[KenAdams00]

Threads merged

So I've been my girlfriend nearly 6 months now. Things have been really good and we have been crazy about each other, we both chased either from the start and we fell in love with each other pretty quickly.

About a week ago or so, she said she needed some space and I was smothering her. I have to say that I can see now how I was, you see I had some trust problems with her, not that I thought she would cheat on me, but just that I had paranoia about us, for reasons I don't really know why and I guess this was a torn in the relationship on a few occasions. I think she felt like all my happiness depended on her and that she needs some time to have fun and everything got a bit much. You know I understand this now when I had time to think and I know that we need to do our own things too, but I feel like she doesn't get this and now things aren't really that great and I don't want to talk about things again so I won't push her further away.

She says she still loves me and after a few days away she said sorry for having to put me through this and I saw her again. So I have been taking it really slow last 2 days, not calling much or texting and just leaving it up to her if she wants to see me etc. But things are kind of cold, she is not really affectionate towards me... its pretty awful. You see on the few days we had to think, I really understood what had happened and I guess I knew what had to be done, it wasn't like I had to change much, but I knew if we got back together I could put some of my paranoia issues to rest and I know that we needed to spend more time doing our own things.. I could see things being really great, because I know how good things used to be.

I do love her a lot and want her to be happy even though I feel like I'm being treated like crap at the moment. I don't know if the few days break did much, eventho she would still ring me and text me a little bit, so it wasn't really a cut all ties break.

So I was wondering should I finish things with her? Is she stringing me along or what till she finds the next guy? Should I be the one to say we need some time apart, and maybe then she might realise what we have was amazing? I know if we keep going the way we are, I will lose her forever.

[amicon]

Tell her that you're going no contact as you are not comfortable with this 'break' situation.

Then go do your own thing.

[Romefalls19]

NC and let the dust settle, proceed as if she isn't coming back but odds are, she won't and that's just the tough reality.

[Kitkat22]

Accept the fact.. she's moved on. You should too! Sorry

[AmericanGirl01]

I agree with everyone else. Looks like she's moved on. You can't rely on someone to be the sole reason for your happiness... honestly, that's way too much pressure to put on someone.

I suggest you go NC and hopefully learn from this experience.

[talaniman]

Unfortunately for you, you have been hurt by the break up, and still have not adjusted to the new relationship, and are afraid to talk up for yourself, to see where your at.

So you sulk because things have changed from the fast and furious, to the slow grind, and haven't a clue how to reconnect.

You're a classic example of someone who has wrapped your whole attention on spending time with a female, and are intimadated by her attitude now. But if you balance your life with other things you enjoyed before you met her, you could back off some, and be happy with doing your own thing, and not worrying what she is doing without you.

Now I don't know if her feelings have changed or not, but clearly she has other interests besides you. Leave her alone for a few days, with nothing but a hello text, and on the third day, see if she wants to hang out specifically.

I say this since you're together(?), and if she shows no interest, then you just disappear, and keep doing your thing, because if she makes NO effort to get, and keep the communications open, its really time to go.

[Kitkat22]

If she is not communicating with you then she's telling you
She doesn't want a relationship.

[vanheart]

She already let you know. In her own typical way.

She doesn't want a relationship.

Make her wishes come true. NC.

[Kitkat22]

No contact...

[KenAdams00]

Threads merged

My girlfriend broke up with me about 2 weeks ago we were together for 6 months.. she said I was smothering her and I was jealous, moody etc. all the classic don't do in a relationship I know...

Well my pain starts here.. I was diagnosed with clinical depression a few days ago by a pyschiatrist and have been suffering with this possibly for about a year before I even got with my girlfriend. The thing is, I never really knew there was something wrong with me, my moods would change regularly, I was down a lot of the time and depended a lot on my girlfriend for happiness and I can see now exactly how it can be overwhelming for someone to deal with and eventually in my case drove my girlfriend away. You see with my depression, I suffered with low self esteem a lot of the time and was in need of attention and appraisal... I know that this type of thing would take its toll on anyone and it did with her.

Thing is, no that I know what was making me act this way makes it all the much harder. Things were amazing with us, we really were head over heals in love with each other and because I couldn't control my emotions and what was making me act this way is so hard to take knowing now that how I acted wasn't my fault and my illness was responsible for this. I have been suffering alone with this for a long time now.. just not really thinking there was anything wrong with me, I don't know when it all started, but its so hard to take now that I couldn't have figured out sooner that something was wrong and has cost me the love of my life. Anyway, on a personal note, I am on the road to recovery and my doctor tells me that with time I will be back to being me, back to being happy and back to really 'living' life again. I feel like I'm in hell at the moment, but happiness is a journey for me and I will get there.

My anguish at the moment is whether I should go to my ex girlfriend and explain everytthing to her. On one hand, I want her to be happy and don't think it is really fair on her to have to deal with this, maybe I should just worry about getting better and try and move on. But, its so hard to let go of something you really love so much and if it wasn't for my illness, I'm sure we would still be together. She is a very very caring person and would go out of her way to do anything for anyone. But I don't want her sympathy and I'm afraid that's all I might get if I do tell her. However, when I'm being optimistic (not very often) I see myself telling her and I can see the love in her eyes again for me and that she would be by my side every step of the way.

People who suffer with depression or know people who suffer with depression might best understand the hell I'm in at the moment...

[J_9]

Right now you have to concentrate on getting yourself healthy. I know you want to talk to her and explain, but actions speak louder than words.

You also need to understand that it may take quite a while before you notice a difference in yourself. Don't cling to false hopes. Finding the right medication for clinical depression can sometimes be tricky and trial and error. There will be side effects, but it's important to remember that they are just temporary.

Right now, focus on you. You have a rough road ahead of you, and you are #1.

[Kitkat22]

Right now you have to concentrate on getting yourself healthy. I know you want to talk to her and explain, but actions speak louder than words.

You also need to understand that it may take quite a while before you notice a difference in yourself. Don't cling to false hopes. Finding the right medication for clinical depression can sometimes be tricky and trial and error. There will be side effects, but it's important to remember that they are just temporary.

Right now, focus on you. You have a rough road ahead of you, and you are #1.

Very good opinions you have received... :)