[Picozi]

Threads merged

My ex and I broke up about 3 weeks ago. It was a harsh one because we both were very attached and yet had too many problems...
The reason for the breakup(which he did) is that we're both leaving the country for almost a year,in six months,so we thoughts now is better than later,mainly his idea.

He suggested staying friends,a first I refused(being so hurt),but then I thought about it,maybe we both need that space,and yet need to be in contact .

We met a couple of times,we talk on the phone often(I call/text) and he replies/calls back.and of course we have the same amazing ,romantic sex we had back when we were togather,when we spend a day togather we still act like a couple(hold hands,flirt,kiss and laugh) I sometimes forget we're not togather anymore

He keeps asking me if I sleep with someone else,and I don't give a clear answer,so he tries to tease me about other girls.. but very soon says he made it up just to piss me because I piss him speaking of other guys I've done things with(which I don't of course).

He does say he miss me and even he still loves me,and he asks if he's a friend for me or just a sex tool and I say sex tool and then he says I'm evil.
Today I didn't call him or text him.. he did..
I really hope it lasts like that and he keeps calling.. :'(
I'm in love with this man more than I ever was.. and I'm a 23 year old girl who had seen too much,to know when I'm in love.

My question is-
A) does anyone see us getting back togather?
B)how the heck can I get him back?

[friend4u178]

First thing you need to do is STOP having Sex with him , he's quite happy for you to be his Booty call while not having to commit to you.

Try it , you may just see a change in his behaviour , however I wouldn't be hanging on waiting for him if it doesn't.

[Picozi]

Thank you so much for the extra fast answer:)!
Well,I was the one who ask for the sex part,and he was shocked!

But I explained to him that I want the sex because it's great and because no one knows my body like he does(he was my first sex),and that I don't want to look around ad start dating and all that,I just don't feel ready yet..

So far he is my booty call(I'm the one who calls to set up a sex date.. )and I don't regret that..
But I'm really not sure what I should do..

[friend4u178]

If all you want is the Sex fine , I can assure you he's fine with it as well.

If you want him back as a BF , I'm afraid that's not going to happen while you remain a Booty call for him , you see he now has the best of both worlds , no commitment but still gets to get his rocks off.

So your choice really.

[Picozi]

I guess I should just rethink that..
Or get the balls to tell him what I really want.
Thank you again :)! <3

[friend4u178]

My pleasure , lets us know how you go :)

[J_9]

my question is-
A) does anyone see us getting back togather??
B)how the heck can I get him back??

A) I don't see that the two of you actually broke up.
B) You don't need to get him back, you two are still together.

Breaking up means no sex and no contact. So, in essence, even though you both uttered the words "break up," you haven't actually broken up.

[Picozi]

Well.. I really wish that was true.
Thing is I was the one who asked for this(us just having sex),thinking it would get him back..
I'm not sure if that works or not..
I just can't go tell him straight up let's get back togather,instead I keep reminding him it's just a sex thingy,which seems to bug him sometimes..

I'm not sure about anything anymore,but I do think about him a lot,I do want to talk to him all he time(though I don't) and at the same time I love being in bed with him because it still feels the same,like we r still togather.

One thing I'm very afraid of,is him finding someone new,and that's another reason for keeping the sex thing on,just to keep him from "the need" he might search for elsewhere.

This is really confusing! :(

[Romefalls19]

I got a question, why buy the cow if you get the milk for free? Doesn't make sense. Stop sleeping with him, it won't make him come back

[friend4u178]

one thing I'm very afraid of,is him finding someone new,and that's another reason for keeping the sex thing on,just to keep him from "the need" he might search for elsewhere.

What makes you think that'll stop him finding someone new? you're his backup and as soon as he finds someone else he'll drop you like a Hot Potato , your filling his needs at the moment and all the while your hanging on and delaying moving on until he finds someone else.

this is really confusing! :(

Well you can stop the confusion really quickly , accept that it's over and get started with your healing , it's hard at the start but the fact is your going to have to do it at some stage , may as well do it on your terms.

[talaniman]

My question is-

A) does anyone see us getting back together?

No I don't, because as J_9 said, all you have done is taken away the official relationship title, and changed it to "Friends with Benefits", and also because you have reality, and BS all mixed up, and need to stop this mutual manipulation, and stop using sex to keep him coming back (guys like being booty calls) because at this point he knows you will call him back, but he doesn't want to stay. Using sex to influence him is also a BS game he doesn't mind playing, because he still can leave and do whatever he pleases. This ain't love, its a silly game, and your only fooling yourself.,

B)how the heck can I get him back?

Stop playing sex games, and the mind games have to go to, and see if he comes back on his own without the reward of candy. At least then you will know if its love or lust, but I doubt he wants you for anything but sex, and without it, there is nothing. Sex he can get from anyone, so stop thinking what's between your legs is any better than any skank he can find. No, I didn't call you a skank, but they can do, whatever you can do.

Without the benefit of sex, then maybe you both can judge each other by the merits of your characters, not the steam of your sex.

[AlwysConfezzled]

A) you ARE TOGETHER

B) due to a you don't need to!

[Picozi]

Well..
I he texted me today saying he loves me a lot and is thinking a lot about me...

And I know what you people are saying about booty calls and mind games,and I agree that it's cheap and I know that it won't keep him.

Yet I just want to have him around.. it's not like I'm forcing myself to have sex with him..

[J_9]

yet i just want to have him around..it's not like im forcing myself to have sex with him..

You are in for a world of hurt when he does find someone else. You know that don't you?

[Picozi]

That's why I want to stay "around",not only in terms of sex,I mean we do talk on the phone almost everday.. and I say he says he loves me.

Maybe he's rethinking the whole breakup? And if I pull away all at once he'll think I'm not interested so he'll move on,see I don't want to letthis happen..
Because I do have some hope about him coming back..

Trust me I already have nightmares of him dating someone new.

Yet when I remember why we broke up(because we are both leaving for a long time,and neither of us wants to be committed while we're that far from each other),and because we thought it will hurt less now than latter.


I realize that chances are very low that he'll meet someone,because he simply doesn't want that now.

[friend4u178]

I realize that chances are very low tht he'll meet someone,because he simply doesnt want that now.

The thing is you actually don't know what he wants , he may tell you one thing but that's not necessarily what he's thinking.

And if you want him to come back , as a couple , you STOP having sex with him , otherwise he's a happy as a fat spider the way the arrangement is now.

[Picozi]

Okay,the next time we meet,we won't have sex,I will ask him what he wants,and depending on that we'll move on...
I need to get over that fear ,and just talk straight ahead..

[laylay33]

I have the same problem, on a way smaller scale. It sucks but just keep telling yourself to stay strong.

[Picozi]

Hey people!
I need help..
I have done a huge mistake.
My ex and I were supposed to go out tomorrow..
And I changed my relationship o Facebook to it's complicated(which is a joke between a friend and I).

Bad thing'my ex saw it and commented on it saying"I am happy for u"!

I texted him I don't understand ,last night you say you love me and today your happy for me?
He didn't text back..
I removed the realationship thingy right away.. along with his comment

What do I do now,feeling that I ve blocked chances of us getting back togather maybe?

And how would I know if he would want to see me tomorrow after that??

Please help me out:(
I'm out of plans!

[Picozi]

Hey everybody..
My boyfriend and I broke up a month ago,and two weeks ago(a week after breaking up)
We got back togather,started colder than what it used to be,but it got better(almost as good as it was ).

However,there's this girl working with him,who likes him a lot.. that has always been a problem with her.
I asked him not to talk to her(out of working hours) and he agreed. That was before we broke up and I never had problems with her afterwards.

Today however,we were togather and his phone rang.. it wasa her,he didn't answer and it was very clear he got all stresssed.
I asked him why don't u answer and why does she call u,he said I won't answer because I'm with you so ntn is more important and that they are friends now!
He saw I wasa bugged and said there's nothing to worry about,I asked him to call him back while I was with him,he didn't want to.

My senses tell me it's stinky and that something wrong is going on,yet why would he still want me if he already has someone else..

What should I do?