[lucy01]

I don't know what to do anymore I feel horrible. I been dating my boyfriend for 7 years and 3 months ago we go married. But no matter what I try to do I can't trust him,my feelings have changed and I feel am not even in love with him anymore for all the lies he's said to me. I know that there's no one perfect in this world, but what people do to me I will never forget,it just hunts me forever. I don't trust no one not if the few friends I have, people have back stab me in the past. I used to be a happy person always laughing, but now as soon as I see him looking at other woman,or just thinking he's on the computer it just drives me crazy. Its ridiculous I hate feeling this way were always arguing about that and sometimes I just feel like leaving him,but I stop and think that I made a mistake were officially married and it has only been 3 months. I was even thinking about going to therapy its no normal for someone to feel like this,I feel miserable. There are no words to describe what am going threw I cry constantly just when I think he's looking or talking to his friends about other woman. What can I do? I love going out and now I don't even want to go to the beach or a club. Because my self-esteem is soooo low you can imagine. The worst part is that when I go out alone not to show off but I litteraly have men trying to get my number or even in my job men trying to hook up with me and would do anything for me to give them a chance. But my question is why I keep feeling so ugly when am with him (my husband) why? I get many compliments everyday. But no matter what people say I still feel like . No self-esteem. Please any advice or should I say therapy.

[AmericanGirl01]

You have such low self esteem, I can't even imagine what you are going through, it sounds absolutely awful. What has he done to make you to feel like you can't trust him? You said that he has lied to you many times, any examples?

[amicon]

Could you tell us what these lies are,and how all this started?

You mention therapy,I think that sounds like a good idea.

It sounds like you have really low selfesteem,and talking to a good therapist would help you.

[Showme_urmove]

Hey lucy, you have your own demon to face. You said your no longer in love with him but yet you still continued to go through your marriage even though you can't accept and over see all the lies he has done. Try going to couples therapy and see if it can save your marriage. Please give us examples on how he lies and treats you in the past. SO people here can give you better advice

[talaniman]

Yes hurry, and get some professional help.

[lucy01]

Thank you guys for your response. This is my frist time here and I feel very welcome . He has lied like going bike riding while I think he's sleeping, went out with his friends one time to a club while me thinking he was home. And this all happen before we got married. Sometimes I consider myself like a little FBI agent because I always find out about everything lol. And until now I've never catched him cheating but just thinking about all of these lies it just puts me on doubt. My friends don't stop saying how in love he's with me and how bad I treat him but no one knows what I've been threw and how can I be good with a person that I can't trust. I feel that the hate that I have towards him for doing those stuff has made love go second. But what I keep asking myself is if I feel hate for what he did then why do I keep caring about him,why do I get upset when I see his eyes wondering around at other woman. Don't get me wrong compared to other guys he doesn't stop and stare but just me seeing that he looked and change to look somewhere else really bothers me. Why?

[lucy01]

hey lucy, you have your own demon to face. you said your no longer inlove with him but yet you still continued to go through your marriage even though you can't accept and over see all the lies he has done. try going to couples therapy and see if it can save your marriage. Please give us examples on how he lies and treats you in the past. SO people here can give you better advice

Yes I keep staying here maybe because I feel a little guilty for what I've done in my past that just keeps haunting me. Ive cheated on him a couple a times. Ive lied to him too many times. And he doesn't know any of them. Am not perfect and am not a saint. But I do believe in karma and maybe that's why am feeling like this. But that has been the past and now I been really good. But why does this keep happening to me. I would change anything in the world for me not to feel like this myself esteem is REALLY low. We bascilly argue everywhere we go and all because of my trust and low self esteem. I just really wish I can be a regular kind of girl go out with my husband have fun and no worries. And love him like he loves me. But this trust issue doesn't let me. What should I do.. I also answerd to all the lies he's done to me..

[talaniman]

Rebuilding yourself is hard, rebuilding trust is just as hard, they both take time.Right now deal with you and your issues and that starts with coping with your feelings. I think when you feel that mistrust and jealousy building in you, think long and hard before you act or speak, even if you count to 10 a million times, and in this way you give the feeling time to pass, without impulsive words or actions making more problems. Have a plan of action when those feelings pop up, like a mental distraction, focusing on something else for a minute, again, to give those feeling a chance to pass. And they will once you have trained your brain to react differently.

You have to learn these coping skills and more, to help you get over the past, deal with the NOW, and look brightly at the future.

Coping with Stress

Coping.org, Tools for coping with life's stressors

I googled coping skills for your own reading to give you other tools and insights into dealing with your issues, as facts help identify feelings, and dealing with them.

A good 3rd party can help guide you through the process of overcoming your fears. Fear is at the root of your issues. I know your going through a lot and have been through a lot. You need time, and HELP, to heal from what you have been through, so you can make better decisions for yourself.

[lucy01]

Rebuilding yourself is hard, rebuilding trust is just as hard, they both take time.Right now deal with you and your issues and that starts with coping with your feelings. I think when you feel that mistrust and jealousy building in you, think long and hard before you act or speak, even if you count to 10 a million times, and in this way you give the feeling time to pass, without impulsive words or actions making more problems. Have a plan of action when those feelings pop up, like a mental distraction, focusing on something else for a minute, again, to give those feeling a chance to pass. and they will once you have trained your brain to react differently.

You have to learn these coping skills and more, to help you get over the past, deal with the NOW, and look brightly at the future.

Coping with Stress

Coping.org, Tools for coping with life's stressors

I googled coping skills for your own reading to give you other tools and insights into dealing with your issues, as facts help identify feelings, and dealing with them.

A good 3rd party can help guide you thru the process of overcoming your fears. Fear is at the root of your issues. I know your going thru a lot and have been thru a lot. You need time, and HELP, to heal from what you have been thru, so you can make better decisions for yourself.

Thank you so much!! I really think that might work,I've tried it before and yes its really hard, because it comes to the time that you will just explode, but at the end is not worth it. Ive tried it before and yes its true the arguing doesn't end up that bad. I just have to wait to cool down before making a show about it. Thanks again.