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ja0590 · Mar 2, 2010, 04:52 PM

My boyfriend asked my father for my hand and we are soon moving in together, things have been really good for the 2 years we have dated and I have never been in love like this. HOWEVER, recently last night, my boyfriend tells me that he had a 'weak' moment in his life. He says that the one girl he really loved named Ashely hurt him three times and the last hurt reallllly bad. It made him feel like no one would be there or no girl would love him. He is a very cute guy but for some reason lot approached by a lot of women, so when he saw that women don't want him and the one girl he opens up to cheats on him and uses him, he was emtionally distressed. At this point in time, he was on a college campus and all his staight friends were not there, either went home for vaction or were busy and all he had left was his gay friend. He had a gay friend simply because of the fact he didn't know he was gay at first and then his friend came out to him, and he continued to except him because he said he did not want to be shallow. SO at the time he was under the age to drink and he gay friend was not and he wanted to drown his pain in liqour. He calls up his gay friend and he hangs up with him, his gay friend invites more of his own friends that my boyfriend hasn't met before and of course they are all gay as well. My boyfriend says he had no problem with staying to hang out because he was secure in his sexuality. Where the confusing part starts is that. My boyfriend was sober and met all the other gay guys and didn't have a question or thought, when they started drinking and he got drunk he said that he thought about his pain of not having anyone there and that it seemed like these gay guys were the only ones who cared, so it brought the question to his head, "do I want to be gay?'. He said he shook that question out because he did not like the things that being gay consisted of, but then he goes on to say that they continued to drnk and the loneliness of him feeling like he will be single forver came out more and more and then he thought about being held by the most feminine gay guys out of all the others, and that arroused him. Enough to make his penis jump but not enough to fully get him hard. As he is trying to explain it, he says that it wasn't that gay guy solely that got him arroused. It was just the thought of him being held. He says he did not have any sexual thoughts or heart fluttering if you will, but is that even possible. He said when that final thought or ponder came to his head he did not like it and was confused as to why he was even arroused a little bit by that thought. I need help and advice. Is he gay? Because he says he has never been gay NOR bisexual but just had a weak and hurt mind. Is this possible for his mind to go there one time and he not be gay because we are getting married and moving together and I have to know.

Somanyquestions7 · Mar 2, 2010, 04:58 PM

He told you for a reason, which means that he respects that you don't have second thoughts. Obviously, you're thinking to hard about it. Just let it sink in. Since he had no real gay feeling, only lonliness its understandable that he will not ever like another man. Especially since you two are on your way to getting married. Don't worry too much about it. Good luck. :)

Synnen · Mar 2, 2010, 05:01 PM

OH dear lord.

If he says he's not gay, and you've never seen him having sex with a guy, then you're going to have to go with that.

Period.

No one here can say "oh yeah--he's gay" or "don't worry! he's not gay". The ONLY and I do mean ONLY person who knows whether he's gay is HIM.

Therefore--you either trust him or you don't. If you don't trust him and believe him, then don't marry him. If you DO trust him and believe him, then you believe him and trust him when he tells you he's not gay.

The problem here isn't whether he's gay--it's whether YOU have a mind open enough to understand where he was coming from and to believe him when he says he's not gay.

Wondergirl · Mar 2, 2010, 05:02 PM

Originally Posted by ja0590

Is this possible for his mind to go there one time and he not be gay because we are getting married and moving together and I have to know.

His mind didn't even go there one time. He's not gay and even told you that -- "It was just the thought of him being held. He says he did not have any sexual thoughts or heart fluttering."

I think it's sweet and trusting of him to tell you about this adventure he had, believing you would not go off half-cocked about it. His story supports the idea that one doesn't choose to be gay; it's just something someone IS -- and obviously he's not!

Relax. You have a terrific boyfriend! Love him and trust him -- and have a wonderful life with him!

ja0590 · Mar 2, 2010, 05:08 PM

Thank you. Im just scared as to why he was arroused by that thought at all. I mean he had to be reallllly low and even at that is that even possible?

Wondergirl · Mar 2, 2010, 05:10 PM

Originally Posted by ja0590

thank yall. Im just scared as to why he was arroused by that thought at all. I mean he had to be reallllly low and even at that is that even possible?

Yup, it's very possible. When it comes to being seriously lonely and depressed, any warm body can look inviting.

ja0590 · Mar 2, 2010, 06:40 PM

My boyfriend asked my father for my hand and we are soon moving in together, things have been really good for the 2 years we have dated and I have never been in love like this. HOWEVER, recently last night, my boyfriend tells me that he had a 'weak' moment in his life. He says that the one girl he really loved named Ashely hurt him three times and the last hurt reallllly bad. It made him feel like no one would be there or no girl would love him. He is a very cute guy but for some reason lot approached by a lot of women, so when he saw that women don't want him and the one girl he opens up to cheats on him and uses him, he was emtionally distressed. At this point in time, he was on a college campus and all his staight friends were not there, either went home for vaction or were busy and all he had left was his gay friend. He had a gay friend simply because of the fact he didn't know he was gay at first and then his friend came out to him, and he continued to except him because he said he did not want to be shallow. SO at the time he was under the age to drink and he gay friend was not and he wanted to drown his pain in liqour. He calls up his gay friend and he hangs up with him, his gay friend invites more of his own friends that my boyfriend hasn't met before and of course they are all gay as well. My boyfriend says he had no problem with staying to hang out because he was secure in his sexuality. Where the confusing part starts is that. My boyfriend was sober and met all the other gay guys and didn't have a question or thought, when they started drinking and he got drunk he said that he thought about his pain of not having anyone there and that it seemed like these gay guys were the only ones who cared, so it brought the question to his head, "do I want to be gay?'. He said he shook that question out because he did not like the things that being gay consisted of, but then he goes on to say that they continued to drnk and the loneliness of him feeling like he will be single forver came out more and more and then he thought about being held by the most feminine gay guys out of all the others, and that arroused him. Enough to make his penis jump but not enough to fully get him hard. As he is trying to explain it, he says that it wasn't that gay guy solely that got him arroused. It was just the thought of him being held. He says he did not have any sexual thoughts or heart fluttering if you will, but is that even possible. He said when that final thought or ponder came to his head he did not like it and was confused as to why he was even arroused a little bit by that thought. I need help and advice. Is he gay? Because he says he has never been gay NOR bisexual but just had a weak and hurt mind. Is this possible for his mind to go there one time and he not be gay because we are getting married and moving together and I have to know.

ja0590 · Mar 2, 2010, 06:41 PM

My boyfriend asked my father for my hand and we are soon moving in together, things have been really good for the 2 years we have dated and I have never been in love like this. HOWEVER, recently last night, my boyfriend tells me that he had a 'weak' moment in his life. He says that the one girl he really loved named Ashely hurt him three times and the last hurt reallllly bad. It made him feel like no one would be there or no girl would love him. He is a very cute guy but for some reason lot approached by a lot of women, so when he saw that women don't want him and the one girl he opens up to cheats on him and uses him, he was emtionally distressed. At this point in time, he was on a college campus and all his staight friends were not there, either went home for vaction or were busy and all he had left was his gay friend. He had a gay friend simply because of the fact he didn't know he was gay at first and then his friend came out to him, and he continued to except him because he said he did not want to be shallow. SO at the time he was under the age to drink and he gay friend was not and he wanted to drown his pain in liqour. He calls up his gay friend and he hangs up with him, his gay friend invites more of his own friends that my boyfriend hasn't met before and of course they are all gay as well. My boyfriend says he had no problem with staying to hang out because he was secure in his sexuality. Where the confusing part starts is that. My boyfriend was sober and met all the other gay guys and didn't have a question or thought, when they started drinking and he got drunk he said that he thought about his pain of not having anyone there and that it seemed like these gay guys were the only ones who cared, so it brought the question to his head, "do I want to be gay?'. He said he shook that question out because he did not like the things that being gay consisted of, but then he goes on to say that they continued to drnk and the loneliness of him feeling like he will be single forver came out more and more and then he thought about being held by the most feminine gay guys out of all the others, and that arroused him. Enough to make his penis jump but not enough to fully get him hard. As he is trying to explain it, he says that it wasn't that gay guy solely that got him arroused. It was just the thought of him being held. He says he did not have any sexual thoughts or heart fluttering if you will, but is that even possible. He said when that final thought or ponder came to his head he did not like it and was confused as to why he was even arroused a little bit by that thought. I need help and advice. Is he gay? Because he says he has never been gay NOR bisexual but just had a weak and hurt mind. Is this possible for his mind to go there one time and he not be gay because we are getting married and moving together and I have to know.

jmjoseph · Mar 2, 2010, 07:00 PM

You just enjoy your life together. If he was "gay" he wouldn't have stopped his penis from "jumping". It would have danced a jig.

It probably jumped because it knew you were in his future.

smoothy · Mar 3, 2010, 06:16 AM

Um... WHY did you create THREE identical threads... with two different titles among them?

smoothy · Mar 3, 2010, 06:17 AM

Um... WHY did you create THREE identical threads... with two different titles among them?

Larken85 · Mar 3, 2010, 09:28 AM

OK I have exp on this one too. I hate to say it. There was a time in my life after my bad ex break up that I seriously thought about it myself. I have had several gay guys hit on me (don't really know why I do not look gay if a gay guy even has a look.) I even went so far as to have a gay moment (not sex or anything like that cause it wouldn't have worked) but it was enough to call it gay. I realized at that moment that there was no way in heck I was gay, and although a man can pretty much be turned on by any sexual stim, if he is not comfortable it is never going to work. Although guys are easier to understand and easier to get along with (this is why the make good friends) they are not soft, they are not smooth and tender, the do not have the right parts, they do not care as deeply and they do not react the same way when you interact with them.Your boyfriend is not likely to be gay, but he would know for sure if he was. If he ever has serious thoughts about loving another male, he would know. If he has serious doubts he may be. He should experience it to see if he is bi or gay. Everyone should have the right to know for sure what their own sexual orientation is. Doesn't have to be cheating either, skin contact should allow him a good idea. When any woman touches me I know it's a woman and I know I want it. Doesn't mean I let just any woman touch me, but I do know that that is what my body desires. A man touches me and I want to get away from him. There is the difference.

spitvenom · Mar 3, 2010, 09:41 AM

He just had his heart ripped out and was drunk (never a good combo). If he was gay or even had a SERIOUS thought about being gay he would have down something that night and he didn't.

The mind thinks crazy things in that state. He was probably around all those guys and just thought what if. Sometimes when you are drunk the dumbest ideas seem like the best. Just like everyone else said you are over thinking this way too much.