[intensive]

Hi everyone,

I wrote recently about someone I have been seeing for the past 4 months but that we both live apart in different countries. Most people replied that I should just be patient and let the guy take he lead which I am doing. However another difficulty has occurred in that I am finding him very difficult and awkward to talk too. I have noticed that he has become distant and he just doesn't want to know about me. What I mean by that is when we are on the phone he keeps talking about himself and just doesn't seem to want how I'm doing. I just spoke to him today and all he kept doing was going on about himself and his week, his family . When I told him stuff about me all he could say was "very good". What do I do as I am so disheartened and down about this. I am trying so hard to make this work and he is making so little effort that I just feel like ending it. I'm afraid to say anything in case he finishes things which I do not want to happen but I can't continue like this and I'm feeling disheartened and miserable about the whole situation.

Thanks for your responses.

[valinors_sorrow]

It is a power play and the only way to win is to lose. One of the most profound lessons I learned is I cannot change other people. You may be backing off from some things with this man, but the fact that you are still "trying so hard to make this work" says you have not backed off in the slightest in the most critical part. This and your other thread really speaks to control and trust issues... forgive me if this is invasive but its begging to be asked: are you really relationship material with all that going on right now?

[Skell]

It is a long distance relationship at work..

They are hard and you know this.

You are going to over analyse things he says. Think about what he is doing. Why he doesn't seem close to you etc.

It is what happens in LDR's and it takes a tough and determined person to deal with them.

If you aren't up to maintaining that trust and strength then this relationship isn't for you and it would be wise to move on.

[Wildcat21]

Everyone knows my feelings on LDRs - I wouldn't wish them on anyone. Just so hard - Lost in translation. You need to be with that person every week - not evey month. It's so easy to be fake.

I wouldn't want those feelings you're having... ever.

[ordinaryguy]

It's devastatingly simple, really. He's a foolish man who is so self-absorbed that he doesn't really care about you or anyone else. You are SO fortunate to find this out before you invested any more time and emotion in the relationship. Let it go.

[intensive]

Hi guys,

Many thanks for your words of wisdom. I have read all carefully and valinors and wildcat you have basically said the same thing, is this the right time for me to make a go of things with this guy if I can't trust and have a bit of faith. Maybe your all right is saying that we are not mean't to be together. I just wish I could get over this anxiousness and relax a little. Have you ever met someone where you just connect instantly and conversation is just so natural and right that you could talk to that person all night, I have but these guys have not been for me, they have let me down and I have been hurt whereas this guy has respect for me, he's honest, reliable and overall a decent guy but we just don't click because I have been so anxious around him. When I'm relaxed we get on so well and really enjoy been together. I have to think this one through very carefully before deciding because if I don't change my ways soon I'll only have myself to blame. Thanks again for your advice everyone.

[Bluerose]

"I'm afraid to say anything in case he finishes things which I do not want to happen but I can't continue like this and I'm feeling disheartened and miserable about the whole situation."

Do you really want to be in a relationship with anyone where you are afraid to say what you are thinking?

[chuff]

I think he's lost interest and as a result is coming up with ways to try and push you away.

[intensive]

Hi everyone,

My questions were answered over the holidays. In truth he has lost interest. He does not think of me much anymore. He cares but does not care enough to give things ago because I am not fun, we can't communicate and he basically cannot be bothered to get to know me and he never saw me in a relationship in the short trem never mind the long term. I found all this out after a very hurtful text message because I did not have my phone with me and discussing this face to face. Now I can move on to a brighter 2007! Happy new year eveyone.

[chuff]

Hi everyone,

My questions were answered over the holidays. In truth he has lost interest. He does not think of me much anymore. He cares but does not care enough to give things ago because I am not fun, we can't communicate and he basically cannot be bothered to get to know me and he never saw me in a relationship in the short trem never mind the long term. I found all this out after a very hurtful text message because I did not have my phone with me and discussing this face to face. Now I can move on to a brighter 2007! Happy new year eveyone.

Good for you. Your not moaning about it, you accept and you move on. Good luck.

[s_cianci]

Given the way you feel maybe you need to seriously rethink this. A relationship should be balanced. If it's not, which is to say if one person is giving substantially more to it than the other, that's not a good sign as it's not healthy. In your case it sounds like things may be unbalanced in that you'er putting far more into things than he is. The distance factor is not a good thing either and may prove to be a hindrance. Right now I'd back off a little and give him a chance to come around. Don't call or e-mail him ; let him contact you. If he continues to talk only about himself to the point where he becomes a crashing bore, then it may be time to end things and move on.

[talaniman]

Now I can move on to a brighter 2007! Happy new year eveyone.

This sounds like an excellent plan and better than trying tat long distance stuff that is difficult to maintain.