[ldyothelk615]

My boyfriend and I grew up in a very harsh Puritan-like Protestant church where we met in our teens. We dated for a while and then decided to break up before college, even though we were still in love. We both left the church in our early adulthood when we started attending separate colleges and had exposure to other ways of thinking and other religions. I graduated from art school and returned home and he decided to join the Navy, but our love reunited us after 5 years of separation and we have found that we have a closer spiritual bond than anything we could have imagined as teenagers. We both attend Buddhist temples and engage in alternative spiritual practices and were encouraged to find that we found it on our own instead of one dragging the other one into it. Our love and devotion to each other has become that much more powerful and reassuring. When he gets back from the Navy, we will be moving in together while he goes back to school, and will be officially engaged soon after.

But, his parents are still deeply embedded in the religion we left. My parents have come to accept that I have gone a different way and are thankful that I am still a spiritual person, even if I have a different belief system. On the other hand, his dad is a preacher and his mom is a very devoted preacher's wife. Every time he calls home and his dad picks up the phone he tries to get into some kind of religious debate. My boyfriend is a very loving and soft spoken person and will express his views with strength, but kindness as his dad will deliver very harsh and angry close-minded views. I'm sure you can imagine the clash of Eastern and Western thinking over the phone...

When his mom gets on the phone, she will literally cry and beg to him to "return from his sins." My boyfriend hates hearing his mom cry almost more than anything and I think talking to his mom is worse for him than talking to his dad sometimes. When she comes to visit my boyfriend she will plead and beg for him to go to church with her, and if he tells her that his heart isn't in it anymore, she will throw a guilt trip and a crying spell. In their most recent conversation she was begging him to elope with me because we were "living in sin." This was the last straw for me. I don't want her putting any pressure or rush on the growth of our relationship. Our decision on when and how we marry should be our own. So now I'm going to start looking for advice.

I think my boyfriend and his dad will have to dish it out somehow, but I think that his mom is being extremely manipulative and emotionally abusive. What advice or ideas can I give my boyfriend to help him in this rough situation with his parents? I love him so much and I'm so excited that our spiritual life is maturing in the same direction, but I want him to have spiritual freedom from his past and from his family so he can have room to grow freely.

Thank you for your help.
Best wishes.

[dazedandconfused2010]

Me and my husband moved in together before we married and I still think that it was a good decision. Most religions don't support it. Mine doesn't (I'm a Christian) but I think it really showed us how the other person really is. You learn a lot about the other person when you live together.

Just keep encouraging him to stick up for the decision you both made. My mom said the same thing to me when I moved in with who is now my husband. You may have to eventually talk to them yourself about it.

His parents need to understand that you both make your own decisions without their consent. You don't have to anymore! Bottom line is his dad is a preacher and it looks bad on his son to "live in sin"

Respect their religion but they need to respect you and your decision to be together.