[talaniman]

You didn't really expect to have her hold the door open for you did you?? You had your chance, and didn't seal the deal. You weren't ready, and that's okay, as you two weren't on the same page, and just as your feelings changed, and you became ready, her feelings changed also.

Have heart as this happens all the time. We forget in our quest for "the one", there may be many who are eligible, but the one we stay with, is the one.

[4answers]

The one that I drove away.
Any suggestions on the best way of dealing with regret and loss?

Previous post, lost the best I had, own fault, messed up. Very Naïve and did not realise the girls feelings to me would change. Stupidly always thought she would regret that we did not work out and even if others were on the scene, I could get her back. I did not realise the true benefits of a relationship, i.e. the emotional interest of the person. I did not realise that that is what really goes when the relationship ends ! Miss that person so much now. She is married, so I can't even talk to her. Yet now have to live the rest of my life with that regret! It’s been years and it still haunts me… Never really moved on. I get very down about it.

Any practical advice?

[talaniman]

Read the stickies, and keep your azz off the pity pot. Time to cope, not mope!

[heartbrokenguy]

Read the stickies, and keep your azz off the pity pot. Time to cope, not mope!

Agree with Tal. Done is done so learn from the mistakes done in the past.

[Chery]

Tal, can't rate you twice today,but you said it perfectly!

Dear 4answers.

Don't you think that it's time that you took your life back into your hands and set yourself some realistic goals and go for them, instead of crying over spilled milk?

Ask yourself why you are putting your life on hold knowing that it's not taking you anywhere but deeper down that black hole of nothingness. Is that what you really want for yourself? You are not the only one in this world who has loved and lost, and you too will survive it and find the happiness you deserve. But, it's not going to happen if you sit at home and mope. Take control of your life again and give yourself another chance.

Start with doing some of the things you used to enjoy doing before you met her and go out with friends at least once a week WITHOUT bringing up the 'poor me' subjects. Even if you have to put on an act at first, but listen to what is out there in the world and open up and start enjoying it again.

Do as Tal said, read the stickies - see that you are not alone.. and get up and do something constructive instead of destructive.

Let me know what things in life that you used to enjoy.. I really would like to know.

Talk to you later.. Turn off that faucet and LIVE!

[4answers]

I just wish I had been more aware of my own needs at the time. More emotionaly mature so that I would realise what I would lose.

I will always love and hate her, as well as hate myself for doing this. I have caused myself years of bitter lonliness and pain...

I don't receive emotional interest of women so this does not help my situation.

(I assumed she looked at the breakup the same as me, that it was with regret that it did not work out between us. - However it seems she is pleased we are not together and we will never talk again... Ouch).

[srulik86]

Reading your post has really helped me. Because right now I know that I love my girlfriend I'm just very scared of getting hurt by her as I have done in the past, hence I am very paranoid a lot. Part of me wants to walk away, but I know in the future I will regret it!

[hjpan]

Don't hesitate about the situation.
Let it be.

[4answers]

Is it possible to re establish value to ex's so that you can be on friendly terms ?

All relationships only end if its not working therefore the majority end on bad terms ! However time has passed.

The reason I am asking this, is following on from my previous posts of losing an ex who I regret and of not recognizing and valuing that a relationship is not just the physical person, but also the emotional interest of the person. And that my failure to recognise that it is the emotional interest that goes not just the physical person.when a relationship ends.

I have therefore looked over all my previous relationships. And to my surprise I have found a pattern emerging of me destroying through my actions the other persons emotional interest in me and then reacting to this as though it is the person being horrible () to me. Leaving me resentful and full of hate when they have moved on with another partner.

Relationship Niaveity I know - brought on by being raised in a loveless upbringing and having been raised in such a way that all I ever understood about relationships is negative emotions. This would appear to have led me to see relationships in only a physical sense, not an emotional one.

I therefore want / need to be able to understand this in more detail, so that I can break this destructive cycle in my life. So I want to be able to talk to the ex partners about how the situations changed their feelings towards me. As in each occasion I have so not seen it and not been prepared for it.

Do you think this to be possible?

[hjpan]

Break up is break up. No contact = solution.

My ex gave me false hopes... telling me we could get back in the future and a lot of bullsh*t. After learning from Bigbird123, SneezyFunny, jiltedgirl, and everyone else... it's all lies~

Right now, I've been struggling with myself and still persisting to fight on. I plan on fuqing my ex's family just like she did with my family.

[Romefalls19]

Why would you want to rehash old feelings, not just for you but for your exes, just leave it at what it is. Go see a therapist to understand your actions, don't drag other people into your problems

[talaniman]

If you want to understand yourself and your exes better, then get healthy first, and identify the changes you want to make in yourself.

That means leave them alone, until your healthy enough to deal with yourself, and anything else life throws at you.

Trust me, not all of your break ups were entirely your fault, its never that simple. Don't think like that.

[4answers]

Hi guys. I need some advise if possible.

I was with a partner, scared to take the next step. Ended things, tried the friends, which we did. She met another and I realised the mistake I had made and went to pieces... Excessive contact etc.

Pushed her closer to this new guy.

Its been years and I have not been able to move on (not met anyone) or been able to forgive myself for what I have done. How I acted towards her.

My dilema is this. If I could turn back time I would marry her and have a familly. But I can't and she is married now.

She is on a social network site as we have mutual friends.

I want to send her a message to appologise for the way I acted ! But I am not sure if this is a wise thing to do ?

Any advise would be appreciated!

[MiSSsy111222]

I think the only reason why you want to message her is to have that contact. But saying sorry now does not change anything because her life is set out, she is married now. Allow yourself to move forward. Have you ever thought the reason why you haven't met a significant other is because you are still hung up on your past? How do you expect to meet anyone when you actully don't want to, because you want something you cannot have.

(Its been years and I have not been able to move on (not met anyone) or been able to forgive myself for what I have done. How I acted towards)
It HAS been years and you have not allowed yourself to move on, why are you putting yourself through this? Forgiving yourself and being gentle with yourself is apart of moving on, it is the past and we all make mistakes and have regrets- its apart of life.

(My dilema is this. If I could turn back time I would marry her and have a familly. but I can't and she is married)
This is a dilema because we cannot turn back time, and if we could life would be to perfect. She has married now. What about you? Don't you think that you deserve marriage with someone?

You need to realise that we all make mistake, but everything happens for a reason, it was written. FORGIVE YOURSELF and this will help you to move on. I'm sure she has forgiven you, sorry to say but she probarly doesn't think about it, harsh I know.

[4answers]

[QUOTE=MiSSsy111222;1591146][B](My dilema is this. If I could turn back time I would marry her and have a familly. but I can't and she is married)
This is a dilema because we cannot turn back time, and if we could life would be to perfect. She has married now. What about you? Don't you think that you deserve marriage with someone?

QUOTE]

Your right on all counts, she has moved on, which kills me that the feelings were one sided. (I regret ever meeting her) I have not met anyone else because for some reason, poor looks I guess, women are not attracted to me.

So very litte I can do on that score...

[MiSSsy111222]

[QUOTE=4answers;1591152]

[B](My dilema is this. If I could turn back time I would marry her and have a familly. but I can't and she is married)
this is a dilema because we cannot turn back time, and if we could life would be to perfect. she has married now. what about you? dont you think that you deserve marriage with someone?

QUOTE]

Your right on all counts, she has moved on, which kills me that the feelings were one sided. (I regret ever meeting her) I have not met anyone else because for some reason, poor looks I guess, women are not attracted to me.

So very litte I can do on that score....

So your telling me you have not met anyone because you are not attractive? Are you sure its not the lack of self esteem? Your attitude towards life right now sucks! There are 2 kinds of people

1# the onces who lack self faith, believe that they cannot do better, don't live life to the full because they believe they do not have the ability. THEY Don't TRY!

2# the onces who live life to the full, make with what they have got, believe in themselves. And TRY!

There is someone else there waiting for you. Sounds like yourself esteem is shatterd. Now its time to do something about it. What activitis do you like? You like sports? Reading? You have any hobbies?

Join a group, find some physical activities to do,you will meet new people and increase yourself esteem at the same time.

[talaniman]

Missy made some great points, and the sooner you let go of the past, the sooner you can work on the now. You cannot go back to a happier time in your life, and have it work for you today. That's over, and done with.

Look ahead to building your own life now, and take responsibility for your own happiness. When you learn to love yourself, and who you are, then you can forgive your past mistakes, and move forward.

Now go do something good for yourself.

[4answers]

Bumped into ex when you parted years ago on very bad terms and the relationship meant nothing to her.

How do you handle that ?

[Justwantfair]

You continue on, no need for playing catch up on a bad time.

I am not sure of the question's goal.

[TrueFaith]

You keep on walking