[Babygirl_Ashes]

I'm 15 almost 16, & my boyfriend is 19 almost 20.
We have been dating for exactly two weeks today.(*3/22/10*)

When my family first found out to say the least they were PISSED!! My mom called my boyfriend & told him,
"You & my daughter are NOT dating, & if you continue dating & when I find out I am going to call the cops on you & I WILL have you aressted!"

Well when I found out about this you can guess I was pissed. I told my mom
"If you have him put in jail, I WILL DO EVERRYTHING IN MY POWER TO GET MYSELF LOCKED UP AS WELL."

Well my mother did NOT know what to say to that. Now when my uncle found my out he was even more PISSED! He said,
"If you care about him, Even just a little bit you will STAY THE AWAY FROM HIM!"

We just got in a HUGE screaming match, which ended with me in tears, for a few hours. So now my boyfriend & I have got my family thinking that we got into a HUGE fight & we NEVER want to speak to each other again. Which obliviously isn't true.
So they have FINALLY calmed down & just chilled out.

I guess what I'm trying to get at & ask is,
Is there really anything that my mother, uncle, or anyone can LEGALLY do about my boyfriend & I being together?

[AmericanGirl01]

You live in Utah, correct? I believe there is no law against the two of you dating (no sex involved) However, since you are under 16, if your parents do not approve they can take legal action to block the relationship.

If you two are having sex, then yes, he can be charged with statutory rape.

Why can't he find someone his own age? Is all of this really worth it? He's almost 20, I don't know why he would want to date someone 4 years younger than him!

[Alty]

You can date whoever you want, you just can't have sex with whoever you want.

A 15 year old can date a 19 year old, but dependent on the laws of your State, you can't have sex. As long as you don't have sex, your mom can't do anything legal to him.

So, those are the laws, but now for your mother.

Do you know why she's worried? I do. Also, you're response to her;

If you have him put in jail, I WILL DO EVERRYTHING IN MY POWER TO GET MYSELF LOCKED UP AS WELL."

Shows that you're not very mature and causes more concern for her.

She's looking out for you because she was a teen once too and she knows that 15 year olds don't make good decisions when it comes to boys.

Instead of showing her that you're mature, you did the opposite.

She's your mother and I guarantee that she'll be there long after this boyfriend is history. Try to remember that.

[hheath541]

You do know that getting yourself locked up won't let you see him, right? He'll be in jail. You'll be in girl's juvie lock-up.

You've been together for two WEEKS! In the adult world, that's not a real relationship yet. As far as your family's concerned, and pretty much every other adult I know of, you haven't had time to become seriously attached.

Why does he want to date jail bait? What is it in his head that he can relate to a 15 year old better than someone his own age? You're still in high school. He's out of school, possibly in college, and probably working. You have no immediate shared life experiences.

At 19, about the last thing I wanted to do was talk to a 15 year old girl, let alone date one.

[jmjoseph]

Your mother and uncle have your best interest at heart. If you were my daughter, I would make sure he didn't see you at all.

You are way too young to be dating an adult. If you haven't already had sex, it is next in line on his schedule. And then he will be labeled a sex offender for life, and you will be just another "used" girl. Y And you just might end up pregnant.

Stop playing childish games, and go make the most out of your life . But first, go hug your mother, and tell her that you love her.

[Alty]

Time for an Alty story? I have tons of them. Sadly.

When I was 15 I dated a guy in his 30's (shhh, I know, trust me, I learned from it!)

When I refused to have sex with him he smashed my head into the windshield of his car and then beat me up because he was angry that the windshield broke. I kept it a secret from my parents. Thankfully my bangs covered the huge gash on my forehead (still have a scar) and my clumsiness convinced them that the bruises were my own fault.

I covered for him. I did leave him, stopped seeing him, but I covered for him.

I know what you're thinking OP, that your boyfriend is 19, not in his 30's. Here's a fact for you. You're 15! You may think that you're the smartest, most mature, street smart, you name it, kid in the world, but, reality check, you're not! You're 15!

I know you won't agree, I know I didn't, but trust me, at 15, when it comes to relationships, you don't have the sense God gave a goat. You know nothing about relationships and you won't until you're much older. That's a fact. You'll learn it when you're older.

He's 19! He's not a kid (like you). He's legally an adult. Sadly, he also doesn't have the sense God gave a goat, especially because he's dating a 15 year old.

You have nothing in common. That 4 years may as well be 50 when it comes to experience and maturity.

Also, the way you're reacting about the whole thing, well, it proves my point. You aren't mature and your mother knows it, sees it and is hoping to protect you.

Your mother has been in your life for 15+years. This guy has been in your life for 2 weeks! Think about it.

[ohsohappy]

You know what? I have to agree with everyone here. You don't have to like the responses but theyr'e all true. Trust me, I know, I'm almost 20, so I was your age not too long ago, I AM his age, and trust me, I haven't forgotten how smart I THOUGHT I was, and I have now realized how darn stupid I was. Not only that, but there is a HUGE difference between 15year old boys/girls than 19 almost 20 year old MEN and WOMEN

You know that saying "teenagers think they know everything"? Well it's true, they THINK they know everything, I know I thought I did. And I have to tell you, when you said you were going to try to get locked up too if your boyfriend went to jail, I laughed. I thought it was probably the most idiotic thing I've heard in a long time, and the perfect example of teenage rebellion that gets the kid nowhere. You honeslty think that getting yourself locked up will SOLVE the problem? You're trying to hurt your parents and your uncle, but honestly you'd be hurting yourself more than anyone. If you keep trying to rebel, then the more you do, the tighter leash you'll be on. Trust me on that one, you'll be screwed until you're an adult if you don't grow up and make good decisions now, because if you don't, they won't trust you to do the right thing, so you won't have privelages and they will watch you like hawks. Not only that, but if you start getting yourself off a good track, then it'll be harder to get back when you're legally an adult, and the legal system does not take kindly to adults who break the law. (not that they put up with juviniles breaking the law, but usually the punishment is not as severe as an adult's sentence depending on the offense)

I promise you that the only reason you want to date this guy is because he's older, so it makes you feel cool, you probably thingk he's SUPER HOT, and now that your parents and uncle don't want you to, you REALLY want to date him. There's NO connection there whatsoever, and two weeks of you life isn't worth being grounded for the rest of your teenage life or going to juvie.

So NO, it's not illegal to DATE him, but it is illegal to have sex with him, and HONESTLY, if he's dating a 15-year-old girl then I can GUARANTEE that he expects you to put out at some point, and if he has sex with you then he will DESERVE to go to jail. Because he as manipulated a child. No matter how you look at it, it's wrong. It's RAPE, because you are not mantally mature enough to consent to having sex or possibly support a child if necessary. Not only that, but it's EASY for a 19 (almost 20) year old guy to say all the right things to convince you that he loves you and that you know what you're doing but it won't be true. Not saying that all guys WILL do this, but in this situation, I am willing to bet I can predict the future should you keep seeing each other.

What's worse is that now you're keeping it a secret from your family, that's even more of a reason for them not to trust you.

One day you'll be wise enough to see that I'm telling you the truth, but until you're willing to see things from adult (not selfish) perspective then you won't believe it.

Fact: most teenagers are out for their own interests, and are very good at rationalizing their arguments, but that doesn't mean that those arguments are legitimate. Most people are just selfish and can rationalize anything to get what they want, teenagers are typically the worst.

[Fr_Chuck]

And to be honest a man 20 is going to want to have sex, which will get him locked up.

But besides that, there are many things a mom can come up with, and stop you from seeing him, and having him arrested for things like interference with custody
** another adult haing their child, that is very possible in many places.

[dontknownuthin]

This is an unhealthy relationship - cut your losses. The right guy for you will not raise all these red flags. The right guy for you will not make you feel like telling your mother that you are willing to go to jail for him. You should not be willing to go to jail for anyone - not even for siblings, parents - not for anyone.

The reality legally is that if you have sex with this man at any point in the next three years he will be guilty of statutory rape. And even without sex, your parents could ask for charges to be filed for contributing to the delinquency of a minor. He could be classified as a sexual predator for the rest of his life (and if he's going after a 15 year old, I think that would be entirely appropriate).

At 15, when you meet someone who you like it can feel like the end of the world if you can't be together but the reality is that the relationships almost never last. You've had a fun flirtation, now end things with this guy and move on. Make a rule that you won't date anyone more than a year older or younger than yourself. Believe me, there are mature guys out there. An older guy who is interested in younger girls is not more mature, he's less mature and just more creepy.

[talaniman]

Having a hissy fit won't keep him out of jail, or a hospital, jailbait. That's what you are to any grown man.

[Babygirl_Ashes]

Okay I understand what you all have said & TRUST ME I honestly & truthfully am taking EVERYTHING you guys said to heart.
I would however like to say that I DID in fact go to my mother & appoligize over & over & over... She has forgiven me.
A lot of you kept mentioning that I've only known him for two weeks, well infat I have know this guy for six months NOT two weeks.(I am NOT trying or in ANY way meaning to seem disrespectful towards you)
You guys have also mentioned that I may(not will), but I may end up getting raped.
Well as far as that goes I am currently waiting for the police & B.A.C.A(Bikers Against Child Abuse) to find a 21-22 year old who raped me back in October.(You are proboly thinking "So you've been raped by a 20+ year old & STILL YOU CHOOSE TO DATE A 19YEAR OLD?)
See the thing is that the guy I am currently(19yr) with has helped me through that, he STILL is helping me get through that. Not only has he helped me with that he is also helping me cope with the loss of my therapist(Again you may be thinking something like "Your having a BIG issue getting over the loss of your therapist?) Yes I am, considering I have know him since I was about 4 years old. When I started going to see him.
I do understand that me(15) dating him(19) is a very bad & risky thing to do. Let alone it is imature, decieving, wrong, disrespectful, and SOOO many other things.
I understand why you guys keep saying that I am imature, because I AM. I know that I am, but you know what? I'm still a child(Which yesI know proves that I should NOT be dating a 19 year old.)
I have many of my own reason on why I do not believe that sex is all he is after.(Then again I never thaought that the guy that raped me would do that either)
One of my reasons on not thinking that all he wants is sex is:
I have not even seen him since November.
(Which you may be thinking "If you don't even see him, how are you guys dating?")
I know that A lot of what I have said has been concridicting, I am currently REthinking our "relationship."
I however am NOT doing it because it's what my mother/family wants,
I am REthinking our relationship because it is what I need to do for ME.

[talaniman]

Thanks for clearing that up. Sometimes we lose understanding with words like "dating" or "hanging out" as it means different things to different generations, and most of us being parents, well you can see our position PROTECT a youngster from their mistakes, whether they have made them, or not.

You are not the first young person to mistake gratitude, and appreciation for love, or caring, especially after going through bad traumatic things. They are all intense feelings, we have to cope with, AND stay within the boundaries of good behavior.

I hope you get what you need to heal properly, in mind, body, and soul.