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rainyreal · Apr 12, 2010, 08:38 AM

I really need some help here... I have been dating a guy as a long distance relationship for about 9 months now... I will call him man A... we had some pretty rocky times and meanwhile I started seeing my best friend man B in a whole new light... started to have feelings for him as well... I started to give up on man A cause he was not here. So just as I decided fine I will just stay with man B.. Man A calls me and he has moved right by me to be with me and wants it to work out. I do want it to work with Man A cause he makes mt toes curl, but afraid maybe his jealousy will stand in the way... I don't want to lose Man B as my friend and actually not sure I don't want to be with him... both have qualitys I have been looking for many years now. How can I decide and not hurt one of them? I have done the pros and cons list which was pretty even... is it possible to be in love with both of them? I have till the 29th when man A comes here and I have to make the decision!. PLEASE HELP!!

JK191 · Apr 12, 2010, 08:39 AM

Go on a couple of dates with Man B.

Go on a couple of dates with Man A.

Come back to us after you do.

Homegirl 50 · Apr 12, 2010, 08:55 AM

Do both of these guys think you are dating them exclusively?
Keep it casual with both of them, date them both and maybe you will discover man A who has not been around all the time is not the one for you anyway.

mudweiser · Apr 12, 2010, 09:21 AM

Did he tell you that you have till the 29th to make up your mind or is that just your own thing?

I hate when there are ultimatums/deadlines/time limits in relationships. Any time there is one I think it's best to stay away from that person, because your partner shouldn't pressure you to do anything!

rainyreal · Apr 12, 2010, 11:52 AM

Problem is Man B has basiclly said if I even saw Man A he was never going to talk to me again.. not even as friends! We have been friends for over 9 years and I hate to lose his friendship!. But I do want to give MAN A chance to see if it is really there... you can't be sure when they are so far away and you have not been with them on a daily basis... I don't think either one will go for me dating both... what if I regret giving one of them up??

Homegirl 50 · Apr 12, 2010, 12:03 PM

Well if you do, that's life.
Man B sounds a bit childish. You two have known each other for over 9 years and he is saying he won't talk to you again?
He started seeing you knowing about man A, so he was stepping into his territory.

You don't really know how things will work with man A but man B had no problem sharing you even if it was long distance.
You might do well to leave them both alone.
Does man A know about the other guy?

Showme_urmove · Apr 12, 2010, 12:12 PM

you said you are in a relationship with man A. Meaning your taken and what your doing is cheating. Hey if you have mix feelings for Man A, why won't you just break it off with him. Get some morals and ethics, you can't be playing both and hope you don't hurt either one. IF you are having this feelings towards man b, why would you want man a to move where you live. Its not worth it for him to give up everything he has, move their and later down the road found out you had feelings with your best friend. Or what if his their already but then you decided you want to date man b. What is man a suppose to do?
Look be a lady and drop man A. date man B, So your not playing both.
Your not teaching yourself Good value in life, and relationship is not something to jump from one person to another.

Homegirl 50 · Apr 12, 2010, 12:29 PM

I think you need to be up front with man A so he does not come to where you are thinking things are great! Give him the choice whether he wants to be with you or not since you have been seeing the other guy.
You've been dancing with both of them, it's time to pay the piper.

Kitkat22 · Apr 12, 2010, 12:31 PM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

I think you need to be up front with man A so he does not come to where you are thinking things are great! Give him the choice whether he wants to be with you or not since you have been seeing the other guy.
You've been dancing with both of them, it's time to pay the piper.

You can't have your cake and eat it too.:rolleyes:

Devorameira · Apr 12, 2010, 01:26 PM

What a mess. I would suggest that you let Man A know that you've been dating Man B. It's just not right to allow him to move to be with you when you aren't sure who you want to be with.

I think you can care about both of them, but I don't think you can be "in love" with both of them at the same time. With that being said, only you can select the one you truly love and want to be with.

Be honest with yourself and you'll figure it out. Maybe you'll decide that you're really not in love with either one.

JoeCanada76 · Apr 12, 2010, 01:38 PM

My opinion is one of the men will get hurt either way.

How well do you know Man A?
If it was only based on long distance it could be questionable at the same time might turn out to be the best thing for you.

Man B, has qualities and he is physically there. The question for you is why set deadlines.

The man is coming the 29th. Why not spend some physical time together to see where things are possible. How series is the Man B?

No matter what though you need to make a decision but my own opinion is thinking about it through. The person long distance was willing to make a move to get hopefully work through things with you. Why not give him a shot.

Then again you need to make the decision on what will make you happier, I would be careful though you might lose both. You might only lose one, but I hope you gain two good friends and then maybe take it further with at least one of them.

Kitkat22 · Apr 12, 2010, 01:40 PM

Originally Posted by Jesushelper1976

My opinion is one of the men will get hurt either way.

How well do you know Man A?
If it was only based on long distance it could be questionable at the same time might turn out to be the best thing for you.

Man B, has qualities and he is physically there. The question for you is why set deadlines.

The man is coming the 29th. Why not spend some physical time together to see where things are possible. How series is the Man B?

No matter what though you need to make a decision but my own personal opinion is thinking about it through. The person long distance was willing to make a move to get hopefully work through things with you. Why not give him a shot.

Then again you need to make the decision on what will make you happier, I would be careful though you might lose both. You might only lose one, but I hope you gain two good friends and then maybe take it further with at least one of them.

I think she will lose both... Sadly

JoeCanada76 · Apr 12, 2010, 01:41 PM

After reading through this friend that you have known for 9 years is threatening to never talk to you again over Man A... That is childish and stupid.

Go with Man A, give him a chance. Obviously with the 9 years of friendship has not gone anywhere series with Man B.

rainyreal · Apr 12, 2010, 01:46 PM

I have been honest with Man A as well.. he knows about Man B... He wants me of courese not to talk to him and be with him only... I would NEVER cheat or let him move here knowing it might not work... that is HIS choice only! I have great morals and ethics that is why I am torn... I have been totally honest with both men the whole time... Man A did not blame me for feelings to start with man B cause he was not around and Man B knew very welll I was with Man A when he started to try and take our friendship farther... They both want me to decide and of course choose them.. but both are so different and have different qualitys to them that attract me... This is driving me crazy cause I can't decide!. I don't want to lose my best friend over this or not take the chance to see where things may go once I can see Man A everyday.

talaniman · Apr 12, 2010, 01:48 PM

You leave them both alone because you haven't been honest with either of them, not even yourself.

You have personal issues to overcome. Honesty is but one.

Kitkat22 · Apr 12, 2010, 01:48 PM

Originally Posted by Jesushelper1976

After reading through this friend that you have known for 9 years is threatening to never talk to you again over Man A... That is childish and stupid.

Go with Man A, give him a chance. Obviously with the 9 years of friendship has not gone anywhere series with Man B.

You have to go with your heart on this one! You have already made the decision in your heart I believe. Good Luck:)

Homegirl 50 · Apr 12, 2010, 01:51 PM

If this would make you lose a 9 year friendship I would have doubts about man B. That just makes no sense, unless he is just bluffing.
I would say this 9 year friendship stayed that way for a reason, a relationship may not be the best thing to do with him. Sometimes it's best to leave the friendships as they are.

Get to know man A to see if you two have something special.
I wish you well.

JoeCanada76 · Apr 12, 2010, 01:52 PM

Well you can not drag it out. What is more important to you. Seeing if a relationship will go further with somebody that might turn out to be the best thing that happens to you. That actually makes the moves to prove he is willing to show you how much he is willing to change to make it work and be with you.

Or the friend that has been a friend for 9 years yet has anything been taken to the next level. How long will you wait for that too happen?

It is your choice, but then again. You have to make that decision don't you. You can not leave both guys hanging there waiting for you to come to one of them.

Kitkat22 · Apr 12, 2010, 01:59 PM

Originally Posted by Jesushelper1976

Well you can not drag it out. What is more important to you. Seeing if a relationship will go further with somebody that might turn out to be the best thing that happens to you. That actually makes the moves to prove he is willing to show you how much he is willing to change to make it work and be with you.

Or the friend that has been a friend for 9 years yet has anything been taken to the next level. How long will you wait for that too happen?

It is your choice, but then again. You have to make that decision don't you. You can not leave both guys hanging there waiting for you to come to one of them.

It all boils down to the decision you make. Nine years is a long time to wait. Have you considered if you do go with guy B.. Guy A may decide he doesn't want to lose you and he pops the question?:eek:

Girl-with-Story · Apr 12, 2010, 04:39 PM

If man A showed up at your doorstep today and told you I know all about man B and you have to make a decision right now, me or him, what would you choose?

A lot of times we are unable to make a decision because we don't really feel the urgency of making a decision, we will put it off for as long as we possibly can and that makes it next to impossible for us to decide.

Just remember one thing, life is a series of many decisions, your happiness is not based solely on one decision. There is not one choice in life which will guarantee you perpetual bliss, and not one choice which will guarantee you perpetual unhappiness either.