[zosiaf22]

My boyfriend cheated on me, we broke up, but I miss his company and he does mine too. Do you think that friendship is possible? Will I not loose my respect if I let him approach me again? It will feel strange, as I am saying " I am ok, you really didn't hurt me at all, let's be friends". That sounds pretty stupid, does it? But I miss him. HELP!!

[ChihuahuaMomma]

If it were ME, no it wouldn't be possible. But this is really a question that you need to ask and answer yourself. Ultimately, it's your heartache.

[amicon]

You need to heal from the breakup,not be friends with the guy who cheated on you.

I suggest you go no contact and move on with your own life.

[neverme]

I'm sorry but as someone who has gone through this please save the heartache!!!

It doesn't get easier to see them with someone and this will happen! And if you haven't found someone else first, which is actually not a refection on you, but you will feel like something that he scraped of his shoe as he sets off into the horizon with 'new you'.

Or take the alternative, you find someone you are genuinely interested in, and here is 'old boyfriend' ringing all the time wondering "What has happened to your 'friendship'?"

This is only one of the many uncomfortable (to say the least!) situations you may have to deal with.


If you still feel you need convincing think of it like this:

You are broken up, how did you two become friends?

Through creating and sharing memories and that brought you closer together, until now.

Now your head may be able to deal with the fact that the relationship is over, but can your heart yet?

Well here's a great way to find out go out with your newly acquired 'friend' and see the 'throngs' (these are in your head) of women throwing themselves at YOUR man!

... I mean your friend, eh... your friend.

(Cue tears alone if your lucky. But be warned it may be accompanied by screaming and/or beating of breasts and sweeping hugely embarassing statements about how he 'ruined you')


I don't know actually I'm kind of on the fence on this one. ;)

[I wish]

Do you think that he can repair the trust? Do you even want to give him a chance to repair the trust?

If you're already giving him the chance to do some damage control, has there been sufficient progress?

[Romefalls19]

I couldn't trust them, therefore I couldn't be friends with them either

[bswc]

My ex tried to be friends with after cheating and dumping me. The fact that is she was confused, and I was stupid. When I was trying to make her my friend, she backed it off with no respect at all. You see where this goes?

[talaniman]

What kind of person wants a cheater for a friend? I think in time, when you can see things clearer you will slap yourself for even having those kind of thoughts.

Your just hurt, and in shock at being abused by a loser, but when you recover, you'll go "Dang, what was I thinking"

[zosiaf22]

Yes, That all actually feels that way. But somehow my intuition is not a very convincing partner to my actions... :-( That is actually sad. I should be more firm with myself. I know, I can feel it, that it can end up bad for me, but somehow I am stupidly hoping that friendship is possible. I am sure he would just feel that he hasn't hurt me so bad, as I am allowing him still to be in my life, having a good laugh etc. do things that friends do. So, I guess I should avoid him for now, until my life goes back on track and I can look at him without any feelings of anger, hate and disappointment. I know it will be hard.

[MsMewiththat]

You are doing the right thing here. The pain that he caused you wasn't fair. By being his friend and still allowing him in your life you are giving him what he wants and he can still have his worldly life as well. It wouldn't be long before things get so comfortable that you are back in the relationship as before. You are the gift. He will miss you and to me that is the consequence of betraying you. Do yourself the favor and justice and leave him alone.

[Jake2008]

Just my opinion here, but I do think it is possible.

If he cheated once on you, that does not necessarily mean he is a bad person, or no longer friendship material. He is a person who cheated on you, not a 'cheater', as in a species of human. Much like people who smoke are considered 'smokers', lower than pond scum.

We are talking about a whole person here, not one part of a person that for many, defines who they are in the food chain. The most dedicated, loving, loyal people cheat, that does not make them less of a person, or human being.

The two of you miss each other, and there seems to be no animosity. He didn't throw you and three kids out on the street and refuses to pay child support because he's broke paying child support to his other five kids.

He's a man who made a mistake. It is up to no one person to define what is salvageable out of a broken relationshp, than the one that is in it.

If a friendship is what you want, and it's what he wants, I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt here, and trust that you now what you are doing. Make the boundaries clear, and stick to them.

Should the 'worst' happen, and you two want to try again, I would suggest that you go to couples counselling and work out the past, so that you can move on with a fresh future.

I see nothing wrong in being friends with an ex, as long as you are sure of what you are doing, and in control.