[passmeby]

Anyone have a shopping addiction or is close to someone who does? I need help to help my husband for the sake of our family and our finances. Someone suggested that counseling might be the best way, I'd just like to try to help him on my own first just to see if I can get anywhere. What are some things I could try? Any tips, input... anything... would be greatly appreciated! Even just to relate with stories, that would help! Thanks a bunch!

[DrBill100]

Couldn't help but notice the lack of response to your request. Unfortunately, I can be of little assistance in providing information on this condition, termed oniomania, beyond referring you to some on-line resources as a starting point.

There does seem to be a significant body of information on the condition.

It is covered in the DSM-IV* (compulsive shopping) as an "impulse-control disorder, not otherwise specified"

Shopping Addiction - What Is Shopping Addiction

Shopping Spree, or Addiction?

If these don't provide you with needed direction please let me know and we'll find other resources.

Sorry I can't be of more direct help.

Just ran across another good resource for you. Dr (EdD) Ruth Engs is an interesting and pragmatic professor with Indiana University that is widely published and respected in the addictions. She has a website on "Shopoholism" (her term) at http://www.indiana.edu/~engs/hints/shop.html In addition this site contains several links that she chose.

*Diagnostic and Statistical Manual-IV, American Psychiatric Association, Revised Text, 2000.

[JudyKayTee]

Anyone have a shopping addiction or is close to someone who does? I need help to help my husband for the sake of our family and our finances. Someone suggested that counseling might be the best way, I'd just like to try to help him on my own first just to see if I can get anywhere. What are some things I could try? Any tips, input....anything....would be greatly appreciated!! Even just to relate with stories, that would help!! Thanks a bunch!!

My sister had this problem with her husband. They sat down together and determined what the "triggers" to his over, reckless spending were and then he worked on those issues.

In his case it was self esteem.

He also cancelled all his charge accounts/cards and did not have a bank debit card (although she maintained the accounts/cards in her name).

It was a long process but once he began spending cash (and they both began to take allowances instead of just pooling their money and using whatever they needed) he became more realistic and reasonable.

I would think that counselling would help or some type of group.

[JudyKayTee]

[QUOTE=Comments on this post
DrBill100 agrees : The looming question: What type of counsel? Interpresonal, peer, legal, psychiatric, religious, credit, ad infinitum....
[/QUOTE]



Without knowing the cause of the spending addiction it's hard to say - I see no reason that legal counselling would help and as far as the others it's probably a question of trial and error.

What would you suggest?

[jmjoseph]

Try this site:Welcome to Shopaholics Anonymous

You can be "addicted" to pretty much anything.

A 12 step program like this one should help.

In the meantime, why not get him go along with some sort of budget? A tight budget.

[simoneaugie]

Go to a cash-basis or cash only system. My folks had a problem with my Dad's spending. They cashed their paychecks then divided the cash into envelopes.

One envelope was the mortgage payment, one held cash for utilities, one was for groceries. They had a locking file cabinet and Mom kept the key. She didn't act like a prison guard but Dad had to tell her he needed/wanted money for something, how much, and so on. They had many discussions in front of that filing cabinet.

Once a few months later, I got a peek. Mom showed me the envelope of "extra money." It was stuffed with cash.

[naturallyme]

I had a shopping addiction at one point too. What I do now is to think about the purchase and if I really need it before purchasing. I am not saying I don't purchase extravagant things sometimes but, I don't give into all of my urges.

[passmeby]

Thanks for the ideas. I think his case is really complex because I can't find one thing that is a trigger, it seems to be a lot of issues all combined. To elaborate... he spends mindlesly, regularly. It doesn't matter if he's buying something for himself or for someone else, it's just a matter of the "buy". But at the same time, if he's buying for someone else, he feels as if he needs to get something for himself too. (like a lilittle kid at a birthday party, I guess I'd describe it... when mom has to buy a present, the kid wants one too even though it's not his birthday?) And the whole opening of packages... he seems to get some kind of rush from opening any sort of box/package/wrapping of any sort. Mail or a purchased item, whatever. He can't hardly help himself most times and will make up the stupidest excuses as to why he should open up SOMEONE Else's mail/package/item. Or makes up excuses to open up Christmas or Birthday gifts waaay early (even those belonging to our kids or myself). On top of all that, there's the issue of not saving and not even ensuring that bills are paid before spending. Or intently spending money that is set aside for a bill. He's always been "bailed out" or rescued in almost every fashion all his life by his mommy, which is what I think a HUGE part of a lot of his problems stem from (money/spending AND other things... ) With every situation, he just always thinks he can just "get a loan" or "get it on credit" or that somebody/anybody will help him or buy for/rescue him. It's like he actually expects it even. It really irritates me, because I do not like to owe anybody anything! I don't really believe in getting things on credit (aside from a house or a reasonable car). Other than those things, credit/loans are really just out of the question for me. I can easily go without things that are not necessities, I do not feel a need to buy the latest "thing" if the one I have still works fine! I don't think he really feels the need to buy the latest things either... well, he does tend to be on the forefront of certain things like the video games and a couple other things (mainly just items he truly enjoys), but for the most part he's not sooo much of a "trend buyer", so I don't think it's a self-esteem issue. Maybe I'm wroing, but I'm thinking the self-esteem issue is more of when a person is buying things to be perceived as being "cool" or trendy, or give the illusion that they have money to burn, and so on. I don't think he's so much like that, I think his problem is really that rush of opening a box, and the feeling he gets when picking out items and buying them. That's what it all seems to come back to. But how to stop it is what I can't really figure out because his recklessness seems to be due to various things. I've got to do more reading up on it and see if I can employ any other tactics to curb things. I've already been doing things and so far nothing has worked, it's like I just can't get through to him. Even just showing him numbers, as in if he saved even just $20 per paycheck, or added up things he bought that were unnecessary and showed him the figures of how much he actually spends and how much he could've had if he had saved instead... but he just doesn't care or doesn't want to face it, I don't know. But we sure could've used some savings at times, and he KNOWS it... so I have a hard time seeing why he won't face facts.

So... it'll be more reading, finding something else to try and if everything fails, then we'll have to do some kind of counseling.

Thanks for the responses, I appreciate it a lot!

[CindyP]

The Deutsche Gesellschaft Zwangserkrankugen, an organization in Germany dedicated to obsessive-compulsive disorders (OCD) formally recognized oniomania years ago; oniomania is the medical term for the compulsive desire to shop. The editing staff of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) is currently weighing the pros and cons of including oniomania as a disorder in its next edition. Inclusion in the DSM usually means a disorder gets approved for healthcare insurance coverage in the United States.

There's more info on How to Manage Shopaholism here: http://helishopter.com/a/shopaholism