[demesne7]

Hope someone can help

I've been struggling with the thought of being gay for the last couple of months. I can't seem to get the thought of being gay out of my head. Every man I see/speak to/friends with I think about whether they're gay, also the word gay keeps popping into my head when I'm not concentrating on a task. I'm not joking, honestly!

I've always been in relationships with women and I was devastated when I broke up with my last girlfriend - she ended it. A week or so after I started finding myself attracted to men, I've never been attracted to men previously - I'm not even sure if it's attraction, I just don't know what these feeling I'm having are. Examples of this are: I find myself staring at attractive men in a bar and when I look away the need to look at them again sticks in my head; also after breaking up with my girfriend I started thinking a lot about a guy who I play football with, who is attractive and a nice person.

I've always been hetrosexual and never thought about having sex with men or being in a relationship with one. I masterbate to straight porn and never thought about men whilst doing it. Since I've started having these thoughts, when I've masterbated the last couple of times the thought of attractive men I know have popped into my head right before I ejaculate - not the thought of having sex with them just the thought of them. I have been prone to hero worshiping male colleagues at work in the past but never to the point where I thought about having sex with them or had sexual fantises about them.

I have a high pitched voice and been told I have gay mannerisums which I've been shocked about - and hurt about as they were made on social events. I don't have many friends -male or female and tend to shy away from social activities - I think I've got social anxiety.

I think the thoughts I'm having are my brain's way of dealing with being devastated by the break up with my girlfriend: focusing on the hurtful comments that have been made and think that I am actually gay.

Hopefully the above makes sense to someone and any comments/advice would be gratefully received.

Your sincerely

Very Confused

[Larken85]

I don't think we can tell you whether you're gay or bi. Honestly anyway you look at it, its just who you can love. Sexual attraction alone does not make a gay person gay, instead it's the ability to love the other person. I can hetrosexually say I think the Rock is hot. Doesn't mean I want to sleep with him but he is hands down a good looking guy. Actually it may just be that you're jealous of these other guys that you find atractive and you wish you could be like them. However I wouldn't rule out the sexual orientation question. Instead I would (since you are single) explore my possibilities so that I know. Being true to your own feelings is the single most important thing so find out who you are and who you like. Take your time, it'll all be good. And Don't worry if you'er gay, you can't help it. You are who you are.

[smoothy]

So... find a safe descrete Drug and disease free gay guy and give him a BJ... (its safer than the other end). If nothing else... you will either like it or be horrified you ever did it.

But it should at least put the issue to rest for you if you are having that much angst about it.


Besides... tone of voice has NOTHING to do with gay or straight. Nor does being a little effiminate vs. Mr. Macho He-man.

[RagingCrowbar]

After reading your post I see some of me there, although my problem is somewhat different...

Anyway, I will start with saying that voices and speaking manner have nothing to do with being gay. A high voice is genetic, and a speaking manner is developed over time.

I find the penis attractive but not men. Its works like this, if I'm watching porn and the guy has a nice it makes the porn better.

Also, all I can say is this, experiment. Try looking at gay porn, and at naked men, watch and look at it and judge your response. If you are disgusted then you might not be gay. If you are attracted, then you might be gay or bi.

I myself have considered going bi because I am starting to become more attracted to both sexes equally...

Also, being gay/bi is not a bad thing unless you have extremely religion friend/parents/etc.

Hope my two bits helps.

[Sanjiv Bendre]

Be what you are and just enjoy the life.

[hheath541]

The mind has an amazing ability to repress unwanted thoughts and emotions. Not recognizing past attractions to other men could mean nothing. It could just be that your mind has finally gotten to the point where it can begin to understand and accept the truth.

I agree with crowbar. Check out some gay porn. Take careful note of your reactions.

When watching straight porn, catalog your reactions. Are you watching the man in the scene more than the woman? Do you want to be one of the characters? (no, wanting to be the woman doesn't mean you actually want to BE a woman, just that there's something about her situation you envy.)

If there's a bar or club in your area that's gay-friendly, but not almost-exclusively gay? If so, then go there just to soak up the atmosphere. You don't have to hit on anyone, or respond to any advances. Just spend some time in a place where seeing gay couples together is acceptable and common-place.

I would discourage physical experimentation for now. Not only is sex with an unknown partner never a good idea, but you don't want to deal with emotional fall-out. If you end up finding out you have no actual attraction toward other men, then you'll have to deal with the memory of what happened. If you do find yourself attracted to other men, then there's a whole other set of issues that could arise. You could become attached to someone who just wanted a fling. Someone you just wanted a fling with could become attached to you. It may be too soon into your realization for you to be able to handle the act itself. You could end up falling into a relationship you're not ready to handle.

Regardless of rather or not you find yourself attracted to other men, it's not fair to use someone as an experiment. Many gays do not take kindly to the closeted, or curious, dabbling in homosexuality. They feel it cheapens the struggle they went through to come out. No one likes to feel used.

Take all the time you need to figure out who you are. Don't try to rush things, or force yourself into a box just because it would be simpler.

This is YOUR life. You need to be happy with how it turns out. Don't let anyone try to tell you who or what you are. Don't let the fear of what others will think, do, or say prevent you from being honest with yourself. At the end of the day, you're the only person you have to please. Everyone else will come and go in your life.

[AJAY80]

Hiya guys, I am a married women and have been for 9 yrs, my husband has recently been undergoing the same problem as you demesne, he has been fantasizing about having sexual intercourse with another man, since he was very young, he shut himself away all his life, he has just told me about it a few weeks ago, it was no biggie to me as we think it is just a fantasy, but we are exploring it by checking out gay porn, on Internet and trying to work out how it make him feel, we are going try the gay club see what happens, I think this way is the safest way to explore , as like heath has said, no one can get hurt if you just explore other sources than actually experiencing the physical contact, I agree with heath541, just be honest with yourself, don't think about what others think,even though I know myself that easier said than done , that's what I think my husband is scared of, what people will say, or how they will react, the reason why I have wrote to you today is really just let you know you ain't alone xx