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vchase11 · Feb 16, 2010, 01:48 AM

I am a 23 year old male who is a collegiate athlete and never had any kind of mental or physical problems in my life. No trying to boast but I am not an ugly looking guy and my girlfriend who I have been dating for 8 months exclusively and been with for like the last 2 years is pretty much the replica of a playboy bunny. 99% of my friends I am the luckiest guy on the earth to be dating such an amazing girl and great looks she has. When we were not exclusive I would be on her like white on rice when we were not dating we would have great sex and I would never have the problems of staying hard or keeping my minds off other experiences, at the same time I was with other people as well. Well now that we've been dating, pretty much right off the bat from dating I have had this problem of not staying hard or even getting hard no matter what she did or even orally would not work for me. We have always been a considerable distance from one another like 5 hours and now that we are dating she moved closer and I see her all the time. I love her so much but the sex is dead like a 20 year old body in the grave. I never have the urge to do anything with her, I would rather masturbate to the internet then have sex with her because I know 95% of the time it won't happen. The only way I can ever have sex is thinking of other people if I don't think of other people then I can't have sex. Idk what to do and any help would defiantly be appreciated!

Riot · Feb 16, 2010, 03:45 AM

White on rice... that's a new one

I don't think that sex should be driving the relationship...

I mean, she may be good to look at and all that but does she have the conversation to match?

vchase11 · Feb 16, 2010, 05:30 AM

She has everything anyone would want. Very smart, very cute, does anything any everything, really tries too hard. The only thing that is killing me is the intimate part. Everything else is peachy okay but I don't know how you make yourself attracted to someone

jaime90 · Feb 16, 2010, 10:51 AM

You don't MAKE yourself attracted to anyone. If you have to strive to be attracted to someone, there's something seriously wrong. On top of that, it seems like you're just happy that you nailed a smokin' hot hottie and she's okay with sleeping with you. Do you just want her to stick around so you can keep your "luckiest guy in the world" title? You're not fooling anyone- guys want to nail hot girls, girls want to nail hot guys. You got a "playboy" girl, all you can talk about is what she looks like, and all the great sex you have, and you want to keep her, it doesn't surprise me.

vchase11 · Feb 16, 2010, 12:30 PM

I seriously didn't understand any of that last post not to be rude, but like I didn't mean to come off as conceited and no I do not need the title of "banging a hottie" that's not how I role I just want to know why I see it so differently and everyone in this world thinks we are perfect. I think we are all A OK besides in the bedroom that's my only concern

dynocompe · Feb 16, 2010, 12:32 PM

How much are you masturbating when you are not with her? Sounds like you fantasize a lot about other women, a lot of porn addicts(not saying you are one) do not get off on sex as much as porn. So if you do masturbate a lot and watch a lot of porn. I would most defiantely stop it, and see if that helps. To me it sounds like you are very attracted to her, but you just got to stop the wank, so you have a full tank.

Aurora_Bell · Feb 17, 2010, 08:43 AM

Sometimes the attraction just isn't there. Maybe it's something else that is turning you off on her. I dated a guy for a while, extremely good looking, but there was something in his personality that just didn't click with me. I knew he would have no problem finding another girl who did want to have sex with him, but it just wasn't me. There is so much more to a solid relationship then being able to connect physically and mentally. Some times one is there but the other isn't and it's just too hard to figure out why the other is lacking. I dated another guy who was like my best friend, I could tell him anything, we had SO much fun together, loved his personality, but I was in NO way sexually attracted to him. It got to the point when we were doing the deed I would just close my eyes and wait for it to be over.. nice eh?
I then couldn't stand being around him, couldn't stand the idea of kissing him, holding hands, anything. I just kept telling myself how lucky I was to have this guy who would bend over backwards for me, he truly loved me for me, and was an all around nice guy (he wasn't, but that's another story). I thought if I could just get over this "phase" then we would be all right. But seriously, how fair was that to him? I was holding him back from potentially finding HIS perfect match.
I guess to sum it all up, if it's there it's there, if it's not, it's not. Sometimes there are things you can do to bring that spark back, sometimes you just don't mesh sexually. Maybe you were happier being in an open relationship? Have you thought about re inacting some fantasies? Like maybe she is a hot stranger and you are the delivery guy/mechanic/doctor/stranger walking down the street etc...

Hope that makes sense.

Gemini54 · Feb 18, 2010, 03:13 PM

Part of me agrees with jaime - you've landed exclusive rights to a smoking hot babe that everyone lusts after, but now you can't get hard with her. But you used to get hard with her when you weren't exclusive and you were dating other women.

Barring any sudden physical problems that affect your capacity to get an erection, I'd say you're allergic to commitment.

Think about it - the thing that is different is that you're now in an exclusive relationship with her. You might love her, but something within you doesn't want to get THAT close. Something within you is a bit scared of it all.

Result? No desire, no erection.