Cougars? Why so aluring?

Larken85 · Apr 6, 2010, 03:33 AM

OK I have an odd question. I know that every one picks the people they are with for their own reasons and all that but I am just wondering why Cougars are so aluring?

Do you think it's the experience? Maturity? What? What is it that makes younger men want older women so much?

I mean, I got myself a girl that is 12 years older than me, I love her to death, and I love making love to her a whole heck of a lot. I'm proud that I landed such a rockin beautiful WOMAN and I actually love showing her off. (not like a trophy, her personality is rockin too!) All my dad's side loves her to death! She is so nice and caring (99% of the time.) When I am holding her the world is in the right place and I know that is where I belong. Her voice alone can make me suffer. She has every one of my emotions tied to her fingers and she chooses not to pull the strings most of the time. She has the most awesome pouty faces and the best dang kissing lips, even better than angelina jolee's (spelling on that one?) And the experience she has shown is just knock your socks off out of this world stuff. On top of all that she is the most caring mother and protective mother you will ever meet. She mothers me when I am sick which of course being a guy I absolutely eat up. And she is always the first to volunteer for things too. She serves me dinner and WILL NOT let me help in any way unless I am the one making dinner but of course she has to help on that one lol. God she is so a keeper... :D

My question pertains more however to why young men love to be loved by older women. I know my reasons, I am just wondering if anyone has different reasons. Even if they are selfish reason, please share them. Anyone's answers are very welcome. Even if they are just guesses.

tickle · Apr 6, 2010, 04:08 AM

Did you have a good relationship with your mother ? You are obviously taken with this woman and from the look of it don't hold back on your admiration of her which leaves me wondering that you have nothing left to find in her. She is certainly not holding back on her charms. But you are aren't asking for an opinion on your relationshiip, its just me offering it.

From my experience, relationships between young men and older women don't last for very long just for that reason.

I have dated some younger men and find myself looking back and saying, gee, is this robbing the cradle or what, although the age difference wasn't really that different.

Ms tick

Larken85 · Apr 6, 2010, 04:44 AM

Wow tickle you're a bundle of joy and good news aren't you lol. My relationship with my mother was and is not great. I really kind of hate my mother at some level. She is a horrible person and that's all there is to it. Of course then again I do get along with her and she does help me out. I guess I could say I have 20% hatred for her and 80% love. She is my mother after all, I have to love her.

But With my girlfriend things are just magical right now and my endorfins are off the chart so that's where all that admiration came from. We have our fights, its not all gum drops and lolly pops. It wasn't easy to get eveyone to accept our relationship (even herself for a while) but now we stand next to each other and not a single thought of age crosses our minds. The simple fact is she is my fiancé and I am hers. We are in love and it does not matter what other people think about our age gap because we are happy. We make each other happy, that's all there is to it.

She is proud to be seen with me because I am a good looking guy (not to boast, that's one of her reasons actually) and I love to be seen with her because there is just something about her that screams out 'I'm freakin hot!"

The only thing I disagree with her relationship wise is about her being less PDA friendly than I. When I say that I mean she doesn't even really like hugging in public. That's a little extreme for me but its fine because I love her and I know that she loves me.

But no that is not what this post was about. Its OK that you have a negative view on age difference relationships. Thanks for your input. :)

tickle · Apr 6, 2010, 05:10 AM

Originally Posted by Larken85

but no that is not what this post was about. its ok that you have a negative view on age difference relationships. Thanks for your input. :)

Actually, Larken, I am all for what makes a person happy, long term or short term; it shows that they can still function on a normal level and I find some young people can't nowadays because they are too involved with self, wrapped up in themselves. Shallowness I guess is what I mean. I won't apologize for being a deep thinker about relationships; we have a few good experts for that. I work hard and play hard and at times that doesn't include another party. I am a loner by choice

I don't have a negative view on age difference relationships. Is that the way it came across ? Apologize if that's what you got out of it.

Just be happy and make your partner happy too.

Ms tickle

Larken85 · Apr 6, 2010, 05:14 AM

That is the way I took it, sounded that way. Sorry I took it wrong though. We are trying to keep one another happy as possible right now. Hopefully it'll last for the long run. ;)

smoothy · Apr 6, 2010, 05:21 AM

Having been a cougar chaser in my youth... and we are talking 30 years ago.

It was a combination of maturity (as opposed to inmaturity) as in older women were sure of themselves...

Experience had a bit to do with it as well.

We are talking no more than 10 years my senior... If that still counts as cougar... so no incest fantasies. And no sleeping with grandma things... :eek:

I was turned on by women that know what they liked, knew what they wanted... didn't play the kid games so many young women played, weren't insecure like so many younger women tend to be.

I eventually married a woman a couple years my junior right before I turned 30. But she shared that trait... she knew who she was, was comfortible with herself... and while being a moody person... she never pretended to be anything or anyone she wasn't.

Synnen · Apr 6, 2010, 07:49 AM

The word everyone is looking for is "confidence".

Cougars don't play games, they know what they want and can ask for it, and have the experience to NOT put up with the crap that a younger woman would.

NeedKarma · Apr 6, 2010, 07:54 AM

Originally Posted by Synnen

The word everyone is looking for is "confidence".

cougars don't play games, they know what they want and can ask for it, and have the experience to NOT put up with the crap that a younger woman would.

I think it also goes both ways, the younger man enjoys the lack of game playing that the young women seem so fond of.

CravenMorhead · Apr 6, 2010, 07:57 AM

Originally Posted by Synnen

The word everyone is looking for is "confidence".

cougars don't play games, they know what they want and can ask for it, and have the experience to NOT put up with the crap that a younger woman would.

And they come without much of the drama that younger women seem to bring. It is that point where, I would like to believe both sexes, just sort of get tired of the bull.

Most of them at least. I could tell you stories of my Ex's family.

smoothy · Apr 6, 2010, 08:33 AM

Originally Posted by Synnen

The word everyone is looking for is "confidence".

cougars don't play games, they know what they want and can ask for it, and have the experience to NOT put up with the crap that a younger woman would.

True... I hadn't thought of that part, because I never was a player... or chased a woman pretending to like her just to find out what she was like in bed. Or played any of those other games.

I actually related to women older than me better when I was yourger.

And they taught me soooo many things, because I listened and paid attention.

JudyKayTee · Apr 6, 2010, 11:48 AM

Speaking for myself - I know who I am, where I'm going. I am self supporting, don't need a man to tell me how/what to do or when to do it. My partner does not identify me in any aspect of my life.

I also think women come into full sexuality in their 30's and possibly 40's. No more shrinking violets or women who need to be "persuaded" at that age!

I am married because I WANT to be, not because I need to be.

NeedKarma · Apr 6, 2010, 11:48 AM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

I am self supporting, don't need a man to tell me how/what to do or when to do it. My partner does not identify me in any aspect of my life.

That's how I'm raising our daughter. :)

jmjoseph · Apr 6, 2010, 01:51 PM

I think it has something to do with the fact that older women are not our "peers". They seem to be above us not only in years, but in experience and knowledge. And the mixing is "taboo", almost naughty. I enjoyed the "older" ladies when I was younger. God bless them.

Larken, you say that age isn't a big deal to you. I have read several of your posts that mention this relationship, it's "reasoning", and it's success, etc. This is huge to you, it's age difference being paramount.

Are you treating her as a trophy? Is she you? Is this a novelty of sorts?

If you've truly found love then that's great. But don't put a lot of hope into something so new and different.

And you should never say that you hate your own mother. Not even 1%.

Good luck to you.

Larken85 · Apr 6, 2010, 02:40 PM

You don't know my mother or what she has done to me. For example she blammed me for writing false checks in my name and almost sent me to jail. If the cop didn't believe me I would have gone and she was trying to convince him that it was me when she had really stolen the checks from me and signed my name to them. :) so yeah, she has done many many things to screw me over, but then again she has made up for them by helping me too. So I have mixed feelings about her and hatred is one of them. Forgive me for not liking her even 1%.

The age difference is something I am very attracted to yes. The negitives of the age difference do not effect us. Not in the way most people may think it would at least. Most of the time I think she is a little immature for her age actually, but that's just when I think she is being a little selfish.

However my relationship with either my mother or my fiancé is not on trial here and this was not in any way the purpose of this post.

It is fine to get input on my relationship, I understand that some people do not approve of it or believe in it, I don't really care at the moment though. See the thing is you have problems and then you work through them, that's what you do in a relationship. Even if I ask for help, and get advice that leads to me leaving her, doesn't mean I am going to follow that advice. I take all advice and convert it into my own use. I decide what is best for me and I decide what is best for my relationship and what I am willing to go through or do for her. Its my devotion that keeps me here, not my weakness.

JudyKayTee · Apr 6, 2010, 02:52 PM

Can I turn this around - I mean no insult and I trust you take no insult. This is something I have asked myself in relationships, something everyone has to look at at one point or another.

You have written all about how awesome she is, what she does for you, how "rocking" she is.

What does she see in you?

Again - I mean no offense and hope you take none but it's a question I (as the older woman) have had to ask myself more than once.

Larken85 · Apr 6, 2010, 02:57 PM

She has told me several different reasons she loves me and what she sees in me. One of the last times she text me she said she was totally head over heels in love with me. I could ask her to list reasons if you'd like or think that would help

JudyKayTee · Apr 6, 2010, 03:01 PM

I've been head over heels in love with people, too. That's a side issue.

What do you offer her? It could be anything from great sex to being seen with a trophy boyfriend. Good job, good education? Again - no offense but have you looked at what she sees in you?

When I was younger I dated MUCH older men; when I got older I began to date younger men because I found men my age were either divorced and raising children and spent all their time talking about how their ex-wife "took them" or were so dull and boring I thought I would scream.

The whole "of course, men eat this up" (referring to caring for you) and other stereotypes sort of go against my grain but, again, I'm a very independent woman. If you reread your post I think you will see how much mothering she does.

tickle · Apr 6, 2010, 03:52 PM

Originally Posted by Larken85

you don't know my mother or what she has done to me. for example she blammed me for writing false checks in my name and almost sent me to jail. If the cop didn't believe me I would have gone and she was trying to convince him that it was me when she had really stolen the checks from me and signed my name to them. :) so yeah, she has done many many things to screw me over, but then again she has made up for them by helping me too. So I have mixed feelings about her and hatred is one of them. forgive me for not liking her even 1%.

the age difference is something I am very attracted to yes. the negitives of the age difference do not effect us. not in the way most people may think it would at least. most of the time I think she is a little immature for her age actually, but thats just when I think she is being a little selfish.

However my relationship with either my mother or my fiance is not on trial here and this was not in any way the purpose of this post.

It is fine to get input on my relationship, I understand that some people do not approve of it or believe in it, I don't really care at the moment though. see the thing is you have problems and then you work through them, thats what you do in a relationship. Even if I ask for help, and get advice that leads to me leaving her, doesn't mean I am going to follow that advice. I take all advice and convert it into my own use. I deside what is best for me and I deside what is best for my relationship and what I am willing to go through or do for her. Its my devotion that keeps me here, not my weakness.

I am sorry this turned into a question of relationship issues, and I know that is not what you intended. You don't have any relationship issues, you have pointed that out. But you know, Larken, all of this benefits other people too, so all of these responses are actually good in a way. :)

Tick

jmjoseph · Apr 6, 2010, 04:43 PM

Originally Posted by Larken85

you don't know my mother or what she has done to me. for example she blammed me for writing false checks in my name and almost sent me to jail. If the cop didn't believe me I would have gone and she was trying to convince him that it was me when she had really stolen the checks from me and signed my name to them. :) so yeah, she has done many many things to screw me over, but then again she has made up for them by helping me too. So I have mixed feelings about her and hatred is one of them. forgive me for not liking her even 1%.

the age difference is something I am very attracted to yes. the negitives of the age difference do not effect us. not in the way most people may think it would at least. most of the time I think she is a little immature for her age actually, but thats just when I think she is being a little selfish.

However my relationship with either my mother or my fiance is not on trial here and this was not in any way the purpose of this post.

It is fine to get input on my relationship, I understand that some people do not approve of it or believe in it, I don't really care at the moment though. see the thing is you have problems and then you work through them, thats what you do in a relationship. Even if I ask for help, and get advice that leads to me leaving her, doesn't mean I am going to follow that advice. I take all advice and convert it into my own use. I deside what is best for me and I deside what is best for my relationship and what I am willing to go through or do for her. Its my devotion that keeps me here, not my weakness.

I don't mean to question either relationship. I'm really not at all. You threw this out there, and you get what you get, you should know that by now.

It sure sounds like your mother has issues, and has made some bad decisions, but I just quoted you with "hate". That's such a horrible word to use on one's parents. When you have kids one day you'll see what I mean. That just hurts my heart.

And as far as the lady friend. I'm happy for you. I just noticed how you seem to brag about her age, and how you are so much younger. Almost like she is an accomplishment.

Enigma1999 · Apr 6, 2010, 05:19 PM

Larken, I am dating an older man, and in my opinion, I love it! I can tell you this, I and I mean I and no one else, would EVER date a man younger than me! I love older men, always have, always will... It's all in what YOU want, and what you're happy with. I'm really glad you ask these kinds of questions. I have read a lot of your posts, and I notice you ask questions. This is a good thing. You seem to keep it real! That's good! Again though, it's what makes you happy. If your girlfriend makes you happy, then great! Are you truly happy?