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bumble40 · Apr 18, 2010, 01:46 AM

I am married with two children from a previous relationship and 1 from my present marriage. When I first got together with my present husband I told a massive lie about my ex. I think I did it to make me look better and him look worse, I am not sure. I am now having severe problems with my anger and my second husband has moved out in order to get his space. I thought things were getting better then I completely lost it with him yesterday about nothing in particular and he for some reason said that he had been thinking of talking to my ex about my anger problems and how he used to deal with them. If he does this I know he will find out about the lie and if he does I will lose him forever. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me, I love him to pieces. I am already on antidepressants and have no idea what to do. I have been over every eventuality in my mind allnight long and now just can't stop crying. Please help me. What do I do?

amicon · Apr 18, 2010, 02:04 AM

Lies have a tendency to fester away beneath the surface.

Whatever it is you have lied about,you should tell your husband.

You're on antidepressants-are you seeing a therapist?

If not,I suggest you do so you can get help sorting out your issues.

bumble40 · Apr 18, 2010, 02:08 AM

If I tell my husband he will leave me. The lie I told was that my ex had had an affair. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I can't lose him

amicon · Apr 18, 2010, 02:28 AM

If he talks to your ex he'll find out anyway.

Bite the bullet and come clean.

Devorameira · Apr 18, 2010, 04:24 AM

You really need to come clean with your husband and tell him everything. He probably won't even ask the ex about his imaginary affair, but it'd sure be better to hear it from you instead of him. I think he'll understand.

If you truly want to keep your husband, you really need to seek some counseling to get to the root of your anger issues. It is really miserable to try and live with an angry person.

sully123 · Apr 18, 2010, 08:28 AM

First of all, you need to tell your husband the truth. Then you need to get help with your anger issues! If you want to save the marriage and he is willing to do this, go see a therapist for your anger, so you can get in control. Good luck.

JoeCanada76 · Apr 18, 2010, 08:30 AM

What is your lie?

CarrotTalker · Apr 18, 2010, 09:58 AM

Originally Posted by Jesushelper1976

What is your lie?

I believe she told her husband that her ex had an affair, even though he didn't. It sounds like maybe the ex left her because of her anger issues.

JoeCanada76 · Apr 18, 2010, 01:12 PM

Or is it possible that she was the one that had an affair??

Cat1864 · Apr 18, 2010, 01:31 PM

Did you have anger issues with your ex-husband? Is part of the anger problem due to feeling guilty for lying about your ex? Coming clean may help in several ways.

What are you doing to handle to the anger issues? Have you talked with your doctor about the issue and maybe trying a different medicine or approach? If this is affecting your marriage, then it is definitely affecting your children, too.

Come clean. Things can't get any worse than him leaving you and he has already moved out. Does the reason changing really matter?

talaniman · Apr 18, 2010, 04:09 PM

Tell him the truth, you lied. And need to see a doctor to get your meds adjusted, or changed, and I bet he is willing to help! See your doctor any way.

Jake2008 · Apr 18, 2010, 04:20 PM

It seems you are very focused on the 'lie', being a white one, and in the scope of things, not too significant. At least not enough to end a marriage over.

If your husband were to talk to your ex, the ex would say, "no, I didn't have an affair", as anybody would expect him to say.

What is this really all about.

What came first. If it was the lie, then you've been stewing about it for years. If it is the fact that your husband is going to talk to your ex about your anger issues, and how to handle it, what's the problem.

I agree it is unusual for a husband to talk to his wife's ex, but, it seems that he is trying to help you, not hurt you.

Are you minimizing your own behaviour for other reasons? Was it you that had the affair? Just my opinion here, but your over-reaction to such a minor issue that never happened in the first place, seems out of whack.

If you are on antidepressants, there must be more to this story.

I hope you can offer more in the way of your own situation, rather than the smoke screen you have presented.