[broken4ever]

My husband says he thinks he wants a divorce. He doesn't feel it anymore and he doesn't think he loves me anymore. I know that he has looked for an apartment because I've found stuff in his car about information on apartments. I asked him if he is still here because he has no place to go yet or because he his not sure if we should stay married. He said a little bit of both. I'm a stay at home mom, been married for 13 years. This is my second marrigage, his first. He is a stepfather to my three kids(all grown ages 21, 19, 18) and we have 1 together, age 11. We sleep in same bed but have no contact what so ever. We do talk and I am as nice to him as I can be. I asked him for a hug and he said he doesn't think that's a good idea. I don't know if he really doesn't know what he wants or he's just waiting until he has a place and will just leave. I don't know how to act around him, and I feel like I'm just waiting for the bomb to drop anytime. Should I tell him he needs to leave or should I give him more time. He is seeing a counsler and he said he has been very confused.

[450donn]

Give him until Sunday to get out. Ask him to move to another bed room for sleeping until then. He is messed up and acting like a child so treat him like one.

[Fr_Chuck]

You may not be able to throw him out of the house, but you don't have to sleep in the same room

So you file for divorce and ask for the court to order him to move out

[JudyKayTee]

Give him until Sunday to get out. Ask him to move to another bed room for sleeping until then. He is messed up and acting like a child so treat him like one.

You cannot force him out - you can ask him to leave but that has no teeth to it.

YOU can move into another bedroom.

The legal system will determine who leaves and who stays.

[Jake2008]

He is playing with you. He's in a win-win. He can mope about and not make any decisions, thus keeping your future on hold, and your emotions in turmoil. He can't have it all. Somebody has to take charge. If he sees no resistance or expectations from you, he could take 10 years to make up his mind.

Judy is right. Start to take charge yourself. Get into another bedroom. I'd take it a bit further too and put a hamper in his bedroom- he can take care of his own laundry and do his own shopping. While you continue to coddle him, he has no motivation to make a decision.

Visit your lawyer. Many offer a free consultation. Find out what your rights and obligations are, and get the ball rolling. Should he make up his mind that he wants to try to make the marriage work, insist on counselling to address the issues that WILL make it work. Keeping things the same is not working or he'd not be talking divorce.

Get crackin' you need good information, and a workable plan.

[broken4ever]

Jake2008
He admitted to having an apartment but he is still here. I am so ready for him to leave. I don't do anything for him and I want him gone because now I'm just mad and want to move on with my life. I asked him when he is going and he says I don't know. He was gone on business for a week, came back and just takes the bedroom back while I'm stuck on couch. I have not got a lawyer because he says he is filing separation papers so I'm waiting for those paper before I go to lawyer because I know that I'm not going to agree to what he is offering. He can't be trusted at all. I have caught him in so many stupid lies. I even found a receipt in his car that shows he paid 6000.00 cash for new furniture being delivered to him new apartment. I asked him if he bought anything and he flat out lied and said no because he doesn't have money. LIE, LIE, LIE

[Jake2008]

Sometimes, broken, there are things going on behind the scenes that you are not aware of such as hiding assets, transferring bank accounts, etc. It is at the point now where it doesn't matter what he does, you have to get yourself together. You cannot, not, afford a lawyer. Many have hour long consultations, or will bill accordingly if a settlement will recover their fees. Shop around, and you will find the help you need. Even contact a women's shelter for a referral, they can be a huge source of support and their knowledge will guide you in the right direction.

Don't be fooled by him coming and going, it may be just to say that he was married and not separated, in order to say that he was entitled to whatever assets there are in the marriage. He is doing as much leg work as possible, so that when the time comes, he'll have secured what he wants to.

You need a lawyer to establish a separation date, and to list any and all assets, including the $6,000 for furniture- can you get a copy of a receipt? As long as you are married and not separated, things are considered to be marital assets. Please don't quote me on this, I may be off, I'm not a lawyer, but go with those thoughts when you see a lawyer.

This has nothing to do with waiting for him to have his lawyer contact you. Remember he's had a running start here.

I think you also need to put your anger aside (I'd be 150% ticked too), and think business. The decisions and work you do now will protect you and the playing field will only be a fair game if you know what you're doing now.

Were you surprised when he admitted to already having an apartment? If so, that is an example of what you don't know.

Line those ducks up! Get your information in order, bank account numbers, particularly withdrawals of large amounts of money to an account you cannot access.

Please keep posting. Vent here if you have to, but play it cool with him.

[broken4ever]

Jake 2008,
Today I took my 11 year old daughter out for about an hour. Husband was at the house watching t.v. When I came home he was gone and my 18 year old son said he took some of his things to his apartment. I was surprised.
He took some clothes and personal products, such as razor, tooth brush. I asked my son if he said he was coming back and he said yes. I don't think he's coming back tonight but I'm sure he will be back off and on through the week.We just told our 11 yr old what was going on yesterday so maybe he now feels like he needs to go because it is confusing to her as to why he is still living here. I'm going to contact a lawyer or lawyers tomorrow to make appointment. I'm really scared because I know its going to get ugly. He owns a business worth several million dollars that was established during are marriage. I know he hides a lot of money, pays under the table and so forth. I know that I will never know how much money he is hiding and he will walk away with a lot more then I will ever know. I have no access to any of his bank accounts. We don't even have a joint account. He gives me cash every week and I put some of that in my account when needed to pay credit cards and things but that's it. I know nothing. I feel so stupid. And by the way I made a copy of the $6000.00 receipt before I put it back in his car. I guess on occasion I'm not so stupid.

[Jake2008]

I think a lot of the worry will be evaporate as soon as you speak to a lawyer.

No matter what he's done, or how, he's not exempt from standard procedures during divorce procedures. He'll have to produce income tax returns and assessments for one.

Try not to worry right now. Instead, maybe try writing out the events of the marriage. When the business started, how you contributed, the name of the accountant, all those sorts of things.

I hope you'll post and let us know how you made out with the lawyer, and how you're doing.

Hang in there, this is all going to work out.

[sowhatmoveon]

Jake2008
He was gone on business for a week, came back and just takes the bedroom back while I'm stuck on couch.

First of all, why did you let him get the bedroom back? If anyone sleeps on the couch it is him. And if he refuses, guess what... make his nights hard. Do something that requires light. Read a book, knit, take up sewing, finish a late night arts and crafts project. Squish all of his clothing to one side and spread yours over the expanse of the closet. Do aerobics about an hour after he falls asleep. Be creative :D

[JudyKayTee]

first of all, why did you let him get the bedroom back? if anyone sleeps on the couch it is him. and if he refuses, guess what... make his nights hard. do something that requires light. read a book, knit, take up sewing, finish a late night arts and crafts project. squish all of his clothing to one side and spread yours over the expanse of the closet. do aerobics about an hour after he falls asleep. be creative :D

I don't see the need or advantage of game playing when you are both adults - keeping him awake, driving him out of the bedroom seem to only aggravate the situation. Tell him it's your room and you want it back.

I can't imagine anyone taking the time to "squish" his clothing, do aerobics, etc. These are adults, right?

If at this point you cannot talk to each other then I would leave him alone (even if that means sleeping in some other room) while working out the legalities.

Again - I see no advantage in game playing and OP could very well just feed into the hands of husband's Attorney.

[sowhatmoveon]

This is not game play. This is you taking back what he took from you. This is the problem, men get their way because they have weak women! Be strong and take your room back!!

[bestrong123]

Sorry to hear that, you and I are going through similar situation. Put you feet down. Most men think that they are allow to do whatever they want without thinking about the other person. I think it is selfish and unconsiderate. Do what you have to do to get him out of your life, he doesn't deserve you.

Good luck.

[kevinmur]

System sucks. Men are the one getting screwed not women. Do you think if judge ordered a child to live with father and ordered a woman to pay child support of few thousand a month (to be fair), how would women react? Ha?
Do you women think that you really spend lets say 2K a month on a child that is 3-4 years old? Did you spend that much on a child together? Non-sense. Also, you want to live in the house that you both own and he has a fair share of it? You should sell it and split the money. Whoever lives there until sale should be paying the mortgage. If the father moves out and pays half the mortgage, etc. plus child support, plus he needs to get a place for himslef, do you think that is fair? While you will get a nice extra income from him that is not even taxable. Basically, it's better life for you economicaly and financially than it was while you were both married. Plus, you will use his 2k to buy anything you want and hire baby sitter so you can go on a hunt for a new boyfriend or get laid few times a week on his money. And on the weekends, when you want to get laid again with some younger 20-30 year old guy, you would drop kids to your ex to make him feel better, so he can see his kids. And if he says he is busy, you will make story how ignorant he is to his own kids, lol. Common..
He gets screwed for the next 18 years or so. While you, if you get remarried and your new husband makes a very good salary, your ex-husband lives alomost in poverty and still has to pay you. You would never want to sell that house if he is not living there. Why should he move out? It's his too.
To be fair, you move out, he lives there and pays mortgage and bills for the house since he uses it, and he pays you child support while you get your own place and pay for it. When the house is sold, you both split it.