[thisisit]

You poor thing! Listen, you didn't do anything evil. Get that out of your head right now. Desperate people do desperate things. Wondergirl is right, what ever it is, you need to forgive yourself. How old are you?

You can't expect to get emotional support from your boyfriend, especially since he was/is in his own emotional turmoil, otherwise he never would have threatened suicide.

You have your whole future ahead of you. Do you go to school?

[EmoPrincess]

No, of course not. And as long as you believe that, there is nothing we can do to help you.

What do you mean

[Wondergirl]

what do you mean

You said "I can't," and you've indicated you won't seek help with someone you trust. So where does that put us who are trying to advise you and help you get the help you need? Nowhere. There is nothing more we can do.

(If there is something we can do, please clue us in.)

[EmoPrincess]

I just want to get past this hurting

[Wondergirl]

I just want to get past this hurting

We've told you how, but you've said no. Now what?

[thisisit]

I just want to get past this hurting

If you can't discuss your problems here, maybe you can find help at one of these other sites that have support groups for women having a difficult time with various issues. I hope you find the support you need to go forward with your life, stronger from your experiences. Don't give up. Keep an open mind and continue to look for the help you need.

Not all of these links will be relevant to your situation, but you might find the help you are looking for at one or more sites listed here:

Miscarriage Support & Information Resources - Fertility Plus

Support Groups - Miscarriage

Structured Recovery Support Groups

I'm looking for someone to talk to

PASS Support Site - Chat Information Page

A non-profit site devoted to the

[JudyKayTee]

Are you upset because you had an abortion? Is that the problem, the "evil" you are talking about?

I agree with Wondergirl - no one can help you if no one understands the problem. We can all give advice but none of it will be specific enough to assist you.

It's been my experience that you can't get over/past something you are not willing to talk about.

[EmoPrincess]

Are you upset because you had an abortion? Is that the problem, the "evil" you are talking about?

I agree with Wondergirl - no one can help you if no one understands the problem. We can all give advice but none of it will be specific enough to assist you.

It's been my experience that you can't get over/past something you are not willing to talk about.

The father threatened to kill himself if I didn't take a bunch of pills, close myself in a door, hit my stomach, etc. to get rid of our baby. He said he was going to that second if I didn't do it... So I did. That's the evil deed...

[JudyKayTee]

Then you have to speak to a mental health professional - I thought you were talking about having a miscarriage.

You obviously feel guilty, cannot cope with the guilt and don't want to discuss this with anyone.

Seek professional help.

[EmoPrincess]

Okay,
Thanks

[JudyKayTee]

Okay,
thanks

And come back and let us know how you are doing.

[twinkiedooter]

Your boyfriend was extremely childish and extremely selfish to act like he did. You obviously cared more about him than you did the baby so you acted accordingly. You are way too young to think about having babies now. You need to "grow up" first before you start having any babies. 17 is not old enough to be really responsible.

I hope that you dumped this "childish boy" and found someone else. Trying to get him to own up to the situation is going to be futile. He didn't want it regardless and you would have had to chase him down for years for any kind of child support from him. Very immmature person.

Don't feel guilty for what you did as this baby was not ready to come into the world just now. If you had a dream of this baby, then that tells me that your baby will come back and be yours at the right time sometime in the future for you - when you are ready to be a mother and really want this baby and the father wants this baby as well. Dreams can be a blessing when it comes to loved ones who have moved on. They can and will come back to comfort us, the living.

If you hid this from your parents you obviously were too scared to confront them with the truth of your situation. They would have found out sooner or later had this incident not happened.

You need to learn that you need to be responsible for your actions in this lifetime. You made a terrible mistake in what you did, but if the baby really wanted to be born, he would not have come out that early. It was his decision to come early due to the circumstances involved.

You will cherish your future child once you really do have another pregnancy and give birth.

[EmoPrincess]

I won't ever leave him...

[Gemini54]

I won't ever leave him....

There are 2 words that bother me in this sentence - 'won't' and 'ever'.

Trust me, it's improbable that you can predict the future so I can't imagine that you can actually KNOW that you'll never leave him.

What it is, is that you FEEL you won't leave him at this point in time. Fair enough - but do you think that threatening to kill himself unless you aborted the child was a reasonable way to act? And now he won't talk to you or support you in any way - do you think that is reasonable as well?

Is this the sort of behavior you would expect from a person that you want to spend the rest of your life with? - a reasonable question for me to ask, don't you think?

Anyway, that's probably beside the point, as I think that your fragile emotional and mental state is of more importance at the moment - I strongly suggest that you speak to a counselor, or this 'evil deed' will wear away at your mind and at your soul.

What you will need to do is forgive yourself. You aren't the first woman that has done this, and you won't be the last. My grandmother brought on several miscarriages by sitting in a boiling bath and drinking hot gin. (Or using the knitting needle method.) However they were different times, and women today usually have more choices.

See this event as the impetus to start making some healthy choices - not self destructive ones. Get some counselling as a priority and examine why you responded in this way to this crisis; investigate what you want from the life you're going to live and who you want to be in your life to live it with.

I genuinely wish you every peace and happiness - don't hide yourself away feeling guilty, please make the effort to go out and seek help.

[JudyKayTee]

I won't ever leave him....

I am also concerned by this - if I have learned one thing in my life it's to never say never.

People change; circumstances change; life has a way of turning things around.

I think you need to find yourself before you can make permanent lifetime decisions. He apparently has problems of his own and cares little for you - aren't you concerned about another pregnancy?

[EmoPrincess]

When I make a solemn promise, I keep it, especially when made to promise on my life. The only way I can leave him is if he becomes very abusive or when we do have children in the future, his plans are within the next few years, he is abusive toward them. I know how many other girls my age say things such as this, and I wish there were ways to show proof of my determination when there is such a great promise made, but unfortunately there is not much I can do to show this. I am the kind of person who would wither away in pain rather than break a promise, even a trivial one. Unless it involves abuse.

[EmoPrincess]

If I become pregnant again, he will step up and be a good father. We've discussed this. He won't talk about what happened because he feels guilty. He cares greatly for me. I know this for a fact.

[EmoPrincess]

There are 2 words that bother me in this sentence - 'won't' and 'ever'.

Trust me, it's improbable that you can predict the future so I can't imagine that you can actually KNOW that you'll never leave him.

What it is, is that you FEEL you won't leave him at this point in time. Fair enough - but do you think that threatening to kill himself unless you aborted the child was a reasonable way to act? And now he won't talk to you or support you in any way - do you think that is reasonable as well?

Is this the sort of behavior you would expect from a person that you want to spend the rest of your life with? - a reasonable question for me to ask, don't you think?

Anyway, that's probably beside the point, as I think that your fragile emotional and mental state is of more importance at the moment - I strongly suggest that you speak to a counselor, or this 'evil deed' will wear away at your mind and at your soul.

What you will need to do is forgive yourself. You aren't the first woman that has done this, and you won't be the last. My grandmother brought on several miscarriages by sitting in a boiling bath and drinking hot gin. (Or using the knitting needle method.) However they were different times, and women today usually have more choices.

See this event as the impetus to start making some healthy choices - not self destructive ones. Get some counselling as a priority and examine why you responded in this way to this crisis; investigate what you want from the life you're going to live and who you want to be in your life to live it with.

I genuinely wish you every peace and happiness - don't hide yourself away feeling guilty, please make the effort to go out and seek help.

How he acted was far from how I would expect my life partner to act. But I do, or at least try to tell myself, that I understand because he IS just a 16 year old boy.

I just realized... I need to post some things on a different post...

I have you to thank for my realization.

[HistorianChick]

If I become pregnant again, he will step up and be a good father. We've discussed this. He won't talk about what happened because he feels guilty. He cares greatly for me. I know this for a fact.

This concept is enabling your boyfriend to continue to act like a spoiled child. You accept it from him because you said that you'd be with him forever. In my book, that's being an enabler.

When I make a solemn promise, I keep it, especially when made to promise on my life. The only way I can leave him is if he becomes very abusive or when we do have children in the future, his plans are within the next few years, he is abusive toward them.

This, also, is enabling him to stay where he is. He doesn't have to be any better than he is, because you are accepting him as he is. What he does/is doing/has done to you is unacceptable and until you decide that you're worth more than that, it will continue to happen.

Your past is horrible. It is dark and would have beaten down many a young girl. But your past doesn't define you. It doesn't dictate your future. You decide your future. Every step, every moment, every decision plays out into what will be your future.

If you accept this behavior, you accept it for your future.

And that, my dear, is the most tragic thing.

[EmoPrincess]

This concept is enabling your boyfriend to continue to act like a spoiled child. You accept it from him because you said that you'd be with him forever. In my book, that's being an enabler.



This, also, is enabling him to stay where he is. He doesn't have to be any better than he is, because you are accepting him as he is. What he does/is doing/has done to you is unacceptable and until you decide that you're worth more than that, it will continue to happen.

Your past is horrible. It is dark and would have beaten down many a young girl. But your past doesn't define you. It doesn't dictate your future. You decide your future. Every step, every moment, every decision plays out into what will be your future.

If you accept this behavior, you accept it for your future.

And that, my dear, is the most tragic thing.

Chicky, I know you care which is why I am asking you directly. Other than the reaction to the pregnancy, what else is wrong. I honestly see nothing wrong in what he does. I'm not being argumentive, I honestly want to know