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justagurl:) · Nov 25, 2006, 09:15 PM

Im 16 and I am going to have sex... He is very experienced and Im not... What if I suck? I've done everything in between.. But NOT SEX.. Im ready for it, and I desire it quite often. I want to do kinky things and what not... But I want him to think I'm good at it you know? I don't want to be the cheesy little girl who doesn't know what she is doing... I want this guy really bad, and I know Im ready for it.. No doubts about that... I don't know, I know this is confusing, but I just want to be good!! Lol

JoeCanada76 · Nov 25, 2006, 09:37 PM

To be honest. Your better off waiting. I will explain why. You said yourself that this person is well experienced. Your not. So you will always feel like your going to be compared and worried about performance. Guess what, first time is better when it is the first time for both people. It is not as easy as you may think. There needs to be a sense of humour and practise. At 16 you can wait. Your body is saying do it but maturity wise your not really there. If you are worried about performance with somebody with experience then guess what your not really ready. It is not about performance. It is not about having sex. It is about wanting a relationship with somebody. It is about wanting to be friends with somebody. Developing feelings, true feelings about somebody which happens over time. Not right away.

Joe

blondieinCAN · Nov 25, 2006, 11:56 PM

I was you one time... I mean I had sex the first time with a guy that was 3 years older so I know what you are saying. But true like I wasn't then, you don't sound ready... and why worry about performing well? He knows your new to it right? And well, you've done everything else so hunn... at first the only difference is him sticking it in!! Just relax! Talking to him about what you liked/or didn't and asking him what he likes will make sex good. Not us answering your questions.

curiousone777 · Nov 26, 2006, 12:23 AM

Yeah he knows... and he's OK with it.. he is such a sweetheart... I just want everything to be great for HIM... Ya know?

J_9 · Nov 26, 2006, 06:14 AM

Wow, you have some fabulous answers here! I just would like to remind you that the first time you probably won't be "good at it" because the first time is usually a little painful.

I would also like to ask how permantently serious you are about this boy. I would hate for you to be one of the girls who comes back here in a couple of weeks with the story that you fell in love with this boy, you gave him your virginity and now he is dating someone else. You love him, how can you get him back? Happens all the time.

Then in a few months you might be one of the girls who comes back and says "remember me? Well, I am pregnant and I am only 16. My boyfriend left me for my best friend. Should I have an abortion or give it up for adoption?" We hear that quite often too.

If you feel you are ready for sex, make sure you are ready for the consequences. Yes, babies are consequences of sex. Even if you are on the pill or using condoms, pregnancy is still a possibility. So, make sure you have a good high paying job (babies are not cheap), make sure that this is the man... opps boy you want to spend the rest of your life with, because if you get pregnant he will be in your life forever whether he marries you or not.

Are you still ready to be "kinky"?

corriehac · Nov 26, 2006, 06:45 AM

Most girls are having sex at your age I don't approve of it. You should wait this not going to be the man for the rest of your life. I got married at 16. Had children young. If you love each other it will be wonderful . It will be a momment in life you will rember. Your body will tell you what to do. It will be a flowing process. If it is akward then the time is not right. Stop and wait.

talaniman · Nov 26, 2006, 06:53 AM

From your other questions you have posted, I think you are rushing into adulthood too fast, and are not thinking of all the things that go along with being ready to have sex. At 16 I know you want to feel like a woman and please your man, but there is so much to learn first before you can engage in sex SAFELY. Yes the birth control is at the top of the list but as you have said he is much more experienced, but do you know him well enough to say he loves you, or is he trying to turn you on so he can get to the next level?
All of your previous threads have been leading to this happening and I think you should be cautious. Will he love you without the other things you do? Find out by not giving him your body, and not taking his, and see how long he sticks around. Then you'll know how he really feels. Give it a month and see for yourself where he really stands, before you get caught up in something that can hurt you for life.

valinors_sorrow · Nov 26, 2006, 07:04 AM

Many good posts here -- I hope you're giving them some thought since you can't undo giving your virginity away. Sex is being poorly handled if it's a goal to check off a list, a competition or worse yet becomes a chore. Frankly, sex between two people is always a little awkward at first regardless of their experience because they still don't know each other in that way. Its one of those things, like dancing, that gets better with practice. But like Joe and others said, its WAY WAY better if its practiced with someone you know really really well, feel love with, feel secure with and have a larger context to fit it into, like a committed relationship that is going somewhere. Sex for sex sake is like the chinese food of love... an hour later and you're lonely again! Sex for bragging rights is just what you said you don't want to be... cheesy!

If I were your mom (which I am certain not LOL) I would recognise that I can only hope to influence you since, at 16, you are largely capable of doing what you want... but for your first time I would hope it would be much more special than this one sounds like it will be. That's all.

justagurl:) · Nov 26, 2006, 10:37 AM

Wow... These are great answers.. You guys are really smart.. I know Im ready because I have been given the opportunity many times before... However I knew then I wasn't ready.. He has never asked me if I wanted too.. I told him I wanted too... I really do... I'm just ready for some new experiences!

Fr_Chuck · Nov 26, 2006, 10:51 AM

I will only add how old this person is, since he is "very experienced" and this means he jumps from sexual conquest to another.

Any boy a 16 year old should be considering having sex with, should not be old enough to have a lot of experience if they ever had actual feelings for the girls they are with.

Also be ready to be called mommy also, since no birth control is 100 percent effective. Sit in your room tonight and think about the ways to tell your parents you are expecting and then perhaps reconsider it.

talaniman · Nov 26, 2006, 10:56 AM

Originally Posted by justagurl:)

Wow... These are great answers.. You guys are really smart.. I know Im ready becuase I have been given the oppertunity many times before.... However I knew then I wasnt ready.. He has never asked me if I wanted too.. I told him I wanted too... I really do... I'm just ready for some new experiences!!

If your ready for new experiences are you ready for the consequences? Think about all that can happen, if all you want are new experiences. Only you can judge if the price is too high or not. This is real life out here not just fun and games.

justagurl:) · Nov 26, 2006, 12:32 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

If your ready for new experiences are you ready for the consequences? Think about all that can happen, if all you want are new experiences. Only you can judge if the price is too high or not. This is real life out here not just fun and games.

I know the consequences.. Ive known them for a long time... If I get pregnant.. Then so be it... I'll be careful.. My parents don't care that I am sexually active... or plan on being.. My moms weird she pretty much supports it.. Yes I want new experiences and yes I know the consequences.. The guy Im with is 20, and he is pretty experienced.. I know he craes about me, and I care about him.. I don't know, I kind of feel like he is expecting a lot.. He doesn't SAY he is or he doesn't imply it.. I just want to be good..

talaniman · Nov 26, 2006, 12:37 PM

I just want to be good..

Speaking as a man, He will never notice. So it doesn't matter. I'm sure he knows how to get his rocks off. But he will tell you exactly what you want to hear. He already has evidently.

JoeCanada76 · Nov 26, 2006, 12:43 PM

20 years old. Rocking the cradle. Jailbait. Oh, so many things come in mind. No your not ready and I and everybody can tell this by your maturity. The way you write, the way you rationalize, the way you think. If you want to ruin your life and do things your going to regret. You had all of us here to guide you properly. Obvously you do not have good guidance from your parents if they do not care. Unlike them, we do care and that is why we are trying to give you clear answers and guidance of what is the best thing to do in your situation especially considering that you are so immature.

Joe

talaniman · Nov 26, 2006, 12:52 PM

Thanks Joe, I was getting frustrated here.

JoeCanada76 · Nov 26, 2006, 12:55 PM

It is all up to her now.

Thomas1970 · Nov 26, 2006, 01:24 PM

Originally Posted by Jesushelper76

20 years old. Rocking the cradle. Jailbait.

I hate to be the "bad guy" once again, but I agree, this would not even be a legal situation in most states, as far as I know, should the relationship be consummated. I'm in agreement with other posters as to his likely motives; and there is likely as well, something of a "forbidden fruit" factor, on top of his seemingly relative immaturity. He should likely be in college at this time, or out in the workforce, socializing with people of his own age group.
No one really mentioned STD's as well. If he is 20 years old, and as experienced as he claims, I would personally worry about such. He's probably still young enough to think he's somewhat invincible, and probably hasn't been terribly thorough in his practice of prevention. If he's willing to sleep with that many people, when he's ready to go, he probably doesn't want to be bothered with either coherence or consistency.
New experinces can be wonderful, it's quite human to long for such. But sometimes we have to determine where the lines of boredom, distraction, and external pressures are drawn. A sport like base jumping can be an overwhelming thrill too, but even for the informed and the experienced, it can sometimes prove deadly. Likewise, some diseases only give you one fleeting moment to pull your chute and slow your descent.
Please delve into sexuality with education and wisdom. It is always a richer experience when you can truly be without significant concern.

J_9 · Nov 26, 2006, 05:51 PM

Originally Posted by justagurl:)

I know the consequences.. Ive known them for a long time... If I get pregnant.. Then so be it... I'll be careful.. My parents dont care that I am sexually active... or plan on being.. My moms wierd she pretty much supports it.. Yes I want new experiences and yes I know the consequences.. The guy Im with is 20, and he is pretty experienced.. I know he craes about me, and I care about him.. I dont know, I kind of feel like he is expecting a lot.. He doesnt SAY he is or he doesnt imply it.. I just want to be good..

Yeah, you'll be careful... BULL, it seems as though you don't even know what careful means!!

The guy is 20... OMG, that is just plain SICK!! All he wants is a young bimbo and apparently you don't care if you are one or not. This is ILLEGAL, and he can be put in jail!!

If you get pregnant, so be it. I feel sorry for that child. It will grow up in a world of unlove and hurt. So, who is going to raise and pay for this baby? Me? You got to be kidding right?! You are going to go on the welfare system? You will be a single Mom. Horray, doesn't that sound like fun? Staying up all night with a sick baby, at your age, who cries and cries, you don't know what to do to stop it, while he is out screwing another 16 year old. Oh, yeah, did I forget to mention that he sure will deny the child. He will say that it is not his and that you are "easy" because all he had to do was say a few sweet words to get you into bed, how does he know that other boys did not do that? He will be gone faster than a hearbeat when you tell him you are pregnant, he will find another teeny-bopper who will bed down with him if he talks to her nice enough.

Tell me now, how do you know he cares about you? Just cause he said so? You know guys like him lie just to hop into the sack with unsuspecting little girls. Sheesh, I am so glad I am not young and gullible anymore. He tells you these things because you are fresh meat. Plain and simple.

Also, he is quite experienced? Well, you better make a doctor's appointment for a month or so down the road so that you can get an antibiotic for the sexually transmitted disease he may give you.

Well, I am sure we will see you down the road when you are pregnant and he left you for your best friend.

Good luck to you and your child, you will need it.

ScottGem · Nov 26, 2006, 07:14 PM

You are NOT ready. Want to know how I know. I read all that you have posted here and I notice some things that are missing. Nowhere do you mention your relationship with this guy. How long you have been seeing him, whether you plan on making a life with him. You said; "I want this guy really bad". So what you are saying is you plan on using sex to get this guy. You do say you care about each other, but if you do, you wouldn't think of using sex as way of cementing a relationship. That is neither mature or practical or close to a sign of being ready.

All you have written is about YOU! You want new experiences, you are concerned how you will measure up.

You say he hasn't asked you. Maybe that's because he realizes you are jail bait. If he has sex with you he could wind up in jail.

Sex is not something you do casually as you seem to be planning. Its an expression of love and SHARING between two people who feel strongly about each other. I'm not saying you need to be married, but you should wait for at least a committed relationship.

I also feel sorry for you that you have parents who care so little for you. That's probably why you want this guy so badly, to replace what you lack at home.

Unfortunately, I doubt if you will pay attention to any of the very good advice you have received. You are too immature and self-centered to listen to wiser voices.

LUNAGODDESS · Nov 26, 2006, 08:36 PM

Let me see... are you truly ready for sex... let go are you ready the handle the issues of STDs... the letters are in reference to venereal diseases... do you know what to do... how to handle yourself when you do... what is the rush... what happens if a pregnancy expands itself... are you ready... fro the need for child support... are you prepared to care for a crying baby at 2:00 in the morning... morning sickness... sympathy sickness... day care is expensive... is mommy willing to be an early grandmother... did she say... have sex... I bet you she said used protection if she did... are you ready... you opened yourself up for this... if you perform the act... oh I am moving to fast for you... when you are ready to thrown down... do you know... what to do... you do understand points of reference right... I don’t want to dummy you down... stating the facts. What will happen when the person you are having sex with is not satisfied... will they leave you... alone... call you other names but your birth name in disdain... do this person have shame... any shame... how many partners had this person had... before you... did you bother to ask... is that fact important to you... do you understand when you have sexual relationship with this person... you are having it with the first, middle and last person... that had sex with this person... do you know about AIDS... you know that disease that killed a many rock stars... and is the cause of many deaths among African people today... and climbing high in Russia and is problem in India... and had knock on the door in China... you can get AIDs here in the Euro states including the Americas... are you ready... what can possible be your come back... do you care... about you... sex can wait... it is more fun without the pressure... especially when you are a adult... do school for know... go to concerts and shop for that special outfit... look good and think straight... what is the rush...