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Rockstar714 · Mar 10, 2010, 10:54 AM

I'm a bridesmaid in a wedding with 10 other bridesmaids. I'm also the wedding planner and have been working on this wedding non stop since Jan 2009. I am the only BM that has been there for all the trips to the dress shops, the wedding shows and everything. I started planning the bridal shower months ago, and the bride knew this.

All of a sudden this other BM decides that she is in charge and has just taken off and done her own thing. The bride is at an academy for her job and isn't available during the week, and weekends are spent exclusively with her fiancée.

I've talked to the MOB and she agrees with me and is worried how everything will turn out because so far the bridal shower is going super tacky.

Any suggestions on what I should do? I'm definitely putting my foot down on planning the bachelorette party (I plan parties for a living, I know what I'm doing) but I'm having trouble dealing with her. She even got mad at me because I wouldn't wear the BM dress SHE wanted me to!

Blue Angel · Mar 10, 2010, 11:22 AM

The voice that really matters here is the Bride's. It's frustrating dealing with someone who thinks they're the center of the world but there's not much you can do about it unless the Bride makes her needs clear. I would suggest finding out what she wants, who she wants to do the planning, etc. If she wants to allow things to go this way let her, she's the one who will have to deal with the outcome. But definitely look into it first, maybe the Bride doesn't know this issue is happening.

dontknownuthin · Mar 11, 2010, 12:06 AM

Who's hosting the shower? If the bridesmaid is hosting it, tacky or not, it's her call. As for dresses and other decisions, that's up to the bride. I would not confront the bridemaid - express your concerns to the bride and ask her to make clear to everyone what she wants. If she wants the other bridesmaid to make some decisions, let her even if they are bad decisions. If you aren't comfortable planning the wedding with this other input, let the bride know so she can decide whether she wants you to continue with all the planning.

It's not fair for the bride to leave it all in your hands unless she's paying you, and even then, a paid planner needs to have access to her client.

Alty · Mar 11, 2010, 12:10 AM

This is why I was only a bridesmaid once, that was enough. It's not fun, too many opinions, too many wants, I was so happy when it was over.

I'd rather be the bride, that was fun. :)

dontknownuthin · Mar 11, 2010, 04:40 PM

It's unfortunate that being a bridesmaid has turned into a job. It used to be a simple honor - the bridesmaids would choose a dress style together, perhaps plan a simple shower in one of their homes together, show up to the wedding and make a fuss about how lovely everything was and that was the end of it. Now it's like a combination of a combat assignment and a test of patience!

Alty · Mar 11, 2010, 05:05 PM

Okay, I had an ice cap so I'm a bit loopy but I just noticed that the OP shortened bridesmaid to BM. That's just funny. :p

Gemini54 · Mar 12, 2010, 01:14 AM

Ten bridesmaids and planning the wedding since Jan2009!

Each to their own, but I'd be running away to elope in the Bahamas if it were me!

Time for you and the MOB to talk to the bride I reckon - it's her wedding, and she gets to decide who does what.

0rphan · Mar 13, 2010, 04:02 PM

I think you all need to get together ( in a friendly manner ) and decide once and for all, who is responsible for what.

I'm sure you all want the day to go well for everyone,so deligate.

Communication seems to be the problem here, or should I say the lack of it.

Get together, share the burden, this will result in a well plan,very organized,fabulous day not only for the happy couple but for all concerned.

You can then look back at your achievement happy in the knowledge, that their happy day was down to your organization skills... give yourselves a big patt on the back