[lola64]

Hi,
My father passed away on New Years Day after battling ALS for almost 3 years. In that time, my mother and I took care of him at home. Despite watching him suffer through the disease, and knowing he is better off wherever he is now, I miss him dearly.
Now that a little bit of time has passed since the funeral, and life is resuming, I find memories of the week before (Christmas week, he had a good Christmas with us) are somehow blocked from me being able to access them. Is this a temporary effect of the grief, will the memories come back to me eventually? I spent the entire night before he passed at his side, and some of those images in the ICU are burned into my memory and seem to be blocking the ones I WANT to remember.. like, I can't remember the last things we said to one another before he went unconscious.. etc..
I just want to know if there's any hope for me to eventually recall these things, as they're important to me.. and if this is a common side effect from grief?
Many thanks all.. have a good day out there..

[redhed35]

Going from my own experience,I too could not remember details of the week proceeding my daughters death,she was seriously ill and in icu.

My other daughters could only recall bits and pieces.

A year later, I could recall most of that week,however its 2 and half years now since she died and I still have mental blocks.

The mind is a funny thing,it protects us from processing too much until we are ready.

Grief and shock act as a kind of buffer for us,and gradually the memories will return... or so my councillor told me!

[Jake2008]

Red is right. Grieving is not something that follows a predictable path, and it will allow you to remember, when you are ready to remember.

Trauma is often associated with pairing of immediate surroundings, such as in your case, the details of the ICU. It is much like a memory burned like the detail you can remember when JFK was killed, or when man first walked on the moon.

This isn't necessarily blocking good memories of good times and conversations, they are just more predominant because his passing is still too fresh in your mind, and you have not had enough time to really go through the whole process.

All things ease with time, and slowly you will regain, and replace, the more immediate memories, with the long term ones before his death.

To remember what you want to remember, may make greiving too hard right now. That is the buffer as Red said, protecting you from too much, too soon.

You may always remember the ICU with the same detail, but it won't be a prominent thought, it will be one more memory in all the memories you will have.

I still remember the emergency department where my mother died. The detail in the room, the equipment, my sisters, the doctors everything. Even a tear falling from her eye... But, by far, a lifetime of memories have replaced the sadness and life has gone on as it should.

Give yourself the gift of time.

[JudyKayTee]

My husband was in ICU for over three weeks. I was there every day for at least 12 hours. I remember, maybe, three, four days clearly. Everything now runs together.

At first I had problems remembering specific events in our relationships, putting them into a timetable. Some of that has gotten better. Some things I don't recall.

I think it's the mind's way of dealing with what is unimaginable.

I am so sorry for your loss - give yourself some time. If you ever need to share, someone is almost always "here" and we've all suffered a loss.