[amish1980]

Hi

Recently I decided to end my 'single life' and live with someone that I thought my soulmate. I've been in few relationship, but this is my first time in my life I felt as I've found THE ONE. I'm 28 and I think it's about time to settle down with someone that I can count on. I'm working abroad and had met her on the internet. We're rivals 2 years ago and never appear in my mind that she's the person that I want to spend my life with.

she Google for me and found me in fb and we became friends and fall for each other.Everything was running smooth, I came back from oversea and met her.I'm really happy until I bump her best friend.I discovered something that is unacceptable to myself. I've been forcing myself to accept it but my logical thinking rejects it.I don't want to be self-centered but I really wish to have a family of my own.I'm financially and mentally ready, life planning wise, I have prepare everything in place earlier.I have a good future ahead and would love to share it with her.

recently I left my job and change to a moderate job in my country, as I wanted to be close to her and be next to her when she's in blue.Then came her best friend called X.In the middle of nowhere, she told my so called soulmate that our relationship will only last till march. X had sent me a weird message stating that she'd always heard my name but she never interested to get to know me. I was surprised as in the middle of nowhere, I got a message from X. The attack started to kick in. When I came to her house, X started to send weird sms to my soulmate.She threaten to leave the house and how down she was and that my soulmate is extremely important to her. Even when I say hi to her in a nice manner, she totally ignored me and pretend that I don't exist. I tried to steal her heart few times (organize bbq with my soulmate friends, cook my specialities etc), she totally ignored me.

I started to feel exhausted with her best friend attitude as I'm way younger than both of them.My soulmate love to keep silent and buying time and let things floating rather than 'real discussion'.I found out something really weird, her best friend had a boyfriend but I believe that she had crush on my soulmate.they've been together for 7 years, living together. So, I asked about her from my soulmate and to my surprise, the friendship is really weird and illogical.

My soulmate were protecting her all this while to the extend that she loan quite a huge amount to take care of her best friend.They sleep in one bed and at times, they sleep naked. They had few intimate (sex) for the past years but according to my soulmate, they were just best friend. I myself had few best friend and I had purposely draw a line for my best friend not to interfere in my relationship. I take my time to explain to my best friends on how important 'space' is to individuals.

I left everything for this relationship and expect to have a secure yet peaceful relationship in return.Everything was nicely placed (house, car, finance, life planning, career) but I'm caught in this situation. My soulmate told me that she'd promised to take good care of her best friend for the rest of her life.I could not take it but to end up with a smile and my heart shattered into pieces. Her best friend started to choreograph some sad drama and I find that my soulmate stuck between me and her.

I am fed up and try to move on. I called for break up as I don't take that as friendship as both are possessive to one another. I told her that her soulmate is her best friend and that they belong to each other. I'm not allowed to use their belongings i.e. watch TV, use their glasses just to get some drinks, sleep on their bed, sat on their sofa etc as her best friend said it is belong to THEM. I never come across such rudeness in my life especially there's visitor coming in to my house. I am not comfortable with this situation as her best friend started to demand higher priority. Somehow I really believe family comes first, then only the rest, my soulmate were keeping things hanging and don't have any solution. When I asked for break up, she asked be to stay put and be patience.

I never regret the things that I've done for her as I believe there's always good things/lesson behind it. It's like I'm building a family but we can't live together. Her best friend might kill herself should she move out from that house. I told them that the relationship that they had is not best friend but more or less couple. My soulmate keep on pushing me to believe that it was only best friend. She begged me not to leave her but she can't draw the line to her best friend. I felt unimportant and used. I tried to change myself but it was against my logical thinking that her best friend can freely interfere our relationship.

Now, I'm cornered with situation. I truly love her but I can't deal with her best friend. I started to hold a grudge and lose myself almost completely. I'm a cheerful person and had lost my smile since day one I came back from oversea. Feeling like a zombie hoping to have a good family life. My patience running very low. I call for break up as I sense that her best friend is extremely important to her and that if she lose my soulmate, her heart will fall into pieces.

I've learn about her background, but to be honest I lead a more sad and hanky panky life if compared to her. But that what makes me stronger as I don't perform self pity and keep on seeking consultation from peers and reading. I truly love her but I can't negotiate my love life. I truly wish I can have a family.

I am reviewing myself, as it might ME that's lacking in. I don't know which part that I have not done enough to save this relationship. I try to see which part of me that need to change to save this relationship. Perhaps I'm blindly in love. I don't know what I should do. Already tried to be cupid for both of them but my soulmate were extremely mad when I try to did that. Can someone share some opinion or comments. I value criticism, perhaps there are things I should change but I fail to see it.


thank you in advance

[amicon]

Walk away from the drama.
Too much confusion ,too many,mindgames and general gameplaying.
You don't need that in your life.

Leave them to it.

Chalk it up to experience and start moving on.

[amish1980]

Dear moderator

Seek your expertise and assistance to remove my post from this site.

I've tried browsing through but could not find the delete function.
Sorry for the inconvenience caused.

Thank you in advance and have a pleasant day.

[neverme]

Why amish?

[talaniman]

Do you want this threads deleted because you have made a poor choice for a life mate, or you are tired of this love triangle with bi females??

[amish1980]

Honestly speaking, her fren seems to know her email password and said that I've been conned.
At the same time, she asked me to remove it as this is problem between me and her and that I should not post up to public. I guess I should put some respect to both of them.

About my relationship, currently it is "floating". My friend told me to keep it as a good example to others.
I don't know which one is right or wrong. As I said, I completely lost myself. So, I seek some air to breath now.
Need time to think it thoroughly.

The latest thing is she went out with my ex without me knowing it. I'm sorry but I'm gay. Hope you are open with this.
The moment I'm down, she left me and go out with my ex. This is unacceptable but she keep on pushing me saying that it's normal, nothing between them. How do I know this? It is her best friend who ring the bell as she accidentally read this and read my sms to my soulmate. She rang me and told me that what I've been told before was definitely wrong and it does not happen between them.

My so called soulmate came to me and told me that it is true. I cried a lot as I felt I've been conned, losing everything for her seems not worth it. She said I should not talk it here. But to whom I should talk to? With my condition right now, all I need is time and space.

[Larken85]

You should feel free to get advice from us. No one knows who you are, no one knows anything but your story and all we do is try to help. I'm sorry but if they do not want you posting the problems on this site then they are probably thinking that you'll take the advice and get out. Afraid that their issues are really not worth your time.

[talaniman]

Obviously you don't trust your so called "soul mate" or the influence her friend has on her.

Despite your feelings, she seems intent on keeping this triangle going, and until she makes a decision, you will share your so called soul mate with another.

That's not my definition of a soul mate, and being single again, and away from this unacceptable crap, would be better than a tug of war, that you can't win.

The problem is you allow yourself to be treated like a third wheel on a two wheeled vehicle, and that's what's unacceptable.

Read my signature, and make a decision based on facts, and not just feelings.

[amish1980]

Hi ALL

Thank you for the support and advice. It helps me to have some space to think logically rather than emotionally.

Last week, I've met my ex and we've discussed. She said she just want to see who is my new lover and what type of person she is.It is just a test and my ex purposely do some test on her.In conclusion, she said it's not worth it to be with this so called soulmate as she's unable to draw a line and fail to respect her current r/ship. During the meet up, my so called soulmate spoon feeding my ex and hold her hands stating that it's normal (a normal player will do this). My ex did few more test and the moment she heard me cried on my soulmate's phone (my soulmate just relax and do nthg), she knows what type of person I've been with.

So, my ex hold a grunge and did a revenge. According to her, she won't fall for my so called 'soulmate' and would prefer me as I'm honest and only do 1 relationship at a time. Meanwhile, I found out that her best friend choreograph everything to mess our relationship and that what she told me is NOT for saving me but based on jealousy (most of her statement is a LIE). So many things happen and everything were tabulated nicely in front of me.

As an adult myself, I faced my soulmate and hit her mind hard (no worry, no aggressiveness, I am not such person) on what's right or wrong and what she'd done are unacceptable and nonsense. Never did she'd come across a lover like me who will stand on what I believe and stress out what she had with her best fren is not frenship but 'weird love' in return. [weird love I must say where they both were so possessive against one another].

My soulmate had been humuliated by my ex who is way younger than her when my ex came clean that she won't fall for this type (my soulmate) as she would go for me instead. Feeling guilty, I don't want my ex continue to be gay and I purposely allocate a better place for her with my ex-housemate who is religiously good and personality wise-FUN! I want her to be straight and not end up with me and continuously become gay. I warned my soulmate not to mess with my ex anymore as I've done at my best for her to lead a good life rather than end up gay like us. The path is correctly placed and she's moving on. My ex is happy now and always keep me updated once awhile.I'm at relief, one job DONE. :)

Facing my soulmate, after all things were tabulated right in front of her, she was devastated and extremely down when all people leaving her. Best fren, ex(es), wife (me). She's been humiliated in a proper manner (especially by my ex). In fact, her ex(es) also come up with bad comments against her. As a wife and human myself, I told her to review herself on what she'd done to all her ex(es) (which was cruel) and that she must draw a line to her friendship if she wants to become better.

I've met 4 of her best friend, attitude wise; it is not to my liking as I was expecting maturity as they were older than me. Her '12 years best friend' keep on talking bad things about her behind her back(to her current lover) AND continuously court her current girlfriend (I'm one of them). I told her she was doomed with bad karma for having such friendship circling her. She was totally humiliated when I told her the truth and she did agree with my statement when she had a close look to her best friends. 'We are with whom we circling/get along with'. I've met my soulmate's ex and she said I'm the only person willing to fight my rights against her friendship and she was so happy with it.

I've decided to dump her. But I was stop, by thinking of my 1st love where I had done stupid mistake myself for betraying her and she still stand next to me. Although karma is served, seeing my soulmate were so tarnished and all people were dumping her, I seek humanity in myself and I offer her a crying shoulder asking her permission to share what's the reality in life and the important to have firm understanding the concept of right and wrong in LIFE according to others perspective (not her/her best friends perspective).

A GOOD friend will never agree to 'any bad things' that we commit, they will always keep us on track and continuously improve us. A GOOD friend will say 'things we hate most', as they seek the best in us. I make her realize that what she's having now is not up to the normal standard. I did put some respect to her friends BUT I go against them.
allowing my soulmate to freely dump ladies and not feeling guilty/responsible is cruel. Interfere the relationship just for own benefit is SELFISH. Her best friend uses this propaganda "i have a very bad mouth (talk rudely) but i have a good heart". I replied to her that the propaganda is only a ticket/license for her to cast such bad manner and think that it is RIGHT. That was cruelty and unacceptable. We are human and we are gifted with a wonderful brain to settle things maturely and properly. I end up saying that she is doing 'self-pity' and that she won't move on (excel in life) if she keep on pampering herself that way.

As for my soulmate, I told her she needs to fix herself and review her friendship (in rational and logical manner) and try to have understanding about life through reading and get along with NEW friends (discussion). We have mutual agreement that she won't keep in touch with my ex. I demand for respect as I want my ex to lead a healthy life, she deserve it. My ex should not be in this ridiculous drama.

If asked about my heart, it is completely ZERO, I did not feel anything when my soulmate cried. I did told her that and my heart is at peace and smiling. A friend in need is a friend indeed. Somehow when seeing her so lost and down, I ask for permission to be part of her life and be one of her best friends. It does not matter whether I'm her soulmate or not, but it does matter to help her stand up and be a LADY. After such humiliation that she'd faced, I believe she learn some lessons. I would not leave her behind as I don't want her end up to be alone and nobody guiding her (afraid she might hurt more and more ladies w/o feeling guilty).

Dear readers..

I don't know whether this is good news or not. While I was sleeping (the next day after a good fight on life concept), I accidentally over heard my soulmate conversation with her ex. She ask for forgiveness and come clean saying that she dump her because of me not because of she's marrying a guy. I shut my eyes and I smile at heart hoping that she will keep on critics herself and be normal. Honesty is a virtue. Karma speaks for itself and always find its way. :)
Last night my soulmate met her ex and do the break up in a proper manner. Last time, all that she did was sending sms "dear,let's break up!". I knock her senses saying that 'if u can't respect people, u won't gain respect in return'.

I am happy the way I am, I'm now seeking a new GOLD MINE for my career. When I lost one opportunity, does not mean I lost ALL. :) Keep on trying, luck will smile one day. (^_^)

Thank you for your guidance. I love you all. :)

[amish1980]

Just received a call from one of her best buddies. She was extremely mad at me for telling the truth of her misbehaving to my soulmate. The betrayal were not once, twice, but definitely each time she had a r/ship.

I am calm and spend time to listen. I end up saying, "your friendship with my soulmate still remain good although she knows the truth (the TRUE you). why u must be so scared and be mad? Accept the fact that you always betray a friend and that you called that TRUE friendship?"

I just listen and only say, "uh hmm, continue".. until she's tired. As I find it a waste of time to argue while karma speaks for itself. She must faced the fact that she ALWAYS stab behind the back and that's not what friends really are. Friends see the worst in you and keep on guiding you through thick and thin.

Allowing my soulmate to dump ladies and treat ladies like trash w/o really guiding her to be a LADY, pardon me, I don't take it as friend.

I could not stop shaking my head as they are way older than me and this friendship is too weird for me to accept it as a good/healthy friendship.

Hmm, the moment I'm writing this.Another call from her best friend, they were mad at me for telling what real friendship is. Perhaps I'm wrong for making my soulmate realize the truth about what friendship is. Perhaps I'm wrong for tabulating the truth about her friends misbehaving. Guess, I should not be speaking the truth to protect certain individuals.

[amish1980]

Dear my soulmate's friends

If you are reading this (I know you do), my soulmate DID NOT leave all of you. I've told her to be a friend in need. In another perspective, you see me as causing 'chaos' to your friendship. In my humble opinion, I only tell the truth and I did not asked her to leave all of you but to guide you to the correct path (dont believe me? Ask her instead).

That's 'what a friend is' in my gazzette. If you did not share the same values, I'm really sorry. I won't allow my soulmate to keep on having the same understanding that she had for the past years (12 years with self-imagination she's correct). It's time for her to critics herself and improve. At last, she come clean to her ex and be a LADY which she never done before. Did she felt happy? She told me she is happy and calm. She never had such calmness in 12 years. Perhaps you can see her and ask her whether my statement is the truth or not, you can see her very calm and she knows what she had to do in life and what's her mistake and she's improving.

Should I lie, not to worry, karma will haunt me back (I'm calm and I truly understand what karma is). Rest assured. I'm a normal human, many lackness in me, I also critics myself and will improve. I have my friends who are always knocking my head and always speak painful things to keep me right. If we always pamper ourselves and think we are right, we end up losing instead. It's extremely painful at first, but if we spare our time and think what we have done, we will discover the inner us. Your friendship is safe, no worry. I apologize for speaking unwanted things (to your eyes, but for me the truth), but that's what we have done, we must take charge and face it, critics and improve. I know you are older than me and I still respect that. Once again, my humble apology for my transparent attitude. Guess, being transparent is not really good. Will take note on that and improve myself.

You are MAD I'm writing this on the net, but to whom should I talk with? My orientation is against my religion. You yourself do encounter the same thing. Should you love my soulmate, you should 'edited' her attitude and way of thinking long ago (few years ago.. a very long time a go IMHO). I'm truly sorry if we did not share the same value of friendship. I'm not a perfect person, I can't get rid of this gay sickness in me, I'm trying to accept it with open heart and seek some air. It's a test from God, but like it or not, I have to face it.

Pardon me, I am not sure whether it should be a secret (about betrayal between friends for numerous times) as this is the info based on my own experience (with one of the best fren) and ex experience, I prefer to be honest to my soulmate. I'm not damaging the friendship, I just knock my soulmate's out and let her RISE. She won't leave all of you, her responsible is to guide in her own charm. We are nobody if we think we are somebody.

Not to worry, nobody knows your name, I did not put any name in here if you observe it carefully. Please have a look again.
I need to speak to someone so that I can see clearly what's missing in me. It's for my self-critics and I know I'll be better after this.

Latest update :

My soulmate saw her inner self (at last). It does not matter whether I'm still her soulmate or not, but it does matter for her to be a lady. I taught her to love herself by not pampering herself. I did learn a lot from her too. I'm truly deeply happy. I love her. Loving someone does not mean we must be together... that's LIFE.

[amish1980]

Dear forummers

I received a challenge from her best friends to come forward, they say I'm creating BIG MESS in their friendship. When I asked my soulmate, she said, she's OK and accept them as friends.

Challenge : sit down and through all things out
Accusation : I tarnish the friendship between soulmate and soulmate's ex. Part of it YES because the friendship concept is wrong and I don't hit people if they did not hit me first.
Participant : soulmate best friend, M (weird love), another best friend called Y (12 years best friend who always stab her) and Y's girlfriend, me and soulmate.

Things I might say :
1. Unacceptable friendship that looks more like possessive love - towards her weird best friend. Interference via emotional and attitude wise.
2. Continuous betrayal by her 12 year best friend, Y. How it impact our r/ship? She did try to hit on me when I was in dubai. My soulmate she's always did that. I disagree with her action.
3. Y's girlfriend demand me apology to Y. Should I tabulate the truth that Y actually hated her for being obsess and rude?

Impact :
1. Should I tabulate everything, Y's relationship might be tarnished with her obsess girlfriend. Did Y learn the lesson? I'm not really sure because Y is older than me. She will deny what she'd done. Should I put soulmate's ex as proof (that she did try to hit on her too while her best fren in a r/ship), she'll be humiliated. I wish not to humiliate anyone if impossible.
2. The weird best friend don't want to listen to me that she accidentally interfere the relationship with her weird action/sms and sarcasm body language.she will be deaf and always think she's right. Proof : she lied to me the moment she called me saying she has not slept with my soulmate and sleeping naked is normal. The moment when I wish to talk, she ended the conversation. I did not called back as I think rude people won't accept criticism. If she's are open, she should give me a space to talk, just like why I did to her,listening to her madness on me.

Benefit :
As far as I see it, none. As I might cause MORE CHAOS without me wants it.
Y relationship will be OVER as her current girlfriend did not know the 'real' her.
Weird friends might end up cursing me and thinks she's right. I can read based on her attitude, it's normal to have self-protect.
Their friendship will be tremendously affected. Not sure in a good way or worst.
Soulmate might kick me out - but I'm fine with that as I've done at my best to heal her.

Evidence :
1.soulmate's sms.
2.googletalk conversation between me and Y (need to check my gtalk again).
3.soulmate's ex who can proof that Y is playing behind soulmate's back.

Conclusion:
If talking about my ego, I would opt 'go' for it.Feels like coward.
If think rationally, seeing those IMPACT, better to stay away from childishness (winning for things that I don't see the value while I actually need to focus on my work). My soulmate told me that she still be their best friends.

It is truly hard to tune down utter 'ego' especially to someone older (most of them are older than me). I'm not breaking up the friendship, I'm just giving 'spotlight' to my soulmate not to stay with such attitude. They have been with her for 7~12years, but what improvement that they did to my soulmate? I did asked my soulmate not to leave her friendship, but to bring them to a better way of thinking.

Conclusion :
In my opinion, it is waste of my time. But perhaps people out there disagree with me. All comments are welcome.
Should I need to apologize to each one of them one on one? I'm willing to BUT I do need on 'what basis' I apologize to.
Did they impact my r/ship? Well, as far as I see it, it is a YES.

[talaniman]

No good ever comes from so many people being in your relationship.

Its up to you, and your soul mate to define your relationship, and she is NOT. I also question your attempts to teach her or show her who she should be and no matter how well intentioned everyone thinks they are, fighting for individual agendas is not the way to peace, and not the way to build a relationship.

Your soul mate, and I use that term loosely cannot tell the difference between friends/lovers, and you forcing her to be at odd here with her so called friends, is as well intentioned as that may be to you, truly causing only more drama and chaos.

I go back to my original advice, until your "soul mate" makes a decision as to what more important, keeping you, and dealing with her friends from a distance, no way this works. And until you leave her friends alone and just deal with your soul mate this will never work.

Finally until your friends get out of your business, this will never work.

All of you are drama queens, with selfish agendas, and that's why this will never work, and someone is going to have to swallow their egos, and let go.

Your soul mate can end this by making a choice, and I think that has to be done with out your influence, or that of her friends.

[amish1980]

Dear talaniman
Thank you for your guidance and advice.
It helps me a lot. :) moving on... :)

[windahm]

Amish1980:

I am so sorry to hear of your misfortune which envolves another party. I have dealt with a situation that was very similar. My boyfriends best friend is a divorced woman with 2 children. She has monopolized him since the day I met him. When I brought it up, he told me he would change it. He told her he could not spend as much time with her and do things. This lasted for a while, because he was not willing to give up our relationship, for her. At least, not at the time. We began to have some issues several months back, and separated from each other, and BOOM... she was back. In fact, just before we did separate from each other, she was back to seeing and doing things with him. I now wonder if she helped to cause us to separate. It was his request, to separate from one another. Now, they are spending almost every weekend with one another. Going place, and doing things together. We both agreed to be friends, when we finally called the relationship off. But, it still haunts, and angers me when the mention of her name comes up. I hate her. She has not life. She is 32 years old, fat, ugly and no one wants her, so she leaches to any man that will speak to her and be kind. That person was my boyfriend. He and I still speak to one another, but I refuse to see him in person. I don't feel that I owe him that, especially since I know he spends a lot of time with her. As I said before, I hate her. She needs to get a life of her own, and stop dragging others into her lack of "life"! My advise to you. Move on. There is someone out there that will not put another before you. You should not have to demand someone's attention. I can tell you that, although slow... I am moving to find someone who will want to be with me as much as I will them. Hope this helps.