[Jacki336]

Hi. I'm new to this site and joined in order to get other people's opinions on my situation. I am 16, soon to be 17, dating a 21 year old man. We have been dating 4 months, and I truly believe this is the man I am going to marry. The problem is that I don't know how to tell my parents- or if I should tell them. I want them to know- but I don't want to be banned from seeing him. I am very mature and very independent and hate when my parents try to run my life for me. They both work in high schools, one as a teacher, the other as a counselor- so they both think they know me. Since I have been dating him, my life has been so much better than what it used to be- even my grades are improving. I would just like some advice as to what some of you would do if you were in my situation. Would you tell your parents? How would you tell them? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

[Fr_Chuck]

Yes they need to know, having a relationship based on lies is never any good.

I could go into all the issues where someone 16 only thinks they know everything, but since they think they do, they won't listen to me anyway.

But the real issue is why a 21 year old would want to be dating a 16 year old, I can only think of one reason and it is not going skating.

If you all have sex, he is breaking the law (in most states) and could go to prison for years, that is something else to think about.

Parents are not there to be your best friend, ( at least in your opinion of friend) they are there to protect you from poor choices that are made by lack of experience in life.

[imation]

I agree, you should definitely think about why he is with you in the first thing, but usually people can tell if its all about sex
But telling your parents is definitely a good idea, they need to know and yeah OK, they probably won't understand but come on... if you were banned from seeing him by your parents... would you really not see him again? Or would you go behind they're backs?
I don't know you, your parents or the relationship your have, but the vast majority of teenagers would keep dating him regardless

[ZK85]

I agree with both Fr_Chuck and Imation ….

I would just like to add that guys like to play on young girls your age because

1. You are young and inexperienced (compared to girls his age)…

2. At your age you want to PROVE that you are mature and old enough (to yourself as well as to others) so you are more willing to do what ever he wants you to do…

3. since it is in secret he might most likely be seeing other girls… plus he gets all the fun of making out with you without having to worry about dinning you or spending much cash on you .

4. I know I know he is so nice and sweet to you… chances are any guy smart enough to play this game knows how to play it and acts his role well… (You would be surprised at how far guys would go to get into a girls pants)

All that said he actually might be genuine (though I would HIGHLY doubt it)… be careful of him unless you don't mind getting your heart badly broken one day.


Best of luck,

ZK85

[Tuscany]

My husband is 9 years older then me... and we have known each other our entire lives.
I have loved him since I was about 15. But being that he was older and did not want to hurt me, he never acted on my feelings. AT least not until I was 21. It was then that we decided to date. I am so glad that he let me grow up and experience life as a young person. I believe that is why we have such a healthy relationship now.

Step back from this relationship until you are older. I know that this is going to be tough, but if it is meant to be, trust me it will happen.

[Sentra]

You should not have to depend on anyone to provide you with happiness, if that can't be done by yourself then you will surely become dependent in the future and have a great feeling of loss when (heaven forbid) he is no longer with you.

I married my first husband at a very young age, because like you, I thought he was the one. But, as soon as that ring was on my finger, he became a totally different person and I was fortunate enough to see through the cloud of infatuation before things became worse than they already were.

There is more to life, and it doesn't seem like you have a clue as to what that is. I am not saying that what you feel for this man isn't true or sincere, but look before you leap.

As for your parents, wake up. They take care of you, put a roof over your head, changed your diapers and make sure you don't go a day without living (literally). They know you better than you think, but don't let on because THAT is where you find your independence: Being your own person, unpredictable, reliant on whomever you want (in this case your current mate). You do not know the whole of someone's personality in the course of 6 months, and by lying to your parents about who you date will create more problems in the future.

Trust me, I've been there, done that and got the t-shirt. Concentrate on finishing school, filling in your parents on who you are dating (if you say you want to marry this man, he shouldn't be so unloved to cover him up, right?) and search inside yourself for happiness, seeking it from someone else will only last a short time, and end faster than you can say "I do."

[sbeaton]

My boyfriend and I have been going out for almost 3 months, I am 15 and he is 18 but he has a late birthday so while his friends are turning 19 he just turned 18. At first I told my mom he was 16, and he can drive. My mom believed me until she told my sister who I was dating.. and my sister remembered him from high school and he is only a year or so younger then my sister. My sister told my mom his real age and we had a talk.. I told her I really liked him and it seems as if he really likes me. Now being almost 3 months that we have dated.. he still hasn't met my mom, I think I'm just too nervous or something but he is really eager to meet her.. I guess I would be too. I had to lie to my dad about him because my sister told my dad too and he flipped right out cause of the age difference. So now up to this day I still lie to my dad about him, even though my mom knows she knows not to tell my dad cause of how mad he got and would get.

Maybe you should talk to your parents about dating and what age is too old for you .