[SteveO82]

What are the consequences of my child's Mom taking our kid and moving out of state without prior notification to me? I researched my state law and it basically said if one parent moves they must notify the other parent and either get his/her consent or gain approval from the court and it should be in the best interest of the kid. Our divorce and temporary custody was thrown out in last year due to Mom not showing. I didn't have the money for an attorney to continue the case. It wasn't until fall of last year that my home state discovered she moved elsewhere more than 2 hours away into a whole new state. I confronted the Mom on this and she was surprised as to how I found out. The Mom then said if I did not withdraw medicaid benefits/child support from our child that she would keep the child from me.

We continued week to week sharing after the custody was thrown out. Then during the fall of last year after discovering the truth, Mom continued making threats to keep our child and interfered with our agreement of shared visitation. My child's Mom wouldn't be home at her supposed address that I had been picking the kid up for years. She would either not be there and I would have to plead with her to let me have the kid or force me to wait 4 hours for her to show up.

In Mom's pleadings, she says that she moved years ago. If in fact she moved, wouldn't she be in violation of a court order which was in effect during said years? In her pleadings, she wants to continue living in new state along with the child but it has been determined that my home state currently holds jurisdiction over the child and because that's where the case originated. Mom has also been ordered to pay child support due to being in default by not showing up for court and also because we are separated and that she moved to another state. So support was enforced on her. This all happened because I filed for health benefits for the kid and then the state dept. sent me a letter verifying her address. However, I later signed a paper to reduce her monthly payments to a considerable amount in order to be with my kid because she threatened to keep the child if I did not. The payments were reduced to a lowly $60 a month. I cannot for the life of me, find a copy of this letter that I signed and faxed to the state dept. Regardless, this is no where near enough for our kid whenever he is with me.

My kid stayed with me for another week after I discovered Mom lived elsewhere, our child's Mom elected not to show up to pick up our kid during her turn. To further prevent any kind of threat to keep our kid from me, I decided it was best that he stay here until we re-established joint custody. I consulted with an attorney later on and I notified the Mom that I would like to finalize our divorce and re-establish joint physical custody because it would be in the best interest of our child. Now I know it is not wise to give information like that to your ex but I don't withhold information like that especially from our kid's Mom.

My attorney believes Mom has no alibi to support herself. He believes she is not telling her attorney everything and he's unaware that we filed for divorce and had joint custody prior to her moving years ago. A few months ago, after I urged the Mom to visit our child, the Mom abruptly decides it's time to visit. I told her she can visit my home and visit our kid as long as she comes alone and no one else because that would make me uncomfortable.

It turns out the Mom arrives with her boyfriend. After the Mom spends considerable time in my home with the kid, she runs out the door while the kid has no shoes, no coat, in freezing temps. As I try to follow Mom out the door, I am met by her boyfriend who literally surprised me as he came out of a dark corner outside the front door. He shoves me backwards, proceeds to get into my face and laugh and tell me there's nothing I can do. As I get up to chase the Mom, he follows me and will not get off me. Later, the struggle is taken to the ground where Mom's boyfriend's phone is left behind. I have the phone in my possession right now to add the proof to my story.

When I made my way to the vehicle, the child lock was on the rear door when Mom's boyfriend entered. I could not get my child and found the kid crying in the backseat with no legal child restraint. No car seat, no booster seat, strapped up with the seat belt with no shoes and no coat on, no cap on the child's head to keep the kid warm.

It has now been a few months and the Mom will not harbor any kind of relationship with me and our child while she lives in another state in a great distance. I am forced with limited telephone contact and each time I do have contact with our child, our kid is referring me by my first name while I hear laughter in the background. Mom also says I am not allowed to visit our kid or have our child with me until a court decides but there is no court order stating that. Currently, no one has custody of the child, there are no standing orders at the moment. Mom fled to another state years ago without notifying me, or approval being granted by the court.

While I applied for medicaid benefits last fall for our kid, Mom told my home state that we have shared custody and he doesn't need it because she has health insurance. I was never aware of the kid being covered by health insurance whatsoever and how can she say this when she doesn't even live in the home state of the child? Although the Mom and I upheld shared custody, it was conflicted each time as Mom wanted to keep the kid for two weeks at a time and change the times/days on when to pick the child up. It wasn't until last fall that I discovered the real truth. My attorney thinks that is why Mom made threats, and gave the Mom the motive to come to my home and physically remove our kid from my home. I believe it was staged by the kid's Mom and her boyfriend and my attorney believes the same. After the Mom and boyfriend physically removed the child from me, a few days later she claimed an attorney advised her to do it and that her attorney advised her that when she does get him, to not allow me to see the child until the court decides.

That's my story and it's pretty straightforward, no holes or loops but a deposition has been ordered on Mom to get a statement under oath and the same with her boyfriend. We believe both their stories will be convoluted as they will be surprised by the unexpected deposition. The attorney also is holding back his cards to not give her attorney any room to work with. He wants to surprise all of them. My question is -- How do you think the Judge who previously handled our divorce/temp shared custody is going to react to all of this? What kind of decision will he lean towards? Is it not wrong for a parent to move to another state without prior legal notification and allowing the other parent to know about her living circumstances? Is it not against the law? Did Mom not take the law into her own hands while disregarding the repercussions of such a foolish decision to move? Are there not any repercussions for this? If I have broken any law, surely I should be the one who is punished.

I have no friends, I don't do drugs, I don't drink, all that brings me joy in this world is my kid. My family are my true friends, I see them all the time and talk to them all the time along with my kid. I am not a violent man. I have unconditional love for my child. My kid is my life and everything that I have in me. The kid is a blessing to me and I am thankful the Mother gave birth to our child but my entire chain of family lives within 5-10 minutes of me, the child has strong relationships with everyone, they love my kid, the child has friends and so many memories that have forced to be forgotten because of Mom's selfishness right now while she has no family support there other than her boyfriend's family. There is but one negative thing on my part -- I am struggling to find employment but I rely on financial support from the family until this is solved and I am praying that I find a job soon.

Given the situation stated here, our kid is at an age where the distance and shared custody would certainly interfere with the child's education. He is one year away from kindergarten. The Mom verbally agreed with me that the kid's schooling be held in my home state. In our previous divorce/temp custody order it was said we were both only allowed to move out of both of our parent's home if we had suitable employment and independent housing.

The independent housing part has constantly been violated by Mom since she sublet her Mother's house and had so many different friends of hers that had children moving in and out. Now she lives with a boyfriend in a new state? What I believe is the grandmother came back and wanted the house back after my kid's Mom was subletting it and she decided to move with her boyfriend into his parents home in a different state.

If there were to be an emergency for our child, it would take a heroic effort for me to be there due to the distance, time, and cost of transportation. No amount of phone contact can ever substitute physical time with my child. These things are priceless to a child, they are the moments where the memories are made. I am praying to see my kid soon and receive justice from the court system and my attorney told me there may be a hearing soon as well. I am praying to end this thing soon and for my kid, myself, and the Mom to move on with our lives and continue to be a part of our child's life regardless of what the court's decision may be.

God Bless.

[SteveO82]

Also I forgot to add that the home state is NE. I list child and kid as to not be too revealing in the post.

[Fr_Chuck]

And you are still living in NE ?

A lot will also depend on how long she has been gone before you file,

You need an attorney

[SteveO82]

And you are still living in NE ?

Alot will also depend on how long she has been gone before you file,

You need an attorney

Yes I am. I have lived in the same residence since the day my kid was born. Basically she and I upheld shared visitation but since the discovery of her move, that's when the threats came. Now Mom came to my home along with boyfriend to physically remove the kid from me. I filed first in the home state before her, it has been a few months now since I have seen my kid.

I do have an attorney and so does she. They already filed a counterclaim and have done nothing but deny all allegations against her while her attorney is completely unaware of any prior divorce/custody order because in her pleading it states she moved years ago. If that's true, then she moved while the home state had both jurisdiction and while a custody order was in place. Along with that, there was never any notification of such a move, if there was, I would have challenged it. So, no notification, no consent, no court approval. Since none of these ever came about, I couldn't challenge the move because I was completely fooled and unaware of it.

[cdad]

Why didn't you file right away for emergency custody and or file kidnapping charges against the mother and boyfriend? You should have already filed an exparte motion with the courts granting you custody and the reasons stating why.

[ScottGem]

I'm confused. If you have custody, or it was your visitation time and she came and tried to take the child why didn't you call the police right then? Why haven't you filed for contempt of court as soon as you knew of the move? A lot of this doesn't make sense.

[SteveO82]

Why didnt you file right away for emergency custody and or file kidnapping charges against the mother and boyfriend? You should have already filed an exparte motion with the courts granting you custody and the reasons stating why.

The attorney is going to file ex-parte and present it at the hearing in a few weeks. I initially consulted with an attorney and was going to bring back the divorce work/temp custody order. I notified Mom of my intentions. She then took the child from me, shortly after a motion was filed to bring back temp custody and it was denied by the judge. He wants to hear her story too.

I called the police when it happened and they said I could not file kidnapping charges because there was no standing custody order and that it was a civil matter. All I could do was file assault charges on boyfriend but I was not injured or hurt. He just interfered and surprised me with the ambush. Do you think the Mom/Boyfriend face possible child abduction charges given that they took the kid and haven't let me see the child in months and have given me limited contact and am not allowed to see him?

I mean, taking a kid without a coat and shoes in freezing temperatures without a legal child restraint should be classified as child abuse. I even told the police that and it went through one ear and out the other. It was brought up in the motion to bring back joint custody too but the judge still denied it and wants to hear Mom's side of the story, and there really isn't one. There's no way you can justify an action of a parent that leads one parent on and then takes the kid from them physically while their boyfriend attacks the father. That's messed up and was obviously pre-determined.

[SteveO82]

I'm confused. If you have custody, or it was your visitation time and she came and tried to take the child why didn't you call the police right then? Why haven't you filed for contempt of court as soon as you knew of the move? A lot of this doesn't make sense.

If you want, you can read it again. There was no custody order. It got thrown out last year due to Mom not showing. Mom and I continued shared custody since then until 8 months later when the threats came and I discovered Mom's true where abouts. Once I found that out along with the help of the state, the Mom was freaking out and panicked I think by making threats to keep him and then showing up at my house for a visit and taking the child away. I called the police right after they left. They didn't do anything. I hired my attorney about a week to two weeks after this happened. He's a very, very busy and backed up attorney. One of the best.

[SteveO82]

I have also told my attorney that I will consider joint custody if the Mother moved back to my area to make schooling easier for the child. If she refuses the offer, then she should be responsible for all transportation and costs since she was the one who moved. If I am awarded custody and Mom has a change of circumstance and decides to move back to my home state, she may pickup the child after school to spend time with her. I will only accept all of that if it is written that neither of us can move out of state unless it is in the best interest of the child and a parenting plan is agreed upon.

My offer if awarded custody is that Mom gets kid half the summer, shared holidays, and we share the birthdays. On the even years, I get the child from the night before his birthday until 4pm on the day of his birthday. The Mom will then be able to have the child on his birthday from 4pm until 8pm when the child must be returned. During the odd years, Mom will have the child on the night before his birthday from 8pm until 4pm on his birthday and the child must be returned. Mom will get him on Mother's day. If she is in my home state area, and let me knows that no more than a week in advance, the child may be allowed to spend time with the Mother but must be returned at a reasonable hour no later than 8pm. If Mom elects to, she may pick up the child during an off day of school and spend time with her until the kid is returned. Mom may also participate in activities for the child such as sports and recreation as much as possible.

Basically, I know the kid needs Mom just as much as he needs me. I'm willing to work with her on that and accept joint custody if she were living here and could not live elsewhere and nor could she threaten to keep the child in an undisclosed location. If she finally snapped out of it and realized being near her child is more important than losing custody, then joint custody I will accept and both of us can be involved in the child's life without a struggle and be able to both be involved with his education and activities.

The kid deserves both of us and I have always looked at it this way. The Mom is very unreasonable and wants full custody and me have nothing to do with the child. In our divorce, she wanted everything from me along with full custody and a restraining order. My kid's mom blames me and says I "ruined her life by causing her to be pregnant."

The point is, can I present this offer to her or her attorney or my attorney or the judge himself? How will it hold up in court being that my attorney said it would be best to seek full custody of the child? I told him during our first meeting joint custody works so well when both parents live in the same vicinity and are both involved in his life. But she cannot be trusted. If she moved without notifying me before and me not knowing this for 2 years straight, she'll do it again. I'm hoping the Judge realizes this too.

[SteveO82]

One other thing must be noted. The Mom's boyfriend has 7 records on file and one criminal record in which he was found guilty about 5 years ago. Whether that will mean much in my case for custody vs. my ex, I'm not quite sure?

[ScottGem]

Again, this doesn't sound right. You were married then you split up and filed for divorce. You said a temp custody order existed. If one parent doesn't show up at the hearing the order isn't thrown out, its awarded by default. Even if not, as the legal father you have de facto joint custody. This means the mother cannot legally remove the child from your control without a court order. You probably did not explain the situation properly to the police. Your lawyer should file charges of parental kidnapping against her along with everything else! And why is he waiting weeks to file the ex parte? I can understand waiting for a hearing but not waiting to file.

[SteveO82]

Again, this doesn't sound right. You were married then you split up and filed for divorce. You said a temp custody order existed. If one parent doesn't show up at the hearing the order isn't thrown out, its awarded by default. Even if not, as the legal father you have de facto joint custody. This means the mother cannot legally remove the child from your control without a court order. You probably did not explain the situation properly to the police. Your lawyer should file charges of parental kidnapping against her along with everything else! And why is he waiting weeks to file the ex parte? I can understand waiting for a hearing but not waiting to file.

I'm not sure what the attorney is up to. He's a very busy attorney. I mean he has like 200 clients. He's one of the top attorney's around. A temp custody order existed, yes, and divorce was in the process what happened was I showed up for the hearing but no Judge showed. I spoke with the clerk who said the Judge threw the case out anyway. I do not know how it works, I'm no lawyer that's why I came here to get second opinions from others...

I was told that it's not considered parental kidnapping since both the Mom and I are technically still married but separated (although not legally) so each parent has equal rights to the child (or so I'm told.) He said he wants to throw ex parte in her face/her attorney's face right before the hearing to surprise them after presenting all the facts of what's happened recently. I honestly want to work it out with Mom but like I said, very unreasonable when it comes to the kid so I have to turn to a Judge and go this route instead.

Do you think I should talk with my attorney about possibly filing parental kidnapping or child abduction charges or won't the Judge see this himself? Also, does her boyfriend's criminal background and him being found guilty for something will have any kind of effect? Will Mom's extra-martial relationship/living with boyfriend in his home state be an advantage for me when it comes to our child?

Thank you. God Bless.

[SteveO82]

One of the reasons I have not filed any kind of charges is because I'm getting so many different opinions from people. I don't remember everything I told the police, I was so upset and shocked. When the police questioned me they turned my words against me as if I was lying when I was not which I found insulting. They told me there's nothing I can do, no standing court order, parents have equal rights and to consult with an attorney because they aren't lawyers and it's a civil matter. I argued and said, so the Mom shows up with her boyfriend and ambushes me, put's a toddler in a car with no shoes/coat and no legal restraint and that's OK?

I'm getting so many opinions stating that what the Mom did can be classified as child abduction but not kidnapping because of no custody order standing but Mom took the kid and is currently not harboring any kind of relationship between me and our child while being in a different state without no prior notification to me or the court, no consent from me, and no approval from the state. I can only talk to our kid on a limited basis when Mom deems it necessary. The Mom doesn't contact me at all either... Which is what I did whenever I had the kid with me. I am not allowed to see the child either until a "court decides" is what the Mom says. Even with all the information I've explained here, I explained to my attorney, I questioned him on if the Mother broke any law by not notifying me or the court (even though my state law clearly is in my favor, I just wanted his opinion) he said he didn't want to get into it and that it's a difficult situation. He kind of became aggravated by the question. I was kind of ticked off by it but I think he reacted to that question that way because he had 2-3 clients waiting for him and it was 7pm. He literally works day and night. I'm just going with his advice.

One of the reasons I think it's taking so long is because after Mom took child, I asked the attorney to bring back the previous custody order/divorce so I could re-establish that and to see if maybe the Judge would allow it and then force Mom to move back to home state but the Judge denied it after waiting about 3 weeks. I then filed for other stuff which took about a week or two, then the Mom waited about a month to respond. It's been a couple months now, Mom filed a counterclaim. I don't know what the hold up is now but I'm told a hearing will be coming real soon.

[SteveO82]

Sorry if what I type is a bit misunderstanding. The previous temporary custody order was joint physical 50/50 everything with split medical and no child support. Then it was thrown out because of due process? I think because Mom didn't show up and they said I didn't show up when I did. I waited in the court room for the Judge and he never showed that's when I spoke with the county clerk who said that the judge threw it out. Due to financial problems and the difficulty of paying for an attorney, I couldn't get one after that. It wasn't until almost a year that I could afford an attorney. After the divorce/temp custody was thrown out by the Judge, Mom and I upheld shared custody for 8 months until my home state discovered she lived elsewhere, then I confronted her on that, that is when Mom made those threats that if I didn't take the kid off medicaid or child support (enforced by the state) that I wouldn't be allowed to see him. I showed up at her house numerous times where I've shown up each time for years and Mom would make me wait hours on end to pick the child up (we're talking 2-4 hours,) where Mom will not let me see the child until I drop medicaid benefits, CS, etc. Then after I finally convinced her to let me take the child, she didn't show up for a week during her turn, I told her I wanted to finalize our divorce, re-establish joint custody, throw in the fact that the state enforced CS on her and knew her whereabouts, Mom literally freaked out and plotted a way to snatch the kid up. I don't think there is any other explanation for that. I was literally ambushed and surprised that the Mom's boyfriend interfered like that and the Mom took the kid without a coat, shoes, in freezing temps along with no legal child restraint in the backseat.

While I feel good heading into court, I'm nervous/scared. I don't want to get over confident, I want to stay humbled. That's why I wanted to come on here and seek different opinions from people that might have experience with this type of situation or have been through it.

God Bless.

[ScottGem]

I think you need to look at the judge throwing out the order. That sounds bogus to me. Judges do not just throw out a standing order. Do you have any documentation of the judge's decision?

[SteveO82]

Yes the court set its on motion that both of us show cause why the matter should not be dismissed for lack of prosecution. They then referred to her complaint filed years ago, my complaint. A scheduling order was filed to avoid dismissal a year later but the court did not sign a proposed scheduling order due to the parties lack of compliance. Both attorneys withdrew, and it was ordered that both parties show to discuss status of case, discovery issues, any motions that need to be scheduled prior to a trial and failure to appear will result in dismissal of the case due to lack of progression.

[SteveO82]

The case was then thrown out just last year. While neither the mom or myself had the money to divorce until months later after Mom flees to new state without telling me, followed by threats of keeping him, making me wait for hours to pick him up. We basically created our own parenting plan with no legal papers, just verbal agreement. That was interrupted the moment mom got caught living elsewhere and she started making it a habit of not being home when I would arrive to pickup the kid. Like said, she would show up 3-4 hours later and then the following week, she chose not to show for whatever reason. I maintained contact with the mom by phone, urged her to visit him and that we needed to re-establish joint custody and finalize our divorce. This was after the home state enforced child support and found out about where she lived then I found out, the Mom loses it and snatches the kid up at my house with the help of the boyfriend and I haven't seen my kid since then because she won't allow me to see him until a court decides and her pleading says she's lived there for years.

[SteveO82]

I'm just really scared of what the Judge is going to decide. I just know I am extremely upset with what's happened and I have always been a part of my kid's life until now because of the stunt the Mom pulled. I wish she could move back to the home state so we can share custody, agree on schooling, etc. But the Mom will not reason with me whatsoever. She wants full custody and won't take no for an answer.

[SteveO82]

Can anyone else speak on this?

My state signed the law of the Uniform Child Abduction Prevention Act a few years ago. Without having to explain the full details, basically the Mom did make threats she was going to keep the child in another state although never did so. She did however come to my house on an agreement that she would visit the child and that was it but she ended up physically taking him from me while her boyfriend attacked me outside the door. According to this child abduction act, would that not be considered child abduction since the mother made threats she was going to keep the child from me and then acted on it by removing the child from my home and fleeing to another state? Now I'm not allowed to see the child because she refuses to let me. I really don't understand this entire case. The Mom moved elsewhere without notifying me or the court and had me believe she lived in the home state when she did not. I file for health benefits for the child, the state realizes she lives elsewhere and we're separated, the state enforces child support on the mom and she ends up in default for not showing. I discover her whereabouts with the help of the state, I keep the child to prevent the mother from keeping the child out of the home state, the mom then goes on a hiatus for 2 months, abruptly wants to visit the child after I continuously urge her to visit him and call him, she takes the child out of my home during this visit with no clothing/shoes no child seat or booster seat, flees to a different state, doesn't file for anything in this other state, I file first, she counterclaims. A new judge has been asked to take on this case, our divorce, and to decide who gets custody. My attorney and her attorney both want to go for full custody. I have a parenting plan I want to propose in court to the Mom and her attorney before a Judge makes a decision. Basically, the proposal is I will have residential primary custody with her being the visiting parent. But the kid is at the age of pre-school and will begin kindergarten next year.

Could I perhaps request the mother move back to the home state so that her and I can share custody and both be involved in the child's life equally with the Judge signing an agreement that neither of us can move to another state without first notifying the court, or gaining consent from the other parent first, and with it being in the best interests of the child but with a parenting plan beforehand so both of us can continue to be involved in the child's life?

I really want to work things out with the mom and her attorney but I do not think she is reasonable enough to consider such a proposal. Like I said, it's all or nothing for the Mom. She wants everything, full custody, and me to not be a part of our kid's life. I've been involved in his life since his birth. I love our kid and he has relationships here and a life here too. It seems like the Mom disregarded that, abducted the kid and took the kid back to her state without filing for any kind of divorce/custody, I filed first and asked for the previous judge to grant us divorce again and bring back joint custody, that was denied. Now there's a hearing this month to temporarily decide everything.

Did the Mom commit parental child abduction? I spoke to the police before, they said they couldn't do anything without a custody order in place and that it's a civil matter but the child abduction law says it doesn't matter, one parent can't just take a child and go across state lines like that.

I just wonder what this new judge is going to do and how he is going to take all this information in. I've done nothing but be there for my kid and now I can't be because the Mom lives 2 1/2 hours away and she told me her attorney told her not to let me see the kid nor let me take him for visitation but I have never denied the kid his mother until last fall when the state and I found out where she lived, on top of that, the continuous threats being made towards me that she was going to keep the kid if I didn't wave off health benefits of him and child support.

My attorney wants ex-parte custody and with the help of law enforcement, remove the child from where the Mother is living (the new state), return him back to the home state which is where the jurisdiction lies, and to grant me temporary custody and child support. What are my chances of this happening? I still want the Mom involved, do you think it will help if I present the parenting plan in court during the hearing or tell my attorney to offer it to the Mom and her attorney?

Or will the judge be pissed because of what happened and how the Mom took the kid?

[SteveO82]

All right. Can a mod or someone please delete this entire thread? I'm not getting any kind of valuable insight on here and my court hearing is coming soon. Please and thank you.