[mosiba]

Hello everyone,
This is how it started. About March of last year I met this girl in a class I was taking. The second session we had, she sat on my seat just to start conversation with me. After hanging out for a while she said she liked me the first time she saw me.. Then everything started there.. To make the story short, we dated for the whole year and during the relationship, she did her best to please me and make me happy and stay with her. Here's the problem, she always thought or had the feeling that I was going to break up and leave her some day, these feelings and her wrong believes made her be jealous and start checking texts, Facebook, phone pictures, etc. I was 29 and she was only 20 when I met her (part of what made her think I was a player) but I am not and I never had intentions of doing so... She turned 21 and she started wanting to go out and live it up! Of course my circumstances were not allowing me to be in the right mood to go out with her every time she wanted and be with her all the time because I was focusing my energies on work and business plans but she's the kind of girl she wants to be out doing something most of the time... Anyway, we went through the bad and good and it was very nice (we started talking about marriage) but we had one major "disaster" that I think made her change a lot. She was 3 weeks pregnant, we panicked and decided for what I can't mention (... ). She regretted it. I deeply do now after I lost her.

The misunderstandings about the jealousy and some other behavior of mine (that I didn't think it would be an issue and she would get over it because I thought it was just matter of age) bothered her a lot...

We almost broke up twice but we came back the day after. Now, 1 week before we made it to a year together, I was under a lot of stress and called her on the phone saying "I don't think its working out" we talked about it and she started crying really bad! She was hurt! I love her so much that I regretted what I said right away but it was too late, she already had a blank stare in her face and made up her decision too!
She wanted to go find something better :(

The day after, I tried to persuade her that I never had intentions to leave her like she always thought, etc (... ) to make the story short, we both cried but it only took her 2 days to stop texting me back... I explained everything through texts (because she wasn't responding) The longest conversation we had was 2 weeks ago and I broke up crying! :/ I said things that I have never said to anyone else in my whole life. Literally, she was the person I had decided to spend my life with (what she has also wanted and she also proved it) she was not playing either.

We broke up 3 weeks ago, she hasn't texted me back or answered my calls, she called a couple of times but that's about it... Now, she's having a blast out there going out! Everything reminds me of her... driving, sleeping, she's in my mind all time! She was over me the first week. I went NC for a week now but she hasn't even texted to say "hope ur doing ok"

What do you guys think? I "know" we were both in love with each other but I can't seem to understand how can a person be over the other in so little of a time..

I don't want to let go... I want her back! How do you guys see this?

Thank you very much for any opinion and advice in advice, and God bless!

Extra info: we were very happy but just our situation during this year was stressful for both of us so it caused us some disagreements.
We both have bad and good things in our personalities but we DO love each other so much that we could have overcame it together. We just had to work on it a little and then everything ends up forgotten. I have never cheated on her or done anything that wld make anybody break up forever... I think if you love someone that much like the way she did and I do for her, you can't suddenly start hating... you will fight for your love as much as you can... I'm trying to think but this is exhausting me... I am so depressed and missing her... I feel and remember her everywhere I go... Its so bad! :( We're human and we all make mistakes, we just need to forgive and let the bad feelings go but she is not doing that... is it age? I am so confused, I told her things like this on texts, very honest and sincere, I apologized but she never answers... :(
Should I give her time and contact her later or let it go because she's over it! She seems totally over it now but I still deeply have this feeling that it might happen... maybe its my imagination...
Help please! Thanks a lot!

[AmericanGirl01]

This relationship didn't sound healthy from the very beginning. She was checking your phone, Facebook, emails etc. She had no reason to believe your were cheating on her, I don't care if she was 20 or 40, there is no excuse for that, she didn't trust you. Period.

Also, you said this is the woman you wanted to spend the rest of your life with, yet you broke up with her.. on the phone (ouch), after a year of being in relationship with her. As soon as you did that, it was over for her as well. Do I blame her? Not at all.

It doesn't matter that you regretted your decision afterwards... breaking up with someone is serious. This is something you should have thought about, I mean, really thought about, because most of the time, it's not something you can just regret afterwards and take it all back.

So, you break up with her, and now she's moving on with her life. That's what happens. You're wondering why she is out there having fun, not returning your calls and not texting you, asking "if you're alright" I'm sorry, but I will say it again. You ended it. There is absolutely no reason why she should be sitting at home, alone, wondering if you're all right. Do you see how silly that sounds?

Yes, I know it hurts but you broke up with her, you may regret it now but that doesn't change anything. Please don't contact her in a few weeks, she's moving on and you need to accept that. You made a rash decision, now its time to deal with the consequences.

Perhaps next time, you'll give it a little more thought before throwing it all away, especially if this is person you want to spend the rest of your life with.

[mosiba]

This relationship didn't sound healthy from the very beginning. She was checking your phone, facebook, emails etc. She had no reason to believe your were cheating on her, I don't care if she was 20 or 40, there is no excuse for that, she didn't trust you. period.

(...............)

Perhaps next time, you'll give it a little more thought before throwing it all away, especially if this is person you want to spend the rest of your life with.

Thanks AmericanGirl
I definitely agree with your response! I know I shouldn't have said that! Who would? I guess someone under a lot of stress! It was a rushed & immature choice! But putting you in my shoes, How could someone not trust you if the 100% of your time is spent either at work, at home working, or with her! Literally! I only had 2 friends that I hangout with them 1 or twice every month. We spent all the time together or at our jobs.
Now, when I met her she seemed very insecure and she even told me that herself (took rush decisions, with the tendency to spend her money eating a lot out) you know, stuff like this that a person my age sees in the different way. She flunked her first year of college and ended up with 22K in debt. So when I met her, she was starting from scratch again... to make it short, I tried to help her manage the situation better (the way I thought was correct). So bcos of her insecurity, she always felt I was going to leave her or something, she got jealous if someone said something nice to me, etc... I really managed to deal with that bcos I put myself in her shoes and I think, that's how she is right now and if you love and take someone, you got to take the whole package with it! And I was loving it... I really think that relationship, specially if you're thinking about getting married and spending the next 50 years or more together, you got to learn to adapt and deal with the person you love... also people change so you never know what the future will bring right? What if this did not happen now and happened when we had kids, DIVORCE? I do not think it's the right choice... I think that subconsciously I was trying to give her a lesson but it was not the right choice from me... An honest apology should always be accepted from the person you love... Now I feel like I do not know her anymore!

What do you think? From your perspective, should I/we try to give it another shot? I personally do because we clicked/connected very well! We were lovers, best friends... everything! But I do not know from her point of view.

If I had to contact her again, when would you think would be the right moment/time...

When I felt I was losing her, I asked her this: do you still love me? She said: YES!! (I felt it) and I asked her, do you think we can give it another shot in the future? She said: no, because you're no going to change (which is not true if a person really has the desire to change, that was a poor judgment form her)

[Jake2008]

She sounded like a very insecure person to me, in that she expected the relationship to end all along as you'd said. It is next to impossible to live with a person, or plan a life with a partner, who does not trust you, right from the get go.

A year was plenty of time for her to know the type of person you are. Her misgivings about you were fabricated to possibly feed into her own security.

Maybe she got over it so quickly because she 'knew' all along it was going to end anyway.

Insecure people will do things like check your cell phone, and texts, and email, looking for clues to justify their suspicious natures. I don't know that anything you could have done would have convinced her that you were in it for the long haul.

If she had convinced herself that you were going to leave her 'some day', you were right in my opinion to see the fallout from that with jealousy.

Age could also be a factor here too, and she is not emotionally able to take on a long term relationship- who knows.

Regardless of how the breakup happened, don't be so hard on yourself. From what you have written, it seemed like it would have happened anyway.

[mosiba]

Thanks a lot! There's probably other stuff that she saw and didn't like I guess (every person has a blind side in its character) but I saw hers and I did not care! Anyway, I think I am just going to let time do its magic. :/

Should I send a text message from time to time saying "hope everything's ok" or contact her after a long break? Or let it go?. I would like to know other opinions because sometimes I get this feeling when I start missing her a lot but I always end up holding myself to No Contact... I don't want my emotions to mess it up more than it is now... I want to give her her time to be..? I don't know

[CarrotTalker]

Let it go, you will find someone more compatible with you.

[talaniman]

You have some blind spot for this female but you weren't so blind as to end it, so move on and don't look back. Maybe you won't be so blind with the next one.

Should I send a text message from time to time saying "hope everything's ok" or contact her after a long break? Or let it go?.

Let it go. Leave her alone. Amazing how impulsive actions can get in the way. You both are guilty of that and this thing has no chance, as you're both on different planets.

[amicon]

You let it go-no texts,no communication.

Move forward with your own life.

Leave the past in the past.