[o0LuNeStA0o]

A little insight to me and how my history,. well some of it. I have always been attracted to women, always. I can hug girls at school and get aroused by it. Or by just holding hands. However, since October (guessing around that time) I've had trouble getting aroused if I just think about them. Like if I'm at home thinking about a girl I really like naked,. it usually doesn't work. I don't watch porn excessively but I do quite a bit. I'll admit that the majority of porn turns me on, regardless of the type. What I don't get is, I can watch to lesbians and get turned on, I can watch a guy and girl get turned on, and I can watch two guys get turned on. Although, I have no interest in doing anything with a guy in real life. Just for some reason the porn turns me on. I've even seen guys naked (not willingly... idiot walked out of the shower at school when I happened to look that direction) and nothing registered. I had the urge to look, but felt nothing. Since October I seem to have lost my sex drive, I mean as in I can no longer think of women that I know I'm attracted to and get aroused. I feel no emotional attachment to guys... well sometimes it's kind of like an admiration. But not attraction. By this I mean, like when somebody doesn't something really honorable or stands up for someone I feel admiration and appreciate that. Still not attracted. I find that now I'm connected to girls I like strongest by emotion and mental thoughts now. Like I know I like them, I miss the girl I like when I don't see her, I savor (sp?) every time I get a hug from the ones I like and stuff like that. I'm even going to prom with a girl I really really like. As I said, the smallest thing from a girl I like turns me on, hugs, kisses, holding hands. I've hugged my guy friends before and felt nothing. I don't know why this is bothering me all of a sudden. I've known that I can get aroused by gay porn for about a year, it's never bothered me. I just watch the porn that I'm in the mood for that day,, I guess. I can go from gay to lesbian porn in that one day too. Doesn't matter. However, I would never act on anything... I would never do anything with a guy. Maybe it's curiousity? Because I seem to have the urge (only when I'm horny... I think) to give a guy oral. But after I'm done,. nothing and I even feel disgusted by the thoughts. I've never run into a guy I've been attracted to... I've thought in my head "wow he is really cute, good looking, and etc. That's why he is dating her and not me." although... no attraction, just acknowledge that that human being is attractive. I actually talked to a therapist on a website called nueroticplanet.com and I told everything above and he seems to think I have HOCD. He says you can't turn gay. Sometimes gay thoughts pop into my head or I'll be thinking like "I really want to have sex with her" but my head randomly replaces her with him... and it's annoying and random. He told me to just treat it as an interruption... which I am. It's not bothering me as much anymore. I just need reassurance... I know I'm not gay. Sure, I get turned on by gay porn,, but that doesn't make me gay... or does it? I've always wanted a wife and kids.. and even hope that the person I get to spend my life with is a certain girl I know. I'm completely against (no offense) the idea of being gay. I don't like it,, I don't want it. I just wish this would all go back to the way it was before.


I usually try to clear my mind. But do you think I'm right? I really don't think I'm gay. It's bothering me because it's something I really don't want... and it wouldn't make sense to me if it were true. I've always been attracted to women always. I'm not attracted to any men I know or have met I just sometimes acknowledge that some guys are really good looking... which I see nothing wrong with. I don't get butterflies or the shortness of breath you get from anxiety when I'm around guys or a guy that is good looking... but I do around girls that I like. It get's to where I can't wait until the bell rings at school just so I can go talk to one of the girls I really like. And it's just that fantasies turn me on I guess. I could be reading something that mentions a gay experience and be turned on.. even though that's something I don't want. Just like the gay porn. I'm not against it because that's how I was brought up or anything. It's just against my beliefs and it's really not what I want. But I really don't think I'm gay. Also... I would really like to see you (thesiren) or someone else address this. It's seems like I'm not as sexually attracted to women as before... well I mean in RL. Unless it's touch as I said before with the holding hands, kissing, etc. I'm attracted to them physically, I recognize when they are cute/beautiful/hot. But the biggest attraction now has to be mentally and emotionally... is this bad? I don't feel that way with any guys. And as I said before the only sexual attraction towards any guys is from the gay porn and the stories but nothing in RL. I don't get it... although the first three periods of a school day I get random erections and I'm not sure what causes them.

This really worries me... I do not want to be gay. I want to marrry a beautiful woman and have kids. That's all... I'm sure of that. Could this be caused by depression due to relationships?

I'm in love with a girl I've known for the past 5-6 years. She puts me through so much though... it's really depressing. It's also hard because she is my best friend. I have many guy friends but I would never trust any of them as much as I do her. It's hard for me to get into a relationship with other women because I can't stop thinking about how I'd rather be with her instead. There are a couple other girls that I really really like beisdes her and get that warm feeling in my chest and butterflies when I'm around. Also I might add that I don't get that feeling with guys. I get like a warm feeling at times because something touched my heart or inspired me. Being a member of the U.S. military I strongly believe in and respect Unity, Teamwork, Courage, Sacrifice, and stuff like that. So when I watch a movie or hear a story about a guy sacrificing his life for his friends, or making a last stand, or standing up for what is right I get that feeling. But I'm not attracted to them... I just respect and honour that. What's depressing with these other girls is that a few of them like me, but out of the few of them that like me, even fewer of them are single. I feel emotionally attached to the girls I really really like... not just because they are sexy. I mean the fact that they are is a reason I like them and I know that is... but since October I haven't really cared that they are. If the girl I love is sad... I automatically feel bad. I want her to be happy... and I wish I could make her happy.

I mentioned October because something has been wrong since then. I lost my sex drive and erections are hard to get/maintain. Questioning my sexuality just startedhappening about a month ago. Could this be a main factor in all this. I have known for quite awhile that gay porn/stories and sometimes gay thoughts turn me on. But that's it. It's not something I want... I would rather marry a beautiful woman and have kids as I said earlier... that's what I have my heart set on. This is annoying because I can't get away from it... whenever I do the random though "i'm gay" pops up. I not... I really don't think I am. The therapist I talked to at neuroticplanet told me that this is the HOCD playing tricks on my mind. I've never been diagnosed with OCD but I guess you could say I do have it. When something worries me... I freak the **** out until I am completely certain that it's nothing to worry about. Just like when I was certain I had testicular cancer a couple months ago. He also said that if I've been attracted to girls my whole life, I always will be.

Is this just a phase and I'm taking it too hard like I do with a lot of things? Or do you think I'm gay?

[ja77]

Hi and welcome to the forum.

I have tried to make out most of your post to see if I can help you.

Reading between the lines I would say you are still in your early teens ? Please correct me if I am wrong.

I feel that you are feeling the way you are because your mind is on over-drive.
My view is that you are still young to be putting a lable on yourself as been gay, bi, straight etc. It seems that some of your feelings would be down to plane curiousity which a lot of guys feel during puberty etc as all kinds of things are happing with your body and feelings.

Stress can also lower erction levels and sexual drive and it would seem you are stressed by your feelings.

I think you need to slow down, cut out porn all different kinds and try and relax and stop beating yourself up about your feelings.

Can you also explain did anything happen in Oct ? Where there any major changes to your life or something that changed in your own life or an event etc?

[pwns968]

This is EXACTLY how I feel, you were actually able to put it into words a lot better than I would have been able to. Its cool to know someone else out there feels the same way.

So if anybody has an answer to his/our question it would be greatly appreciated.

[pwns968]

This is EXACTLY how I feel, you were actually able to put it into words a lot better than I would have been able to. Its cool to know someone else out there feels the same way.

So if anybody has an answer to his/our question it would be greatly appreciated.

[pwns968]

This is EXACTLY how I feel, you were actually able to put it into words a lot better than I would have been able to. Its cool to know someone else out there feels the same way.

So if anybody has an answer to his/our question it would be greatly appreciated.

[Ac12345]

Yeah I kind of got the same problem going on an answer or some inside would be dope

[strangerdanger]

Hello everyone- I have passed these feelings ever so recentley and you will be relieved to know it is only a phase and shall pass soon. The dramatic event which caused it for me was my nans death :(. The thing which will make you stop is watching porn. Stop now and still have hope that you are straight. Have a wonderful life with that special one and I hope the feelings will begin to pass soon.
Happy I helped
Stranger