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kp2171 · Mar 19, 2010, 02:52 PM

Buddy...

k...

Should we just stop posting and just loop the last week of posts over and over?

Cause a week ago I told you to watch the pattern...

She calls. You freak. She calls. You freak. She freaks. You breakdown and talk (and don't think I didn't see that you told her "if you want to work things out then we can talk").

You wind up posting here. Asking what to do. Nothing changes.

Yes, you seem to maybe be making some progress, but it is really a surprise that she still acts like, well, her?!

Cause she still IS the same person as before, just ticked off she can't manipulate you...

So...

I don't know... I think it is absolutely NO surprise to the people here on your thread that this keeps happening.

Are you really shocked? Like this is new behavior? Buddy... what the hell is new?

EXPECT

HER

TO

FLIP

OUT

AND

CAUSE

DRAMA

And please... please... stop asking why is she doing this? You've been told over and over and over.

You've been told its not pretty sometimes when a breakup goes bad.

So try a little bit harder to be patient. Try to expect from her nothng more than what you are getting (drama and noise) and try to appreciate how moving on from this is going to feel so much better in time.

But you can't teleport from here to there.

So suck it up and expect the worst from her and expect yourself to hold the line.

She is mad because you are trying to move on and that threatens her. Period.

And thank GOD that you are seeing this now before you spent months or years more on somebody who is so controlling and hateful.

kp2171 · Mar 19, 2010, 03:02 PM

By the way

I'm just b!tchy today...

But really... EXPECT the noise

Kitkat22 · Mar 19, 2010, 03:08 PM

Originally Posted by kp2171

btw

im just b!tchy today...

but really... EXPECT the noise

Look take the advice and stop asking why she is doing this. Who knows maybe she's a wants to see how long she can watch you hang on. I don't know what else to say. You keep asking we keep telling you what you should do! I'm sorry but it's like beating a dead horse.

Showme_urmove · Mar 20, 2010, 01:25 AM

I know I just realized that I am going in circles when she gets in contact with me, I don't mean to, it just happens. KP and Kitkat thank you for being upfront and tell me how it is. I need to know and see my faults. Its not that I'm not listening I am, you guys had really made me opened my eyes on seeing the kind of girl that she is. And I thank you for that, cause if I didn't stumble into this website I know I would be at her knees begging for her, and yes KP I am buying myself a backbone.

To let you guys know that it is getting easier to move on each day, I am getting used to doing the things I am now doing and it feels good. I want you guys to be truthful and you guys had been so thank you.

I'm sorry but it's like beating a dead horse.

it might sound like it but I am listening to what everyone's advice, just in the moment when she gets a contact with me I get lost and confused. Guess I'm not that strong yet, but I am stronger now then the first time I got here, so please be patient with me. I know you guys are frustrated but I am listening to every word that is put in this thread so thank you very much for the help.

amicon · Mar 20, 2010, 01:37 AM

If we come across as impatient,its probably because,to us,its easier to see what she's up to-we have no emotional investment in the situation.

As you are the one who came here asking for advice,we are trying to help you get past this as quickly as possible.

I'll say it again,onehundred %no contact will stop all this confusion.

Trust me on that one.

Showme_urmove · Mar 20, 2010, 01:42 AM

I know I have been doing that this past week, she called my cell phone with a different number and I can't change my # cause its also used for our business #. I'm not trying to contact her at all haven't even tried to pick up the phone and dial her number, it just when I got that call I was shock and didn't expect it to be her that's what happened.

talaniman · Mar 20, 2010, 07:43 AM

When she sneaks back in to your life simply keep it short, polite, and be too busy, and unavailable, to be drawn into any conversations about her past, and don't let her use your confusion against you. That's best accomplished by not listening to her.

Kitkat22 · Mar 20, 2010, 08:39 AM

Leave the woman alone! Do you like being miserable? If you do let her do wahat she's doing. Get a leash and give it her and say, "okay baby, even though
you have cheated, lied and made me feel lower than dirt, I'm willing do be your little puppy, just to be around you". You might as well she might even let you come in out of the doghouse sometime when there's not another big dog in the picture! You need to stop whining and pull yourself together tell her she's not worth it! If your lucky IN TIME there will be a NICE girl who comes along and if you are still whining over this one, you'll miss the boat.

talaniman · Mar 20, 2010, 10:16 AM

I did keep the conversation short once I realize it was her

That's a good step in the right direction, as she will get the hint sooner, or later. Meanwhile, I hope you're doing your best to getting a life that you enjoy. Then these out of the blue contacts won't shock you, confuse you, or throw you off, because they will have no meaning to you, nor will they even distract you from what you're doing for your own happiness.

Time is on your side if you're busy.

Kitkat22 · Mar 20, 2010, 01:28 PM

Move on and chalk this one up as a learning experience and you won't make the same mistake again.

Good Luck and Blessings

Showme_urmove · Mar 21, 2010, 11:11 PM

Yea I am moving on with my life, she had been trying hard to contact me this whole week but I have kept the no contact going. Its rough I know but its getting better and better everyday. And when the loneliness do come back I just expect it to happen like what kp2171 said welcome it when it comes. So that's what I have been doing, its weird though cause what I'm thinking now its different to how I was thinking before. Thank you all for finally opening up my eyes, I finally see that I am better of without her. I know I don't want to be with her anymore, its not worth my time. So again thank you for being here when I needed you guys, I'm taking this day by day and each day passes also my pain fades.

THANK YOU ALL VERY MUCH!!

amicon · Mar 21, 2010, 11:16 PM

Hey-you're very welcome.

Its seems you've turned the corner now-great.

Stick to NC and stay strong.

kp2171 · Mar 21, 2010, 11:19 PM

Glad to hear things are OK right now...

Like I said, expect it to cycle between highs and low... usually in time the swings become less severe.

And sometimes you just can't get out of your own head... but, again, that's just part of the process. Its easy to trust the process on the good days... its harder to believe its working on the rough ones... but that's when you remind yourself that healing isn't about burying or avoiding pain or hurt... its about working through it, and that usually takes longer than we would like

Kitkat22 · Mar 22, 2010, 05:20 AM

Showme... I'm so glad to hear from you. I can be very outspoken and very caustic at times. I only hope it helped and I'm so glad to hear you are doing better! I'm glad you posted again.

Showme_urmove · Mar 24, 2010, 09:56 PM

Hey everyone so I was doing so good on doing the NO CONTACT, but all day today I just started to miss her. I need you guys help on how to stop thinking about her, I just feel so alone and its pissing me off. I tried doing everything to stop thinking about her, but for some reason it just keeps coming back, I don't want to break the NC cause of this feelings. But for some reason its worse then before. Why is that? Why do you think this is happening. I really want to move on with my life but this feeling just hit me like a speeding train.

talaniman · Mar 24, 2010, 11:15 PM

You know, coping with your feelings is mostly a matter of focus, and knowing yourself. I think when people get into a good routine, and have made a plan, then they know what to do, when they feel certain ways.

Ever wonder how you never trip, when your thinking good things, or doing things you like? But when we are bored or idle dong nothing, old memories creep up and stir old FEELINGS.

When I think bad things, or want to change my thoughts, I always do something physically, that changes the focus. Clean closets, polished shoes, change channels, anything to change the focus. (okay been awhile for those things, but you get my point).

This site is great when you can share experiences with others, and see what they are going through, and even know how they feel. I have noticed you answering other questions with some good, helpful advice, and I have to believe that helps a lot, and after a few hours of typing, I usually fall out, and I think so will you, so that's a start in the right direction. Just get busy when the thoughts get you down, and always have something good to do.

the_original · Mar 24, 2010, 11:21 PM

Stay strong man don't contact her. Re read your earlier posts about how you know your better off without her. As tine passes we are under the impression it's supposed to get easier but that's not always the case. Some days are really much harder as time goes on. But as for getting your mind off her, I know it's hard just keep trying to entertain yourself. I donno how old you are, but I'm 22, and when I think of my ex I just play some call of duty with friends, watch a movie like Rambo or something, and if sh keeps creeping up in your head, try and make yourself hate her. Instead of dwelling on good things, think about her not so good qualities. We are here for you pal

Showme_urmove · Mar 24, 2010, 11:37 PM

Your right talaniman, I usually get home late from working on my business. But today I wasn't that busy so I guess that's why I have this old feeling back. Its just so amazing how much power this feeling can have over you if you have no strength to handle it. I'm doing my best to not contact her and I haven't yet so thank you.

Showme_urmove · Mar 24, 2010, 11:40 PM

The_original I am doing my best to stay strong. Yea I know I am re reading my post, I just turn 23 this month and yea man just trying my best to cope with this emotions. Today was just the worst feeling for some reason. I don't know why. I did every thing I used to do when a thought of her comes but it was just to powerful. I'm better now, I guess it was just the moment I know I'm never going to get back out with her that's for sure. But when this emotion comes Its not so much getting back but just to hear from her you know what I'm saying. But thank you all for giving me this advice it really helped me from taking my mind of her.

Kitkat22 · Mar 24, 2010, 11:41 PM

Originally Posted by Showme_urmove

your right talaniman, I usually get home late from working on my business. But today i wasnt that busy so i guess thats why i have this old feeling back. Its just so amazing how much power this feeling can have over you if you have no strength to handle it. I'm doing my best to not contact her and i havent yet so thank you.

YOU can do it! I know you can! I have confidence in you although I have gotten mad at you. Please don't let yourself down nor the people here. I know you can stay strong! Good Luck Buddy:D