[cdad]

For one thing you have to give people a chance to respond if you would like an answer. This is a volunteer site. You haven't paid a dime nor will you be asked to. So relax.

Your case is a very confusing one. Also you keep trying to drop bombs without explaining them. Example: you keep mentioning that her boyfriend was convicted but you never say of what. There is a huge difference between drunk driving and armed robbery. So if you drop a bomb like that then it needs to be explained to get a rational answer. Another thing is its time to forget about abduction. You missed the boat on that one. You lawyer sounds like an _ss. He is not serving your best interests at this time. You don't WAIT on an exparte that motion is reserved for emergency situations. Since the "emergency" has passed I don't think it would be wise to even try it. ( that's my personal opinion). As far as the custody goes you need to act like a bulldog and not like some poor victim. You need to be extremely proactive. And stop letting her walk over you. She has the upper hand at this moment because she has custody of the child. What they were trying to tell you by saying that due process wasn't followed that usually is a fancy way of saying someone wasn't served properly. Do you have ANYTHING showing your case was thrown out and for what reasons? Normally when you try for a custody change and it fails then it reverts to what it once was. SO if the denial was for due process then you should have corrected it then. Now that enough time has elapsed since she has taken the child crying abduction may not bode well for you unless she was hiding and your just catching up to her. How is it the state determined that she was to pay child support? Usually its paid to the custodial parent but by what you have said you had shared custody so there was no order of support. You really need to create a timeline for yourself in writing and match it to court records that you have and pick up all the missing pieces. Your case is a mess.

[ScottGem]

All right. Can a mod or someone please delete this entire thread? I'm not getting any kind of valuable insight on here and my court hearing is coming soon. Please and thank you.

First, we don't delete threads just because you don't feel you were getting help. As CalifDad said, you have a very complex situation and its really hard to decipher things. A lot of what you told us makes no sense in the law. But you've missed the boat on certain things by not acting proactively.

You really need a good lawyer to unravel this and it doesn't sound like you have one, because, as both Dad and I said, you don't wait a few weeks to file an ex parte.

[SteveO82]

Thanks for the responses guys. I Know you don't get paid I was just becoming impatient because the hearing is coming up and I kind of feel like I'm not getting the help I need from my attorney and feel like it might be too late to lay it all on the table.

Yeah I kind of figured I didn't have a very good attorney. I've been going off his advice. He said it is child abduction even if there are no custody orders, etc. Even IF I know the whereabouts of the child that what happened can be considered abduction depending on the judge, laws, etc. I'm not a lawyer so I don't know.

How do you guys think the Mom moving to a different state without notifying me or the court or getting approval will hold up? What will be my best thing to do for right now should I propose a parenting plan so both parents can be involved? Although I don't know how it would work with her moving so far away...

[cdad]

As far as a parenting plan goes have one ready but don't introduce it till you need to. Also have contingency plans in your head so you can think on the fly. As far as how it should read a lot depends on how the mother reacts. So first you need to see what is going to happen there.

Basics: You want to be custodial parent. So what your looking at is times open for the mom to have the child. Extended vacations ( easter {aka spring break}, christmas ) Then there is summer vacation ( long period ).

That is what you have to work with.

Transportation: She moved she pays. Period.

The rest is up to you and her to decide.

[ScottGem]

Yeah I kind of figured I didn't have a very good attorney. I've been going off his advice. He said it is child abduction even if there are no custody orders, etc. Even IF i know the whereabouts of the child that what happened can be considered abduction depending on the judge, laws, etc. I'm not a lawyer so I don't know.

How do you guys think the Mom moving to a different state without notifying me or the court or getting approval will hold up? What will be my best thing to do for right now should I propose a parenting plan so both parents can be involved? Although I don't know how it would work with her moving so far away...

She took the child from your custody without permission, that's abduction. The problem is you didn't move fast on it. So you lost that opportunity. You can use it to show the mom's disregard for the law, as you can use the move without permission. But all you can use them for is to prejudice her case with the judge. Judges don't like people who flout the law. You should be asking for primary custody, but you should have a parenting plan if she gets primary as Plan B. You need to prepare for and cover all eventualities.

[SteveO82]

Thanks Califdad. I asked my attorney if he knew what residential custody meant. And he goes, huh? And I literally had to explain it to him. I don't think he has a clue what he's doing in this case.

So I should pursue for full custody how can I do this if I don't get to meet with the judge or speak? I don't care if the mom has the child on shared holidays, summer breaks (half the summer). Heck I would go as far to say if the Mom's living circumstances change and she happens to move back to my home state that joint custody can be established for the betterment of our child only under the stipulation that neither one can leave the state without notifying the other parent, gaining consent or approval from the court in the best interests of the child along with a parenting plan that both of us can agree on PRIOR to leaving the state but I don't think the mom has any kind of intention of moving back here.

She left because she got booted from her parents house and never told me, I think. Then moved to another state while they covered it up by making me believe the kid lived at the same residence when he didn't. State finds out her whereabouts, they tell me where she's living, then she freaks out by planning a visit to remove the kid from my home. Do you think any of this will give me any kind of advantage during the hearing?

All I know is her attorney is using the UCCJEA to rely on stating that she's lived there for years. How can they do that if the child was shared equally and has lived in the state he was born for the longest and she never told me she ever moved? I don't think it is fair for a parent to take a kid from the other parent and then drops a bomb by saying oh I've lived here for a long time and I want full custody.

What the heck? And in my defense, you can file for support from the other parent if they have income. I'm struggling to find employment and have no income, the mom was ordered to pay child support for our kid and then does the whole taking him away from me bit and then teaching the kid to call me by my first name and withholding phone contact and physical contact with our kid.

[ScottGem]

All I know is her attorney is using the UCCJEA to rely on stating that she's lived there for years. How can they do that if the child was shared equally and has lived in the state he was born for the longest and she never told me she ever moved? I don't think it is fair for a parent to take a kid from the other parent and then drops a bomb by saying oh ive lived here for a long time and I want full custody.

What the heck? And in my defense, you can file for support from the other parent if they have income. I'm struggling to find employment and have no income, the mom was ordered to pay child support for our kid and then does the whole taking him away from me bit and then teaching the kid to call me by my first name and withholding phone contact and physical contact with our kid.

First it does not sound like you have an attorney who specializes in Family Law? Why would you retain a general purpose attorney? Family Law is a specialized practice!

Second, you need to put together your proof that the child lived with you. If her attorney is going to claim a different time line that you can prove is false that will not sit well with the court, but you need ironclad proof.

[SteveO82]

Hey Scott excellent advice I sincerely appreciate it. I am glad I requested parenting plan papers then to fill out accordingly as a backup in case it doesn't work out. The proof that I had the child is he was in my custody when child support was enforced last fall. Usually they won't enforce support unless you actually have the child with you which is what I was told...

The mom never showed up to visit or make phone calls while I basically pretty much shopped around for an affordable reputable attorney. I like my attorney, just don't know if he's the kind I need. He does have experience in family law but I had no choice at the time I needed representation and to get things filed before the Mother could.

That's when the Mom freaked and made threats in person and with random unknown calls saying she was going to keep the kid next time she got her hands on him. The months past and I notified the mom I wanted to divorce for good, there's no reason to let it drag on like this. And I wanted joint custody because I feel like a child needs both his parents, he never got a fair chance at life with Mom and Dad so IMO I keep thinking that's the best thing to do but I want to play hardball and go for the jugular right now.

I did not know what to do as far as child abduction goes. I called the police, they told me nothing can be done. Get an attorney. There is an affidavit on file that was presented to a different Judge in which he denied to bring back temp custody and divorce... So now we've been issued a new judge. The judge that signed the child support order via the state in which Mom is in default for not showing up.

I really feel helpless in this one. I did act right away soon after the abduction happened. But the police, along with various attorneys telling me otherwise, I lost hope. I really lost hope. Now I'm just praying that the judge can see through this whole thing because I have nothing but the truth and proof to support me.

The mom didn't show up for court for child support, that's why she made threats that she would not let me see the kid unless I withdrew medicaid benefits from him and child support and that if she ever got a hold of him again she would never let me see him again. So, again 2 months pass and I agree to letting the mother visit for a few hours and that's when the whole abduction took place.

I really don't know how a judge is going to perceive all of this. I wish I knew and I wish my attorney could give me some answers or scenarios on this one. He seemed really pissed off when I asked him about who truly has jurisdiction of the child, etc and about residential custody. He just said, "I have clients waiting for me, I really have to let you go."

[cdad]

This is going to sound really harsh. But SteveO you need to stop wishing and start being proactive in your case. You have had excellent advice from here and Scott has been saying things as well as I have and you treat it with a flippant manner. I can see how things got to where they are.

She is not going to come back to the state nor to you. Get over it. Stop with the head games. It will ruin you. If you actually want to be involved with your child then you really need to be a bulldog and straight shooter when it comes to the courts.

As evidence for the child living with you your going to claim a undefended case of child support ? Then its going to be asked why you tried to rip off the state and her by making false claims. Then what. Deer in the headlights looking at the judge??

Sound familer? I requested many posts ago that you create a timeline and match everything up. Have you done that for yourself? Do you have daycare reciepts for when the child was with you? Witnesses and their names and address or statements? Do you have all the reports from the police for all the times you have called them?

This is no game nor some kind of a joke. If you miss this one chances are your going to be a stranger to your child. You choose. But stop trying to push your victim mantra and start getting real and proactive in your own case.

[SteveO82]

Ok so should I meet with my attorney to discuss how I can go about this? Everyone in my family knows I had our kid for months while the mom never made an attempt to see him until that one day of taking him. Do they have to write letters and get them notarized? He's not in daycare since I was unemployed and stayed at home with him and took care of him.

[ScottGem]

They can write letters, but the court will probably require that they be deposed or appear as witnesses so they can be cross examined.

What's bothering me here is all these things should have been done already

[SteveO82]

I know I don't have any 'legal' knowledge. I don't know how to go about that stuff. The attorney just said let me do everything and I'll handle. When I make suggestions, it seems like he is not listening. I feel like he doesn't understand what's at stake here it's almost as if he's playing not to lose.

I know he wants a deposition from the mom and the boyfriend and he wants to hear their story because he doesn't think they have one and nor will they match up. So, I guess he is banking on one of them screwing up during the deposition.

There's about 12 people that could write letters, appear before court or get depositions as to how he lived with me for 2 months while I looked for an attorney to get divorced, etc. No one saw the mom take the kid away, but the grandfather woke up and saw the police in the house while they told us nothing could be done to get him back but go to court for it.

I do have the mom's boyfriends phone to use as evidence that they came to the home to take the kid. Should I bring that with me during the hearing? Because my attorney advised that it would probably surprise her attorney since they will want to do a deposition on me as well.

[SteveO82]

I want to be the bulldog here and lay it all on the line. What the mom did was wrong, I might have waited too long to go after her for that but I disagree. I have a strong feeling that any judge is going to be ticked off at one parent going as far as removing a kid physically from another parents home and then not allowing that parent to talk to or see the kid.

I really don't think anyone should get away with that at all and should be punishable. I do believe in my heart the judge will side with me on this. I have a timeline put together, documents, written notes that were put together a long, long time ago for each time I picked the child up, and his progression each time he went from the mom's home to my home. I think it will help a great deal. The only negative thing for me is I am struggling to find employment but I'm trying everything I can. I'm going through the dept of labor two times a week and they are helping me.

I didn't lie to get support. I told the state, I have my kid, the mom and I are separated and I am seeking divorce. They found out she didn't live in my state, ordered support and for the mom to provide medical insurance for the kid because I told them she said she is employed and has insurance but won't allow me to use any of it (not sure if I can since she lived in an opposite state). Then the mom was supposed to go to court to fight that and she never showed for it.

I thank you guys for your help. If you continue to have suggestions I'll gladly take note of them right away. I think it is a little too late but to ride the tide right now. The hearing is 2 weeks away. I've got to go in there prepared to lay it all on the line and tell the judge everything. Everything in my testimony is truth. In the end, all I really want is to be with my kid and us to have lives together. While I want the mother involved, I think it's best I come after the mom with full force and not let up at all. I need to forget parenting plans and go after her. I've filled out the parenting plan in case I fail as a backup to make me the residential custodial parent and make her responsible for all travel expenses and all traveling. So she would have to bring child from other state, to my home, and she would have to pick him up as well. I never chose this route, she did.

[ScottGem]

I agree with you to a point. There is an issue of fairness here and that issue seems to be mostly on your side. But the mistake you are making is believing that fairness and the law are one and the same. Unfortunately that's not always the case. You need to deal with what the law says, not what you think is fair.

[SteveO82]

Thank you. If it were my way, I certainly want the mom involved in the child's life as much as possible. I'd allow time with the child during summer, shared holidays, off days from school, spring vacation. I'd even allow the mother to make plans at least a week prior to a certain occasion. I'm not a jerk like that. I want my kid to have a Mother. I never had a Motherly figure and it ruined a great portion of my life. My own flesh and blood deserves more than what I got in my life. He never had a fair chance to have one family but in a perfect world, he'd have us both.

At this time, I have to lower myself to Mom's battlefield ground because it appears she wants everything and not me to be a part of our child's life. I cannot accept a one-sided deal. I have every right to be in his life. Like I said, I don't do drugs, I don't drink, I don't party. That kid is my life and everything I do is devoted to him.

Because of this, I'll stay humble but balanced with confidence, I do believe there's a chance the Judge will side with my case and make me the primary residential custody parent and make the Mom the visiting parent responsible for transportation costs.

Basically, I will have full custody, and seek child support from the Mom while she still gets to see him as much as possible. I would never deprive the kid his mother. Even the two months he was with me, I constantly encouraged the Mom to visit him and to call him. I even called her to get them to engage in conversations. I just would not allow her to ever leave state lines with him without a court ordered divorce/custody solution. Unfortunately, it didn't work out that way. The Mom had other plans to try and gain leverage... I think a Judge is way too smart to not realize this.

Scott you've been a great help! I'm glad I came here and gave up on all these other online places!

[ScottGem]

Keep us posted!

[SteveO82]

Here's an update: So the court hearing came up, and after a long hour or so listening to both attorneys argue, reading all affidavit's from my ex and her friends, the judge decided that my home state has custody of our kid that neither one of us has custody rights at the moment and that we will have week to week sharing of the child and we are both responsible for the transportation of the child. The ex lied in her affidavit and stated that when we had joint custody she would not only pick up our kid at my house but that she would also drop him off at my home. That was a lie.

We both picked up the kid at the other parent's home week to week. I was relieved to be allowed to see my kid again, but during the hearing she stated in her affidavit and her attorney stated that the abduction of the kid wasn't planned. That really ticked me off because her boyfriend was out hiding outside my door when it happened and he got between my son and I and got physical by shoving me to the ground. I also was upset that the judge ordered me to drive 125 miles to pick our kid up from her home because I was not the one who moved without notifying the other parent or notifying the court.

I did tell my attorney after he met with me after the hearing that she should be responsible for transportation because of this but he neglected my opinion and just said, why shouldn't you pick him up? I told him I didn't move, I wasn't the one who decided to move away 125 miles and then cover up my known address, etc. He said oh well. It didn't help that I don't have a job at the moment apparently. It didn't matter to the judge that I receive financial support from family. I am glad that I am going to be a part of my kid's life again like I have been since his birth but now I have 4 months of missed time to make up for it since the mom told me I couldn't see or talk to our kid. She stated in her affidavit that I never called to talk to my kid or get updated on his life. That's because she TOLD me I couldn't talk to him or see him until the court made a decision.

So where we stand is neither parent has custody. My state does, her state does not. We are to attend mediation and come up with a parenting plan. My attorney argued that whatever schedule parenting plan is created now will probably not work by next year when the kid has to attend kindergarten. I know when we attend mediation the mom is going to try and make me the visiting parent and give me the short end of the stick. While the cost of living is low in her state, the educational system in mine is far superior to hers. Also, the judge apparently didn't care that my kid's mom (ps me and the mom are still married) has another kid with another man living in his home state.

So my question is where do I go from here? If I had it my way, I would ask our kid's mom to move back to my home state which is where all his family members are, her family members, and mine. And also I would exercise a 50/50 shared custody plan with shared holidays, splitting the years on claiming the kid on taxes, and for us to be allowed to share the child every 2 weeks during the summer.

But because the mom chose to move out of state, I can't see that happening. Also, her moving out of state and never notifying the court or getting court approval didn't matter to this judge probably because she has lived there for 2 years but she made it seem like she lived in MY home state for those 2 years because I only drove 125 miles to pick up our kid one time and that's when I found out of her true living circumstances. While a previous court order was enforced on the mom ($50 a month child support, which is nothing, and also enforced medial insurance by the mom to cover the kid) this order will stay intact.

My attorney suggested that I drop child or support or in the least, take the money and give it to the mom. So what do you guys think would be the best way to approach this? My attorney said the judge thinks both parents are irresponsible and that he did not know who's story to believe right now and the judge also thinks one of us will not exercise his proposed week to week sharing of the child. (The mom is the one with history of having problems with picking up our child and sharing him, I have never had problems,) so mediation is going to be scheduled soon. The mom has recently split up with her boyfriend (I found out through friends who know my ex and they told me) and this was never brought up in court. These people told me that my kid's mom is probably going to move back to my home state.

I think if that happens, the mom will play these games again by making me drive 125 miles out of state to pick my child up while she actually lives in my home state and not 125 miles out of my state. I don't know what to do right now. The attorney told me he wants me and the ex to be able to cooperate with each other and be peaceful to one another but the mom is the one who plays games and tricks. It's obvious because she moved so far away without telling the court or myself. We were peaceful when there was a 50/50 joint and legal physical custody order in my home state and things went well. We constantly spoke about the child and things were great! It wasn't until the mom became selfish with her boyfriend that she now has another kid with and undermined me as a parent to our son and moved 125 miles away to which I am now made responsible to pick our child up there.

What should I do now? Go to mediation and see what happens? Or do you think it would be wise for me to come up with my own parenting plan that would make me the residential custodian (responsible for medical, school, religion, etc, and that MY state is where he lives) and make the mom the visiting parent but give her as much time as possible with our kid as if it were almost joint custody? What do you think?

Thanks.

[ScottGem]

My attorney said the judge thinks both parents are irresponsible and that he did not know who's story to believe right now.

Your whole post boils down to that statement! You said she lied, but do you have proof? Can you prove the lies? Obviously not, since the judge couldn't see who was lying.

So what you do, is try to assemble proof while you try mediation. You need to document EVERYTHING that happens. Tell the mother you will be recording all calls between you, Save all e-mails, etc.

[SteveO82]

Thanks for the reply Scott!

Well I have proof I picked the child up at her home for the past 3 years because there's 6 family members who could write short affidavit's or give depositions that they were with ME when we picked up our kid at her home in my home state when she claims she lived in another state for the past 2 years. They actually rode down with me to pick up our son at her assumed locations in my home state. The one time where I drove to her new home state 125 miles to pick the child up, his uncle was with me. He too can give a deposition or swear under oath that he picked the kid up there with me ONE time.

I am going to pick up a journal to document everything that happens from now on. I had proof that my wife (my son's mother) and her boyfriend staged an abduction to take the kid from my home. She even STATED in her silly affidavit that "it was time to get my son back" an attorney told me to do it. And I have her boyfriend's CELL PHONE in my possession that he left behind after attacking me. Apparently that didn't even matter to the judge because he never asked to see it. No one did.

[ScottGem]

The cell phone was probably inadmissible. But its up to your attorney to make sure the judge sees your other evidence. Maybe that evidence was not admissible. You have to ask your attorney about that.