[ZoeMarie]

As for the first question, I know people in their late thirties that aren't ready to get married. Age doesn't play as big of a factor as your maturity.

[Justwantfair]

19 is too young, In my opinion, to get married.

I got married at 23, still too young (although you couldn't have told me that then).

I think until you are 25-27 you aren't really ready for the responsibility of marriage, no matter how much you believe that you are. But only you can look back and regret, as you change over the next ten years.

[ScottGem]

Wondering who you are going to elope with, your boyfriend or your girlfriend?

[Justwantfair]

Wondering who you are going to elope with, your boyfriend or your girlfriend?

I would imagine when you aren't even sure about your sexuality, it is difficult to be sure of your lifelong partner.

Good point, Scott.

[j_ely823]

Im like more than 100% positive I want to marry him. Its just I've been pressing about it, he says he wants to as much as I he just wants to be secure and independent and not rush.. which makes sense I guess.. I mean if he really doesn't I rather he tell me before the day we exchange vows...

[Justwantfair]

I would imagine that he is show way more maturity then you are at this time. Which tells me he maybe more prepared for marriage for simply knowing that he is not.

You have not read any responses because you just want to pressure him that it's OK, which is a huge mistake. You aren't ready for marriage and not knowing that, proves it.

From someone who married too young, the wedding was $40 at the courthouse, the divorce has now been over $30,000.00 at the courthouse.

There is NOT a rush on a quality relationship, you will always be there for each other.
There is only a rush if you want to try to ensure that you will always be there for each other.

[j_ely823]

You guys are right in many ways... but I feel as if we've already been through enough issues in the past couple of months... and we have grown stronger together and as individuals because of them ( in some ways). I just feel like I've given so much of myself to him, and he's in the same situation. He wrote me an extensive note three pages long about how much he's sorry for everything, how much he loves me and will never leave nor give up on me. And he wants to make me happy and do anything for me otherwise he won't be satisfied or fulfilling his duty. I trust in his genuine interest and care for me. Fortunately, since he wrote that, we have found comfort and peace and more love than before, and despite the troubles that have arisen, I know now how much we mean to each other. I have done everything in my power to support him and make him happy though. I know I don't want anyone else, Ive seen a mural of men, and thank God for my boyfriend; he has shown me the man of my dreams. I guess that's why I want to officialize us and maybe also for the sake of my parents so I can show them I love him and we can take care of each other and marriage does not hinder you from making the life you intended from yourself. The only thing is I really want to explore the world, a little sooner than later, I was considering going into the Peace Corps. But he doesn't like that idea because it would have us apart for 2 or more yrs. I know this and I wouldn't let anything happen on my end, but if he loves me so much and wants to be with me, why wouldn't he accept me wanting to go to another country and do some volunteering, and grow a little?

[I wish]

You two are still young and it's not easy to have a long distance relationship. Furthermore, you might feel as though you really love each other, but he is still very insecure about your relationship.

You're right, you should go volunteer if that's what you want and he should be able to respect that. Nor matter how many times you say "I love you" to each other, both of you still have a lot of growing to do and a lot of work before you have a stable relationship.

Just keep talking to him. Keep in open communication with your boyfriend. You have to show him how much you want to go and eventually he will realize and respect your wishes. You just need to establish a more stable relationship with a strong communication system.

[taoplr]

You guys are right in many ways...but i feel as if we've already been through enough issues in the past couple of months...and we have grown stronger together and as individuals because of them ( in some ways). I just feel like ive given so much of myself to him, and he's in the same situation. He wrote me an extensive note three pages long about how much he's sorry for everything, how much he loves me and will never leave nor give up on me. And he wants to make me happy and do anything for me otherwise he wont be satisfied or fulfilling his duty. I trust in his genuine interest and care for me. Fortunately, since he wrote that, we have found comfort and peace and more love than before, and despite the troubles that have arisen, I know now how much we mean to each other. I have done everything in my power to support him and make him happy though. I know i dont want anyone else, Ive seen a mural of men, and thank God for my boyfriend; he has shown me the man of my dreams. I guess thats why i want to officialize us and maybe also for the sake of my parents so i can show them I love him and we can take care of each other and marriage does not hinder you from making the life you intended from yourself. The only thing is I really want to explore the world, a little sooner than later, i was considering going into the Peace Corps. but he doesnt like that idea because it would have us apart for 2 or more yrs. I know this and i wouldnt let anything happen on my end, but if he loves me so much and wants to be with me, why wouldnt he accept me wanting to go to another country and do some volunteering, and grow a little?

Hmmm. I'm getting some mixed signals here. If you are willing, a little data gathering is in order.

Specifically, what issues have you been through in the past couple of months? For what is he sorry? What troubles have arisen that you refer to? Fill us in.

Also, you seemed eager to seal the deal in your earlier post, anxious about your love surviving 2-3 years of school. Now, you want to explore, to grow, to see some of the world. Nothing wrong with that, but why is his reluctance to be away from you for so long raising questions in your mind? After all, the Peace Corps means being out of the country, out of physical contact.

It is worth thinking this through.

Tao

[stevetcg]

21 is normally a good age to get married, and/ or shortly after college or at least one of you has a sound secure job able to pay all the bills of daily living. *** not paying bills living with another person.

21 is WAY too young to get married, in my opinion. 21 year olds still have no idea how the world works. Life is very different at 21 than it is at 30. 30 is a good age.

[stevetcg]

Justwantfair agrees: I definitely agree, 30 is a great age. The OP thinks she is ready and she is 19.

I KNEW I was ready at 20. Absolutely sure of it. Turns out I was ready for divorce at 22. But when I got remarried at 23, I was totally right. Then I turned 24 and it turns out young people are stupid. Im now 37. Im ready to get married again. So I am.

[j_ely823]

okay well he cheated on me, I became obsessively paranoid about his behaviors interactions, our communication pattern etc. I was basically questioning everything. Even from his intentions to dress a certain way and why he would talk to all these girls from his high school esp if were in college? All of this has died down significantly. I guess now that I am so much more secure in our relationship and I trust that he wouldn't "give up one me" I feel like I can focus more on what I want you know. I don't want to seem selfish but the past couple of months has been bickering and me being upset crying, almost to the point where I was going to destroy my house. =( But, I guess my conscious self wasn't ready to calm down yet because I knew there was something that he was hiding or not telling me ( the cheating). After that I threatened to break-up with him because I was disgusted and repulsed and I told him I didn't want him touching me anymore basically telling him he was . Im not as much in the denial and anger and blaming stage as I was a few weeks ago. Perhaps its because I found out the girl he cheated on me with (who was also his best friend of 2yrs) was impregnated by her boyfriend and so she tried to commit suicide... This may sound sinister, but I had no sympathy and in fact I laughed at my boyfriend saying that he cheated with a pregnant girl. It disgusts him more than I can say because I'm not him but I can hear it in his voice where as I just think its funny. Weird? Anyway... I don't know what the difference is if I want to go to the peace corp I mean I can bring my computer with me right and skype is good? Ive seen people who do that. It's the same situation I'm just farther away. We've been apart for 8 months and call each other daily. If that doesn't work out I can write him I think if he's as devoted to me as he says he is, he would give it more thought. I also heard that while your active in it, you can have loved ones/family to visit for a few days as your vacation...

[j_ely823]

So what happened if I may as. What's the difference between now and then? IS it the financial responsibilities? The commitment troubles? Not sure what you wanted in a woman?

[j_ely823]

Ive been told by few people that due to my youth and hormones, my libido is extremely high and I'll want to have sex so much more often now than when I'm older. (Makes sense) However, is it possible to determine whether the relationship is too sexual? How do you know if its balanced considering the high interest on both ends?

[stevetcg]

So what happened if i may as. What's the difference between now and then? IS it the financial responsibilities? the committment troubles? Not sure what you wanted in a woman?

Mostly I know now how the world works and what it means to be committed to someone else.

[j_ely823]

It seem so vaque when you all say how the wold works? What do u mean?

[ScottGem]

Wondering why you didn't answer my question in post #7?

[N0help4u]

You get into a relationship based on love.
Also you don't jump into bed with a guy until you know there is LOVE.
Love isn't something that happens over night you have to cultivate it.
Even if you have love at first sight the sooner you jump into bed with them the more hazy the lines are going to be.

Also you might be interested in reading these
Hug the Monkey: Oxytocin: The Book

Oxytocin - Why Love Matters - Associated Content

The studies on oxytocin are saying that the more partners you have the more desensitized you become. I believe that is why so many teenagers and young adults come here asking why does he ignore me and why does he care more about porn and/or video games than having sex.

[j_ely823]

OK well. I don't really have problems like that where they severely affect me. One of them was more so my insecurities and him not recognizing it. Its not that he cared more or was ignoring me. He was just being a guy I suppose (slightly oblivious) And the first time we had sex was basically two months into our relationship. It was mostly me I think who really wanted to have sex; I knew he loved me to some extent but love grows over time so its no where near as much as he loves me now. Regardless, I know the intensity of our love is mutual. Its just every time I think about him (if I'm in a good mood) I get like "sex tingles" and every time he says he's talking to me (when he's in a good mood) he gets hard. Also if we're talking about something that may be suggesting sex.

[j_ely823]

Oh yeah, sorry the young man I wish to marry is in fact my boyfriend