[Chobie]

I'm 24 years old and I've been seeing a 35-year-old for nine months now. (I put this in because some people may think that age is an issue- he and I did until we fell for each other). We started out as friends (he didnt think hed want to be with a 24-year-old and I didnt want to be with a 35-year-old) and then it led to more. At first, I was coming out of a five-year relationship and did not want anything serious, so we decided to keep it casual. Things turned pretty intense though, and I started to have real feelings for him. Here's the problem...After months of him courting me and chasing after me, I finally let my guard down and after falling for him, asked him to take the relationship to "the next step" (being exclusive). When I asked him he said that he would ]"eventually stray" and "he was sorry that he couldnt give me "what I deserved". :-[ When I inquired further he told me that he was not in love with me :'(.

The thing is, I have tons of my clothes, and my, toothbrush at his place, I have a set of his keys. He has told his parents about me. He hangs out with my family and friends. We see each other almost every day and he calls me three or four times a day. We do everything together all of the time. When I stay at his place we dont always have sex sometimes he just wants to hold me, laugh with me, and look into my eyes [move](as cheesy as that sounds)[/move]. He tells me that Im important and special to him..

So what's going on here? ??? Should I listen to what he said or should I make a decision based on his behavior? I have very strong feelings for him and despite what hes said, our relationship remains solid and happy.

-W ???

[kumquat]

Drop him!! Then see where he stands... if he means all of the things he says, he won't let you go... if he does, he won't be able to milk the cow for free anymore!! Open your eyes, follow your heart but foremost, open your eyes! You deserve much much more my darling!! And you can get it!

[MiKeY]

Hmm... It sounds like he's confused. I wouldn't dump him, but I'm not sure it's good for you to be with him either. Maybe you ought to cool things down for a bit and see how it goes; just play it by ear but don't give in. Certainly don't allow yourselves to spend the night together, that way you're avoiding temptation. But back to the point, I daren't say he loves you, but I think he may want to if that makes sense? It may just be that he feels it's a bit too convenient, or maybe he's scared he'll hurt you or something. But really, I think he's confused.

Let me know how this one goes.

[Mylena36]

:o
This "mature" man is playing you. The saying have your cake and eating it too is what he is doing.

You be the more mature one and kick him to the curb. If he cannot give you what you deserve than he is not worth your time.

Tell him what you want, and don't let him come back until he can give it with both hands open and no strings.

Hope this helps,

Mylena36

[schuylervj]

He has been upfront with you and stated that he is not ready for, nor does he want, a monogamous relationship. You do, and that's the problem. You can either accept the relationship the way it is now, or you can move on and find someone else who is ready for a one on one. Men are more pragmatic than women, and are very blunt about what they want; usually, what you see is what you get. Women usually want more and faster than the man and that is what causes friction. "Love to man is a thing apart; t'is woman's whole existence..." Stay with him and hope eventually he will come around or leave and find someone else, but the more you pressure him, the worse and more distant he will become... leave things status quo for awhile and see what, if anything, develops.