[gggraven]

This will sound stupid, but... I seriously think that death would be the only answer for the way I feel. It's difficult to write it, but I'll try.
I'm 20years old male, I have nice family, lots of friends, one best friend that I talk to a lot about problems and everything else, I have some future plans, and even girls that give me attention, had few girlfriends, but the thing is, I feel like that there's nothing to be here anymore... it seems that everything I do- fails. Every time I change something in my life, its getting even worse. Every day I feel that world running away from me.
I had some problems with depression in my life few times (everyone does), but this thing is different.
I even did some tests with my life (it's may sound stupid also), I was gone for few weeks with no ability to contact me, after I returned, some people asked me where I was gone, but none of them really cared.
Second test was with my best friend. One day I was with him and his girlfriend, just fooling around, laughing and stuff, but I realized that they don't want me around (even if they said they want). Next day I was spending day only with him, but I still noticed that something is wrong, he wasn't very happy. Next 2 days I sat in my room alone, phone turned off (first day he was with his girlfriend and second without her), and when I met him at the third day, he was very happy about everything what happened in those 2 days (while I was gone.)
This is just one story. And this happening not only with my friend. This happening all the time with all the people. It's a fact that everyone is happy when I'm gone...
Sure friends tell me they love me and that they need me, but I see everything not the way they tell me.

Am I some kind of freak or stupid, or I just really need to disappear for ever?.
(p.s. sorry for my English and because I wrote so many, but it's difficult to tell how I feel)

[jaime90]

I know what you mean, sometimes it feels like no one really cares and that life doesn't matter... I have been where you are at. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety last year and I'm only 19.
Just remember that these feelings, are just that... feelings, and our feelings are very decietfull, and not always the truth. I suggest talking to someone about how you feel. Life isn't always fair to us, but we're so young, and need to give ourselves a chance. I mean, we have an entire future ahead of us, and these things will make us much stronger so we can tackle our future options head-on. Why don't you try moving, making new friends, being social. Just because 2 people don't care for you, doesn't mean that the entire world doesn't! I care for you. If you ever need help or encouragement, I'll be here.

[amicon]

I suggest you make an appointment to see your doctor.
You should to talk to someone about your feelings and get the help you need.

You need.

[cal823]

Just remember that no matter how bleak and hopeless life may seem, there is always hope, and people who care about you, which sometimes is all we have. Just remember that as long as you keep fighting for your own happyness you will never lose, as the only way you can be defeated at anything is if you stop trying.

Also, as I know from my own experiences, it is so easy to fall into a mindset where you think all of your friends dislike you and don't want you around. Most of the time it isn't true. Of course there is the "third man" awkwardness of being alone with a couple, but apart from that there should be no need to worry. Even if your current friends don't like you (which most of the time isn't true) you can always make new ones and meet new people. Just hang in there and persevere, and don't be afraid to open up to friends and professionals and family as they can help you so much. Im rooting for you, good luck.
I know you can do it, we all have it in us to thrive in life, and so do you.

[thisisit]

Your post isn't stupid at all. You are not a freak of any kind. So, please don't "dissapear". It sounds like you are experiencing depression. There is help for people who experience depression. Depression is very treatable. Can you work with a counselor, or therapist to help you develop coping skills and techinques of living so that you can experience joy and pleasure and feel secure in yourself. Make an appointment with your doctor and ask for help.

[KBC]

Testing others probably isn't a good thing,friends will never produce the results you set them, they are friends,not a science project.

Depression likes to make us think those things like you are thinking, it likes us to isolate,close the doors on getting relief of the bondage of self,to stew over all the things we(and others) are doing wrong, etc.By doing those things,we continue to become more and more depressed, the cycle has to be broken.

If I were you,I would try and find a doctor you can trust, it might start with your general practitioner,allow them to advise you as to where you can go for the help you need.The hardest thing is then done,from there you have many options for your future instead of the single one you are thinking about right now.

I hope you write back and let us know how things are progressing, I know I'll be interested.:)

[blowe]

Suicide is a PERMINATE solution to a TEMPORARY problem! There are a lot of people you care about and if you can't see any value in your life right now know beyond a shadow of doubt that you will forever wound and damage not just the people you care about but many people who know you... if you give up. If you can't do it for yourself then, for the people you love please GET HELP. Even though you don't see it YOU are worth it. Your mind is betraying you and you need a professional not just friends who can help you get to the other side of this. You can make the world a better place just by LIVING!

[gggraven]

I had a talk with an old friend of mine, we talked about the situation and about everything else for these few days.
After that I thought maybe some of my friends need a rest, also they have their own problem. I'll try to find my old friends, it's kind of fun now :) I meet old people, see how they changed, there's much to talk about. I'm getting better :) thanks to all of You ;) you sure helped :)
Just one thing, I never trusted any of psychologist and other doctors of the same kind (my mom is psychologist, so I know everything the can say about my situation), but I'm trying to find the hope in my own mind, it helps ;)

[a-s-m-i-8-9]

Yeah I can see what you mean like everyone prefers life without u
I get all of it
Or sometimes you feel that life is just boring and you have nothing to do really nothing