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Synnen · Feb 23, 2010, 02:36 PM

I've never thought that anyone is 100% ANYTHING sexually. More like there's a graph, and everyone has more of one tendency than another, or is truly happy with both sexes.

There is no "right". There's no way ANYONE but you can tell you what the right thing for you to do is.

But I REALLY really think that you should talk to a counselor, even if only once, to get some ideas on how to get your thoughts clearer to YOURSELF.

ben090909 · Feb 23, 2010, 03:02 PM

Ahhhhhh ing hell, everything is the biggest pile of . I am yet again crying my ing eyes out, I can't deal wioth these feelings alone, I need someone I can physically talk to, I just can't deal with this anymore, I am completely out of thought space in my head, the guy I met up with last night was spose to come over tonight, he knows I am not out and I was so ready to talk to him and tell him about everything, and now I spose the morning after, after he has sobered up he doesn't want to come round, I have been waiting for a test all day from him, I would text him but I only gave him my number, I didn't take his, I wanted to leave it up to him. Which I spose serves me right. I just can't deal with this anymore, I am literally balling my eyes out on my own, I can't take this e anymore. Somebody has got to care that knows me. Thank you all so much for your responses.

ben090909 · Feb 23, 2010, 03:06 PM

Why does everything have to be so hard, all the time?

Synnen · Feb 23, 2010, 04:23 PM

It's not hard ALL the time.

Do you have a close friend you can talk to? I know you said your family wouldn't be much help to you--but are you still in high school? College? Is there a school counselor you can talk to, or a teacher/professor you like and trust?

There is also a national GLBT hotline that you can call--where you KNOW the person who answers will understand. It's a toll free number. 1-888-843-4564.

If you don't know anyone you feel you can trust to talk to in person, then give them a call. They've been there, they get it--they can probably help you figure out what to do next.

ben090909 · Feb 23, 2010, 05:23 PM

Sorry about tonight everyone, been an absolute hell of a day, gone for a walk, and got my together! Thanks ever so much!

I don't really have anyone I trust, my best mate I would tell but that would probably make them hate me due to the fact they are very much homophobic, my god I feel like I am standing at the top of a pin, I just don't know who to turn to, the guy I was with last night I would tell everything to, he said he has just recently come out, which made me feel really comfortable around him. I would tell him everything. Although he was spose to come round tonight, and I haven't heard anything from him all day, I hope he is OK, or I hope he hasn't gone off the idea, we met when we were both drunk, so if he has sobered and thought what the heck. He is really cute, and I was surprised when he came up to me in the club and said did I want to have a dance with him, at which point I said no because I wasn't gay, although about an hour later me and him were kissing in the toilets.

If he did want to get to know me do you think he would have called or texted me by now? I really do feel like I could just tell him everything, although if I said all these things in a short space of time would I scare him off?

I would call that number, however I don't live in america, I live in the UK!

ben090909 · Feb 23, 2010, 05:23 PM

Sorry about tonight everyone, been an absolute hell of a day, gone for a walk, and got my together! Thanks ever so much!

I don't really have anyone I trust, my best mate I would tell but that would probably make them hate me due to the fact they are very much homophobic, my god I feel like I am standing at the top of a pin, I just don't know who to turn to, the guy I was with last night I would tell everything to, he said he has just recently come out, which made me feel really comfortable around him. I would tell him everything. Although he was spose to come round tonight, and I haven't heard anything from him all day, I hope he is OK, or I hope he hasn't gone off the idea, we met when we were both drunk, so if he has sobered and thought what the heck. He is really cute, and I was surprised when he came up to me in the club and said did I want to have a dance with him, at which point I said no because I wasn't gay, although about an hour later me and him were kissing in the toilets.

If he did want to get to know me do you think he would have called or texted me by now? I really do feel like I could just tell him everything, although if I said all these things in a short space of time would I scare him off?

I would call that number, however I don't live in america, I live in the UK!

Cat1864 · Feb 23, 2010, 07:52 PM

Originally Posted by ben090909

i dont really have anyone i trust, my best mate i would tell but that would probably make them hate me due to the fact they are very much homophobic, my god i feel like i am standing at the top of a pin, i just dont know who to turn to, the guy i was with last night i would tell everything to, he said he has just recently come out, which made me feel really comfortable around him. i would tell him everything. although he was spose to come round tonight, and i havent heard anything from him all day, i hope he is ok, or i hope he hasnt gone off the idea, we met when we were both drunk, so if he has sobered and thought . he is really cute, and i was surprised when he came up to me in the club and said did i wanna have a dance with him, at which point i said no cos i wasnt gay, although about an hour later me and him were kissing in the toilets.

if he did want to get to know me do you think he would have called or texted me by now? i really do feel like i could just tell him everything, although if i said all these things in a short space of time would i scare him off?

i would call that number, however i dont live in america, i live in the UK!

Ben, don't let your confusion cause you to do things you know aren't safe like hooking up with a random person (of either sex). Have more respect for yourself than playing games in public toilets.

Here is the GLBT National Help Center website: GLBT National Help Center

It has on-line services and information that may help you.

I think you need to slow down your thinking. You seem to be doing the mental equivalent of sprinting in a marathon. Your best friend will probably always be just that. You seem to be seeing the infatuation for what it is. However, it isn't any better to jump from a friend to a stranger. Get to people before you start making out with them. It will save you some self-esteem problems later.

ben090909 · Feb 24, 2010, 03:22 PM

This stranger that I met, I am getting to know him now, we are getting on really well, I am looking forward to talking, seeing him, although he doesn't seem to be able to ever commit to coming round or going out somewhere. Please can someone tell me am I rushing into things? I have known him for 3 days and have developed these strong feelings for him, he's cute, he even thinks I am cute, that makes my stomach surge and I can feel adrenaline kicking in every time I think about him.

Never the less I am still crying my eyes out on my own, in my room, unable to stop it, I just don't think I can talk to anyone about it, could someone who has come out please tell me either how good or bad it feels to do so, and tell me the reactions they got of their mates, family etc?

Thank you

ben090909 · Feb 24, 2010, 03:55 PM

I just thought I should add, the new guy he's my age (ish) by like 2 years, he's called sam, he's really cute, but I think he like another guy... tad/masszive head f*uck

Synnen · Feb 24, 2010, 04:21 PM

Hon, found a UK version of the GLBT organizations here in the US.

Broken Rainbow

There's a number on the website to call where you can get support, and there seems to be a great online community there.

I wish I could be of more help :(

CravenMorhead · Feb 24, 2010, 04:34 PM

Originally Posted by ben090909

this stranger that i met, i am getting to know him now, we are getting on really well, i am looking forward to talking, seeing him, although he doesnt seem to be able to ever commit to coming round or going out somewhere. please can someone tell me am i rushing into things? i have known him for 3 days and have developed these strong feelings for him, he's cute, he even thinks i am cute, that makes my stomach surge and i can feel adrenaline kicking in everytime i think about him.

Okay, I am going to jump in here. You are infatuated with him right now. Honeymoon phase of the relationship. There might be a healthy dose of lust in there right now too. Enjoy it.

Originally Posted by ben090909

never the less i am still crying my eyes out on my own, in my room, unable to stop it, i just dont think i can talk to anyone about it, could someone who has come out please tell me either how good or bad it feels to do so, and tell me the reactions they got of their mates, family etc?

Can't help you here. There has to be a GBLT support line in your community or online. They will have someone to talk to.

ben090909 · Feb 24, 2010, 05:58 PM

Knew it! Too good to be true! He has got another boyfriend. Bloody hell... ended everythin immediately, don't want anything else to do with him, and now I am back in the same place I was on Tuesday evening, in my room alone, hurting not because of him, well maybe a little bit, because he actually did give me a adrenaline rush. Honeymoon period was over quicker than I thought it would be.

The main reason I feel like I am having a blunt fence post being shoved in my chest for the last few days I think is because I feel like I can't sort my S**t out, I can't pick myself up again after quite frankly the biggest head F**k I have had for a long time, the biggest one since my parents divorce, I am stuck in a rut and I can't deal with it.

Thinking about what I have done recently, the gay things I have done with other guys, that isn't me, I don't think I could feel comfortable sat round my friends and family with them knowing I am gay, the amount of gay jokes I have picked up on recently that my friends and family have been saying hurts, you know?

I feeel like I need to get into a state of mind where I am not constantly feeeling like crap to be honest. I just don't know how to get there.

After sam saying something else is going on in his life, I think I need to get my act together, my immediate reaction was great, now I don't have to tell anyone, I can be straight again..

ben090909 · Feb 24, 2010, 06:17 PM

I think the time has begun to think rationally, one way in which I am going to do that is by deleting every guy I have been with, kissed, felt a connection for, phone numbers no more, msn no more (well with the guys ) that I have kissed, been with blah blah blah lol

I have begun to think about what I want, and what I really want is someone that makes me feel great, and if that maybe in the future a guy or girl then I can only hope for the best right?

ben090909 · Feb 24, 2010, 06:35 PM

Am I too young to be dealing with these adult emotions?

neverme · Feb 24, 2010, 07:50 PM

You want someone to come in and save you... but they can't.

You need to get your head sorted first, if you don't know and love who are no one can love you.

Talk to a counselor. Either at an LGBT group or on your own.

You are not too young to be dealing with these emotions, that's why you have them, you are an adult.

Seek help, and soon!

All the best.

ben090909 · Feb 25, 2010, 04:57 PM

I have been thinking all day about what neverme said last night, I would love someone to come and save me, but I think it's a guy that I want to save me, I need someone that gets my adrenaline going that gets the same rush as me.

I came out to my mum a little while ago, she replied to me that I should stop talking nonsense, and I should go out with a girl she knew I had slept with.

I can't stop thinking about what I want, and sam, has ended it with his near boyfriend, I got a massive rush when he told me, I want him, I would come out for him, but how will my family be? All I can think is that they will be disappointed in me.

When ever I get the chance to talk to him, that fence post that gets rammed into my chest, that gut feeling, where you just feel your going to explode with excitement, thrill and passion, all I want to do is be with someone, is that too much to ask? I see it everywhere, granted not in my own family, but films, friends, school and college. I just want the same, I think that is with a guy, I feel like I have now fully accepted my sexuality, I just don't know where to go next??

Synnen · Feb 25, 2010, 05:18 PM

I would recommend clicking on the link in my last post, and contacting someone there who has gone through it.

They can help you find a way to accept yourself and a way to deal with your family.

Aside from that--you will find support for the times when you're doubting and angry and trying to deal with too much.

ben090909 · Feb 25, 2010, 05:38 PM

Hello,

I clicked on the broken rainbow link, this website it says is for people that are experiencing violence in there relationships, thank you for your help though!

neverme · Feb 25, 2010, 07:54 PM

Of course you got a massive rush when he told you this, everyone wants to feel special and loved. There is nothing wrong with that. You are special and can be loved by the right person but you need to believe that you are good enough for that.

Do not come out for anyone else. This is all about you and will be if he leaves you. YOU need to get the strength that IS inside you to deal with this situation. Coming out for someone else only allows the responsibility to fall on them. This is you, this is yours. Be who you are. He is (and this could have been anyone!) that gets your pulse racing. He is the one you are attracted to, accept this and deal with what comes with it. You are good enough, gay, bi or straight, you are a good person who deserves love from whoever you deem worthy of being in a relationship with. Anyone with a problem with this, has a problem with themselves. You are who you are, good bad and indifferent.

Finally I'm going to address the statement you made about wanting to be with "someone". First of all, you are not alone here, the majority of people that are not in a relationship feel this way. Moreover, a lot of people that are in a relationship feel this way! Second, you deserve someone that is better than just anyone.. and it seems that is all you are looking for 'anyone'. If you don't believe this, no one else will.

I would still strongly advise talking to a counselor. Can you afford one? If not where in the UK do you live? If you do not feel comfortable saying it here you can pm me and I will find a organization close to you that can help.

Synnen · Feb 26, 2010, 06:31 AM

Originally Posted by ben090909

hello,

i clicked on the broken rainbow link, this website it says is for people that are experiencing violence in there relationships, thank you for your help though!

You're correct--I completely apologize. I just saw that there was GLBT support there, and missed the "domestic abuse" part.

There HAS to be a GBLT support system in the UK. I'll try again later to locate them online.