[HeartTrips]

Do you have any ideas on the different ways I can make the first move physically? Without kissing if you can. She wants the guy to be the one to initiate contact first, I know I can't go straight to her chest or , so any help would be appreciated

[Synnen]

Why not start with something like a backrub?

Skin is a HUGE erogenous zone. Touching arms softly, brushing fingers over her face, running your hands up and down her legs.

Just TOUCH! Taking the time to slowly touch her everywhere BUT her naughty bits is a good way to start things.

PS--what's wrong with starting with a kiss?

[HeartTrips]

Nothing is wrong with kissing, I'm just trying to think of other ways.

[HeartTrips]

Posted new question.

[kendallashton]

I read your question and just had to respond! Have you ever watched the movie "In Her Shoes"? There is a scene where the responsible sister's "boyfriend" is making his first move... he picks up a romantic novel that's laying around and begins reading out loud one of the raunchiest parts of the book. Very sincere, in a soft, calm voice. The lights were dimmed. It was very provocative and he didn't even touch her. The words, his tone of voice, the atmosphere - oh, he wore glasses too! Those came off eventually.. Good luck!

[neverme]

Try not to think only of the obvious erogenous zones, I think a massage is a good idea. Also why not try getting a bit frisky when your out in public, nothing too over the top but enough so she knows you want her. No bigger turn on than feeling really sexy! Bring her for dinner, or better yet, make it!

It doesn't need to be physical, women are more emotionally based creatures, make her feel special and she'll be happy.. she doesn't need a porn star!

[tidus]

Synenn is right Massage all the way things can soon heat up from a massage too :)

[Larken85]

Don't know what you're body looks like but what I do is I'll slowly take my shirt off. My girl loves my muscles. Then all I have to do is brush up against her and she is mine lol. Never hurts to lightly rub your fingers down her spine (they love it. End at the upper bottom and then back up. Shirt or no shirt. It works fine. The neck is very sensitive as well so try running your finger tips over the curves of her neck too. If she leans her head to the side she loves it. If not there isn't really a point. Tickling isn't sexy. Just remember that. No girl feels in the mood if she feels like you're going to make her wet herself lol.my poor girl. It was funny though.

[QLP]

A woman's biggest erogenous zone is said to be her brain.

You can access the brain through all 5 senses.
Touch - massages, kisses (everywhere), licks...
Sound - the reading one above is good, sexy chat, mood music..
Smell - you should know, or need to find out if she prefers you really clean or a bit 'manly', scented candles, massage oils...
Taste - chocolate, strawberries, champagne (cava is nearly as nice and cheaper),get her to close her eyes and hand feed her surprises (nice ones)...
Sight - look nice, peel off for her, light some candles, blindfold her (gently!)...

Think of the obvious erogenous areas as timid but expectant little pets. They want to be touched but not too quickly or they will be 'scared away'. Start with other body areas, arms, legs, torso, neck, face, whatever works with your partner. Approach the pets in a round-about manner, not too direct. Take the scenic route. When you first touch the timid pets don't linger too long as they are still a bit unsure. Backtrack to the scenic route then reapproach. Build up the real petting gradually so that the anticipation builds and you will make your woman desperate for more. Vary the direction and intensity of your touch. Sometimes move in circles, sometimes wavy lines, sometimes straighter. Sometimes use the tip of one finger very gently, sometimes your tongue, sometimes your whole hand.

Heard the song 'I need a lover with a slow hand?' - a true mantra for many females. For a woman the excitement needs to build gradually and the slower and more varied your approach the more the anticipation will drive her wild.

Having said that there will come a point where if you back off she will want to kill you...

[Sean Crane]

What a bunch of crap..
I didn't even know that "first physically move" existed.
However start kissing and move slowly to the next part, if she don't like that, dump her. She will learn soon enough that relationships and life is not fairy tale.

[kp2171]

I'm just going to backup what syn said...

I'm a guy, by the way, if I could go back to by younger teen self and buy him a clue or two, id beg that idiot to be ten times more patient and to respect the power of slow, deliberate sensual touch. And to learn the mantra "get into her head before you get into her pants"... which means there isn't no perfect "move"...

Yes... I think most guys would benefit from learning just a few simple and basic massage strokes. It isn't that hard, but it isn't intuitive either. Your mind tells you to rush to close the deal... when most of the time sexual tension is a good thing to let linger...

My belief is that all the things we commonly file under "foreplay" is NOT foreplay... foreplay should be a buildup of anticipation. Desire that is not yet fulfilled. It should be the presentation of opportunity that isn't yet realized.

In other words... yes... as a guy you think your mouth on her nipple is fantastic. And it is.

It damn well is.

But its better when she grabs your head and pushes you into her breast, isn't it? Damn right.

And my experience... and its just mine... is that most of the really "fun stuff" should be saved until you just cannot stand it any more. I LOVE my ears to be nibbled and bit at and pulled. Its really nice in foreplay... but its frickin bank in the bank in the middle of sex.

So... no... don't go right to her chest out of the gate.

You need to spend time on her... to find what makes her relax... be in the moment... what makes her lose herself... lose the world around her... and sometimes this can start with nothing more than a deliberate tracing of ones finger over anothers palm.

Sorry. You have work to do.

It's the fun and the frustration in the mystery of sex.

But, like I said, don't be afraid to be patient and listen to your partner... and Don't be afraid to ask for what you like.

Of all the things I never did, it'll be the moments when I shouldve demanded more thatll make me tick me off someday...

[QLP]

What a bunch of crap..
I didn't even know that "first physically move" existed.
However start kissing and move slowly to the next part, if she dont like that, dump her. She will learn soon enough that relationships and life is not fairy tale.

So, you personally don't want to hone your sexual skills to really satisfy a woman - that's fine, your right. The OP does appear to want to do so, so don't knock him or the people who try to give him a few ideas to help.

Have you never had a woman pull out all the stops to give you the time of your life? If you have why would you not want to return the favour? If not, well maybe you can work out why...

[HeartTrips]

Thanks everyone for their help it means a lot.

This just confirms that I was doing right by what I was doing,

I was and am doing the massaging and touching everywhere but,

That's why I don't understand why she still says that I have to make the first move from this point.

[kp2171]

So who initiates intimacy... I'm not talking about the "first [move] from this point" where i think you are trying to work out how to transition from sensitizing her to actually taking it up a few notches... from sensual touch to sexual interaction...

before all of that, does she seem to chase you at all? is she aggressive or does she push her wanting physical touch? can she seem to go without intimacy or does it drive her? and if so, how? does she act or complain?

just curious.

as for how do you transition from sensual touch to past that... that comes down to each couple. no one perfect recipe.

sometimes you can be mismatched. my previous lover was always too passive for my likes when it came to escalating things in the bedroom. ive dated other women who where more aggressive about demanding what they wanted... and who were more aggressive about controlling me some. i love to chase, but its even better when im being chased also. i like that back and forth. im more than glad to initiate, but i can lose myself in the moment more when she seems driven too.

is that what you are missing? not feeling as much in the moment because she isnt initiating more?

again... that might just be her "style"... there were times with that previous lover when things clicked almost perfectly... but most of the time i felt she could step things up more... we talked about it. had some communication. but she never seemed to move far from her initial "comfort zone"... ultimately i had to simply accept i needed to initiate if it was ever going to go anywhere. it took the "good tension" down a notch for me, but doing a little more work was better than nothing.

that doesnt mean you must "settle"... you own your decision. You rarely get more than you demand or ask for...

So... what's the real problem here? On your side? What about this is bugging you? Unsure? Feeling unchased? Feeling like there's more you need to know? Etc?

[HeartTrips]

I just don't know what to do anymore because all that ever comes up is her telling me that this is why we should go slow.

I don't know how much slower we can go, its been over 3 months of dating and we were friends that hung out everyday for four months before that.

I said I love you last week.

I feel rejected at that fact that if its not one thing its another that we should go slow.

I'm hurt and I don't think its right.

And what drives me nuts is that fact that I know we should take it slow and want to take it slow.

I feel like she repeatedly saying that we should take it slow is judging whether she wants to take the relationship further, that she is judging whether I am good enough or we are being open enough with each other.

[Synnen]

Okay, at THREE MONTHS of dating, that explains why she's putting the brakes on things a bit.

YOU can't get pregnant. Three months isn't enough time to decide if you want to have someone's baby or not--and that's REALLY what you have to decide when you choose to have sex, honestly. No birth control ni the world is 100%.

Honestly--I think the problem is that you're not communicating effectively. She's saying that you need to make the first move, but need to move slow. You're saying that no physical attention is making you feel hurt and unwanted.

TALK about these things. If you can't talk openly and honestly with someone about sex, you shouldn't be having sex with that person anyway.

[HeartTrips]

Honestly--I think the problem is that you're not communicating effectively. She's saying that you need to make the first move, but need to move slow. You're saying that no physical attention is making you feel hurt and unwanted.


I don't get how this is talking to someone about sex, can you help clarify to me how it is... she has been open to a llittle uddling and hand holding and we are so close yet so far... I think you hit it on the head but I'm missing it, can you explain maybe in a way where what you said is sex related because you are right that if we can't talk openly about sex we shouldn't be having sex anyway...

I would really appreciate your help.

[HeartTrips]

I don't understand how I'm not talking openly about sex with her,

What am I missing?

This is really hurting me cause I know that her and I are on the same page,

I just feel like maybe I'm stupid and its so obvious,

Her and I have been the best thing to happen to each other,

I'm 28 and she is 30,

We also share the same birthday.

[Homegirl 50]

What does make the first move mean?
Have you two kissed and how old are you two?
If you have kissed and done the heavy petting thing, ask her if she is ready. That is a move.

[Synnen]

First, no chat speak in the adult sexuality boards. If you are asking about adult issues, you need to be able to type like an adult.

Second--are you really TALKING and LISTENING to each other? Are you coming right out and telling her that you feel neglected because she doesn't chase you as well? Are you listening when she says she wants to take it VERY slowly--not only because of pregnancy or disease fears, but because once you cross that line in a relationship, you can never go back.

Do you talk to each other about your hopes and fears in the bedroom? Do you let each other know when you're disappointed, happy, hopeful, angry, whatever? Do you share fantasies? Have you ASKED her what she means about making the first move?

If you're not comfortable enough with each other to clarify how you both feel about sex, you're not comfortable enough to have sex anyway.

As a good friend of mine says--you have to get into her HEAD before you can get into her PANTS.