[bltlover47]

Several days ago, as I was in the middle of a very important review session for my upcoming law school entrance exam, I received a text from my girlfriend to call her as soon as I could, saying "I really think I might be pregnant." Obviously, nobody wants to get that kind of message, but I called her during a break to find her very distressed, explaining that for whatever reason, she believed she might be pregnant. Pretty soon, she started to break down and say that despite the fact that she didn't know for sure, she was very scared because it happened to her five years ago (when she was 18), and after having unprotected sex once in her life with her boyfriend, discovered three months later that she was pregnant.

She told me she had to have a special procedure done because it was the beginning of the second trimester and that it was obviously a traumatic, yet character defining moment in her life. On top of all that, she explained that something had happened to her mother the night before that required she check herself into a psych ward at a hospital. Feeling scared and alone, she felt the need to tell me all of this. Nevertheless, I was unable to return back to the class due to my emotional state, and have been pretty upset the last few days that she never told me this information, and now she did at the worst possible moment, the test was 4 days away at the time. Not only do I feel upset about the past, but it is a looming issue I might soon be facing (as she forgot to take her birth control one day)

I can't say that she is selfish, because I understand, but feel deeply wronged in some way, like this huge emotional burden was placed on me at the worst possible instance. I am upset because I feel like until she knew for certain, she shouldn't have brought it all up (but am somewhat understanding). Now I have to try to cast all of these emotions aside as I try to finish preparing, but have no idea how I'm supposed to feel about all this. Am I supposed to ignore the past to completely focus on the present? What is a normal reaction to this type of scenario? I love her, but this feels like way more drama than I can handle, and don't want to desert her in her time of need. I feel confused, helpless, upset, etc. What does anyone think of this scenario/what to do/how to feel/whether or not it matters how developed along a fetus is before there is an abortion?

[justcurious55]

This is a tough one. I imagine she didn't tell you about her previous pregnancy/abortion because, well, that's a pretty big topic. And it does sound like it was pretty traumatizing. I imagine it was old news that she wasn't ready to talk about. And she may have even felt it wasn't any of your business since it was in her past. Who knows? Only she does, and only talking to her (maybe when she's less emotional though) is the only way you might ever understand why. Isn't there anything you've ever been through that you didn't want to discuss at some point?

As for her forgetting to take her birth control.. well, where was your condom? If you two don't want a baby now, why take any chances?

I think in this case, it shouldn't matter how far along she was. It was in the past and it's useless to debate whether her choice was right or wrong. It's already been done. What good can come from you saying anything on it at this point?

I don't think there is a "normal" reaction, I guess the closest is probably the range of emotions you're feeling. Is there anyone other than her that you can talk to? A good friend? One of your parents? A close relative? A lot of times just having someone to talk to and tell everything to is really helpful. That's probably why she decided to tell you everything. And her thought probably wasn't at all about your test and studies. Her thoughts, I'd bet, were about who she felt most comfortable telling everything to and who she trusted.