[Allheart]

Hi everyone,

This has to be the best site that offers the best advice and insight. I read all of your post and each of you are incredible with your depth and how to easily assess a situation. This site has helped me greatly, more then you will ever know. I thank you all for your genorisity with be so giving of your heartfelt advice to one and all. Even though this is the first time I posted a question, in reading your responses to others has greatly helped me as well, Again, thank you.

Okay, so now I am going to tap in to that wonderful insight all of you possess. Here is my question:

In a relationship, which would you say tends to be right... your heart... or your head? I know the head is more logical and the heart more emotional. In my heart, I just know
Without a doubt that a friend of mine cares, but boy my head, at times really can swirl things around and usually never on the positive side. The reason my head gets so jumbled up is because there have been times my friend has not always been honest with me, and that really really hurts my heart. I have given it time and allowing some space
To think things through, and I concluded that part of the reason for some of the untruths,
Was some of my past reactions to difficult circumstances. Still to me, never a reason for untruths. Sometimes my head and heart are in sync, but other times, compeletely opposite and conflicting feelings.

Okay one and all, which would you say, heart or head? And which one would you listen to?

I thank you all so much for being so wonderful and giving.

Allheart

[Fr_Chuck]

Thank you so much, yes we all are so smart and great you know none of us ever have any probems in our lives and everything goes perfect.

Ok, with my lies told, the honest truth is that in answering questions, it is normally purely common sense, using our brains since we are not emotionally connected with the situation.

But in the real world, where you are in the situation, it is easier to say than do. For the poor lady who has fallen for and believes a cheating married man, it is hard for her to just walk away. And he will not make it easy either.

For example, about 9 year ago I meet a lady, I had to quit my job with the government and move 300 plus miles to be with her, So that was purely hearth, since you head says, don't leave your job with seniority and the such.

And yes, it is hard to be rational when a lot of this is happening to you.

[Allheart]

Fr. Chuck,

It wouldn't let me give you a rating... but thank you so much for your response. I sure hope following your heart... led you to happiness..

And Yes.. all of you are so smart :)... at least I think so :)

Thank you so much... again

[talaniman]

Hi Allheart, I've enjoyed your comments and glad you are here. As the good Fr. Said we are so perfect... not. But just my opinion, the best decisions are made when heart and mind are healthy and in sync. Sometimes when we are young we can be fooled, but as we get older our experience makes us wiser, at least it should. I think that knowing yourself and what you will put up with helps also, again experience is the teacher. I think all these things go into our decisions and don't know if it helps but that's the way I see it.

[Geoffersonairplane]

Hi Allheart,

I would say that we are sometimes led uncontrollably by the heart and deny what our head is telling us.

I guess it depends on the situation and I do believe that sometimes we must deny what our heart is telling us and listen to our head.

It is a difficult position to be in, to need to make a choice between the two.

I have always been one to listen prodominantly to my heart and yet this has for the most part been a poor choice and I am learning to become more wise to this..

Hope this in some way answers or adds to the question..

Oh... thanks for the kind words you posted for everyone. You are right, the people on here are a great bunch and really are understanding and supportive.. :)

[Fr_Chuck]

Heck talamiamn not only I am perfect I am so good looking.
It is wonderful to live in may world ( even if it is not real)

It was a joke, I do hope you read it in the context it was written.

And yes it all turned out great, I was able to get a job I had always wanted, and then got a job I needed. But as you get older, we all learn, and god only knows the mistakes I made in the past to give me all this experience.

But at the end of each day you have to live with and deal with the choices we each make.

[Geoffersonairplane]

But at the end of each day you have to live with and deal with the choices we each make.

SPOT ON!

[talaniman]

god only knows the mistakes I made in the past to give me all this experience

.
Sometimes we ain't so pefect and God makes us do it again, till we catch on.

[Rocket2000]

I recently had the same problem about someone I knew long ago. Using your head instead of your heart does come into play. It all depends on the situation.

Just don't let your heart take over for what is logical. If this person lied to you in some way, ask them to explain. If they avoid the conversation, go with what is wise.

In my case it was about a woman I knew long ago. I started thinking about her a week ago and could not get her out of my head.

As soon as I accepted that it was not logical, the feelings eased.


R

[Allheart]

Tal, Thank you so much for saying what you said. So kind of you and it made me smile.. thank you. Geoff and Tal, I so appreciate your great answers and yes, so helpful. All of you, whether you know it or not, truly give me strength to get over this hurdle. You are all so kind. Don't take this the wrong way... pllllllllease :)... but it is so nice to know and be a part of, and to witness men who feel so deeply and are willing to express that they do. Not something I am to used to. So nice and refreshing.

Okay, another question, would it be my heart or my head that would agree with Fr. Chuck about him being so good looking :):).. of course you are Fr. Chuck. And I do declare... I believe that comes from my heart and head :)

Yes, as I do get older I do see myself tending to incorporate my head and my heart in lieu of just my heart. Like Geoff, I always always went with my heart... still do... but what has changed now, once my heart receives a bruise, I do tend to call upon my head, but I would prefer to use my heart and just surround myself with those who I can trust to do that. Oh, but I still make errors and so many.

Sometimes, I think I bring it on myself. When I trust someone, straightaway, it is 100% and oh yes, here is my heart... I hand it right over and it is sincere even with my past hurts, I don't hold back as I feel why should this new friend be shortchanged for a past pain I experienced. But low and behold the untruths start, some are minor, but I wonder why?? Is it because they think I am not wise or is it because they don't want to disappoint me, or is it because, just because. Whatever the reason, I tell you it does hurt. Now, of course I am not an angel, and surely not perfect, but dang gone close :). Just kiddn. I feel a million times better sharing this with all of you.

Thank you all so much... you all are so special to Allheart :). And I know that some of you have shared your hurts with us as well, and I promise you, I do keep you in my thoughts.

Thank you again,
Allheart

[valinors_sorrow]

Like Tal, I am glad you are here Allheart. And what a good question! Both head and heart have their strengths and weaknesses-- it is quite possible to be either too logical or too emotional. I echo Tal's sentiments a bit in that experience is definitely tempering both of mine. I don't get whacked with that cosmic 2x4 nearly as often! LOL

Since humans are a combination of many things, I like to use a strange combination of both head and heart to create a third thing you could call intuition. It tends to be a wordless place I go to in order to balance the two so talking about it is challenging. Then I match what my intuition indicates against what I see occurring in the world. I am a big believer in the collective human experience and read a lot too. If its out of sync with the world, I go back to the drawing board and rework it from scratch until it better matches what occurs in the world.

Sometimes I go with it even if it's a bit out of sync with the world -- it depends on how much I sense I could be fooling myself (ie, how much of an agenda do I have in it? How willing am I to tell myself a lie in it) or how brave do I feel swimming up stream. There is a sense to riding the spiritual horse in the direction its going that makes some things feel incredibly right to me, even when the immediate people around me think otherwise. Everyone is entitled to that, I think-- to right to swim against the current --but it demands a price when it turns out to be incorrect too and chickening out of that will buy bigtime trouble. I know having done it a bunch in my early adult years.

The thing I have learned is this: if I want to mess up my formula, fear something. Fear makes both the head and the heart tell us lies, which we in turn unknowingly tell to others. Your post even spoke of that. All the lessons I have learned really have boiled down to only one and this is it. To replace every fear-based thought, feeling, decision and action with a love-based one instead. Over and over I learn that. And when it is love-based, really love-base, it never goes wrong. But to sustain love like that takes everything I have and am -- head, heart, soul, awareness, intutiion, etc... everything!

I hope that answers it without making you feel like you've gone around the mulberry bush a few too many times with me LOL. Thanks for a really great topic!

[Allheart]

To replace every fear-based thought, feeling, decision and action with a love-based ones instead. Over and over I learn that. And when it is love-based, really love-base, it never goes wrong. But to sustain love like that takes everything I have and am -- head, heart, soul, awareness, intutiion, etc... everything!
The above was written by Val... and so worth having it appear again. Val, these are incredible words... I am going to hang this one up ! Thank you again so much!

[ordinaryguy]

I really like the Kabbalistic model which is four concentric worlds--spiritual/aspirational, mental/intellectual, feeling/emotional, and material/physical. To be whole (i.e. healthy) is to be conscious and intentional in all four spheres at all times and in all circumstances. The direction of causation begins with the spiritual and proceeds down through the layers, eventually manifesting in our physical body and the material world. Where we often go wrong is in trying to make things happen in the opposite direction--emotions driven by physical desires, thoughts generated by emotional longings, aspirations derived from mental calculations. This works about as well as forcing water to flow uphill. All too often we operate without any awareness or acknowledgement of the spiritual world, and then wonder why we are ill at ease and dissatisfied with what transpires and manifests in our thoughts, feelings, and sensations. If I could place Val's love-based strategy in this context, it simply amounts to always recognizing the primacy of the spiritual realm and aligning all lower levels of choice and action with the values that are real on that level. But as she says, it takes every ounce of will and concentration we can muster to stay attuned and true to that reality. The concept is simple, maybe, but the execution is not so easy. However, it does get easier with practice and experience.

One of the things I'm thankful for this Thanksgiving season is a community of folks that understands and values such things. There's strength to be gained in helping to bear one another's burdens. Blessings on you all.

[Ames]

Hey Allheart,

I took a moment today to read over some of the posts that you have graciously shared with others. It occurred to me, that as your name suggests - You are "All Heart". God above has given you a gift of kindness. You are one of those special people in this world that easily extends a hand to others and I'm sure your friends feel warmth from your radiant friendship.. Possibly at times they may speak an "Untruth" because of fear that the real truth may upset you or displease you or you may disapprove with an action or decision they have made - Hence they "Sugar coat" their words, not wanting to cause an imbalance in the harmony of your friendship.

Something I have learnt from your words this week - As well as others like Tal - Is that although my head and heart were both telling me to act on something,
What I actually needed to do was to take a step back, un-attach myself from the situation - if you like 'Look through another set of eyes' and decide rationally (almost as an out-sider) what is the best way to handle this situation?

Ames. P.S. We don't have a Formal "Thanks Giving Day" in Australia, but I really hope you are all having a wonderful time sharing this event with your family and friends x

[Allheart]

I once again want to thank all of you... your words have touched me and truly have helped me.

I hope all of you realize how special you are. You all truly do make a difference.

I am thankful I landed on this site here and so thankful for all of you.

My heart feels so much lighter!

Bless each of you.

[kay13]

Hi Allheart, all my life I have believed in following my heart.

My heart has let me down. Now had I followed my head my heart wouldn't ache so much! When you're deeply involved with your heart it tends to shout louder than your head - that's when other people can help see things logically.