two year relationship, living together.. no real commitment besides a verbal "i love you"... She may have been worried that this was all it was going to be. Maybe she needed time to herself to re-evaluate her relationship with you, to make darn sure that she wants to be with you.

In my mind, I see nothing wrong with that. Its her life. Its her choice to spend it with you. If she wants to make sure that you are the one, then that's fine.

I would definitely drill her. Ask her if she dated other people, etc. If she can't give you a straight answer, then you should go your own separate ways. She needs to be honest with you. A "out of the blue" break needs to be explained.

Don't accept any answer but the truth.

ajGambino · Apr 22, 2010, 02:26 AM

Originally Posted by cb072

Everything was great up until 2 weeks ago. Suddenly she wants more space

Doesn't that seem a bit fishy to you? Something or someone obviously got her thinking and now she wants to pursue it.

Reading your updates with this girl, now she wants you back?. just like that? Before you make any type of decisions, you guys need to have a good talk. It seems like she's not telling you the whole story. There's no reason for her to leave so quickly, only to find out that she wants you back just as fast.

Kitkat22 · Apr 22, 2010, 04:25 AM

Originally Posted by ajGambino

Doesn't that seem a bit fishy to you? Something or someone obviously got her thinking and now she wants to pursue it.

Reading your updates with this girl, now she wants you back? ..just like that? Before you make any type of decisions, you guys need to have a good talk. It seems like she's not telling you the whole story. There's no reason for her to leave so quickly, only to find out that she wants you back just as fast.

Look before you leap and don't let your guard down.:cool:

cb072 · Apr 22, 2010, 07:23 AM

Agreed with respect to all of the recent comments. I'm sort of leaning towards the fact that she started to freak out... but (as I stated before) there WILL be a serious talk. She has told me that she felt scared because she felt some kind of pressure from me regarding marriage/kids etc... which is sort of weird again as SHE is the one always talking about it... and I'm the one always saying "take it slow....life's not a rush". Remember... I've GONE through a divorce... I'm not particularly in a huge rush to put my hand back in the fire at this point in the 'game'.

Which is what I find confusing. I'm not putting any pressure on her whatsoever. I WANT her to have her own life outside of our relationship (again... not clingy) because I certainly have my own pursuits and buddies that I want to hang out with. And given how many of my buddies are paying child support... I CERTAINLY am not putting pressure on her to have kids for the love of Christ.

Something's spooked her at any rate. Again... a TALK is coming.

Kitkat22 · Apr 22, 2010, 11:16 AM

Originally Posted by cb072

Agreed with respect to all of the recent comments. I'm sort of leaning towards the fact that she started to freak out....but (as I stated before) there WILL be a serious talk. She has told me that she felt scared because she felt some kind of pressure from me regarding marriage/kids etc...which is sort of weird again as SHE is the one always talking about it....and I'm the one always saying "take it slow....life's not a rush". Remember....I've GONE through a divorce....I'm not particularily in a huge rush to put my hand back in the fire at this point in the 'game'.

Which is what I find confusing. I'm not putting any pressure on her whatsoever. I WANT her to have her own life outside of our relationship (again....not clingy) because I certainly have my own pursuits and buddies that I want to hang out with. And given how many of my buddies are paying child support...I CERTAINLY am not putting pressure on her to have kids for the love of Christ.

Something's spooked her at any rate. Again.....a TALK is coming.

She thinks you're losing interest and she's losing her hold on you. Don't fall for it.:)