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I wish · Apr 1, 2009, 01:34 PM

You don't do anything. Avoid confronting her.

If it's unavoidable, be polite, keep the conversation as short as possible and keep walking.

4answers · Apr 7, 2009, 07:21 AM

Split with ex many years ago. Never stopped regreting the choice I made.

That is now gone, she has family.

On network sites she knows the same people I do, messages are left where we see each other. I cannot deal with this & can't deal with the fact that the time we had together meant nothing to her !

So I have hidden these friends from my view, so I will not see any messages.

How best to handle this situ ?

starlite1 · Apr 7, 2009, 07:26 AM

The fact that you removed her from your online social network is a good start. You have to continue on with your life without her, as she has moved on. You have to do the same for yourself. I know it isn't easy, but there is no other option.

ZoeMarie · Apr 7, 2009, 07:31 AM

One thing that I want to point out is that just because she moved on doesn't mean you meant nothing to her. I have a couple ex boyfriends that meant the world to me at one point but after a while you learn whether there's a future with the one you're with. It sounds like you did the right thing. It's time now for you to move on. Good luck!

artlady · Apr 7, 2009, 07:34 AM

On network sites she knows the same people I do, messages are left where we see each other. I cannot deal with this & can't deal with the fact that the time we had together meant nothing to her !

Because she has moved on with her life does not necessarily mean what you had meant nothing to her.She has moved on and that is a healthy thing to do when a relationship has ended.

If you can't handle seeing texts and so forth then distance yourself from that as much as possible.Do whatever it takes to heal and not cause yourself further pain.

4answers · Apr 7, 2009, 07:38 AM

I just dread seeing her again. It means nothing to her seeing me but an inconvenience ! But for me it a wrong choice I should have walked.. She pushed for marriage as well...

God this sucks, how can I still have so much feeling and she have none

artlady · Apr 7, 2009, 07:42 AM

God this sucks, how can I still have so much feeling and she have none

You can't know for certain how anyone feels.She may be showing one persona to the world while inside she is struggling also.You just can't know and it is counter productive to your healing to obsess about it.

88sunflower · Apr 7, 2009, 07:46 AM

You can't blame her for moving on. You made a choice and she moved on. Would you have felt better if she would have cried and begged for you to come back? Or stalked you? None of that is healthy. She moved on for a reason. You weren't the right one for her. Now you need to let go and move on also. You almost sound like you have resentment because she is over her past.

BMI · Apr 7, 2009, 07:46 AM

Once again, you cannot assume she cares nothing for you. There is not one girl I have been close to that I can honestly say I care nothing for. I would never wish to be with them again but I still cherish the time we did spend and wish them all a happy life.

As for the social network, I deleted my whole Facebook account over the same issue, I couldn't deal with it at the time. After awhile I cared less and less until I could really care less about what or who or when in regards to her. If it helps you get better and on track than you will do anything it takes, or at least you should.

4answers · Apr 7, 2009, 08:22 AM

Originally Posted by 88sunflower

You almost sound like you have resentment becuase she is over her past.

There is resentment there, because I asked her back when she was single and she turned me donw for a guy she was not even dating ! This from the girl who wanted marriage... That hurts so much...

And now she is married to him... The full relationship was deceipt.

88sunflower · Apr 7, 2009, 08:26 AM

No I don't feel it was deceit. I think she realized who she was and what she wanted after your splitting with her. Would you rather she chose you while she had her mind on someone else? That would have been deceit. Every relationship I have been in I pictured marriage. But then things happen and thoughts and feelings come along. I think you know you need to move on and let go. Have you even dated? Or have you tried?

kctiger · Apr 7, 2009, 08:42 AM

It is not deceit, it is life. To fully let go you have to realize it wasn't meant to be, and hanging onto anger over her is just eating you up, and doing NO GOOD!

My credo in life: If a girl doesn't want you anymore, or didn't want you to begin, then BYE! There are plenty out there who will appreciate me. Life is too short to worry about someone who doesn't want you.

roxypox · Apr 7, 2009, 08:44 AM

Originally Posted by 4answers

There is resentment there, because I asked her back when she was single and she turned me donw for a guy she was not even dating ! This from the girl who wanted marraige... That hurts so much...

And now she is married to him... The full relationship was deceipt.

The thing is though, when you dumped her, you basically made a decision to do so, and you can't be angry with her for moving on and not wanting you back when you regretted your decision... even if she wanted marriage when she was with you. You rejected her and once you did, you said no to marriage and you said no to being with her. I don't know her side of this, but I'm guessing that she moved on and realized that you were not right for her. She was probably also hurt when you broke it of with her. Sometimes we really just have to live with the decisions we make. No matter how hard it is. We don't even get to blame the other person. Because it was our own choice.

And even though this stings and it hurts, you need to find a way to deal with your emotions and move on from this. To bloke/delete those people on Facebook was a good start, then you don't have to be reminded of her and you don't have to see her messages and she is hopefully; out of sight, out of mind.

As for what the others said about not caring; I agree 100%

roxypox · Apr 7, 2009, 08:49 AM

Originally Posted by kctiger

It is not deceit, it is life. To fully let go you have to realize it wasn't meant to be, and hanging onto anger over her is just eating you up, and doing NO GOOD!

My credo in life: If a girl doesn't want you anymore, or didn't want you to begin, then BYE! There are plenty out there who will appreciate me. Life is too short to worry about someone who doesn't want you.

Had to spread rep: exactly! This anger he is holding is not good for anyone!

This really is excellent advice (Qoute above). You need to let go of the anger and you need to let go of the girl who 'got' away. There must be plenty of reasons you decided to let go in the first place.

4answers · Jun 12, 2009, 04:00 PM

Hi guys. Could do with some guidance

In conversation with a long ago ex! Sent a friendy hi and received a reply. I apologised for the way I handled the breakup

I have always regreted losing her. I never thought she would not want me, or be pleased that we had parted. Confused how I got it all wrong. Angry at the mistake.

talaniman · Jun 12, 2009, 06:02 PM

Ask Me Help Desk - Search Results

Just an observation from reading all your other posts, you need someone to be with to be happy.

You will never find happiness until you are happy with yourself as you are, and happy with the life you build for yourself.

Learn to depend on yourself for the way you enjoy yourself. That starts with a good look inside yourself, and seeing the good, and that gives you the ability to see the good in others, no matter what the outside is about.

That opens your mind and heart for what you need, as opposed to what you want. What you want means nothing when compared to what you need.

Hope that made sense.

I wish · Jun 12, 2009, 06:45 PM

Learn from your mistakes. It will make you stronger in the long run.

Triysle · Jun 12, 2009, 09:53 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Ask Me Help Desk - Search Results

Just an observation from reading all your other posts, you need someone to be with to be happy.

You will never find happiness until you are happy with yourself as you are, and happy with the life you build for yourself.

Learn to depend on yourself for the way you enjoy yourself. That starts with a good look inside yourself, and seeing the good, and that gives you the ability to see the good in others, no matter what the outside is about.

That opens your mind and heart for what you need, as opposed to what you want. What you want means nothing when compared to what you need.

Hope that made sense.

Tal, your words always resonate within my soul, but I wanted to highlight those in particular because they were especially resonant. Thank you for them.

~ Tee

4answers · Jun 13, 2009, 07:47 PM

I understand Talaniman, Its not that I need her or another to be happy, however its natural for us all to want somebody in our lives.

Its just in this particular instance where I have made a mistake in letting someone go, who I should not of and assuming the person would always be available to me. I have found it very difficult to deal with the fact the person is closed off to me and that our time has no value to her, the person who wanted to marry me (pushed for this).

Whilst in the recent communication I have had with her, I took the liberty of apologising for my inappropriate behavior towards her when she met another (I could not handle the fact that all our time had no value to her). It stills leaves me with a sour aftertaste and I cannot for the life of me understand how you can go from loving someone enough to want to marry them and the person not mistreating you, to go to it meaning nothing at all.

There was as you can imagine so much I really wanted to say (good & bad) but I could not. If the past has no meaning or value to her what would be the point. And why does she not have so much to say to me? Is there no answers she needs from me?

I guess I am just mixed up as to the way to deal with this situation - Was an apology a wise thing or will this be taken in a negative way, was saying that we should not keep in touch as bad memories a good or bad thing ? When in reality I so do want to keep in touch and want her to know I regret not settling down with her. But is telling her that a wise thing, because since she has chosen this route, she now has two kids to another man. This I could not forgive.

Surly she must of known, since I never mistreated her, that I am not a bad man or since we were together a long time, this time which had lots of great times must have had / have some value to her. She must of known the bad handling of the situation was simple due to me losing someone I care deeply about (I told her this).

I need some clear headed guidance in this ! A help to let me see the wood from the trees

none12345 · Jun 14, 2009, 07:29 AM

Don't ever regret this life you chose for yourself. It is part of your journey in life and all that leads up to now, is what defines you as a person (your history).

Be more self forgiving. People make mistakes. Use this as a valuable learning experience to improve the next person that walks into your life.

Do the things you've always dreamed of and wanted to and be happy being single for now and you will find someone else.