[donsdrywall1]

I don't understand why woman put such great importance on: no sex outside the relationship. When it seems like you always get less when your in one. I mean its supposed to be sacred between the two, but if there is so much belief in it being a special thing between to people why do you get less? I don't get it. Don't get me wrong, Im not interested in outside (strange) I would just like to know how that thinking adds up logically. Either it is sacred and we share it as often as possible with our partner or its a way of controlling the relationship.

[Synnen]

No sex outside the relationship = no diseases brought INTO the relationship and no children that are not hers that your incomes have to support.

Many relationships have a disparity in sex drives. Have you asked her to talk with you about why hers is lower?

[smoothy]

Because guys don't get pregnant...



And more recently... things you can't cure like Herpes... AIDS...

[QLP]

I think the key word in your question is relationship. Most people prefer their relationships to be monogomous, although there are of course exceptions. Why do you say 'most women' as though the majority of men are happy to be in a relationship with a woman who is sleeping with other guys?

Surely the whole point if you are talking about a proper relationship is about respecting each other in all areas, including sexually.

How often is 'as often as possible?' I mean people living together could be indulging 24/7 theoretically but that's hardly likely is it?

I get the impression that you are in a relationship atm where your sex drive is higher than your partner's and you feel she denies you sex for controlling reasons.

Two issues here:
Firstly, sex-drives do differ. Talk together and see if you can work towards resolving the problem. But please don't start from the assumption that all women have lower sex drives than men. This attitude will only alienate your partner as it sounds accusing. It's also incorrect, many women have higher drives than their partners.
Secondly - why do you see denial of sex as a way of controlling the relationship? It is true that some people (of either gender) use sex manipulatively but it is often the case that they simply don't want sex, which can be for a whole host of reasons. Perhaps if you explain why you feel like this we could understand, though again talking to your partner - without accusing her of anything - is the way forwards.

The way you word your post suggests you see all women in the same negative light - is this because of one particular relationship or all of your experienences to date?

[Cat1864]

Quality over quantity. You may not 'get as much', but it has a deeper meaning than scratching an itch or just getting off.

'As often as possible' is a subjective term that each couple has to work out for themselves. In any relationship there are multiple factors that affect the number of times a couple has intercourse. Including, but not limited to some of these: health, stress, jobs, family, friends, pets, children, etc.

What is your definition of 'as often as possible'?

Intimacy is more than intercourse.

[donsdrywall1]

What I am trying to say I guess is if there is so much (uuhh) I don't know the right word. I wonder if it such a glorious and wonderful thing why does it seem that its indulged in less as the relationship progresses in "some" instances? My ? Is the idea of it not the "wanting to get it more or less" I am just curious to know. I mean I would love nothing more than to own a Harley and if I did being that there is a big WOW about having one I would make time every day if possible to ride it. And if I didn't that might suggest it's not that big of a deal. And if its not that big of a deal why be bothered if you get it somewhere else? That's the best I can do at trying to put into typed words. I also wanted to apologize to any who took offense. Didn't mean any offense. Thanks!

[smoothy]

Human nature... you tend to crave what you don't have... and when you do have it the craving decreases somewhat.

Doesn't mean you dislike it or lost your taste for it... and it goes back to prehistory... you hoard food when its available... because you know you have dry spells... but if you are in an area where there is more than you can possibly eat... and you have known no period of absence... the urge doesn't kick in.

Its instinctive survival tactics...


And from a slightly different perspective... a little of something may make you want more... but anything in excess is bad on any number of levels.

[Gemini54]

What I am trying to say I guess is if there is so much (uuhh) I don't know the right word. I wonder if it such a glorious and wonderfull thing why does it seem that its indulged in less as the relationship progresses in "some" instances? My ? is the idea of it not the "wanting to get it more or less" I am just curious to know. I mean I would love nothing more than to own a Harley and if I did being that there is a big WOW about having one I would make time every day if possible to ride it. And if I didn't that might suggest it's not that big of a deal. And if its not that big of a deal why be bothered if you get it somewhere else? Thats the best I can do at trying to put into typed words. I also wanted to apologize to any who took offense. Didn't mean any offense. Thanks!

I think what you're talking about is 'desire' - but I don't know that you can compare sex to a Harley. However, since you've used that analogy, let's look at it further...

You buy a Harley - you love it and you ride it every day for a while. You're totally into it and you can't get enough of it. You love its sleek lines and the way it feels. But, you got to be practical. There are other things in your life as well, and you've got friends, work, family that need your attention.

You still love your Harley, but you don't get to ride it as much. You still appreciate its sleek lines and you still love the way it feels. You just don't ride it as much - but when you do, you appreciate it even more. It's still a big deal. If you still love your Harley, why would you buy another one to replace it?

Why can't the same analogy apply to sex in a relationship?

[Sean Crane]

Its moral stuff, most of the people can not handle that kind of life to sleep around and continue their marriage like usual. So the result of that would be chaos in the world with far more divorces following alcoholism and drug addiction.

Conclusion: People need moral rules to survive

[QLP]

I didn't mean to get on your case and certainly wasn't offended. I just perhaps read more into your post than you intended. We all do the best with the info' the poster provides but do sometimes have to try and interpret a bit. I can see what you are saying better now, I think. It is hard to convey exactly what you mean without writing reams sometimes.

As the answers above say it is just natural with anything that the novelty value keeps you wanting more of anything you like in the early days. After a while, if something is good you still enjoy it, but just perhaps prioritise it on more equal terms with the other things in your life.

If a relationship goes well you will still enjoy sex together but will have so many other things to share that it just won't always be top of the list.

However, in a good relationship a deeper understanding of what makes sex good for each other usually develops at the same time, and a greater confidence in being able to experiment etc often comes with feeling closer and for many people that easily makes up for the fact that sometimes work, life and other people mean there's less time and drive for quantity.

[Larken85]

The reason we should be faithful is for this simple reason. The golden rule. Treat others as you wish to be treated. If you do not mind having an open relationship (which I have never really known to work all that well) then by all means that is what you should do and your partner needs to accept that or leave. However if you do not wish your partner slept around on you then you cann't be a hypocrite and do it but not let her. You must be equal and its obvious that your partner does not want an open relationship so I suggest you accept that or take a hike.
Not trying to be a jerk, just trying to tell you my opinion.

[Cat1864]

I mean I would love nothing more than to own a Harley and if I did being that there is a big WOW about having one I would make time every day if possible to ride it. And if I didn't that might suggest it's not that big of a deal. And if its not that big of a deal why be bothered if you get it somewhere else?

I don't think you really view partners as interchangeable with one being no more important than another, but that is how your question is coming across to me. You are trying to equate an interaction between two individuals who love and care about each other with owning a machine that has no thoughts or emotions.

To understand a need to be faithful to one person, you have to accept the emotional and mental bond between committed partners that elevates 'getting laid' into 'making love'.

There are couples who can handle the various types of 'open' relationships, but that has to be something that the couple decides on together. They have to be able to have rules in place to cover every aspect of their interactions with others. It can not be a spur of the moment decision or one partner making the decision for both.

My very personal viewpoint on staying 'faithful' to one partner: For myself, my husband is my fantasy. Not only do I love him more than I can put in words, but he is ALL that I want or need. To me having sex with someone just because my husband isn't available would be using that person like a sex toy because I would be thinking of my husband instead of him/her. I like to think of people as more than mere objects for my personal pleasure and I do not like the thought of being used as no more than an object for someone else's pleasure.

[Catsmine]

The aspect I feel compelled to address in your question is the equation of sex to a thing you can purchase. It's safer and cheaper to use your hand.

Making love with your partner includes sex but there's so much more involved than the physical act. Intimacy, emotional connection, commitment, making your partner happy: these are the difference between love and mutual masturbation.

[SmoothboreKSC]

I think the reason that monogamy is so prevalent is because you get so much more out of making love. When you are in a committed relationship sex involves so many more emotions than just getting off. It's a much better feeling, for me anyway, when I love that person. The feeling of intimacy, the complex bond forged, the trust.
Of course we can go the route of sexual health as well, as they say "what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, except for herpes, that'll come back with you". When you are engaging in "extra-curricular activities" you are putting your partners fertility and health on the line. After all, most people don't catch chlamydia until the damage is done.

And don't forget: Harleys aren't the most reliable machines.

[smoothy]

And don't forget: Harleys aren't the most reliable machines.

Maybe not (but they are damn close these days)... but they ooze character. :D Anything else is just another motorcycle.