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swimcatt · Nov 29, 2006, 05:03 PM

None of the reasons are good
U should divorce, or something

Wildcat21 · Nov 30, 2006, 11:27 AM

I hope you taken everyone's advice. It's totally time to leave this relationship today. I know there are some great women here who can guide you through this. I J_9 could help you a ton if you sent here a private message.

You need to get out of this today. What he does is a form of massive abuse. This is not to take lightly. Go to a good divorce attorney and they will shed some light on this as well.

NO ONE should have to go through this type of CRUEL treatment.

beanster · Nov 30, 2006, 06:16 PM

I am in a similar situation.My husband is s.. ing around,too.After the first hurt I have to tell you:
Number one-it is not your fault.My husband put the guilt trip on me,too,and I took it but now I know better.I am on a good forum,the
Midlifecrisisforum
And it helps to read that you are not alone and it is not your fault.
Second,make sure that you keep all records about bank accounts and bills and stuff as he might try to hide assets from you.You will need them.Get counseling for yourself and legal counsel and get support from family and friends-not his,though!
Just my experience.

boo2006 · Nov 30, 2006, 09:49 PM

Thank you for all the advices so far. I just went to the website "midlifecrisisforum" recommended by Beanster. I found a article called "HIS Midlife Crisis! Will Your Relationship Survive? By Pat Gaudette, founder of The Midlife Club. Most friends from this forum advised to divorce. It is the quick fix for the current problem. My husband may learn his lesson but it will be too late. I will have new life. We can make our choices but my daughter does not have one. She is only looser in this case. I really want to work thing out. So really welcome who have been through similar situation to share some experience. I told to my husband few time over the past few days. He is in two minds, one is selfish who does not want to give up the excitement of playing around. The other is who think about the damage to family and his daughter especially. If there is hope, I does not want to walk away from this problems.

talaniman · Nov 30, 2006, 09:53 PM

Most relationship problems take time to work out. Only you can say how much time you will put into this.

valinors_sorrow · Nov 30, 2006, 10:15 PM

Originally Posted by boo2006

Thank you for all the advices so far. I just went to the website "midlifecrisisforum" recommended by Beanster. I found a article called "HIS Midlife Crisis! Will Your Relationship Survive? by Pat Gaudette, founder of The Midlife Club. Most friends from this forum advised to divorce. It is the quick fix for the current problem. My husband may learn his lesson but it will be too late. I will have new life. We can make our choices but my daughter does not have one. She is only looser in this case. I really want to work thing out. So really welcome who have been through similar situation to share some experience. I told to my husband few time over the past few days. He is in two minds, one is selfish who does not want to give up the excitement of playing around. The other is who think about the damage to family and his daughter especially. If there is hope, I does not want to walk away from this problems.

I don't know the site you mention but please let me add this. There is nothing "quick fix" about a divorce. To think like that would be a serious underestimation of the pain that ordeal is. And this problem is not just current-- its pretty entrenched from what you indicated. If he is willing to work with you, go for it. Seek marriage counseling. Knowing what I know about "work" like that-- its going to be no easy task for him. And regardless of whether he works it out or you splt up, you might consider tackling a little work in the abused wife department too -- it could pay off well for you. You can have a new life but it takes effort too. One day at a time, one decision at a time. Choose well and good luck.

Wildcat21 · Dec 1, 2006, 11:27 AM

Personally - I don't think you will work things out with this guy - he'scheated on you before. This isn't a mid-life crissis. He treats you like crap.

I bet $1 million he never change - talks is cheap. He had his chance over and over.

This isn't some ream where he will magically stop doing what he is doing. Hedoesn't respect you - you do somehthing doesn't comand respect - I assume not spine.

Time to grow a spine and self confidence and dump this loser.

Allheart · Dec 2, 2006, 12:48 AM

Hi Boo,

My oh My. First, without ever having meeting you, I just know you are one beautiful women both inside and out.

As far as your husband goes, don't know him, and can only go by what you shared. In reading your words, I felt my own heart pounded down to the ground with each word, thought, comment he has said to you. I can only try and imagine what all of this has done to you inside and yet, you are still standing and it appears you want to keep your family whole. Boo, it is apparent that you do still have internal strength, which is amazing considering all that you have and are enduring, but good for you.

If I were in your shoes, the first place I would seek support would be with my Church. Not sure if you are affliated with a Church. When I was feeling a bit lost, a sought the council of a priest (I am Catholic). Some may balk at that as they say what do priest know, they were never married. However, you will be AMAZED at the wonderful advice, council and loving guidance I received. The priest was able to cut right to the chase. He was able to do this as he used the marriage vows spoken and shared as the base for his
Advice and guidance. It was incredibly enlightening and believe you me right on the money. I will tell you this, if my situation was like yours, I think the priest would be floored, and this may surprise some, but the priest I sought council from, more than likely would give the same advice given here. This is an incredibly unhealthy situation for you to remain in. Something needs to change. You deserve so much better.

I just share this with you as a possibility for a place to start in your healing.

You are an amazing women and I wish you all the best.

Please stay in touch with us, you have many folks who care.

talaniman · Dec 2, 2006, 05:41 AM

Fill your time with the things YOU enjoy doing, Hobbies, a JOB, friends. Don't nag or pressure him, but be less available. Take a vacation to clear your head, heart, and emotions. Think of what YOU want, plan how to get it, and go for it. If you have to leave him in front of his computer, do so because you have a life. If he can't wake up and smell the coffee let him sleep. If he can't give you the attention he gives others, something's wrong with him. HIS problem not yours. You deserve a life, and to be happy, and have fun. Depend on yourself for these things.