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jrayment831 · Mar 22, 2010, 12:55 PM

My step daughter acts like she's 2 around her father-my husband. And it drives me absolutely crazy. She talks in this little whiney voice, dances around when she's talking. She calls him "daddy" and it makes me nuts. She has to kiss him on the lips all the time, when she tells him she loves him, and its gross to me. She's a little old to be kissing him on the lips. Mind you she's 10, but is 5'4, and 140lbs. Wears a bra, going through puberty and all. I just don't know how much more I can handle from his kids. I love and adore my husband, but his kids drive me insane.

JoeCanada76 · Mar 22, 2010, 01:04 PM

That is your issue and your problem. Those are his kids. If you do not like it then leave.

jrayment831 · Mar 22, 2010, 02:13 PM

Wow, you sure are straight to the point aren't you? I posted on here today to get some good, honest advice. And all you've done is be crappy to me. I really don't appreciate it at all. Don't reply to my questions if I irritate you so much.

JoeCanada76 · Mar 22, 2010, 02:20 PM

Straight to the point is what I am about. I am not hear to sugar coat any answers to make you all fuzzy and good inside.

You're the one with Jealousy issues about your husband and his kids not me. Right?

Where are all these Jealousy issues coming from and maybe they can be dealt with if we can pinpoint exactly where they are coming from.

I do not think they are from the kids or your husband but from previous experiences but like I said in all my posts to you that, you have to stop putting your jealousy and insecurities on the wrong people.

I am not being crappy with you at all, but then read all your posts and tell me who has all these issues which you will defiantly have to deal with or you will lose everything.

That is not being crappy to you that is telling you the truth about your issues and you need to work on these issues yourself.

The best way to do that is to get counseling for your past hurts and eventually move past them in order to enjoy your life today. Right now your miserable and your making yourself miserable and you need to stop or it will ruin your life.

Do you want that??

jrayment831 · Mar 22, 2010, 02:25 PM

You're so right. I'm looking for something that isn't there, just because of all the times I've been hurt in the past. And I guess I feel like I don't deserve happiness. So I always try to find something wrong with other people, and hurt them before they hurt me. What you just said made a lot of sense. Thank You.

JoeCanada76 · Mar 22, 2010, 02:35 PM

That is all I wanted you to see. I want you to be happy and enjoy life. You do deserve to be happy whether you feel like you do or not. I am glad it made sense to you.

dontknownuthin · Mar 23, 2010, 07:47 PM

You have several issues here and I'd separate them and address them individually. It is appropriate for her to call her father "Daddy". That's his name. Though you might find it immature, some girls call their fathers "Daddy" all their lives. So, get used to that one.

If you feel she's whining or using an unpleasant, whiny voice, correct her and say, "Sarah, can you please use your grown-up voice instead of that baby voice". Speak to your husband and suggest that he should do the same to break her of a habit that truly will annoy other people if she continues - 10 is too old for a baby voice.

You can mention to your husband that you think she's getting a little old for the kissing on the lips but again, some people are comfortable with that and as long as it's not sexual it's OK.

As for you feeling jealous, that one is on you. When you marry someone with children, you have to accept they already have a dynamic and relationship of their own which is well established, and also that you are not in competition. You are not diminished in your relationship with your husband simply because he is also close with his children.
It is appropriate though for you to structure time without the kids, and to set some boundaries of privacy around your marriage. It's not a competition with the kids though.

jrayment831 · Mar 24, 2010, 06:27 AM

Thank you for that message, it really made a lot of sense, and I appreciate the time you took to write all that for me. THank You.

dontknownuthin · Mar 24, 2010, 08:17 AM

Jesushelper - good point, I think she is old enough to talk in a mature voice at 10 but perhaps "grown up voice" is the wrong way to phrase it (though it worked fine for my son!) Perhaps, "Please talk in your regular voice - that baby voice bothers me."