[detective64]

My wife has a new best friend, a gay man should I be concerned? Everyone I talk to about her new friend says he's gay... there relationship has gotten pretty close lately. They text all the time. She works out of town for two weeks at a time and home for the other 2wks. I look at the texting activity online. I can see 2hr text sessions. They work 2gthr. When there not at work they text all the time. They have gone to the movies and go to the gym. He just broke up with his partner after a 3 year relationship. She is 40 and he is 25. We have been married 20 years and have a great relationship, we are very active sexually. She wants sex all the time, I never say no. She earased her text message the last time she came home. We talked about that and she said she didn't want me to worrie about how much texting they. She said she won't delete them anymore and wants me to read them now. Since she got home the texting completely stopped... not one text!! When she returned back to work the txting slowly started up again and is pretty active again. She know I look at it online... She has said to me "I have nothing to worrie about" other people that know him very good say the same. Is this the perfect affair. I have met him and he is good looking, great shape and tan. I just have a gut sick feeling. Can't sleep, can't eat, I'm obsessed. I've cryied for 30-45 min and just drove around in the car. Because I didn't want our kids to see me like that. Do gay guys like to have sex with hot married women. My wife is hot. Could she be falling in love with him? I'm sure she feels safe to talk to him about anything and I'm sure they do. Is this dangerous ground? Should I ask her to end the friendship because I'm uncomforable with it? Or do I just sit back and watch it unfold..

[detective64]

My wife has a new best friend, a gay man should I be concerned? Everyone I talk to about her new friend says he's gay... there relationship has gotten pretty close lately. They text all the time. She works out of town for two weeks at a time and home for the other 2wks. I look at the texting activity online. I can see 2hr text sessions. They work 2gthr. When there not at work they text all the time. They have gone to the movies and go to the gym. He just broke up with his partner after a 3 year relationship. She is 40 and he is 25. We have been married 20 years and have a great relationship, we are very active sexually. She wants sex all the time, I never say no. She earased her text message the last time she came home. We talked about that and she said she didn't want me to worrie about how much texting they. She said she won't delete them anymore and wants me to read them now. Since she got home the texting completely stopped... not one text!! When she returned back to work the txting slowly started up again and is pretty active again. She know I look at it online... She has said to me "I have nothing to worrie about" other people that know him very good say the same. Is this the perfect affair. I have met him and he is good looking, great shape and tan. I just have a gut sick feeling. Can't sleep, can't eat, I'm obsessed. I've cryied for 30-45 min and just drove around in the car. Because I didn't want our kids to see me like that. Do gay guys like to have sex with hot married women. My wife is hot. Could she be falling in love with him? I'm sure she feels safe to talk to him about anything and I'm sure they do. Is this dangerous ground? Should I ask her to end the friendship because I'm uncomforable with it? Or do I just sit back and watch it unfold..

[hheath541]

Having a gay guy for a friend is a lot like having a girl friend. If he's gay, then they're not having an affair.

That doesn't mean they don't end up talking about sex. Gay guys, like many girls, are very open, and often graphic, about sex.

They may also flirt. It's harmless. Both parties know nothing will come of it. It's just fun to flirt and trade compliments with someone without having to worry that they'll think you want to jump in bed with them.

It sounds like she's been lucky enough to find a good friend. Your open jealousy is probably just making her upset.

Do you trust your wife?

You want to know if gay guys like to have sex with hot married women. Well, do straight guys like to have sex with hot, married, gay men? Being gay means he's not interested in women as sexual partners. Not only that, but the fact that he was in a relationship for 3 years says that he probably has more dignity and respect than to have an affair.

Stop worrying yourself sick. You wouldn't be this worried if her new friend was a woman.

[Fr_Chuck]

Some gay men may be bi sexual. And the gay thing may just be a stoy,
Forget about gay or not, married women do not text with anyone other than their husband for hours at a time

[detective64]

Yes, I trust her... it just seemed she was hiding it. When she deleted their text msg's it seemed stranged. Wouldn't she want me to read them to put my mind at ease? Instead she must have thought there might be a chance I would read them so she deleted them. And then all communication stopped when she got home. I asked her if she told him to stop and she said no. I asked if they talked about not txting when she home and she said nope. If he is bi-sexual then that's a dif story.

[Kitkat22]

A gay male is no threat to you! He likes men. :confused:

[detective64]

She is my best friend, we are together 24/7 when she's home and every thing is great... everything.. what about if she sugested getting a sex toy for me... that she can use on me? Could that just mean she's curious if I would enjoy the same as a gay man? I am even thinking of going to a gay bar just to talk to gay people. Any thoughts on that?

[hheath541]

Yes, I trust her... it just seemed she was hiding it. when she deleted their text msg's it seemed stranged. wouldn't she want me to read them to put my mind at ease? instead she must have thought there might be a chance I would read them so she deleted them. and then all communication stoped when she got home. I asked her if she told him to stop and she said no. I asked if they talked about not txting when she home and she said nope. If he is bi-sexual then thats a dif story.

I assume you have people other than her you talk to. It doesn't matter if it's in person, or over email, or texting. I'm sure she is not the only human being you ever talk to.

If I'm right, then I'm sure there are things you talk about with them that you don't talk about with her. Not because you're hiding something, but because she has no reason to know.

Well, being married to her does NOT mean you have the right to know every detail of every conversation she has with someone else, woman OR man. She has the right to have private conversations with a friend without letting you read what was said. The mere fact that you EXPECT that, is a HUGE invasion of privacy.

It's very possible that he just didn't see a reason to text while she was home. Maybe he had other things to do. Maybe he figured their friendship wasn't to the point where he felt comfortable texting her at home. Maybe a million different reasons that don't matter.

Now. STOP trying to find reasons she may be having sex with this man. You say you trust her, yet you seem CONVINCED she's having an affair.

She is my best friend, we are together 24/7 when she's home and every thing is great... everything.. what about if she sugested getting a sex toy for me... that she can use on me?? could that just mean she's curious if i would enjoy the same as a gay man?? I am even thinking of going to a gay bar just to talk to gay people. any thoughts on that?

You sound SERIOUSLY codependent. You need to make other friends. Find people to spend time with while she's away.

As far the sex toy; it has NOTHING to do with wanting to use a toy on a gay man. Maybe she just wants to add some spice to your sex life. I have a feeling you're not one to experiment.

You're DRASTICALLY over-thinking this, to the point of unhealthy obsession. You've got an idea in your head and you're INSISTING on finding a way to prove it true, ignoring all logic and reason. You're probably driving her CRAZY with this.

Chances are 99.99% that she is NOT having an affair with a gay man. Being gay means he isn't interested in sex of ANY kind, even with toys, involving women.

Give up on this. Go find another bone to chew on, or beat another dead horse.

[Clough]

Hi, detective64!

Due to the nature of the work that I've done most of my life, most of my closest friends are married women. There have been times that the husbands have been unreasonably and irrationally insecure about the friendly relationship that I was having with their spouses.

When I knew that the husbands were having doubts, those are times when I backed off spending time with the women. In all of the relationships with the women though, I always made sure that I spent some time with them as a couple. I guess you could say I was a "friend of the family", so to speak.

My suggestion would be to see if this guy will spend some time with you and your spouse. Doing that could give you a greater picture as to how he is and what he's about.

Thanks!

[Kitkat22]

Friends are friends no matter what! This guy seems to be important to your wife as a friend.
Would she say anything if you started being friends with a gay woman?

[detective64]

The work schedule is only six months old. Before that she hasn't worked for the last 20 yrs. We do everything together and I only have business friends. I don't want to envolve our personal friends. We did get the toy and it was very dif however a pleasurable experience.

Thank you... you are right, I am overthinking it and never thought of the privacy thing like that. WOW!! That sick feeling is gone for the 1st time in a long time... any other thoughts? If she offers to let me read her txt's, would it be wise to not read them?

[detective64]

Kitkat22, good ? Would it be normal and understandabnle for her to be concerned, especially if this new friend and I became very close.

Anyway I sure I'm overthinking it. It would be easier to deal with if her new best friend was a female. Any thoughts on the reading her txt's?

[hheath541]

Not reading them, even if she offers, would go a LONG way toward showing that you trust her. She'll also be more likely to share things on her own if she doesn't feel pressured or guilted into it.

You should also stop checking the text history online. If you guys have unlimited texting, which I'm guessing you do, then it doesn't really matter how often, long, or many times she texts anyone.

Now, for yourself, you need a guys' night out. When your wife's away at work, arrange a night out with your friends, or go somewhere on your own. Once you have friends you talk to outside of work, you won't be worrying about her work friend as much.

[detective64]

Clough, my wife offered to arrange some time and he is seeming to avoid the date.

[Kitkat22]

kitkat22, good ? would it be normal and understandabnle for her to be concerned, especially if this new friend and I became very close.

anyway I sure I'm overthinking it. It would be easier to deal with if her new best friend was a female. any thoughts on the reading her txt's ??

Hey Detective your human, you love your wife and from the sound of it you all have a great marriage! You stop that worrying and ask her if you can read the text. You seem like a nice man and I'll bet your wife wouldn't change a thing about you. STOP WORRYING:D

If your friend were a gay woman, I don't think you wife would mind. Gay people are
Are not looking for a sexual relationship with the opposite sex. I don't think you have anything to worry about. If my husband had a gay woman as a friend I don't think it would bother me. I would hope I would be understanding. Now if the texts are really bothering you , read them. I would bet you there's nothing to worry about.

[detective64]

hheath541, I think so also... what if she insist?

[hheath541]

Clough, my wife offered to arrange some time and he is seeming to avoid the date.

He probably doesn't think he would have anything to talk to you about. Or maybe he knows you suspect an affair and doesn't want to spend an evening hanging out with a jealous husband. Or maybe he's one of those gay men who don't really like spending time with straight men.

[detective64]

hheath541, are you gay, because you are right on.

[hheath541]

hheath541, I think so also... what if she insist?

Then you tell her you trust her, you just had a moment of self-doubt. You're over it now and know she would never cheat on you.

hheath541, are you gay, because you are right on.

Yes, but not a gay man. I've known several, though.

[detective64]

Thanks, I will be back latter.