[skitara]

Should I tell my married lover I know he is cheating on both of us.
Were first dated 30 yrs ago & could have married but didn't. Parted as friends.(kept friendly contact) both married for 28 yrs & reconnected 7 yrs ago & have been having a full on affair & I am very emotinally involved). I have been unhappy for years & this reconnection has distracted me from sorting out my problems at home. Do not want to leave/hurt other partners. I now find out he is has been contacting other past lovers & seeing some (I had access to his eamil account & saw the exchanges.) I feel so foolish. I know I have been stupid. Shall I tell him I know or just break all contact without an explanation. Will need to say I saw the emails.

[Fr_Chuck]

Sorry no he can not be cheating on you, he is cheating on his wife, one of his sexaual partners is not cheated on, they merely take numbers

[Enigma1999]

Hello Skitara,

This is all disturbing to me... So... he is cheating on his wife, with you for a while now. You have learned that he is cheating on you. Can I ask you, why would you think he would cheat on his wife, but not cheat on you?

Frankly, I call it karma! With all do respect.

I think that you should just break off the entire thing! Especially, because YOU are taking part in cheating on his wife...

This question is very rude, in which I am about to ask you... but I have to know. How do you sleep at night knowing that you are engaging in an affair?

The sad thing is that you know what you are doing is wrong!

[BWK10]

Girls like you make the world so much more troublesome with relationships.

[Showme_urmove]

skitara, they are all right about your issues. His not cheating on you, you the other women as they call it, a home wrecker. Just leave and focus on you. You 2 had committed adultery, don't let your emotion run your life. Hope you do the right thing and just ignore him, walk away and never look back.

[hheath541]

So, BOTH of you have been cheating on your spouses for the past 7 years? And you're upset that your lover has ANOTHER mistress?

Grow up. Grow some balls. Break it off with him. Tell your husband the truth. Maybe even tell his wife the truth. Sort things out with your husband. Let him sort things out with his wife, or not.

No matter what you do at this point, it's clear that neither of you respect your spouses. What will you do if he gives you something? Go home and tell your husband you're sorry, but your lover had another mistress he caught it from?

You needed to end this 7 years ago.

[vanheart]

"Should I tell my married lover?"

"both married"

"distracted me from sorting out my problems"

"I had access to his email account"

"Do not want to leave/hurt other partners"

What was the question again?

About cheaters?

[amicon]

You should take a good look at what you want in your life-if you're unhappy in your marriage-try sorting it out-even if that means ending it.

As for your question,I think you know that the one person this player is cheating on,is his wife.

Should you break it off?
Yes,and disappear.

[Clough]

Hi, skitara!

You've been cheating and he's been cheating. What makes you think that it's okay to cheat and have affairs, please?

Thanks!

[Jake2008]

Oh what a tangled web we weave, when at first we set out to deceive...

You are in a very sad situation here, and you don't need me to tell you that what you have done for the past seven years, will garner any respect from most people.

The plus as I see it, is that you can identify with why you have had this long standing affair, and that the consequence to this, is facing your problems with your own marriage.

I'm not going to fault you for being in love with this man on the side, for 7 years. That fact cannot be ignored, and going into the relationship, you knew that could happen, and so did he.

That the relationship is no longer 'working' with him now cheating with others, is a clear sign, that you have to end this. Whether you end it because he has cheated on you, or end it because you owe it to yourself and your husband to stop, either way, your life has changed, and you have your work cut out for you.

I have never cheated, but I know many who have, and ended up leaving their husbands/wives, and marrying the lover. What's that saying, calling the kettle black? meaning others have done exactly what you have, and we have the divorce rates to prove it in my opinion.

So, you cannot go back in time. You cannot salvage a relationship with another man who is not your husband, because the relationship was based on lies and deceipt. This in turn, has left you with a relationship that was never real in the first place. You have nothing to lose, by losing him.

He will continue as he has with other women now, and continue to cheat on his wife, and live a lie.

You on the other hand, have a chance here to rebuild your life, re-set your priorities, and establish trust and truth in your relationship, assuming you want your marriage to work.

Try to think about how the past, has affected your present, and how do you want to proceed. Stay married? Get divorced?

Only you can decide, and I can say that it will be a very difficult road to heal what will be devastation when your husband realizes the extent of your unfaithfulness. He may decide to leave you, and who could blame him.

Please seek counselling on your own, and speak face to face with a person who can help you sort this mess out. I don't get the impression that you fully realize the extent of the damage caused, and the aftermath you will need to go through in order to heal.

It is one thing to identify the problems, that part is easy- you had an affair with a married man, he had an affair with you while married, now you are emotionally tied to the lover who now has other lovers. Those are the facts. But, the emotional investment is blinding you from seeing that the road you were on would eventually land you in this very place today.

I'm not going to say you are a bad person; many good people make the same mistakes you have.

The point now is, you have an opportunity to turn your life around, and free yourself from past mistakes, and live a happy life.

I hope you have the courage to do that, and I wish you well.

[Devorameira]

Relationships that start in deception usually end in deception. You already knew that he was a cheater and unreliable partner - he’s sleeping with you while he’s married, right?

Don't bother confronting him. Just move on and try to salvage what's left of your own marriage.

[Kitkat22]

I can't believe you are asking such a question. You are and probably always will be "The Other Woman". You may also be just one of the other women. It's woman like you who want
The best of both worlds. It doesn't work that way.


He's unfaithful to his wife, you're unfaithful to your husband.
I think you need to tell your husband and I think he probably
Probably already knows. You and the cheater deserve each other!

[Romefalls19]

So you're married, cheating on your husband with a guy who is married, cheating on his wife and now he's cheating on his wife with more women, along with you. WoW! Way too much infidelity going on, your husband deserved a lot better

[J_9]

I hope the OP gets tested regularly for STDs

[Kitkat22]

Get all the women he's been seeing and yourself and invite your husband, his wife and just make it a good old home town reunion.
You may be surprised who shows up! His poor wife and your poor husband are the ones who will be hurt.


I have another great idea ! Why don't you divorce your husband... let boyfriend/fling divorce his wife and maybe the two of them can get together. If you have children, should make it interesting at family reunions, Christmas, birthdays, funerals... Just a thought! I pity your children.:(

[vanheart]

Feel like Im watching an episode of Desperate Housewives...

[slapshot_oi]

Karma's a b*tch ain't it?

[Kitkat22]

Karma's a b*tch ain't it?

Slapshot.. you are a nice guy!:) I agree. This post just made me see red!:mad:

[hheath541]

Somehow I doubt she's coming back. I think she was hoping for people who would ignore the fact that she's been cheating on her husband while helping him cheat on his wife, and focus on the fact that she feels like he cheated on HER.

[Kitkat22]

somehow i doubt she's coming back. i think she was hoping for people who would ignore the fact that she's been cheating on her husband while helping him cheat on his wife, and focus on the fact that she feels like he cheated on HER.

You are probably right!