[Aurora_Bell]

Today I found out a very close aunt of mine was diagnosed with ovarian cancer.This woman was such a hige part of my life growing up. They don't know if they have caught it in time. She undergoes surgury this Monday.
No one this close has ever been diagnosed with this disease. I am going to visit her in the hospital this Saturnday.
I have a really hard time expressing my emotions, I am kind of socially retarded. It's not that I don't feel compassion, I just don't know how to express it to humans. I can go home and bawl my eyes out, I can think of a million comforting words, but as soon as I am face to face, I blank. I almost act like nothing is wrong. I make small chat, watch TV with them, It's like I pretend that nothing is wrong. I know people survive this and go to live long happy healty lives cancer free, but I mean it's still cancer, anything can happen.
To me she still seems so young I mean she is no spring chicken, but by no means ready for the rocker and yarn. She is late 50's - early 60's. Is very active, goes to bingo, bowling, camping, eats very healthy, and is and loves to walk. She walks everywhere.

Have any of you guys been through this? How did you deal and cope?
Do you think my being there is enough to show her that I truly care, is it okay if I don't talk about "it"?

[wynndixie2010]

Today I found out a very close aunt of mine was diagnosed with ovarian cancer.This woman was such a hige part of my life growing up. They don't know if they have caught it in time. She undergoes surgury this Monday.
No one this close has ever been diagnosed with this disease. I am going to visit her in the hospital this Saturnday.
I have a really hard time expressing my emotions, I am kind of socially retarded. It's not that I don't feel compassion, I just don't know how to express it to humans. I can go home and bawl my eyes out, I can think of a million comforting words, but as soon as I am face to face, I blank. I almost act like nothing is wrong. I make small chat, watch tv with them, It's like I pretend that nothing is wrong. I know people survive this and go to live long happy healty lives cancer free, but I mean it's still cancer, anything can happen.
To me she still seems so young I mean she is no spring chicken, but by no means ready for the rocker and yarn. She is late 50's - early 60's. Is very active, goes to bingo, bowling, camping, eats very healthy, and is and loves to walk. She walks everywhere.

Have any of you guys been through this? How did you deal and cope?
Do you think my being there is enough to show her that I truly care, is it okay if I don't talk about "it"?

Hi There...
Sorry about your aunt...
a couple comments...
first, concerning your inability to discus or recognize problems... that's does not make you "socially retarded"... not at all... many people are unable to face dilemmas head-on and opt for the proverbial 'head in the sand' thing... that's OK to do...
when people are sick.. sometimes just BEING there is all that's necessary. Does your aunt love you? Bet she does... and your presence there with her will do her wonders, and sick people need support. Your visitations will show her, even without words, that you care about her welfare and wellbeing. Do sick people want to talk about sickness? Not always, they can do that with OTHERS that visit... you just show up, watch the tube, talk about the fun times in the past and... weird as it might sound, you COULD ask the Good Lord to provide her additional comfort, above and beyond what us simple humans can do.
Concerning the cancer issue...
I used to be married to a wonderful girl... she had a serious disease that her doctors said, "there's no cure for this"... I thought, that's a bunch of bull... so I researched, far and wide... and in all my years of research, I've accumulated a small library of homeopathic/naturopathic remedies for virtually everything that can go wrong with our sensitive little bodies. Cancer, like every other virus, bacteria and germ, REQUIRE an acidic body chemistry to exist and flourish in. Our diets are so acidic now that nearly ONE IN TWO people are carrying cancer around with them... its really out of control... but... here's the good news...
dramatically restructuring the diet to ALKALINE foods and drinks is absolutely essential to returning to and maintaining optimum health. Cancer can NOT exist in an alkaline environment... it's a proven fact, but don't wait around for the AMA or the pharmecutical companies to tell you that. It would cost them dearly, and your life and your aunts life, and my life, and everyone else's life is of secondary value compared to corporate profit.
You discus this with her... get to a good, reliable, naturopathic doctor, one who specializes in NATURAL remedies... restructure the diet to lean way back away from acidic... get rid of smokes, soft drinks, fast foods...
Daily drinking of organic lemon juice is an absolute must... start by diluting it down with clean water... then build up to a higher ratio of the juice... it is very acidic in its natural form, but after taken internally, it converts to a very strong alkali and literally scowers the body of antibodies... watermelon and cantelope are other great foods... as much as can be eaten...
one other thing.. stress... its one of the biggest killers today...
take life a WHOLE lot easier...

Hope this helps...


best to you...

GP in Me.

[Wondergirl]

I almost act like nothing is wrong. I make small chat, watch tv with them

I'm around her age and have been in the hospital three times since September 1, 2009. The third time was the removal of a malignant lump. If you had come to visit me, I would have wanted you to be light-hearted and willing to tell me what's going on in your life. If you had come on Tuesday or Wednesday evening, we could have watched American Idol and picked our favorite singers. (Right now, my money is on Andrew Garcia.) Or switched channels back and forth to laugh at the antics of Modern Family. I would have wanted you to help me keep laughing and remembering I'm fully alive and involved with life.

I talk enough about cancer and treatments with the doctors and nurses. You and I could discuss brachytherapy or Arimidex or how many grays in one dose of radiation, but heck, forget all that. Let's just have fun while we're together.

[Aurora_Bell]

Thank you guys so much. I had a horrible sleep last night racking my brain trying to think of how I was going to deal, aside from a million other thoughts running through my mind. This really is helping to set my mind at ease, at least with my issues.

Wyndixie, can you recommend a web site that I can look at or a book I can pick up about alkaline diets? Thank you for your kind and reassuring words. It really does mean a lot just to hear that I potentially may not be socially retared!

Wondergirl, thank you.
You have no idea how nice that was to hear. I was planning on bringing a bunch of DVD's, and I did DVR American Idol for my mother who was out of town on business, I know my aunt loves it but hasn't been able to watch it lately, so I am going to bring that along too.
Adam Garcia, is that the one who did the Paula cover? My money is also on him, and I know my Aunt will love him too.

Thank you again.
Aurora.

[J_9]

AB, don't know if you know this or not, but I am a cancer survivor myself. I'm 13 years free now. I would love to have had you visit with me. Watch TV, gossip, etc. I did not want to hear about my cancer. I didn't want people to feel sorry for me, because I didn't feel sorry for me. I finally had to tell family members to stop with the pity parties. It seemed the family took it harder than I did.

With all the doctors and nurses in her life right now, most probably the LAST thing she wants to talk about is her cancer. I can almost promise you she wants at least some sort of semblance and normality back in her life.

As for the alkaline diet, and I don't mean to knock it Wynndixie, but this is an extreme change in lifestyle and can be very detrimental if not followed exactly as planned. While I do believe in homeopathy and neuropathy. I am of the understanding that this diet does have a high success rate when used WITH traditional therapy, it is one that can be hard to follow to the exact specifications.

AB, let's get your aunt through this before even considering something so drastic. Even then, she will have to discuss it with her oncologist and get the green light of approval from him/her before going ahead with this.

Hun, my thoughts and love are with you and your family at this time. Remember that laughter is the best healer. I have to take the younguns to school right now, but I can talk again in a few if you want some laughter ideas. Okay?

[Aurora_Bell]

No J_9, I didn't know that you were a survivor! That is great news to hear!
Where was your cancer? If you don't mind me asking...
I feel like a he weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Just knowing I don't have to talk about it, if half the battel for me. Of course if she wants to, then I will grin and bear it.
I would love to have some laughter ideas! I think I am actually going to go down tonight, the city that she is having her operation in is an hour or so away from me, so I will get a hotel and be able to be there for the day on Saturday. She said she will be able to leave Saturday during the day, do you think she will have much of an appitite? I am trying to think of things we can do to take her mind off, but wouldn't make her feel too ill or tired. Honestly I was hoping to find a bingo game going on somewhere! She loves that. Me not so much... lol

[J_9]

Oh, carp! I posted a ton, and lost it all. Time for a rewrite.

Now, when is the surgery? Saturday? Why will your aunt be able to leave the hospital on Saturday if she has surgery that day?

As for my cancer, it was breast cancer at the tender age of 32. The surgeon tried to talk me into a lumpectomy, but I refused. He asked why. I asked him if he bought something at the store and it was malfunctioning, would he keep it or return it to the manufacturer. He told me he would return it to the manufacturer, of course. Well, I said, I want to return my boobs to the manufacturer. Both of them. And, while he's at it, can I have bigger boobs please? I was only an A cup and always wanted to be a C or D cup. Now I could always have the breastes I wanted without the stigma of an augmentation! :D Oh, and I don't get "high beams" when walking through the freezer section of the grocery store, and I'm not supposed to wear a bra so that the reconstructive implants can fall naturally! Now, tell me, what woman actually WANTS to wear a bra? :p

Then I was given the option of chemo, yes the option. Well, of course I took the option, was I crazy? What if they left one single cell of cancer? I had a 3 young children at the time. They needed their mommy. Well, that's not the only reason. It was a good reason for a new haircut. I had too much color and perm in my hair and really needed a new look. :D Didn't even have to shave my legs or underarms for 6 months! :p

Well, it's been 13 years. No cancer. And I ONLY have to shave my legs and underarms once a month! WOO HOO!

Again, it's been 13 years. I have only been sick once since then when I would get pneumonia every year before that. I was sick last year. OMG did I feel like a man! I complained, whined and cried. I wanted my mommy and my chicken soup! I'm actually thinking I want to do the chemo thingy again so I don't get sick anymore. Oh, yeah, time for a new hairdo! It's just not the same as starting with nothing. :p Maybe if I take chemo again, I'll go an entire YEAR without having to shave! :eek:

Well, there is my story without the gory details about how I actually found that nasty cancer bug.

I tried cancer support groups. They were too depressing. Laughter is the best cure. Just look up Gilda Radner (Rosanne Rosana Dana). She's my heroine!

[J_9]

To add... I am now a spokesman for Susan B. Komen Foundation in my location. I AM the female version of Patch Adams. My cancer is what made me go into nursing.

[Aurora_Bell]

OMG what a wonderful story J_9! 13 years, wow, that is amazing!
My title really sums it up, cancer knows no age. 32 is SO young. But what does cancer care?


She has surgery on Monday, sorry if that was confusing. She gets admitted today, and has the whole day Saturday, they told her she could spend it with family and such.
I really have no idea how everything works, so this is going to be a real awakening for me too.
I guess he has been feeling ill for sometime, she thought she had IBS, and watched everything she ate, it got to a point where she just couldn't eat with out being in increadable pain. She FINALLY went to a doctor, he sent her to the hospital that day for an ultra sound (I think), they thought something was up, they sent her 4 hours to another hospital, which ends up being closer to me, to see a specialist in the cancer ward, they told her nothing of what they suspected, so I think it came as a shock when they told her who she was seeing when she got there. I guess that doctor did his thing this past Monday or Tuesday, confirmed it was Ovarian cancer, and she is schedualed for the first (?) operation this Monday.
She has been ill for almost a year. The doctor, she said was very nice, but very blunt. He said he didn't know if they would be able to catch it in time. What does that mean? Death? The loss of her ovaries or other organs? I just don't know what that means. Can't they just do the Chemo and stop it from spreading, or remove the areas that have neen effected?
I am sorry to sound so ignorrant on this subject, I just feel like I am in the dark, and I want to talk to her about it, but I think I need to know more about it before I can talk to her about it. You know, like brace myself, have a better understanding of what is happening to her...

[Wondergirl]

Adam Garcia, is that the one who did the Paula cover? My money is also on him, and I know my Aunt will love him too.

This year's Andrew Garcia (glasses and a cap and a young son) sang the Abdul cover ("Straight up") and put his own spin on it just like Adam Lambert did for his songs last year. Adam came in second in last year's finals (for reasons I won't go into here), but I'm hoping Andrew will be going all the way this year.

[Wondergirl]

I didn't want people to feel sorry for me, because I didn't feel sorry for me. I finally had to tell family members to stop with the pity parties. It seemed the family took it harder than I did.

All the literature the hospital gave me showed a cancer "victim" with head down, sad face, and a nurse holding her shoulders or hands in great sympathy. Ack! During my day surgery for the lump (yes, I went that route) the week before Christmas, the nurses and I discussed Christmas dinner plans and planned one for a nurse who was going to work straight through until Christmas Day when she expected sixteen people for dinner. The doctor who "shot" radioactive bullets into me to outline lymph nodes was planning to retire in a couple of weeks, so, while he did that and tapped the bullets into place, we talked about the volunteer opportunities he had ahead of him. My surgeon has a library card but didn't realize he can use it at most public libraries in the state.

I hope I added to their lives as much as they did to mine. Meanwhile, I had fun stories about hospital life to tell morbid family members.

[Wondergirl]

Aurora_Bell agrees : Me too! He is so cute. He gave me goose bumps with that Paula cover. I want a copy of it. I bet he will get a deal with that song alone!

Last night I went to YouTube and watched/listened to Paula Abdul's version of that song and then found Garcia's version. Hers is sexy, but his is more universally emotional and appealing, a song anyone could relate to. I really like his much better!

[Aurora_Bell]

I noticed that too about the "cancer reading material", so
depressing.
I think it's funny how you can have such a random conversation about linrary cards, while undergoing that treatment. JUst the othre day while I was waiting in line at the bank I was talking to an elderly lady about frozen dinners. Don't ask me how we even started talking about that, but there we were discussing our favorites and not so fav's.
I have to wonder how this will affect my aunt, she is a pepsi addict. I don't think I have ever seen the woman drink a glass of water, she will eat healthy, but along with that poched fish, and asperagus, comes a can of pepsi. Morning and night, she has a can of pepsi on the go.

[Aurora_Bell]

Last night I went to YouTube and watched/listened to Paula Abdul's version of that song and then found Garcia's version. Hers is sexy, but his is more universally emotional and appealing, a song anyone could relate to. I really like his much better!

Not to mention he is easy on the eyes! ;)
It was likable for older and younger generations, male and female. You said it best "more universally emotional and appealing".

[Wondergirl]

I have to wonder how this will affect my aunt, she is a pepsi addict. I don't think I have ever seen the woman drink a glass of water, she will eat healthy, but along with that poched fish, and asperagus, comes a can of pepsi. Morning and night, she has a can of pepsi on the go.

I've kept a diary since this all started in early September. People who read it tell me it's so cute and uplifting that I should get it published or send it to the hospital for their newsletter. For instance, one young nurse's aide was mentoring a trainee. The two girls would come bouncing into my room like two little puppies, with smiles (tails wagging?) and ready for an adventure.

Your aunt should still be able to drink her Pepsi. (Or do you know otherwise?) I have to be careful with it, not because of cancer, but because of gastritis.

[Aurora_Bell]

Sorry I didn't see you had posted this! They haven't said anything about the pepsi.

Today is Saturday, and we spent the morning together, went for breakfast, she asked me to take her to her brothers house, someone she hasn't spoken to in a long time. I drove her to his house, asked if she wanted me to come in, she said "no, I think I should be ok", I dropped her off, she said she would call me when she needed and wanted me to pick her up, this was 3 hours ago.
I am glad she is seeking out family that she hasn't been in contact with for a long time. I wonder how she is feeling, like if she is trying to say good bye, or just bring an end to the feud. I wonder if things like not speaking to her brother, seem trivial after everything that has happened to her in the past few feeks. It really makes ME think of my life, and the fights, and people I have cut out of my life for silly things, it makes me take a closer look at how I treat my family, and makes me think that I may take them for granted because they ARE family...
Life is so short, I can't believe that I have spent so much of my life angry, and mad about silly things, that have NO meaning in the scheem of things.
Now this gets way off topic, but it made me think of the way girls treat each other. We as women seem to have such low self esteem, I don't think it matters on the girl, there's just something's that we hate about our sleves, and it makes us conscious of that especially when we are in public. Being single for the past few months made realize that men are more excepting of our faults then women are. Why do we judge each other?
Last night after the hospital, I laid in bed in my hotel room, and thought about everything. It made me wabt to make changes in my life, not only life style wise, but emotianlly as well.

[Aurora_Bell]

So today is the day. I am sitting here waiting for my Aunt to come out of surgery. She seems to be dealing really well. She was making jokes about how she hopes it doesn't make her any thinner, and how she was upset because NOW it was a for sure thing that she wouldn't be having any more kids, even though she had her tubes tied almost 30 years ago... She is having a complete Historectomy, I guess they figure she will need chemo afterwards, she said she wants a wig like J-LO.
Just thought I'd give an update. I'll make sure to post what's happening after she comes out of the Operation if any one wants to know.
Thanks everyone who has listened and given me advice!

[Wondergirl]

So today is the day. I am sitting here waiting for my Aunt to come out of surgery. She seems to be dealing really well. She was making jokes about how she hopes it doesn't make her any thinner, and how she was upset because NOW it was a for sure thing that she wouldn't be having any more kids, even though she had her tubes tied almost 30 years ago... She is having a complete Historectomy, I guess they figure she will need chemo afterwards, she said she wants a wig like J-LO.
Just thought I'd give an update. I'll make sure to post what's happening after she comes out of the Operation if any one wants to know.
Thanks everyone who has listened and given me advice!

I'm so glad you posted this! We always love to hear updates.

It sounds like she is handling this well. Make sure she knows she is in control of her health and her very life. I was diagnosed with a malignant lump in early November 2009 and make it my business to ask questions and do lots of research so I know exactly what is going on during my treatment -- and even have been able to make choices. Your aunt sounds like the same kind of person. And humor is the best medicine! I've been making lots of new friends!

One thing your aunt can watch out for is how well patient care is delivered. After I got home from surgery, I was asked to be on a patient satisfaction focus panel (or sometimes a patient will get a printed survey to fill out), so tell her to be a hospital "mystery patient" to watch for problems. For instance, I noticed that technicians would come in to draw blood, move my stuff around to get near me, then leave but forget to return my stuff to be within my reach. I'd end up calling my aide and adding to her load.

I look forward to reading more from you!

[Aurora_Bell]

Well Wondergirl, the surgery went fine, except there were two tumers that they could not get to. My aunt doesn't know. They were a little more invasive then they had originally anticipated. She is in a lot of pain.
I can't even remember what they said after the part about not being able to remove the other 2 tumers.
You know she is the pillar of our family, she kept everything together... and sane.
A lot of tragedy has happened in our family, and she kept us together. When my first child passed away she was my rock. She was there hauling my butt out of bed, she was the one telling me I needed to move on, she was the one telling me to fight my battle. I only hope I can be that strong for her. She let me cry when I needed to cry, but she never let me feel sorry for myself.
So what happens next? Is there more then one option? Is it chemo or nothing? I am waiting for the rest of the family to show up. My uncle is a mess. If you only knew what this woman has been through and put up with, I hope she can be that strong for her self. I hope I can be that strong for her.

[Wondergirl]

She'll be referred to medical and radiation oncologists who will decide with her what's next -- chemo and/or radiation. Medical technology is so terrific these days and can be fine-tuned so well. Right now, just hold her hand and also your uncle's to let them know you love them.