[brnxtchr80]

I am in a serious relationship with a man and everything has been going great then today I... like an nosey idiot.. looked in his phone... ugh I know this is so violation.. I just really thought I would feel great and see nothing but... I looked... and saw that he talks on the phone with like 3-4 girls pretty much daily.. also that he texts them and a girl that he said he had never had a relationship with (this came up a couple months ago because when I was putting music on his phone for him a text from her came through saying "kiss kiss boo".. I of course confronted and he said she was from online and they have never met it and it was nothing and he would never be with her she was married and that he can't control what she says and said don't guys call you babe sometimes.. anyway I let it go because it was just a dumb text and he treats me very well and I had no reason to believe he was cheating or any suspicion) so anyway she texted him and it was obvious through the texts that they had a sexual relationship in the past although his response was that she disgusts him and he didn't want her anymore.. but still he lied.. when I confronted him about calling these girls daily he said he met them on his hi5 and it means nothing but mind you that's where he said he met the girl that texted him that he has been sexual with as well as his hi5 says that he is single. When I asked him why he lied about that girl he said that he didn't lie he was protecting me because I would have been mad about something that didn't matter then he said that I am difficult and always have to know everything and that he doesn't drill me and respects me and he says that he loves me and I do believe that, I also know that he probably is not literally cheating on me at this moment sexually but I feel that online relationships with women that extend to phone calls and text often end up in a sexual encounter. I don't see the purpose of it, especially if he is happy. He tells me they are just friends and he has friends all over the world and he doesn't tell me not to talk to my friends, he respects it but he will sometimes ask me, "ok are you sure its just a friend?".. when I reply yes he always drops it. He never questions me. But I still feel the need to question him because unlike him I do not talk to random people of the opposite sex. The only men I talk to are actual friends that I have known for long periods and certainly not daily. I definitely do not want to lose him for no reason or push him away if I'm in the wrong.. ugh.. anyway would you deal with this? Do you think I am over reacting? How would you handle the situation? Thanks.

[MsMewiththat]

First I will say what you already know and that is BURDEN OF THE KNOWLEDGE. When you look you will find. It doesn't mean that what you found is not wrong but sometimes people need a little space. Sometimes we can assume since we stumbled across it ~ it's something, maybe something more than it is. Or maybe it is what you think. TRUST in a relationship is first and foremost and Cheating comes in many different forms. Talk to him and trust, if you keep having those feelings that tell you to look or "check up" on him... trust your Gut!

[talaniman]

I would do as he does, take you at your word about your friends, and drop it! You found something and got his explanation so drop it!

That's the problem with snooping, it undermines the trust, especially where there was none before(?).

How old are you and how long have you been together? Maybe the disconnect and suspicion comes from YOU, I can't say, but if you weren't suspicious before, you are now, so don't get carried away without something more solid than random texts or emails.

You can't compare what you would do, to what another is doing or the way they do it.

That's more a communication thing, than a trust issue, so talk, but don't let FEAR get you worked up.

[starcrazy]

My story is similar to this, I first found out I was being cheated on by checking his cell & reading a text message saying " I would marry you" I confronted him early in our relationship and he said it was nothing not to worry about it and laughed he said his friend kelly jokes like that all the time..

I believed him and months past.. he would text message a lot and I never once cared until I got into his myspace which he had on auto login he msged a few girls saying he was single and there were no decent females where he was at and he wanted a girlfriend.. ect I confronted him and lost it... we had a LOONG LOONG and plenty of talks as to why he felt the need to constantly have attention from other girls and talk and flirt behind my back.. but the statements he's giving you are almost word for word with what he told me... IMO I would be concern just because of my experiences