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jo_dy · Mar 25, 2010, 03:08 PM

He wouldn't have a DNA and I don't doubt his saying he don't think the baby is his just to try and make this better... somehow!! He will not pay child support either for the child, I know him to well and he won't.

The other woman has no idea about me and he won't put her straight either... I keep having these really good moments when I know I'm free of him and have SO done the right thing then I go to bed and want to cry at the situation and how he could done that to me!!

jo_dy · Mar 25, 2010, 03:13 PM

What really kills me is that I married him for no other reason than loving him, I have stuck by him through all his crap for him to do this to me. It hurts that my marriage is over, my family is torn apart because of him.

Being married meant something to me and so many times he has made me feel awful for various reasons about not being the best wife or house keeper and he does this... dont get me wrong when he says this sort of thing I just laugh as I know I'm worth 10 of him even when we were together but still the cheek of him!!

Kitkat22 · Mar 25, 2010, 03:16 PM

Originally Posted by jo_dy

He wouldnt have a DNA and i dont doubt his saying he dont think the baby is his just to try and make this better....somehow!!! He will not pay child support either for the child, i know him to well and he wont.

The other woman has no idea about me and he wont put her straight either....i keep having these really good moments when i know im free of him and have SO done the right thing then i go to bed and want to cry at the situation and how he could done that to me!!!

I'm not so sure about the child support, but if she demands a DNA test in order to obtain child support a judge could make him him do it.

You need to confront this woman and ask her straight out about what's going on between her and your husband. Take a friend with you and if you have to follow him to find out where she lives do it!

Better to know where your marriage stands than to go on wondering. As for the neighbors, you would probably be surprised at what they know. People have a way of seeing through things. To have some sort of peace in your life you have to try to bring this to a head.:)

jo_dy · Mar 25, 2010, 03:29 PM

This is where it gets complicated, firstly she has no need as he is not denying the baby to her, just to me! The reason the child support is not a problem is that they won't be able to track him down to pay... but mostly I can't contact her... he has the potential to be very violent when pushed and this would oush him, he has already warned about making contact with anyone he knows and letting them know anything or asking anything etc... the more I type the more I know I done the right thing!

I am not worreid about the neighbours or what anyone thinks, I'm upset at how I view us being married as being important and he doesn't... its killing me that he did this to me

raerae811 · Mar 25, 2010, 03:43 PM

Ask yourself questions
Do you love him?
Do you want to be with him?
Can you see him in your future?

Kitkat22 · Mar 25, 2010, 03:54 PM

Originally Posted by raerae811

ask your self questions
do you love him?
do you want to be with him?
can you see him in your future?

He WARNED you? I don't know what to say! Jodi... don't take this wrong please, if my husband were doing this I would do the exact opposite of what he told me to do.

You deserve to be treated like a good woman instead of a possession. If he ever hits you have his cheating butt thrown in jail.
I am angry for you. Don't put yourself through this. Leave, separate for a while. Why is it happening to you ? Because he's a creep who doesn't realize all he stands to lose.

If you fear him get out! YOU DESERVE BETTER! :mad:

friend4u178 · Mar 25, 2010, 04:31 PM

Jody

The unfortunate thing is that you have to go through this cr*p because he is a sleazebag , it's really important to remember that it's him and not you who has ruined this marriage. Sure you were fooled by him , you've been humilated and it does strike a blow.

It's going to be hard for a while , very hard , and he's going to try the same old tricks to try and persuade you back , but you just have to be strong and realise that all the hurt will be worth getting him out of your life in the long run.

We'll all be here for you to talk to and vent , just think of the positives , and that is with time you'll finally be free of this dropkick and will have the freedom to meet someone who's going to treat you with the respect you deserve.

jo_dy · Mar 25, 2010, 04:35 PM

I don't doubt I love him but no its not enough to make a marriage work. He has never hit me but the fear he is more than capable is there, I have always done what I wanted regardless of him telling me to do one thing or another but I no how he will be if I was to contact this woman and really I have to ask myself why would I contact her when I already they slept together, he doesn't deny that, he denies the poor baby to me. For me knowing he slept with someone else while married to me is enough to end it, he knows how I feel about being faithful and couldn't do it, although of course for him we weren't together at the time...

Kitkat22 · Mar 25, 2010, 04:44 PM

Originally Posted by jo_dy

I dont doubt i love him but no its not enough to make a marriage work. He has never hit me but the fear he is more than capable is there, i have always done what i wanted regardless of him telling me to do one thing or another but i no how he will be if i was to contact this woman and really i have to ask myself why would i contact her when i already they slept together, he doesnt deny that, he denies the poor baby to me. For me knowing he slept with someone else while married to me is enough to end it, he knows how i feel about being faithful and couldnt do it, although of course for him we werent together at the time....

Leave for a while! Before you do put itching powder in his underwear. That'll stop his cheating he'll be too busy scratching.:D

http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/s...r_Marriage_is_
Over.htm - 19k

ohsohappy · Mar 25, 2010, 04:51 PM

Originally Posted by jo_dy

I dont doubt i love him but no its not enough to make a marriage work. He has never hit me but the fear he is more than capable is there, i have always done what i wanted regardless of him telling me to do one thing or another but i no how he will be if i was to contact this woman and really i have to ask myself why would i contact her when i already they slept together, he doesnt deny that, he denies the poor baby to me. For me knowing he slept with someone else while married to me is enough to end it, he knows how i feel about being faithful and couldnt do it, although of course for him we werent together at the time....

Married means together no matter what (while married), not for only when you two are happy with each-other. He's a disgusting little man for thinking that it's the same as if you two were dating. I think he changed the definition of Marriage to suit his own needs, and when it's not going good for him, even though you're separated, it doesn't mean over necessarily. He's stupid. I'm just going to be blunt. Right now I'm imagining that crazy-white- rabbit from Monty Python attacking his genitals.. . :rolleyes:

It's pathetic that he can't keep it in his zipper, you kicked him out because of that and you say that you wouldn't be surprised if he were with another woman already?
You're DEFINITELY doing the right thing by making him leave, and I agree with Kat when I say, take his scummy self to the cleaners.

Also, you've always done what he said because you were scared of what he was capable of? That's abuse through intimidation. I'm sure he KNOWS that you get scared, so he uses it to keep himself looking like "Mister Clean" instead of filth.

I say that since you kicked him out, find the woman and talk to her. Don't blame her, because you said yourself that she doesn't know about you, but tell her the situation.

Keep mace on hand in case your husband finds out and threatens you, (if it's legal, pepper spray) That way you can have a better chance of protecting yourself and calling the cops should he get violent.

Good luck.

Kitkat22 · Mar 25, 2010, 05:42 PM

Originally Posted by ohsohappy

Married means together no matter what (while married), not for only when you two are happy with each-other. He's a disgusting little man for thinking that it's the same as if you two were dating. I think he changed the definition of Marraige to suit his own needs, and when it's not going good for him, even though you're seperated, it doesn't mean over necessarily. He's stupid. I'm just going to be blunt. Right now I'm imagining that crazy-white- rabbit from Monty Python attacking his genitals. . . :rolleyes:

It's pathetic that he can't keep it in his zipper, you kicked him out because of that and you say that you wouldn't be surprised if he were with another woman already?
You're DEFINITELY doing the right thing by making him leave, and I agree with Kat when I say, take his scummy self to the cleaners.

Also, you've always done what he said because you were scared of what he was capable of? That's abuse through intimidation. I'm sure he KNOWS that you get scared, so he uses it to keep himself looking like "Mister Clean" instead of filth.

I say that since you kicked him out, find the woman and talk to her. Don't blame her, because you said yourself that she doesn't know about you, but tell her the situation.

Keep mace on hand in case your husband finds out and threatens you, (if it's legal, pepper spray) That way you can have a better chance of protecting yourself and calling the cops should he get violent.

good luck.

:)Jodi please keep posting.. We care!

jo_dy · Mar 26, 2010, 02:37 AM

Thank you everyone for your advice and support, it really is helping me :-)

I spoke to him briefly this morning and I got upset... can you believe he had the nerve or arrogance to say he doesn't see why I'm so upset... then to say he doesn't care anyway... all the usual rubbish of your be fine etc and I just said damn right ill be fine.

He really thinks his done nothing wrong as again I got the we weren't together chat... I hate him for hurting me.

Larken85 · Mar 26, 2010, 03:01 AM

OK I hate to suggest this because I am not defending him in anyway. I agree with most if not all of the other posters. I do have to suggest maybe a sex addiction though. I really hate to give him the benefit of the doubt after him doing so much to you, but I just don't know. Heck maybe he is just a weak weak little man that just can't keep it under control.

Sorry you were put through this all, hope things get better for you

jo_dy · Mar 26, 2010, 03:06 AM

Sex addiction, arrogant, selfish, needy, pitiful man... he is all the above... whatever it may be it doesn't excuse us being married, separated or not sleeping with someone else and getting her pregnant!! She isn't the first or last...

Larken85 · Mar 26, 2010, 03:21 AM

You are right. I was merely offering a non-bias suggestion. I know you are probaby totally right in your thoughts of him. But you came here asking if you did the right thing. I think you did, however I know there are possible (if not lame) excuses for idiot acts. I am sorry this happened to you, again, and I just hope you can find some peace of mind soon here. I do not like people who don't learn.
Someone once told me that there are two types of cheaters 1. (me) the guy who cheats once and learns that he will never allow himself to do it again. 2. the guy (or girl on both) that does it repeatedly and never learns. In my opinion, he is a #2. Sorry.

Kitkat22 · Mar 26, 2010, 04:41 AM

Originally Posted by Larken85

You are right. I was mearly offering a non-bias suggestion. I know you are probaby totally right in your thoughts of him. But you came here asking if you did the right thing. I think you did, however I know there are possible (if not lame) excuses for idiot acts. I am sorry this happened to you, again, and i just hope you can find some peace of mind soon here. I do not like people who don't learn.
Someone once told me that there are two types of cheaters 1. (me) the guy who cheats once and learns that he will never allow himself to do it again. 2. the guy (or girl on both) that does it repeatedly and never learns. In my opinion, he is a #2. Sorry.

Jodi.. How are you doing today? I think it's good you're venting. Did you glance through the article? Sream, cry, throw things and if he calls again don't answer. Let him know what it's like to worry. Go out to dinner with friends or go visit family.

Go visit the woman so you will know what you are dealing with! Tell her what a liar he is. Take mace with you and as one of the post staed, if he gets violent with you spray his eyes full of it. You are going to have to do this for your piece of mind. He's called all the shots so far, now it's
Your turn. YOU DO NOT DESERVE THIS! Fight back legally!

jo_dy · Mar 26, 2010, 04:57 AM

I didn't mean to sound like I was having a go at you Larken, sorry :-)

He is def a number 2 in so many ways in this situation. He has many issues and I think a bit of a con man to add on top

I got up this morning feeling OK, bit down but nothing too much to get me down then he calls (to speak to our child (step child) ) and I get upset! He says he is not bothered if I'm upset or hurt and doesn't see why I should be but then texts me he really wishes I wasn't hurting!!

Its difficlt to explain but there is no way of me seeing or talking to this other woman, I have tried and she isn't responding, I have no doubt he got to her already and she now won't respond! He is very good at that, I am probably some mad woman he doesn't even know as far as she is now concerned! And I have no other way of contacting her

I will look at the link you posted when I finish work and will be starting divorce proceeding as I can

Kitkat22 · Mar 26, 2010, 05:03 AM

Originally Posted by jo_dy

I didnt mean to sound like i was haveing a go at you Larken, sorry :-)

He is def a number 2 in so many ways in this situation. He has many issues and i think a bit of a con man to add on top

I got up this morning feeling ok, bit down but nothing to much to get me down then he calls (to speak to our child (step child) ) and i get upset!! He says he is not bothered if im upset or hurt and doesnt see why i should be but then texts me he really wishes i wasnt hurting!!!

Its difficlt to explain but there is no way of me seeing or talking to this other woman, i have tried and she isnt responding, i have no doubt he got to her already and she now wont respond!! He is very good at that, i am probably some mad woman he doesnt even know as far as she is now concerned! And i have no other way of contacting her

I will look at the link you posted when i finish work and will be starting divorce proceeding as i can

If you go with this are doing it because you are fed up and tired of this?
I hope he realizes what he has done... Keep us posted.

jo_dy · Mar 26, 2010, 05:15 AM

I am doing this because there is no hope for us, as soon as he builds up any trust he messes it up even worse than what it was before, I have had enough of wondering what his up to now and with who... its not a way to live and I can never forgive this most recent thing.

I would like to think he realises what he's done but I doubt and think he won't stop with which ever poor sole he gets with next... he is some one who realises things weeks later and then gets angry and tries to blame others but NEVER learns

Kitkat22 · Mar 26, 2010, 05:23 AM

Originally Posted by jo_dy

I am doing this because there is no hope for us, as soon as he builds up any trust he messes it up even worse than what it was before, i have had enough of wondering what his up to now and with who....its not a way to live and i can never forgive this most recent thing.

I would like to think he realises what he's done but i doubt and think he wont stop with which ever poor sole he gets with next....he is some one who realises things weeks later and then gets angry and tries to blame others but NEVER learns

Good for you! You be sure if he starts getting violent , call the police.
Don't be alone with him when he gets divorce papers. Keep a can of mace and get a Order of Protection against him. We'll see how the "the stud" acts when he's standing before a judge and everyone hears what a louse he is. You Go Girl! :)