[dj85]

Hello. Im new to this site and I wanted to start by saying I'm glad there is somewhere to turn to. Last month I lost the love of my life, he was murdered. Im devastate:( Everyday when I wake up I ask myself when am I going to wake up from this dream when I say this I continue to cry. It happen so suddenly, I had just got off the phone with him next thing I know I'm getting a call saying that he had been shot.He was a caring, lovable, and sweet person who was going places in life. He is 21 and was working and going to school. I just don't understand why:confused: why did this happen! Im continuously crying, sleepless nights, lack of activities. Its hard, my mother has been a big support for me she is helping me through this. Im a very spiritual person so at night when I pray I talk to him. I wonder if he will come to me in spirit? If any one can tell me what should I do? Will he come to me in spirit? If anyone can tell me anything feel free too. At this time I really need it.
dj85

[imation]

I'm sorry for your loss. Its always hard losing a close friend or family member and a husband would certainly be a deep pain.
Its natural to feel sad, lonely, and despondent, but we recover from this
There is a process and these are the first stages, let me assure you they will pass
You will always love him, and when you wake up and don't start crying.. it won't mean that you don't love him, it will mean that you are ready to move forward (not relationshipwise)
Praying and talking to him is a good idea, I talk to my great grandmother that way sometimes. It will help you accept it
He may talk to you in spirit, but don't feel disappointed if he doesn't
He can see that having contact with you will only make you backtrack on your road to recovery
I wish you all the best

[kp2171]

I've felt nothing like what you are going through exactly.

I have felt the unexpected, sudden loss of someone I loved more than anyone in the world, in the context of a relationship that was not amorous. He was my grandfather. My father figure. A man that taught me what to be loved meant. A man that truly loved me with all of his being. He was my best friend. And I lost him suddenly.

All I can tell you is that it hurts like hell for a long time. And I was a little lost for quite some time.

Today, a dozen years later, I still think of him almost daily. I still can hear his voice and feel his evening beard on my hands. Id be lying if I didn't admit that even though I have a wonderful wife and children, that id gladly take 5 years off my life for 5 minutes with him again.

So... the best I can tell you is that there is life after a loss like this. And that life can be great. You have known a love that some people will never know. You will know other loves. They will not be the same. They are not supposed to be the same.

In time the aching will fade and you will remember mostly the good. I promise you. If I never write here again, and you have only one thing to believe, believe what I say. You will be sad, it will take time, and you will be a better person for having loved him even though he is gone... and you will again find happiness. It just seems so far away right now.

My prayers are with you.

[valinors_sorrow]

My condolences for such a terrible sudden loss. You will be affected for some time and I am glad to see you are aware of being kind of fragile right now and taking it as easy as possible. There is a journey to grief, and with time it does get easier to accommodate the loss.

Initially there is a kind of shock you repeat for a while, as if you forget it happened only to realise it again and again. That is your mind taking it in small bites as to be expected. It is really a matter of being sick with the sorrow and so be gentle to yourself, eat comfort foods, sleep more, take walks and let the tears come when they come.

It is possible that you may see him in your dreams. Try calling to him as you fall asleep and it may work. It did when I lost a loved one and it was comforting. I don't know what you mean about feeling free but I do know this--- you don't really get over it, no one does as it just doesn't seem to work that way. Its more like you get used to it as it fades and fades. The first day you spend without thinking about him at all will surprise you when you realise its back there somewhere and you don't know when it happened. Its okay to let go of any aspect of him as you will always carry a love for him in your heart too. You will feel okay again, once the grieving is mostly past you. In the meantime its okay to be not okay, okay?

[pilarchl]

DJ I am so sorry , I am alcid new in this, and I need and answer one day and I got it right away, so I am still here, I know there is nothing that we can say that will make you feel better, just live your pain , live your sorrow, cry what you have to cry, do not hide your feelings and keep looking for support , you already started doing it when you posted this question so keep going, my mom died 15 years ago and the pain is the same now, I think that I learnt to live with it , but it doesn't go away, and sometimes I know she has been with me at night , I promise I have felt her, I have seen her and that gives me a bit of happiness, you know , if you both had plans together , please try to happiness them , the ones that you can, and tell him before you go to bed that you love him , that you will make him to be proud of you and sometime in the long run or in the short , you will see him again in heaven and when that happens you will never ever be apart from him again

[JoeCanada76]

I am very sorry for you loss. What you need to know is that whether you realise this or not. Anybody that we have a close connection to. A part of them, a part of us is always in touch. You may not feel it right now because you are greiving, but his spirit is there with you. You need to know though that greiving for too long can actually prevent their spirit from being happy. Yes, it is good to be grieving, but now what you need to do is lift yourself up. Know that you love him and he loves you and that he wants you to be happy. Celebrate his life, be happy about the times you did have together. You will always have those good memories unfortunately though many many people always focus on the negative, the bad, but this brings out things that you do not need or want. It is good that you have the family support with you. Now you need to focus on the life that you have. Knowing that this is what your love would want. If he was sitting on the stairs looking at you right now, what do you think he would be saying to you. I hope that you are able to get past the pain, and start looking at the happiness, and the good memories you have had and now it is time for you to look to the future. Remember a piece of his heart, soul, spirit will always ALWAYS be part of you. Nothing would change that.

Joe