[Cat1864]

I don't want to go to counceling. I will feel crazy. ...I don't know how to make friends. I only like hanging out with girls.

On counseling, you are a member of a church, aren't you? Talk to the clergy. They can give you counsel as in advice much like you are getting here. However, they can give you real-time feedback and there is a lot to be said for face-to-face contact when getting advice. It is very difficult to ignore what you don't want to hear or see when someone is holding the mirror and recorder up to you.

You need to make some more male friends and have a 'boys' night out'. Hanging out with girls is all well and good, but you are limiting yourself and your pool of friends. It is giving you false expectations of who you should be and what you should be doing with your personal life.

[talaniman]

Originally Posted by emopunk7
I don't want to go to counseling. I will feel crazy.. . I don't know how to make friends. I only like hanging out with girls.

Having older males is good for you, better than counseling, and male friends your own age is essential, to keep you grounded, as just hanging out with girls seems to get you to attached to early and then you get carried away, and think your in love, and that they love you. That's a problem dude and even you can see the way you wrap everything that you are into whatever female that gives you attention.

Talaniman Rule- Have a lot of fun, getting to know new people, whether it be friends, or romance

Talaniman Rule- Don't play games with your heart, and don't let somebody else play games with it either.

Talaniman Rule - Never tolerate bad behavior. *

Talaniman Rule- Let them pay for the consequences of their bad behavior, not you. *

*NOTE_ Applies to any bad behavior.
Talaniman Rule - Date them all, short, fat, skinny, or tall. 18- 80, blind cripple or crazy.

Talaniman Rule- Enjoy getting to know someone, and keep it real.

Talaniman Rules-Never assume that your feelings are shared by any one else.

[friend4u178]

I feel alone mostly and I want a girlfriend already.

Emo , your need for a GF is very unhealthy and reeks of insecurity and low self esteem , that's why you were willing to put up with all the BS your Ex put you through because you were scared to be single.

You need to learn to be single and learn to like it , then you'll be ready to seek out a relationship and you'll be far more prepared to find someone compatible.

You've already got some real good advice on this thread so it's time to listen to it and act on it , because frankly , your not good BF material at the moment.

[emopunk7]

Geez thanks. Its sad to say but you guys are right. I have low self esteem right now.

[Alty]

geez thanx. Its sad to say but you guys are right. I have low self esteem right now.

Low self esteem happens, but constantly looking back shouldn't happen.

Forward Emo, see the path in front of you and stop looking at the rocks you've already tripped over, they're in the past, nothing you can do about them.

See that road ahead of you? It's an open road waiting to be traveled. Really, do yourself a favor and explore that road. The roads of the past have been traveled to death, just leave them be, they don't lead anywhere, you know that, you've already been on them. Stop backtracking on dead end paths, find a new one!

Really, this is an order and I will get it through you thick skull or die trying. Don't make me die trying, okay? ;)

[emopunk7]

Thank you! I'm not coming back until I have something good to say. Altenweg, your post helped a lot. I won't ever look at another picture or anything. Well wish me luck... I will move forward.

[emopunk7]

Okay after reading your post altenweg and friend4u and tman and J9 I worked out a bit and went to play pool with a friend and then ate. I feel better. Thank you for the encouragement.

[amicon]

We create our own happiness,and we can actually choose to stop feeling miserable and carry on with our lives.

Ok,s**t happens,but then we pick ourselves up and get on with it because that's life and another lesson learned.

[the_original]

Emo I have been following your story, life is what you make it. Make new friends, try new things, get an education and a kick job. Women will fall into place in the meantime. Live your life dude

[emopunk7]

I'm okay and feel okay. I just need to know how can I convince myself she was bad for me. How do I tell myself that she isn't so pretty as I think? Lastly, how do I convince myself that I will find love like that again? Thank you in advance!

[amicon]

All relationships are learning experiences-we find out-if nothing else-what we don't want and need in our lives.

Beauty,or the pretty face,is only skindeep-if the person doesn't have the character to match the face,body,etc-something is seriously missing.

You and your ex were not right for each other.
So she is your ex-she is history.
.

[Newguy2009]

I just need to know how can I convince myself she was bad for me.

What you need to realize is that she dumped you. When ever I think about how fine my ex was and what a good person she was and all that, I think to myself "SHE DUMPED ME!"

That's what makes you convince yourself she was bad for you. She didn't want you and that outweighs all the good things about her

[slapshot_oi]

I'm okay and feel okay. I just need to know how can I convince myself she was bad for me. How do I tell myself that she isn't so pretty as I think? Lastly, how do I convince myself that I will find love like that again? Thank you in advance!

NC NC NC NC NC NCNCNC

That's the answer to every question you have. She'll always be in the forefront of your mind if you keep bringing her up, even here on AMHD. I think you've moved past the devastation stage of the break up where talking about it truly helps. At this point it's in your best interest to just let it go.

Besides, summer's around the corner, don't start it off feeling this way.

[talaniman]

For one, just remember all the stuff you went through. How can you forget?

Pretty on the outside, not so on the inside, at least for you!

By healing properly and being ready to get back in the world. Once the feelings fade, you will see things differently. We always do Emo!

You haven't been through the whole healing process is all, but that's because your trying to rush things, SO RELAX!

[Cat1864]

I'm okay and feel okay. I just need to know how can I convince myself she was bad for me. How do I tell myself that she isn't so pretty as I think? Lastly, how do I convince myself that I will find love like that again? Thank you in advance!

This is going to be harsh because I don't intend to write the same things over and over, again:

How do you convince yourself she was bad for you? You don't. Because convincing yourself she was bad for you means you are thinking about her. You stop thinking about her and rehashing everything. Let it and her go. You have better things to do and think about than a woman who wasn't a good match for you.

How do you tell yourself that she isn't as pretty as you think? What do her looks have to do with anything? She's pretty. So what? So are millions of other women in the world if you open your eyes and look, you might see them. If you open your mind and stop focusing on physical attributes, you might see the other millions who shine with a beauty that only comes from deep inside.

How do you convince yourself that you will find love like that again? I am sorry but I hope you don't. Look at what that relationship was really like. From everything you have written it wasn't love, it was infatuation and lust. It was abusing yourself by using another person as the tool to inflict emotional and physical pain. That relationship was the mental equivalent of cutting and self-flagellation. Sure there were good times. There is still damage being done even when the pain feels good.

I sincerely hope that you let go of any idea that your previous relationship should be a good model for future relationships. I sincerely hope that you let go of her, the relationship, and the cargo ship full of baggage from it and find someone who shows you what love and a healthy relationship should be like.

Emo, for right now, work on feeling better about yourself. Get out and make new friends. Don't worry about getting into a new romantic relationship. Just take some time to learn to be comfortable being single.

[friend4u178]

Emo
Just because you and your Ex didn't work out doesn't make her a bad person , she realised that it wasn't working , she wasn't able to meet your expectations and you weren't able to meet hers , that simple.

At least she was smart about it and got out and got on with her life , time for you to wise up and do the same , DROP IT and move on.

[emopunk7]

I never said she was a bad person... I just said I need to find out how to remind myself that she was bad for me because I only think of the good. I was able to meet her expectations and I did. She wanted to go out behind my back even though I asked her to just be honest next time so that we can build trust. Instead o fbreaking up and playing games, I was upset but I spoke to her to please not do that and to be honest and we will build from that and still she continued. This isn't a case of just falling out of love like you make it seem. She was going behind my back and would curse me out. If you still want to think that it's my fault, I don't see how because I was at work and I wasn't the one going out behind her back especially when she didn't even want me to go to six flags with my family and have fun without her and yet she can party with her friends at night behind my back? Breaking trust, lying about sleeping, going against her word, cursing me out just because she was caught and all I did was work and miss her and make sure I did good by our relationship and try to keep her happy? Stop trying to make me the bad guy. For far too long I believed it's because I was jealous alor something I did without knowing but it doesn't make sense. I was trying and I tried hard while she was being selfish. I'm tired of feeling it's my fault because I don't think so. Maybe I just don't understand your advice Friend4U...

Cat, those were great points and I will read that again tonight so it can sink in. I think I'm starting to realize she wasn't good for me. I don't know if that's a stage but I think I'm there. I took a step back about a week ago for asking and finding out she had a boyfriend just after 3 months and seeing pictures but I feel I am back to normal where I left off. It's like it got easier to get back. I won't do that again and ill stick to NC which means no information as well. I do feel that it was love. Sure I was attracted to her but I did cry when she did and I know we were connected because she cried when I did.

[emopunk7]

We had fun outside of sex and well yeah we did love and sure lust in included. I've had great advice so far so I will read them again tonight so that they sink in because tonight is a work night and it will be rough. You guys are all awesome. Thank you! I hope I'm very close to being over this. It's strange because last time it felt easier but I suffered more. That's because I stood in contact and then ended back with her. This time it seems harder but I am suffering less. I have only you guys to thank, really.

[friend4u178]

Emo

I never blamed you or said it was your fault , in fact a lot of us have spent many posts telling you to stop blaming yourself , all I said was she saw it wasn't working so she got out.

The advice is very simple , she's gotten over it and moved on , time for you to do the same buddy.

[emopunk7]

I know... im just trying to get over a few things. It's been 6 months. I hate that I'm not over her and she is over me. I know it's my mind scrambbling things upstairs and I think it will tire soon.