[thisisme_tina]

OK this is goingt o be pretty long... I had this boyfriend for a year. Things started going downhill after our one year anaversary... I felt like I was being used... (I realize I wasn't now) but at the time I was over exadurating and felt like iw as being used for sexual pleasure and money. So when this started to happen, I started talking to some people and one boy was helping me A lot possibly too much. So I developed a "crush" on this other boy. Eventually I broke up with my boyfriend because I wanted to get over the crush... NOT TO GO OUT WITH HIM... of course my boyfriend... well ex-boyfriend... thought I was leaving him for this other guy. So he stopped talking to me and wouldn't listen to anythign I had to say. So for a week I was just talkingt o the other boy. Eventually my ex still hadn't talked to me at all and so I decided to go out with the crush... bad idea... so we were dateing for a month and then I realized he wasn't at all what I thought he was. And I realized I still lvoed my ex, no matter how much I denied it. So me and the crush broke up. After that happened... I was talking to my ex to tell him how I felt... this is the exact conversation.


t-i still love you
l-..
l-i don't know what to say
t-well, you don't have to say anything I just thought yo umight want to know..
l-tina you hurt me more then anyone has ever hurt me before I don't think I can ever look at you the same again..

So a whole bunch more was said and lead to...

t-well do you still have ne feelings at all for me?
l-tina, I don't no how I feel, I can never see you in the same way, were not going to go back together but you need to no, I do not love you, but I will not forget u
t-ok... so basically I should move on cause there's no chance of anything ever happening ever ever again...
l-.. you have to move on
t-well you... allright... I have one last thing to say before I move on... I love you and I always will no matter what... im sorry for
Everythign I did to you... and one day I hope we can become good friends... but until then I guess it'll just be casual talk every once in a while... but you even said yourself, everyone deserves a second chance at love..
l-well, not in this case... were through, its over. And about being friends, it'll take time..
So.. after that happened (2 or 3 weeks) I started talking to some other people, and again... stupid me... developed another crush... except this time... it was my ex's best friends older brother... and my ex's older brothers best friend... that lives down the street... stupid me.. so the new crush talked to my ex after a while and my ex told him that he didn't care if we went out... so since my ex told me I had to move on... thats what I tried to do... so I went out with the second crush... about a week after us dateing... my ex showed up at my house to get his guitar... not to mention didn't say a word to me... this is how our conversation went on msn that night...
*note* marty was the first crush... dave the second... matt is my ex's name.

l- how did you and dave hook up anyway
t- I don't know we were talking on msn and it was
After I broke up with marty and he was talking about
Like you and me and saying how he like allways wanted us
To get back together and stuff and I told him ntohing
Was going to happen again and I don't know we just started
Likeing each other and we started hanging out but we
Didn't want to go out because he thought you still liked me or
Something and he didn't want you to be mad at him and
Then he like said he talked to you or something and then
You said you didn't care and then he asked me out like 2
Weeks ago or something like that
l- ic
l- that's interesting
t- yea..

Blah blah some other stuff

l- was it worth it
t- not at all
l- u know you left me for marty because you thought
It was better on the other side, you put me through such
Pain and you say you love me so much and you wanted me banc
Then like 3 or 4 weeks later, your with dave
l- so apprently you couldn't have cared that
Much
l- or so it would seem...
t- I didn't leav you for marty I left to get
Over all the that was going on and straighten myself out... I never wanted to go out with him but you
Got so mad (I can understand why)that I was just like
w/e... and then... the only reason I decided to go
Out with dave is because nothing was going to happen... you told
Me... so then me and him started likeign each other... I
Still like you a lot... and I always will... but if your
Never going to feel the same then what's the point... you
Told me to move on so I did
t- or I'm trying to anyway
l- tina, maybe when you went out with marty and
U didn't really llike him, when you broke up with him and I
Said give it time, maybe you should have instead going out
With dave things could have been different now
t- what?. no you said you can never look at
Me the same and we'd never get back togeth and I said
Are you saying I should just give up and move on and
Your like yes
t- you said give it time to be friends


.. that was an email I sent to a few places around….uhmm like end of may…beginning of june….so it kind of gives you some backround info…what ended up happening was I broke up with the dave guy…and got back together with my ex….matt.

When August came…. Things started to get a little shakey….he threw me against a wall!! “jokingly”….and he even said a stupid thing like “its perfectly fine to hit your kids” when I've been in a situation like that…with my dad hitting me….. and this is deffinately NOT the amtt that I knew AT ALL like everyone that knew him thought he was the nicest most considerate guy who would do anything for anyone and everyon e agreed he had changed….we had a long conversation and we would just keep fighting or he's say oh lets stop talking about this cause its making us both upset or stuff like that and I got fed up so the next night I hung out with a friend….no big deal right….the night after, I HAD to have one of my friends sleep over because they were working for my dad and they needed a ride to work…and the day after, my friend showed up at my hosue because shse got kicked out. So my ex got mad at me and the day after…(so we didn’t see each other for 3 days…but still talked on the phone) and he got mad…and ended up breaking up with me.

After we broke up I started dateing this guy kyle…we didn’t last long…he stopped calling me and I got really upset about it…we never really broke up, just stopped talking…so in a way I guess we did break up… SO
After a month or so…I took some timwe to myself and then started dateing this boy that I guess I've always kind of had a thing for…thought he was cute and we were always flirty and such.. and I'm with him right now. The only problem is….. hes a huge player….and I can't trust him no matter what….we’ve been together for over a month now and he says I mean the world to him and without me he doesn’t know what he would do and, its not like him to say stuff like that….so I don’t know what will happen there and like…I met this guy,….. chris.. and well…I could honestly marry him tomorrow….like…me and him have SO much in common its not funny and before I even said anything…there so much about life we see the same way and like how we want to live life….like the one biggest thing is I want to get married young…which not many people these days think. But I do. And so does he….and like when we were both younger…we lived down the street from each other…didn’t even know it….I was best friends with his cousin….. didnt even know it….and he plays hockey in the league my dad does….17 and up league…and I guess we kind of had a thing going….I know I know…shame on me…but anyways…all my friends that have met him say he is perfect for me and unlike any other guy that they’ve seen me like…and they say when I'm around him, they’ve never seen me happier…

But he just got out of a bad relationship…well not just…but in January…and hasn’t dated anyone since then…and he said he hates her and blah blah blah…and when she found out he was talking to me…she called him up and they hung out…and I haven't seen him since because his cars been broken down and he's been looking for a new one…… but like…he says if he cares about someone he would never let them take the bus down….his ex lives 2 hours away and he made her take the bus….I like 15 minutes away and he doesn’t let me take it? So? Yea… I dunno…because if it would work out…I want to spend my life with him.
But NOW I figured out why the one guy stopped calling me…it was because he had so much stuff going on in his life ( I won't mention it, privacy and respect.) that he didn’t want to drag me into the life he was living…and he says he still loves me….but how do I know he won't just do it again,…

THEN, I recently just found out that my ex of 2 years (matt) said that if I can't prove to him that things can be the same as they were….yea that’s right if IIIIIIIII can prove it….then in a bit he wants to try it again….after this conversation he has the nerve to say that to me!

( I made him promise me that he would still talk to me.. and he made me promise him that I wouldn’t hurt myself….. when he refused to talk to me, this is how our conversation went.. )

Continued on part 2!

[thisisme_tina]

ughh.. :
did you read my note..
Matt : yes
ughh.. :
did yo uwrite back?
Matt : not yet
ughh.. :
ic
ughh.. :
well do you want to just talk about it, or would you rather write back... cause I know its.. hard.. for you to talk
ughh.. :
Matt?
Matt : i don't know tina
Matt : wat are u wanning to talk about
ughh.. :
well talk about what I wrote… find out some answers... find out why everyone's mad at me, why people hate me, why they've lost respect for me when you broke up with me... obviously your tellign them a different sdtory so I want to know how you saw things.. yo utold me you would talk to me in August... its now almost November..
Matt :tina, this time for sure, our relation is over, I don't know what your still holding on to, we tried twice, it can never be the same, what are u wanting to happen
ughh.. :
I enver said I was holding onto anything
ughh.. :
I just want some answers...
Matt : ok then, just let us go our separate ways...
ughh.. :
I don't want to talk to try and work things out, I know tahts not what you want, and as much as it hurts me to say, I don't think I want it either... I just want to talk abut some things that I've been hearig
ughh.. :
we can but I just want to ask you a few things
Matt : ok, then ask me
ughh.. :
why does everyone think I broke up with youl... like what's the story you've been telling everyone
ughh.. :
what exactly did I do wrong, why did you break up with me in the firsst place
why is everyone amd at me
why does everyone thinki left you for someone else again
(which wasn't even the story the fisrt time)
why are cirtain people trying so ahd to get us back together
why would you ask tyler if we were going out if you already knew
why would you say you were so worried about me... and me gettting pregnant
whjy are you worried about me hurting tyler... you didn't even like him in the first pla c
why do you talk to all my friends about me... and why do ymou talk to michelle when you told me you don't even like her
why can't you keep the one promisei asked you to... im pretty sur eif I broke mine you'd flip
Matt : it was the story for the first time and u know it, and I haven't told anyone u broke up with me the second time
I didn't know u were going out with tyler
I talked to michelle because she talked to me
I talk to your friends about u, because they talk to me
ii don't start these conversations
ughh.. :
I'm pretty sure that's not what I've been hearing
Matt : then uve been hearing wrong
Matt : the only conversation I started was the one about tyler with lauren
ughh.. :
I've been hearing perfectly fine... people just have the wrong information
ughh.. :
like your brother for instance... has lost respect for me because I've done this twice now... DID I DO AMTT... PLEASE TLEL ME CAUSE ID Like TO Know!
ughh.. :
well are you going to helpe me out here or not matt... am I just waasteing my time!?
ughh.. :
please answer matt..
please..

Matt : are you what
Matt : i answere u and u never answered me
ughh.. :
am I just wasteing my time or are you actually going to help me
ughh.. :
and what did you ask that I didn't answer
Matt : help you with what?
ughh.. :
nvm just forget about it...
Matt : i don't even know what u want me to help u with?
ughh.. :
answer what I asked you
Matt : i did, which one didn't I answer
ughh:
scroll up.
Matt : im not worried about u and u tyler, I don't know who's trying to get us bak together,
Matt : and I can't keep my promise, because every time I talk to you I relive every moment of pain
Matt : i just want to move on
ughh.. :
and you don't think its hard for me to keep mine matt?
but I do
you know why
cause I promised you matt
ughh.. :
I F** PROMISED YOU AND THAT MEANT SOMEHTIGN TO ME SO I KEPT THE PROMISE!! NO MATTER HOW HARD IT IS I STILL DO BEC IT WAS A PROMSIE TO YOU!
Matt : YOU HURT ME SO BAD TINA,WHAT Don't U GET!
ughh.. :
I Don't EVEN Know WHAT I DID
ughh.. :
IVE ASKEED OYU OVER AND OVER WHY can't YOU Just TELL ME!
Matt : my brother and I are so tight, he was almost killed, so anything that upsets me, upsets him and likewise
ughh.. :
...
Matt - smile w: wat do u mean what did u do
ughh.. :
I want to know what EXACTLYwhat I did that HURT you so terribly bad that you had tobreka up with me!! Like HONESLTY
ughh.. :
I Don't THINK YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO KEEP MY PROMISE TO OYU
ughh.. :
BUT I STILL DO
ughh.. :
YEA I Know ITS HARDAND MAYBE I Don't Know HOW HARD IT IS FOR YOU BUT YOU Don't KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME EITHER MATT... YOU Don't HAVE ANY CLUE SO TO SAY THAT ITS HARD TO SAY HEY TO Someone AND COMPARING IT TO THE PROMISE I MADE TO YOU IS JUST Ridiculous AND I Don't THINK YOU UNDERSTAND THAT
Matt : u told me u were confused and u didn't know at u want! what tbe hell do u want me to say, o that's OK ill be here waiting, its over! I've had enough of this bull, I just want to live my life the I am now
ughh.. :
NO That's NOT WHAT I SAID MATT
ughh.. :
you said... do you still love me... I said yes... you said do you still want to be with me... and I said of course I do... I just feel right now that if we stay together were gunan keep fighting and its going to get worse before it gets better and if we break up I know ill still want you back because it was a mistake... andyour response was well if you have to think about it then we can't be together
ughh.. :
DO YOU Know WHAT THAT FELT Like AMTT
ughh.. :
NO!
ughh.. :
SO HOW DID I HURT YOU!
ughh.. :
PLEASE TELLME
Matt - smile w: omfg, do u have any idea what u did to me the first time we broke up! U have no fuc*ing idea, and I've had enough of this, u said the exact same thing to me the first time and look what happened, I'm not going through that again! For fuc*k sakes!
ughh.. :
I'm not talking about the first time matt!?
this is a totally different situation!
you dumped me FOR NO REASON!
NONE
WHAT-SO-EVER
EXCEPT THAT I WAS With FRIENDS FOR 3 DAYS
WHICH Wasn't EVEN MY FAULT
Matt : it started the same way both times
ughh.. :
HOW DID IT START THE SAME MATT
Matt - smile w:i can't trust you! after what u did the first time and u kept going out
ughh.. :
THE FIRSWT IME YEA I KIND OF LIKED Someone ELSE... AND IM SORRY FOR THATIVE TOLD YOU THAT I SDDONT KNOW HOW MANY TIMES...
ughh.. :
I WAS OUT FOR 3 NIGHTS
ughh.. :
COUNT THEM MATT
1, 2 3
Matt : ITS OVER!
ughh.. :
I KNOW ITS OVER~!! 1
I Know We're NOT GETTING BACK TOGETHER
I Just Want to KNOW WTFI DID WRONG BC I Don't SEE WHAT I DID WRONG
AND YOU SAY OH YOU Don't UNDERSTAND... ITS BC YOU Won't EXPLAIN IT!! SO WHAT AM I SUPSOED TO THINK AMTT
IT Didn't Start THE SAME
AT ALL
NOT IN THE SLIGHTEST BIT
ughh.. :
THIS TIME IT STARTED BC YOU THREW ME AGAINST A WALL OF WHAT Happened WHEN RYAN AND RACHEL WERE THERE... I Know YOU WERE KIDDING BUT IT BUGGED ME
TEHN THE Thing YOU SAID ABOUT HITTING YOUR KIDS
THEN
Every time I TRIED TO TLAK TO YOU, You'd EITHER SAY...
O I Love YOU I DONTK Know HOW YOU COULD EVER THINK THAT...
or
LETS STOP TLAKIGNA About IT CAUSE ITS Making US BOTH UPSET
OR We'd END UO P FIGHTING
Matt : ive tried to explain it to u al night u don't fuc*ing get it, I'm done explaining, I tried more then once, what else do I do now!
ughh.. :
OMG YOU Haven't EXPLAINED AT ALL MATT
Matt - smile w: im done,
ughh.. :
QUITE FRANCLY That's NOT MY HUGE CONCERN NOW
ughh.. :
WELL IM NOT DONE AMTT
ughh.. :
IM NOT
Matt - smile w: ive tried to explain it regarless to what u think
ughh.. :
WELL MAYEB THE INTERNET Isn't THE WAY TO EXPLAIN IT THEN
ughh.. :
but I'm still confused and you promised me you'd talk to me THE ONE PROMISE I ASKED YOU FOR AND YOU Didn't DO IT!
HONESLTY TELL ME... HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF I BROKE MINE TO YOU
Matt: u already have!your going out with tyler!
ughh.. :
That's NOT THE ONE IM Talking ABOUT
AND ITSBEEN 2 MONTHS!. YO UTOLD EM ITS OVER YOU TOLDEM TO MOVE ON
THISIS HOW I MOVE ON OK... AND ITS BEEN 2 MONTHS... 2 MONTHS!!
IM TALKING ABOUT THE FIRST PROMISE I MADE TO YOU
HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF I BROKE THAT PROMSIE MATT
Matt: and which would that be
ughh.. :
well that just makes me feel great..
Matt: u only promised me not to date anyone
ughh.. :
nvm then..
ughh.. :
and tahts not what I said
I said maybe it would be best if WE just didn't date anyone for awhile... its been 2 months
I'm tlakigna about hurting myself matt... adn its good to know that you rmember...
makes me feel great
thanks.
Im going, ill ttyl
Matt : u should keep that promise to yourself not to hurt u
Matt : thats called life!
ughh.. :
WHY DOES IT MATTER
I THOUGHT MAYEB IT WOULD MATTER TO YOU
BUT ITS GOOD TO KNOW IT Doesn't
W.E.
mayeb I should just breka that promsie and see if you care then!
Matt : wat do u want me to do! If u ever killed yourself, I promise I would not be at your funeral
ughh: what is wrong with you.. you don’t care at all.. do you
Matt - smile w: wats wrong with me? U want to hurt yourself!
ughh:
I can't believe you, and I can't believe I wasted my time.
Matt : omg, tina, u should value your life over anything!
ughh: im not talking about that matt, if I died you wouldn’t come to my funeral.thanks.
ughh: w.e like you don’t care, there's no point in talking.
Matt: i didn't say if u died, I said if u committed suicide!
ughh: I never said id KILL myself, I'm not that stupid…w.e just don’t talk to me, you don’t care.
Matt : i do care!
ughh: you think everything was so horrible and bad and I was a terrible girlfriend but I wasn’t OK? I wasn’t at all. I don’t even know what I did.
Matt - smile w: ive explained it
Ughh: well not well enough. W.e its cool I'm done your done, this is done. Bye.





yup and now he expects me to forgive him for that. no. no friggin way. Not happening. As much as I still love you, no!

so yea... I really don't know what to do... so anyone that has advice PLEAAAAAAAAASEEE help me:'

[crybabypirate2255]

Who ever L is, be with him. Make yourself look like the saddest person EVER! Write in your diary, like, I am so depressed and sad without him. Talk about the best of times you had with him. Let him accidentally find it, while you are laying out on the street. He would probably take you in